Would you attend an invalid wedding?

[kage_ar]

I place a super high value on marriage too. Having been faced with a similar situation this past weekend, it pains me to read “How does going to a fake marriage wedding value marriage?”

I remember your pain. My heart breaks for what you went through. I have been in a very similar situation, twice, and both times have stayed home. You have suffered much.

My question is specificially to the poster who stated they would go because they value marriage.

 

[Rascalking]

But, if we know Jesus said that it is adultery to divorce and remarry - how can we say that a person who gets a civil divorce and remarries is not committing adultery? This one is a clear cut “the Bible says so”.

I know it is your opionion, however, it is a very prevalant opinion and it intrigues this convert that so many Catholics wink at that Scripture passage.

Yes, the bible does say so. It’s what I believe as well. However, it’s just my personal view to go to the wedding-I don’t think I can read the minds of those getting married. In my view, it’s best I keep my mouth shut, maintain a friendship/good family releationships, and than get into the marriage issues later.

Thats the biggest reason, basically.

 

[monicatholic]

Rascalking,

sorry about the mis-spell. if you give a million chimpanzees each a piano, will one of them play Bethoven’s 9th? if you give me a keyboard for enough uninterrupted time, every now and then i clickle out a coherent sentence. rest of the time, it’s anybody’s guess what manner of blunder will pass muster.

 

[Rascalking]

Rascalking,

sorry about the mis-spell. if you give a million chimpanzees each a piano, will one of them play Bethoven’s 9th? if you give me a keyboard for enough uninterrupted time, every now and then i clickle out a coherent sentence. rest of the time, it’s anybody’s guess what manner of blunder will pass muster.

oh goodness, I was totally just teasing you. Spell my name any way you want too!

And believe me-I can barely turn a computer on! It’s a wonder I can actually type stuff!

 

[kage_ar]

Yes, the bible does say so. It’s what I believe as well. However, it’s just my personal view to go to the wedding-I don’t think I can read the minds of those getting married. In my view, it’s best I keep my mouth shut, maintain a friendship/good family releationships, and than get into the marriage issues later.

Thats the biggest reason, basically.

If your friend wanted to throw a party to celebrate another sin, would you go?

Let’s stick with Jesus said so clear cut sins. Let’s say your friend has defrauded a widow out of her life’s savings and is going to have a party to celebrate that, would you go?

What about a friend who’s daughter has decided to sleep with her boyfriend and they want to throw a big “deflowering day” party, going to that one?

I know you would not go, you are a man of decency and honor… I still wonder why the adultery thing makes even the decent people want to cave in. Too many gooshey movies?

 

[Rascalking]

Too many gooshey movies?

I DO read alot of Nicholas Sparks novels…

(for the record,the author of this post thinks that Nicolas Sparks novels are pure rubbish…but Rascalking himself would never say that )

 

[presidentjlh]

If your friend wanted to throw a party to celebrate another sin, would you go?

Let’s stick with Jesus said so clear cut sins. Let’s say your friend has defrauded a widow out of her life’s savings and is going to have a party to celebrate that, would you go?

What about a friend who’s daughter has decided to sleep with her boyfriend and they want to throw a big “deflowering day” party, going to that one?

I know you would not go, you are a man of decency and honor… I still wonder why the adultery thing makes even the decent people want to cave in. Too many gooshey movies?

Eh…that’s not really the same situation. Of course we wouldn’t go to a big “deflowering day” party (I really don’t want to know how it’s celebrated, honestly )

And besides, didn’t Jesus tend to hang out with sinners and the outcast? You know, the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the poor?

By being with them, He wasn’t encouraging their sin, but letting them know He still loves them and is there for them.

We must always be there for friends and family. By attending a marriage like the one OP brought up, we’re not saying “I whole-heartedly endorse adultery and sin, please sin some more, and I will join in sin.” or anything. We’re saying, “I love you and I am here for you.”

You can bring up issues later. But I think one should go to the wedding. You can leave the reception early if you’re a little uncomfortable, but you should still be there for them.

