Would this upset you?

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Lifeisamazing,
Please know you are prayed for. I specifically said my morning rosary for you and your DS.
 
I hope you are doing ok. I am praying for you and your son. Don’t beat yourself up for contacting that woman. What’s done is done and now you just have to keep moving forward. I agree with everyone else about getting out of there with your computer and everything important. Please take care.
 
1ke said:
Your husband is a dangerous man.

I would consult an attorney regarding FULL custody with either terminated parental rights for him or supervised visitation. But before I left I would:

(a) download and print all his chats/porn/facebook and single’s hook-up site activity and send them registered mail to the attorney or someone else

(b) wire myself with audio (at a minimum) and video if I could-- and tape all his out-of-the-public eye behavior towards me and the child, most especially threatening and inappropriate care of your son, language directed at you, and trying to force himself sexually on you.

Truly, I would plan carefully and be prepared for my departure. Save up money that he cannot get his hands on-- deposit with your attorney, safe-deposit box, wired to your parents thorugh Western Union, something that gets your assets totally away from him as much as possible.
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Arlene said:
He’s coming home from work tomorrow? He’s gonna be MAD Use this time like others have said to make copies of the chats. Get them out of the house. Mail them to someone safe. Do it tonight before he has a chance to delete them. He knows you have seen them, he will delete them so you won’t have proof.

Can you make arrangements for your son to be somewhere else when he gets home? It could be ugly. Make sure you have a full tank of gas in the car. Get your important papers together. Put them in the car. Maybe pack a bag, have it in the car.

This may be it.

You are in my prayers. I pray you have strength, courage, and clarity of thought.

Arlene
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I add to these to write a journal of all these things and future things - including phone calls, emails, any visits . . . even after you are not living together.
dulcissima said:
You really need to stop getting caught up in all of the drama. You need to decide if you want to stop playing this game and start looking out for your son. There was no need to say any of that to your husband or anyone else. Your priority should be getting out of this situation, not getting more tangled up in it.
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If you read any of my few posts on here, you will see that I am always pushing for marriage restoration. However, you are in a dangerous situation and need protection now. Please do this for yourself and your son. You are precious in God’s eyes (and ours;)) and you are worth being treated properly. May God continue to shower you with His blessings.

One last thing: do not contact any of his contacts any more. It will not help anything. Anyone who is willing to engage in this type of flirting with someone’s husband is not your friend and doesn’t care what you think or what happpens to you.
 
Life,

First and foremost you have my prayers.

Secondly, do you have a relative within say 200 miles with whom your DS can stay?
If so, then here are some suggestions.
  1. Buy Spector Pro from SpectorSoft.com I have it to track teenagers actions.
  2. Install it in hidden mode and make the password something your husband will not guess (He will not know it is running, but just to be safe)
  3. Take DS and travel to the relatives house for several days.
  4. While you are there begin talking to an attorney about the situation.
  5. Upon your return get the papers ready and have your husband served AT WORK within 3 days. On the day of service leave with your child (reporting your movements to the police and your lawyer) and take the computer.
  6. Hook up the computer and load the Spector Pro console and start printing. Make three copies of ALL OF IT. Send one copy to your lawyer.
  7. Call your husband and arrange a meeting in a public place. Show him a few of the pics/text messages/instant messages. Tell him that no one else needs to know about this.
  8. Offer him a quick settlement for a minor amount of money but with you getting sole custody of your son. As a Narcissist he will not want his public image harmed.
  9. Move away and start your new life, confess your actions to your priest if you think you need to do so.
He will tell everyone, even your friends, what a terrible awful woman you are and that you cheated on him and that your son is not his and that you are a slut and all that.

Who cares? You will be away and your son will be safe.
 
He will tell everyone, even your friends, what a terrible awful woman you are and that you cheated on him and that your son is not his and that you are a slut and all that.
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Hahaha. This is so true! Mine couldn’t tell people I was a slut or they would have KNOWN he was crazy. So he told everyone I was crazy and he was fleeing for his life because he was afraid I’d murder him in his sleep. (Like duh! If I would have been that kind of person, he wouldn’t be around to tell people that!)

