Would using Natural Family Planning indefinitely because of disablity be allowed?

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Holly3278

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Hey everyone. I have a question. I may get married in the future but there is a concern about children. First off, I want to tell you that I would not go on birth control under any circumstances to prevent conception. However, I would use Natural Family Planning if it is justified. Anyway, because of my disabilities such as Fibromyalgia and Borderline Personality Disorder, raising a child would be very difficult for me. Would it be justified to use Natural Family Planning indefinitely in this case?

That said, I am thinking about just living the single life for the rest of my life. I am not 100% sure that I want to do that though because I kind of have this desire to get married some day.
 
This might be the sort of question you’d have to ask a priest in person.
 
Holly3278 said:
Oh okay. Thanks! I appreciate it. I might just send an e-mail to my spiritual director about it. 🙂
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Yes, you would need to talk with them.

Entering marriage with a permanent intention against children is an impediment to a valid marriage. While using NFP to postpone children (even if it’s indefinitely) may be morally permissible, what you are talking about is never having children. These are two different things. Talk to you SD, but be clear if you are talking about delaying as oppsed to never having children.
 
Holly3278 said:
Hey everyone. I have a question. I may get married in the future but there is a concern about children. First off, I want to tell you that I would not go on birth control under any circumstances to prevent conception. However, I would use Natural Family Planning if it is justified. Anyway, because of my disabilities such as Fibromyalgia and Borderline Personality Disorder, raising a child would be very difficult for me. Would it be justified to use Natural Family Planning indefinitely in this case?

That said, I am thinking about just living the single life for the rest of my life. I am not 100% sure that I want to do that though because I kind of have this desire to get married some day.
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Hi Holly - This is an excellent question. I have often wondered myself what people with physical/emotional disabilities do in this case.

Would you mind sharing what your spiritual director tells you?

I am also wondering if a parent knows that their child has a personality disorder or an addiction problem (or other problems not necessarily visible to others) should they “allow” that child to marry and have children? What does the Church say to do in these situations?

Thank you for asking this question! 🙂
 
lax16 said:
Hi Holly - This is an excellent question. I have often wondered myself what people with physical/emotional disabilities do in this case.

Would you mind sharing what your spiritual director tells you?

I am also wondering if a parent knows that their child has a personality disorder or an addiction problem (or other problems not necessarily visible to others) should they “allow” that child to marry and have children? What does the Church say to do in these situations?

Thank you for asking this question! 🙂
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How on Earth would a parent stop an adult child from marrying or having children?

Behavioral issues aside, something called human freedom still remains.

ICXC NIKA
 
lax16 said:
Hi Holly - This is an excellent question. I have often wondered myself what people with physical/emotional disabilities do in this case.

Would you mind sharing what your spiritual director tells you?

I am also wondering if a parent knows that their child has a personality disorder or an addiction problem (or other problems not necessarily visible to others) should they “allow” that child to marry and have children? What does the Church say to do in these situations?

Thank you for asking this question! 🙂
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Yeah I’ll share with you what he says. I’m not going to ask him until Monday or if I see him at Mass on Sunday because I won’t be able to talk to him until then. Also, I don’t think he checks his e-mail over the weekend.
 
lax16 said:
Hi Holly - This is an excellent question. I have often wondered myself what people with physical/emotional disabilities do in this case.

Would you mind sharing what your spiritual director tells you?

I am also wondering if a parent knows that their child has a personality disorder or an addiction problem (or other problems not necessarily visible to others) should they “allow” that child to marry and have children? What does the Church say to do in these situations?

Thank you for asking this question! 🙂
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This is the sort of thing in which advice given is very much tailored to the individual asking the question. The advice of Holly’s SD may not apply to another situation so you, too, should probably discuss this with a priest in person 🙂

It’s kind of like if my car is making a tap-tap-tap noise and my friend tells me her car made that mind if noise and it was the whatchamacallit; I still have to let my own mechanic figure out what the noise is or risk not getting the right part fixed.
 
If you want my $.02, I’d think that not having children considering the situation is something you should reconsider. How serious is your Fibromyalgia?My Aunt has Fibromyalgia and has birthed and raised 4 sons. Her doctor has her on meds and it’s made it possible for her to function. How severe is the personality disorder? Are either or both genetic? Are you getting both treated successfully? Are the meds you’re on safe during pregnancy?

A lot of questions to wade through, but there is a reason for them. Sometimes what we think of as not feasible actually is. Plus, you wouldn’t be raising the children alone. There would, in theory, be a loving and kind husband and father to help with them.