 

[monicatholic]

I DO read alot of Nicholas Sparks novels…

well there’s yer problem, mister. just say NO to nicholas sparks.

And besides, didn’t Jesus tend to hang out with sinners and the outcast? You know, the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the poor?

yup. (though being poor is no sin.) and when they went and “sinned no more” or paid back every penny" extorted several times over, Jesus brought these sinners into his beloved group of friends.

the Divine Physician came to seek out who was ill-- why? so HE could encourage them to remain ill? even to the woman at the well, from whome HE received water, He said, “the man you’re living with is NOT your husband.”

a wedding, a marriage-- even if it isn’t valid— IMPLIES the parties*** intend to continue***. there’s no evidence of conversion here. only evidnece of disobeying clearly-stated moral law.

OP clearly doesnt like these people. nevertheless, she hasd a dual responsibility–

1. to be true to her faith and
2. to be true to her faith.

the first means she should not celebrate-- or wittness even-- an adulterous union.

the second is to leave the door open for conversation and to humbly PRAY for the conversion of her inlaws and their adulterous partners.

 

[Rascalking]

well there’s yer problem, mister. just say NO to nicholas sparks.

.

Let the record show that this English-major literary snob doesn’t read Nicholas Sparks!

 

[monicatholic]

thank the Lord, rascalking. some things are really NO joking matter.

 

[rcmama]

Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate candid help and responses from people who get it. I posted on another forum I frequent that sadly is mostly only protestants so no one understood the problem.

 

[kage_ar]

Let the record show that this English-major literary snob doesn’t read Nicholas Sparks!

I’ll see that and raise you I’d never let the trash into my house!

 

[SwizzleStick]

I remember your pain. My heart breaks for what you went through. I have been in a very similar situation, twice, and both times have stayed home. You have suffered much.

My question is specificially to the poster who stated they would go because they value marriage.

I guess I am not as strong as you, kage_ar. I understand where my pain comes from. Your words pained me because they are Truth and I have a guilty conscience. Had I supported Him and the Truth, I would have a clear conscience now. But, I failed Him and held the nail or the hammer yet again. I advise the OP that sometimes it is difficult to support Him and His laws; but, on the other hand, it is also difficult not to support Him and His laws.

One poster indicated that the OP would resent her husband if she went to this wedding. I don’t resent my husband, because I all too clearly understand his human failings because they are my own. Hubby went to the wedding out of love for his brother and the hope that we could positively affect his brother’s return to the Church. I went to the wedding out of love for my husband and also the hope that we could positively affect my BIL’s return to the Church. But, I have deep regrets because I failed Him. And, I cannot help but wonder if it will make any difference at all with brother/BIL. He may not ever return to the Church and we may have told him that that was okay by witnessing and thereby tacitly supporting his invalid wedding. Our actions may yet have the opposite affect than the one we hope for, may God forgive us.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

This is where I have the question. What good does it do to bring the issue up later? Why aren’t these issues brought up beforehand? Usually these situations come up with the weddings of family or close friends. I know it is hard, but why haven’t the issues of infidelity, annulments, cohabitation, etc. brought up before the fact? Say when the person in question starts cheating on their spouse, dating after divorce, moves in with boyfriend/girlfriend. How can this whole situation be a surprise?

I am not directing this at the current OP, just asking the question in general to the very common comment of “we have to be there for them”, “I’ll bring it up later”. Being there for someone you love should mean directing them away from sin. By the time they are sending out the wedding invites, they should know what your position is and be expecting your refusal or even better, should have corrected their sinful situation.

Eh…that’s not really the same situation. Of course we wouldn’t go to a big “deflowering day” party (I really don’t want to know how it’s celebrated, honestly )

And besides, didn’t Jesus tend to hang out with sinners and the outcast? You know, the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the poor?

By being with them, He wasn’t encouraging their sin, but letting them know He still loves them and is there for them.

We must always be there for friends and family. By attending a marriage like the one OP brought up, we’re not saying “I whole-heartedly endorse adultery and sin, please sin some more, and I will join in sin.” or anything. We’re saying, “I love you and I am here for you.”