🤷
 
Ma’am, you need to get out of there and find a gentlemen who kick his sorry butt!

I’ll pray for you!!
 
Liberanosamalo said:
Hahaha. This is so true! Mine couldn’t tell people I was a slut or they would have KNOWN he was crazy. So he told everyone I was crazy and he was fleeing for his life because he was afraid I’d murder him in his sleep. (Like duh! If I would have been that kind of person, he wouldn’t be around to tell people that!)

🤷
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Liberanosamalo,
You are soooo right! My girlfriend’s EX tried to make everybody think that he was “oh so wonderful” and that SHE was a terrible person…nobody bought it! He couldn’t hide his true colors. He’d come home from work and drop his stuff and take off for softball a few days a week and go and work out the other times. He was verbally abusive. He could not deal with his infant son getting more attention then him. He treatened suicide a couple of times. He pulled the phone out of the wall when she tried to call 911. The cops had to take him away to be observed for 24hrs…then suddenly…when in custody…he was Mr. Innocent. He’s even treatened me face to face, to her family members as well as left me a few nasty voicemails. Classic abuser/control freak. Into Tapout/Ultimate fighting too! He’s punched holes in the wall too. Now, years later his son is not quite nine years old and he acts like a perfect Dad. It’s easy for him because NOW he doesn’t have to feed him at 3:00AM, change diapers, potty train him or help him get dressed. Now he can be “Disney Land Dad”. GAG!!! LONG STORY. She and I are both Catholic…I pray for her EX almost every day. The original poster should NOT worry about what he’ll tell people…nobody will buy it but she needs to GET OUT for safety! Save the marriage later if possible but get out! Let’s pray for her & her son’s safety and pray, pray, pray for her husband.
 
Lifeisamazing…are you OK today? I’m praying for you, son and husband right now.
 
Rascalking said:
Ma’am, you need to get out of there and find a gentlemen who kick his sorry butt!

I’ll pray for you!!
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If you mean she should find a gentelman who is much further along in his walk with God who can be a strong Christ centered leader/partner…then I agree. If you’re thinking something more physically confrontational NO WAY. I’m not sure that she needs that layer added to her already stressful situation. I’m pretty certain that it’s not God who enjoys “Jerry Springer moments”. Those come from the enemy…
 
Umm simple answer YES. Horribly.

THe porn thing I hear it again and again. Don’t men realize how that ruins EVERYTHING.

Our thoughts are our seeds for our words and DEEDS.

I think you should talk to your preist, maybe consider leaving for a little “vacation” and if he has cheated…maybe a permanent one.
 
snowrider said:
If you mean she should find a gentelman who is much further along in his walk with God who can be a strong Christ centered leader/partner…then I agree. If you’re thinking something more physically confrontational NO WAY. I’m not sure that she needs that layer added to her already stressful situation. I’m pretty certain that it’s not God who enjoys “Jerry Springer moments”. Those come from the enemy…
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What I was trying to say, (and trying to make a point, using humor) was the first, by far, and the second…perhaps. I’m a bit old fashioned, I guess. Back to a time where if a woman was mistreated, other men in the neigborhood would take him out back and make sure it never happend again.
 
Part of an essay I posted the other day:

“The damage that pornography can do — to minds or cultures — is not by any means negligible. Especially in our modern age of passive entertainment, saturated as we are by an unending storm of noises and images and barren prattle, portrayals of violence or of sexual degradation possess a remarkable power to permeate, shape, and deprave the imagination; and the imagination is, after all, the wellspring of desire, of personality, of character. Anyone who would claim that constant or even regular exposure to pornography does not affect a person at the profoundest level of consciousness is either singularly stupid or singularly degenerate.”

I also gave a link to PBS who dissent from this opinion – “Pornography should interest us, because it’s intensely and relentlessly about us. It involves the roots of our culture and the deepest corners of the self. It’s not just friction and naked bodies: pornography has eloquence. It has meaning, it has ideas. It even has redeeming ideas.”

All of it here:

payingattentiontothesky.com/2009/07/29/the-pornography-culture/
 
ok, wow. That pretty much seems like a worst case scenario of marriage, except that he hasn’t physically hurt you. But based on what you have said about him, I honestly would not be surprised if that happene din the future.

