Would you be upset if you gave money for one purpose and it was used elsewhere?

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Princess_Abby

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If you gave money to a charitable organization for hurricane victims, would you be outraged if it went to pay for the war in Iraq instead?

If you gave money to your school for the purchase of new computers, would you be dismayed to see it spent on administrators’ salaries instead?

If you gave money to aid a family member in need of a tuition payment, would you be upset to see it used to finance a trip to the beach?

Yes, this is a spin-off of another thread. Just curious if those who give money with an intention in mind are wrong to want to see it go to where it’s intended to be allocated.
 
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Princess_Abby:
If you gave money to a charitable organization for hurricane victims, would you be outraged if it went to pay for the war in Iraq instead?

Yes. I would be very surprised if anyone out there answers “no”.

If you gave money to your school for the purchase of new computers, would you be dismayed to see it spent on administrators’ salaries instead?

Of course!

If you gave money to aid a family member in need of a tuition payment, would you be upset to see it used to finance a trip to the beach?

If I gave it with the specific stipulation that the money is for tuition (hopefully I could make a cheque out to the school itself) then I would be very upset with the misuse of the money.

There is a big difference between giving a monetary “gift” in which the person is entitled to use it how they want and giving a specific gift that involves money.

For example, my grandma often gives cash gifts for birthdays and Christmas. She doesn’t care what the money is spent on…it’s a gift!

But when I turned 18 she gave me $500 towards the downpayment on a used car. I think she would have every right to be upset if I took that money and bought clothes instead.

Malia
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Feanaro's Wife:
ITA.

A gift of money for a wedding or other special event is meant to be spent however the recpient sees fit. That isn’t answering a specific, special need–like tuition or car payments or down payment on a house!
 
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Princess_Abby:
If you gave money to a charitable organization for hurricane victims, would you be outraged if it went to pay for the war in Iraq instead?
If you gave money to your school for the purchase of new computers, would you be dismayed to see it spent on administrators’ salaries instead?
If you gave money to aid a family member in need of a tuition payment, would you be upset to see it used to finance a trip to the beach?
Yes, this is a spin-off of another thread. Just curious if those who give money with an intention in mind are wrong to want to see it go to where it’s intended to be allocated.
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I think I’d have a right to be upset if I gave hard-earned money for a specific purpose and it was used for something else :mad:
 
Gee, none of the options fit my opinion.

For me it depends. It depends on who I gave it to, and why.

I have to be willing to trust the judgement of the person/institution/ etc. if I decided to make the gift on my own, without their prompting for a specific cause. They may have other needs I am not aware of and making them use the money for whatever reason I see fit seems a bit unfair. Now if I don’t trust them and still want to make a gift, then I think each case is unique and it totally depends on the case. I think anything that involves important personal decision making should be handled very carefully, since it is unpleasent to receive a gift in which important personal decisions have been made for you…

On the other, if the person/institution/ etc. were the ones that approached me for money for a specific reason and I gave it to them because of the specific reason and because I was told my money was needed and was going to be used for that specific reason, then it would be dishonest on their part to use it for something else.
 
Did you tell the person or organization it was for a specific purpose? If not, a gift is a gift, and the recipient may do with it as he/she/it/they/the board of directors please(s).
 
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Princess_Abby:
If you gave money to aid a family member in need of a tuition payment, would you be upset to see it used to finance a trip to the beach?

.
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If I gave a gift of money, hoping it would be put to an important purpose I would be disappointed if it was used for something frivolous, but if I was specifically asked to give or lend for a specific purpose (paying for therapy for a grandchild) and the therapy did not happen but a trip to Disney did happen, I would be furious and that particular family member will wait a long time for another gift from me.

I expect money I give to charities to be used for the purpose that charity specifies in its organizational goals and statements. For instance if I give for women’s health, I expect the organization to contribute to women’s health, not to their detriment by providing contraception and abortion. If I give to the Church building fund, I expect to see a building someday, not more CCD textbooks. If I wanted to contribute to CCD I would do so.
 
Would you be furious if you gave someone money towards a car, but they used it to buy groceries?

Would you be upset if you gave someone an expensive gift, and they sold it to pay the mortgage?

Sometimes, people are in need just because that is the circumstance they are in–not just because they are not hard workers or spend their money frivolously, or are addicted to drugs.
 
