T
ToeInTheWater
Guest
I was inspired to post this by a recent Popular Media topic about a NYT article gushing over the recent marriage of 2 people, yet glossing over the fact that when they “fell in love” they were married to other people.
Now, certainly I know the party line is “no, until/unless there is an annulment, dating a divorced person is adultery”, that is the reply I’d get if I posted this in Moral Theology.
But it seems that in practice, most Catholics find it perfectly legitimate to date a divorced person, and most Catholics who apply for annulment already have a prospective spouse in mind, sometimes they are already engaged. I’ve even read posters on CAF state that “there is no reason to apply for annulment unless you want to remarry” and the posts make it obvious they don’t mean “unless you want to remarry someday in the future” but “unless you find someone who makes you want to remarry”.
In the secular world, it seems people make no distinction at all between “divorced” and “about to be divorced”, they don’t consider it to be adultery at all to date someone who is technically married but won’t be much longer. Some even don’t find it adultery to date someone who is legally separated, even if that person might not be committed to ending the marriage.
Then of course there are those who claim “I’m getting divorced” but aren’t actually planning on leaving their spouses, they just use that as a way to seduce people who might otherwise not want to be “the other man” or “other woman”.
Anyway, all this being said, would you personally find it acceptable to date a divorced or separated person if there was no chance at all the first marriage would recover. Do you think this would only be adultery if you had sex? Or, what if you were convinced the first marriage is invalid (or are just cynically assuming the Tribunal will grant the annulment as a matter of course)?
ETA: And regarding cheaters who lie about getting divorced, I can think of a true-crime case about a man who was cheating on his wife, who killed her. Sadly not that uncommon in the true crime genre, but the answer to the question that often comes up of “why didn’t he just get a divorce”, had a twist, a very twisted one at that.
See, he’d lied to his mistress that not only was he getting divorced, he wasn’t even having sex with his wife anymore – only to have the wife get pregnant. Oops. Afraid to lose the mistress if she found he was “cheating” on her, he chose to murder his wife, (and unborn child), before the pregnancy became public. The mistress herself was cleared of involvement in the murder. But it’s ironic that she’d be angry at her lover for “cheating” on her with his own wife.
Now, certainly I know the party line is “no, until/unless there is an annulment, dating a divorced person is adultery”, that is the reply I’d get if I posted this in Moral Theology.
But it seems that in practice, most Catholics find it perfectly legitimate to date a divorced person, and most Catholics who apply for annulment already have a prospective spouse in mind, sometimes they are already engaged. I’ve even read posters on CAF state that “there is no reason to apply for annulment unless you want to remarry” and the posts make it obvious they don’t mean “unless you want to remarry someday in the future” but “unless you find someone who makes you want to remarry”.
In the secular world, it seems people make no distinction at all between “divorced” and “about to be divorced”, they don’t consider it to be adultery at all to date someone who is technically married but won’t be much longer. Some even don’t find it adultery to date someone who is legally separated, even if that person might not be committed to ending the marriage.
Then of course there are those who claim “I’m getting divorced” but aren’t actually planning on leaving their spouses, they just use that as a way to seduce people who might otherwise not want to be “the other man” or “other woman”.
Anyway, all this being said, would you personally find it acceptable to date a divorced or separated person if there was no chance at all the first marriage would recover. Do you think this would only be adultery if you had sex? Or, what if you were convinced the first marriage is invalid (or are just cynically assuming the Tribunal will grant the annulment as a matter of course)?
ETA: And regarding cheaters who lie about getting divorced, I can think of a true-crime case about a man who was cheating on his wife, who killed her. Sadly not that uncommon in the true crime genre, but the answer to the question that often comes up of “why didn’t he just get a divorce”, had a twist, a very twisted one at that.
See, he’d lied to his mistress that not only was he getting divorced, he wasn’t even having sex with his wife anymore – only to have the wife get pregnant. Oops. Afraid to lose the mistress if she found he was “cheating” on her, he chose to murder his wife, (and unborn child), before the pregnancy became public. The mistress herself was cleared of involvement in the murder. But it’s ironic that she’d be angry at her lover for “cheating” on her with his own wife.