Umm…first of all let me say I am very strongly opposed to divorce. I always have been.

That being said…I think you need to leave him/divorce him. It is pretty obvious to me that he does not love you. If you stay with him, things will only get worse. It is time to think of your child, cut your losses and go.

I will pray for you.
 
djeter said:
Part of an essay I posted the other day:

“The damage that pornography can do — to minds or cultures — is not by any means negligible. Especially in our modern age of passive entertainment, saturated as we are by an unending storm of noises and images and barren prattle, portrayals of violence or of sexual degradation possess a remarkable power to permeate, shape, and deprave the imagination; and the imagination is, after all, the wellspring of desire, of personality, of character. Anyone who would claim that constant or even regular exposure to pornography does not affect a person at the profoundest level of consciousness is either singularly stupid or singularly degenerate.”

I also gave a link to PBS who dissent from this opinion – “Pornography should interest us, because it’s intensely and relentlessly about us. It involves the roots of our culture and the deepest corners of the self. It’s not just friction and naked bodies: pornography has eloquence. It has meaning, it has ideas. It even has redeeming ideas.”

All of it here:

payingattentiontothesky.com/2009/07/29/the-pornography-culture/
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Wow, thanks for the link but OMG That PBS caption you left makes ME SICK to my stomach. I could just cry because so so so many people think like that. I am thankful I am not of this world!
 
Jesuslives said:
Wow, thanks for the link but OMG That PBS caption you left makes ME SICK to my stomach. I could just cry because so so so many people think like that. I am thankful I am not of this world!
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oh goodness…that article on PBS just made me lose a lot of respect for them. I find it horrendous that some people actually believe what that article says.
 
Jesuslives said:
Wow, thanks for the link but OMG That PBS caption you left makes ME SICK to my stomach. I could just cry because so so so many people think like that. I am thankful I am not of this world!
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I know. Isn’t that amazing though? I used to think of PBS/NPR (I listen to the latter every morning) as a mild irritant but if that link doesn’t display an active force of evil I don’t know what does.

One of the best things I have on my site is this:

payingattentiontothesky.com/2009/07/28/letting-the-life-out/

That should make you feel A LOT better. Probably the best 6 minutes you will have today.

Regards,

dj
 
I’ve just read your story and want to echo the sentiments of all the other lovely posters on the thread: leave now, for your own sake and your son’s! I will remember you at Mass tomorrow. :gopray:
 
Hon, from another mamma who has also been there, I didnt go after he threw me and baby #1 down the stairs, or after he threw me and baby #7 down the stairs. But I finally got the courage to GO…Girl. Many people will tell you single parenthood is so hard, it is so hard to leave, It will never get easier…WRONG…GO! GO NOW! GO FAR!
If you can tell a priest and your God that this story is true, you need to run. report his behavior to Social services, get a restraining order for both you and Baby ( I believe you need to only be afraid of physical harm) and disappear with law help. There are many abuse hotlines and shelters who will help you get out and be safe. I had to hide for 9 months and I promise, it was tough but every day gets better and easier! Stand UP! You are worth true love, God’s Love. You dont deserve his treatment of you!
I Pray you are already GONE!
 
Wow, I have heard so many personal stories that cover a whole range of abuse.

Just wanted to update and thank those that are including me and my beautiful little son in your prayers.

Things are calm- as I told another friend on here, I chalk it up to him sensing I am completely fed up. I simply am beyond buying into any of it. I am rebuilding my strength and having some very realistic views of what I am living in. I can now see this is just the “honeymoon” phase as described in the cycle of abuse. Accept, I am not on the honeymoon this time.

I am focusing on myself and my son and looking towards a better planned future. Thank you a million times for your prayers.

I was playing in the back yard yesterday with my nearly 2 year old as he splashed in his kiddie pool. He ran past me with a little watering can to water my flowers, and stopped mid sprint and smiled at me and said, “Momma, I am so happy” and then took off again. I protect that- my endurance is endless as a mother. I am learning that I have to care for myself with the same tenacity if I am to make sure my baby gets a chance to keep that carefree happiness in those simple moments.
 
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