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auntieneeker:
Would you be furious if you gave someone money towards a car, but they used it to buy groceries?

If I was giving money (gift or loan) to a person to help buy a car, I would hope I had a good enough relationship with them so we could have a good talk about it. If I thought they needed a car and they thought they needed groceries I would hope we could come to some understanding.

If someone were to give me money specifically to use towards a car (if you read my previous post you will see that did really happen) and I decided I needed to use it for somethig else I would discuss it with that person first.

Would you be upset if you gave someone an expensive gift, and they sold it to pay the mortgage?

No I wouldn’t. Keeping a roof over their heads would be more important than using a fancy espresso machine or something.

Sometimes, people are in need just because that is the circumstance they are in–not just because they are not hard workers or spend their money frivolously, or are addicted to drugs.

I don’t think anyone would disagree with you. I have been in need, my family has been in need, my friends have been in need…life happens.

Malia
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Princess_Abby:
If you gave money to a charitable organization for hurricane victims, would you be outraged if it went to pay for the war in Iraq instead?

If you gave money to your school for the purchase of new computers, would you be dismayed to see it spent on administrators’ salaries instead?

If you gave money to aid a family member in need of a tuition payment, would you be upset to see it used to finance a trip to the beach?

Yes, this is a spin-off of another thread. Just curious if those who give money with an intention in mind are wrong to want to see it go to where it’s intended to be allocated.
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One of the reasons I rarely give money to individuals in need is because I know that I would want them to spend it ‘wisely’ - and that would, of course, mean they should spend it the way I want them to spend it!

Therefore, I do things like pay a phone bill or buy basic groceries for someone. I give aways clothes, make sure the light bill is taken care of - and only for those people who are making a sincere effort to live a life that is - at the very least - within the parameters of the law and are not in need because they spent their last 20 bucks getting their nails done. Other than that I do not believe that if I give someone money I should expect anything in return or to have any (name removed by moderator)ut on how it is spent.

NEITHER do I believe I should go to wealthier relatives of mine and ask for money. I do not believe I should be upset, either, if they decide to use their money in a way that APPEARS to me to be wrong. I have no respect for people who decide how their wealthy relatives should spend their money. To me they are coveting their neighbors’ goods.

or I could be wrong…
 
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LSK:
One of the reasons I rarely give money to individuals in need is because I know that I would want them to spend it ‘wisely’ - and that would, of course, mean they should spend it the way I want them to spend it!

Therefore, I do things like pay a phone bill or buy basic groceries for someone. I give aways clothes, make sure the light bill is taken care of - and only for those people who are making a sincere effort to live a life that is - at the very least - within the parameters of the law and are not in need because they spent their last 20 bucks getting their nails done. Other than that I do not believe that if I give someone money I should expect anything in return or to have any (name removed by moderator)ut on how it is spent.

NEITHER do I believe I should go to wealthier relatives of mine and ask for money. I do not believe I should be upset, either, if they decide to use their money in a way that APPEARS to me to be wrong. I have no respect for people who decide how their wealthy relatives should spend their money. To me they are coveting their neighbors’ goods.

or I could be wrong…
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Well said!
 
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lifeisbeautiful:
Gee, none of the options fit my opinion.

For me it depends. It depends on who I gave it to, and why.

I have to be willing to trust the judgement of the person/institution/ etc. if I decided to make the gift on my own, without their prompting for a specific cause. They may have other needs I am not aware of and making them use the money for whatever reason I see fit seems a bit unfair. Now if I don’t trust them and still want to make a gift, then I think each case is unique and it totally depends on the case. I think anything that involves important personal decision making should be handled very carefully, since it is unpleasent to receive a gift in which important personal decisions have been made for you…

On the other, if the person/institution/ etc. were the ones that approached me for money for a specific reason and I gave it to them because of the specific reason and because I was told my money was needed and was going to be used for that specific reason, then it would be dishonest on their part to use it for something else.
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👍
 
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auntieneeker:
Would you be furious if you gave someone money towards a car, but they used it to buy groceries?

Would you be upset if you gave someone an expensive gift, and they sold it to pay the mortgage?

Sometimes, people are in need just because that is the circumstance they are in–not just because they are not hard workers or spend their money frivolously, or are addicted to drugs.
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the poll addressed charitable contributions, presumably to recognize institutions, but the OP brought up gifts to family members. If I give someone a gift, they are free to do anything they like with it, including selling it to buy drugs. If they come to me specifically to ask for help with a certain need, and I dig deep to help them out, it comes as quite a shock to find out the original need was unmet because they find other priorities – especially since they are likely to come back 3 months later for another handout.
 