For what it’s worth, my own mother was severely physically disabled. Only her head and torso were normal, the rest of her body was very badly misshapen. She also struggled with being a manic depressive with suicidal tendencies. She birthed 4 kids, gave one up for adoption and raised the rest of us. Doctors told her for years she couldn’t possible have kids. She did. They told her after a spinal surgery she would never walk again. She did. They told her she would die before age 32. At 32 she gave birth to my sister and at 34 she gave birth to my brother. She passed away at 44, but that was because she was a lifelong smoker and the cigarettes did her in. Just something to think about.
 
MJJean said:
If you want my $.02, I’d think that not having children considering the situation is something you should reconsider. How serious is your Fibromyalgia?My Aunt has Fibromyalgia and has birthed and raised 4 sons. Her doctor has her on meds and it’s made it possible for her to function. How severe is the personality disorder? Are either or both genetic? Are you getting both treated successfully? Are the meds you’re on safe during pregnancy?

A lot of questions to wade through, but there is a reason for them. Sometimes what we think of as not feasible actually is. Plus, you wouldn’t be raising the children alone. There would, in theory, be a loving and kind husband and father to help with them.

For what it’s worth, my own mother was severely physically disabled. Only her head and torso were normal, the rest of her body was very badly misshapen. She also struggled with being a manic depressive with suicidal tendencies. She birthed 4 kids, gave one up for adoption and raised the rest of us. Doctors told her for years she couldn’t possible have kids. She did. They told her after a spinal surgery she would never walk again. She did. They told her she would die before age 32. At 32 she gave birth to my sister and at 34 she gave birth to my brother. She passed away at 44, but that was because she was a lifelong smoker and the cigarettes did her in. Just something to think about.
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Well, the Fibromyalgia is not really all that severe. The personality disorder is also not that severe so long as I am taking medicine. I do not know how safe my medicine is during pregnancy. I have never been pregnant before.
 
Holly3278 said:
Well, the Fibromyalgia is not really all that severe. The personality disorder is also not that severe so long as I am taking medicine. I do not know how safe my medicine is during pregnancy. I have never been pregnant before.
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Since you’re considering the path your life is going to take I’d say go ask the doctor if the meds are safe for pregnancy and, if not, is there a safe alternative. That way you have all the information you need to decide what the right thing to do is.
 
Your future spouse will have a lot to do with your decisions in this area. I think it is wonderful that you plan ahead & gather good information to make good decisions. If you & your spouse pray about whether God wants to send you children, and be open to His leading you will be blessed, and at peace with your decisions. May God richly bless you!
 
Holly3278 said:
Well, the Fibromyalgia is not really all that severe. The personality disorder is also not that severe so long as I am taking medicine. I do not know how safe my medicine is during pregnancy. I have never been pregnant before.
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It could be as simply as looking up the drug, on line.
 
GEddie said:
How on Earth would a parent stop an adult child from marrying or having children?

Behavioral issues aside, something called human freedom still remains.

ICXC NIKA
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That is a very good question. Of course, I put the world “allow” in quotes to show that I know that it would be a very hard thing for a parent to have control over.

However, that being said, if I knew that I had a child with an emotional disorder that would be probably be unknown by an outsider I would have to determine whether or not to disclose it if they were considering marriage.

Or, if I had a son with a known pornographic addiction, I think the future spouse should know and unless it was remedied, I would never approve of the marriage (as a parent).

I would hope that other parents would do the same. Maybe I couldn’t stop the marriage but I sure as heck wouldn’t hide the truth either.
 
St_Francis said:
This is the sort of thing in which advice given is very much tailored to the individual asking the question. The advice of Holly’s SD may not apply to another situation so you, too, should probably discuss this with a priest in person 🙂

It’s kind of like if my car is making a tap-tap-tap noise and my friend tells me her car made that mind if noise and it was the whatchamacallit; I still have to let my own mechanic figure out what the noise is or risk not getting the right part fixed.
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You may be right. I would ask more than one priest though.
 
Holly3278 said:
Yeah I’ll share with you what he says. I’m not going to ask him until Monday or if I see him at Mass on Sunday because I won’t be able to talk to him until then. Also, I don’t think he checks his e-mail over the weekend.
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Thanks - only if you feel that it would apply to a general situation.

Otherwise, if it is something that applies only to your situation, you do not need to share what he says.

I thought perhaps there was a specific Church teaching on the subject but have been corrected by other posters.

🙂
 
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