You can bring up issues later. But I think one should go to the wedding. You can leave the reception early if you’re a little uncomfortable, but you should still be there for them.

 

[RedSoxWife]

This is a question I’ve thought about a lot this past year too…

My best friend (and daughter’s God mother) has always talked about the High Mass she was going to have in her hometown and how her mother would never allow anything else. Since she’s been in a relationship for the past year with a non-Catholic she’s starting talking about how she’ll marry him in his Church even though he’s totally fine with getting married in the Catholic Church. She was my maid-of-honor and wants me to be her matron-of-honor…

But since she is my best friend and we’re close I feel like it’s something that we can talk about. If the day comes I’ll let her know that I absolutely want to be at the wedding, but that it needs to be a valid wedding and since she’s a baptized Catholic that will either involve being married in the Church or getting a dispensation so they can marry in his church.

If she tells me she’s done that (or is marrying in the Church) I will go. If not we won’t be making the 20 something hour drive.

It would be a totally different case though is she wasn’t Catholic. I’d go to a civil ceremony for friends between two non-Catholics and I’m going to a big fancy wedding in a hotel this summer for one of my other close college friends who is Baptist. The deal breaker is when it’s an invalid wedding because on of the people getting married is baptized Catholic.

Prayers for you as you make this difficult decision. I do think you have enough excuses to skip the wedding without offending anyone!

 

[frindro]

And besides, didn’t Jesus tend to hang out with sinners and the outcast? You know, the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the poor?

By being with them, He wasn’t encouraging their sin, but letting them know He still loves them and is there for them.

This is not really the same. Jesus associated himself with them, but to imitate Jesus’ actions would be to have a relationship with the two of them, even though they were invalidly married. It does not mean that she should go to the wedding, since Jesus did not go out collecting taxes with the tax collectors, nor spend time with prostitutes while they were on the job.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Oh, goodness, I’m off topic…but i just picked up some Nicholas Sparks books because i heard he was Catholic…are they objectionable in any way? or just cheesy and not considered literature.

 

[Hereswith]

Oh, goodness, I’m off topic…but i just picked up some Nicholas Sparks books because i heard he was Catholic…are they objectionable in any way? or just cheesy and not considered literature.

Mary Gail, you may want to post this in my Voracious Readers group, and see who answers.

 

[Norseman82]

Honestly, I understand your religious feelings, however it is so supremely judgemental to refuse to attend a wedding. Doing so, with that attitude, has nothing to do with Christian love, or with understanding.

Having said that, I also understand that you are angry at having to play the “emotional crutch” and subject your daughter to it all. So for that reason, I do not think you should go. And in fact, subjecting yourself to a ceremony that causes you so much discomfort from a moral standpoint, is not something God expects, I think.

If you go to support your DH, you’ll hate yourself and him for it. It sounds like you are not feeling truly supportive, and so will resent it.

If you do not go, you will be sending a rather rude message to a family you already have strained relations with. Not Christian, imo, and not smart. So you have to do something.

So here is what I would humbly recommend, since you asked - write your DH’s mom a really nice note (a card, perhaps?) and say you won’t be there, because you need to think of your daughter and the complications of coming. Wish her all the best (which you DO, right???), and leave it at that. Let your DH go alone. He’s a big boy. Your going along just helps him maintain his bad relationships.

In the end, the truth is, that no matter how you DISAPPROVE of this wedding, it really is not your decision to make. It is in fact, none of your business who she chooses to marry. God calls on you to behave in a manner showing Christian love - such as a kind note would. But judging her. . . that is His role, not yours, Sweetie. .

That is not entirely correct. I remember reading in the old Baltimore Catechism an explicit statement forbidding Catholics not only from attending invalid marriage ceremonies for Catholics (it was in the context of marriage by a protestant minister), but from giving gifts as well!

 

[Bataar]

I wouldn’t go to an invalid wedding. Bear in mind, however, that I try to use any excuse possible to avoid going to weddings