To a charitable organization I expect most if not all go for what is intended. About family or friends, I would never tie a string to a gift. (such a birthday or graduation gift) That is so crude, its a GIFT. On the other hand if someone who needs help (a little to much) and LIED to me in the past about what they need it for, I say “give me the electric bill, I’ll pay it with my check, I don’t have any money on me, its in the bank but I can get it in the mail today”. If they hem and haw or refuse they really don’t need the electric bill paid, do they? Also if its Little Johnny need diapers and milk, I don’t give money, I run out and buy it myself because again, no cash on me, I have to use my ATM card at the store;) A white lie maybe, but I was tired of being used. Trust me it works, these family members don’t bother me for money any more.
 
Just to be clear, I wasn’t really referring to gifts.

I was mostly talking about when you notice a family member’s special need, due to perhaps a job loss, illness or death or whatever special reason someone might need financial help.

Gifts are gifts, but some people who are in specific financial need and receive help from a family member seem to think that taking the money meant for one thing and using it for something else entirely, is acceptable. However, some people use the term “gift” rather extensively, including financial help that is not meant for a special occasion, but rather a special set of circumstances.

This poll is meant to determine if it is okay to use financial help meant for a specific intention (NOT a special occasion gift) and allocate it elsewhere then intended.

In other words, if you notice that a family member cannot pay their car payment due to a job loss, and you give them an $800 check to pay for their quarterly insurance that is due–then, find out later that they went and purchased a Louis Vuitton bag instead and just drove the car uninsured. How would you feel?

(Just an example, but I am talking broadly.)
 
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lifeisbeautiful:
Gee, none of the options fit my opinion.

For me it depends. It depends on who I gave it to, and why.

I have to be willing to trust the judgement of the person/institution/ etc. if I decided to make the gift on my own, without their prompting for a specific cause. They may have other needs I am not aware of and making them use the money for whatever reason I see fit seems a bit unfair. Now if I don’t trust them and still want to make a gift, then I think each case is unique and it totally depends on the case. I think anything that involves important personal decision making should be handled very carefully, since it is unpleasent to receive a gift in which important personal decisions have been made for you…

On the other, if the person/institution/ etc. were the ones that approached me for money for a specific reason and I gave it to them because of the specific reason and because I was told my money was needed and was going to be used for that specific reason, then it would be dishonest on their part to use it for something else.
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Well said.
 
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auntieneeker:
Would you be furious if you gave someone money towards a car, but they used it to buy groceries?

Would you be upset if you gave someone an expensive gift, and they sold it to pay the mortgage?

Sometimes, people are in need just because that is the circumstance they are in–not just because they are not hard workers or spend their money frivolously, or are addicted to drugs.
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Nice reply. 🙂
My H pointed out to me once, that just the FACT that a homeless soul has to resort to begging for money on the corner is reason enough to give it to them, no matter what they spend it on. My H is very, very charitable–and gives all the time to the homeless, wherever we go.
 
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Princess_Abby:
In other words, if you notice that a family member cannot pay their car payment due to a job loss, and you give them an $800 check to pay for their quarterly insurance that is due–then, find out later that they went and purchased a Louis Vuitton bag instead and just drove the car uninsured. How would you feel?
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This instance still does not make your gift, given from your heart, any less appreciated or any less a gift of love you know.
 
IF a gift of money is given for a specific purpose, then yes, I’d be a bit upset. If personal money is given for a specific use (“I want you to buy that textbook you need”), and the item was not purchased, well, I wouldn’t give money again. Instead, I might go get the item.

However- I have seen a situation where a person gave an institution money to be spent for a specified use. The institution in question did indeed purchase that for which the donation was intended, and the donor was thanked profusely. That didn’t end it for the donor. She wanted to control who maintained the institution’s purchased equipment, and when and where the institution used the equipment. In the end, it got very nasty, and the donor almost ended up with “her” equipment in her backyard and a note to the IRS regarding the renegged donation.

I also know of a situation where a personal donor gave a relative an item the relative professed to need. The donor then found out the relative pawned the item for drinking money. Good reason for the donor to be upset.
 
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