Would you date/marry a non-Catholic?

[_Jenn]

~Jenn~

Ever read the Syllabus of Errors? What you have said is not even Catholic! What you have said is YOUR personal opinion and goes against the teachings of the Church, which proves the point that near occasions of sin like marrying outside the faith usually makes you end up being a Protestant- only wearing a Catholic badge and you don’t even realize!!!

 You say you are believers.  You are believers in what?  Sounds like a name only.  It **can't** be both ways- if it is both ways then its can be ALL ways and all ways lead to** madness.**  There can only be ONE TRUTH-  HIS NAME IS JESUS CHRIST, there can only be ONE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST- that is The Catholic Church.  You can't pick and choose- then it becomes YOUR religion.  AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO MOST CATHOLICS IN MIXED MARRIAGES....  WHICH IS MY POINT...... thank you very much Jenn for brilliantly illustrating it.

Also, ask your children when they turn, say, 12 or 20 or 30 years old what their faith life is like. Then come back here and state that there are no problems. Funny, you say your child is not lacking, as if you are personally able to view your child’s faith in God. One can easily harp back what they are told, doesn’t mean that is what is going on in the heart and mind. We live with what we are given and two faiths doesn’t equal one- it equals one made-up faith which leads to madness if it is not contained (example of this is some of the crazy sects out there) or no faith at all.

 I think you just don't have any idea what you are saying.  You eradicate anything being strictly 'Catholic' by what you have said.  Think about it.  What you are saying is what Pilate said to Our Lord.. "What is Truth?"   

<<<Prayers for your conversion and the conversion of your hubby>>>>.

Haven’t read it, no.

Conversion for me? Conversion to what? I am a faithful Catholic. Not sure what you want me to convert to. Considering all you have are words that can be read however you feel like interpreting and don’t truly know what’s on my heart.

As for what we are both believers in - Jesus Christ, that He died for our sins, etc. That He is the only way, just as you’ve said. You can believe that without being Catholic. So, no, I didn’t prove your point - I am no less of a Catholic because I’m in a “mixed marriage” - and considering marrying the man I did wasn’t an issue for the church, what you think or believe is really insignificant. I was just answering the OP. You however, seem intent on just coming in like a bull in a china shop and attempting to belittle all those who don’t think like you - hardly a Christian characteristic.

But, I digress. And I have said my peace, so God Bless - all marriages - no matter the denomination(s) of Christianity involved.

 

[sanctamaria17]

She wasn’t whining, she’s just sick of people telling her that she’s somehow sinning and that she shouldn’t have married her husband because he isn’t Catholic.

No, interfaith marriages aren’t encouraged. But the Church did not say that they were sinful. It’s not a matter of people agreeing. She’s not telling everyone that they have to marry non-Catholics or be comfortable with it. However, she is married to a non-Catholic, in a sacramental marriage, and did everything she was supposed to in that regard. Who knows, maybe her husband will convert due to her example.

 

[Larowyn]

She wasn’t whining, she’s just sick of people telling her that she’s somehow sinning and that she shouldn’t have married her husband because he isn’t Catholic.

No, interfaith marriages aren’t encouraged. But the Church did not say that they were sinful. It’s not a matter of people agreeing. She’s not telling everyone that they have to marry non-Catholics or be comfortable with it. However, she is married to a non-Catholic, in a sacramental marriage, and did everything she was supposed to in that regard. Who knows, maybe her husband will convert due to her example.

I didn’t say that it was sinful, just that it was a near occasion of sin.

 

[Tracy10]

Would you date/marry a non-Catholic, like a Protestant?

Possibly, but it’s not ideal because the differences, in most cases, are enough to create more friction in marriage than most people would care to experience. That’s why conversion of one party is generally encouraged.

 

[Lovemyfaith]

I hope my children marry catholics. Don’t care about nationality, citizenship, race, just please be catholic.

Faith is a gift you give to your children, that they see you share this wonderful gift with your spouse. That faith will get them through the good and bad times.

 

[chevalier]

As for children, it’s my view that if your non-Catholic spouse doesn’t allow your children to be raised Catholic knowing that you have an obligation, well, that has more to do with him/her being controlling and disrespectful than not being Catholic.

I disagree. The non-Catholic spouse wanting to have his or her children educated in his or her faith is not disrespectful or controlling. The children are as much his or her as they are ours.

This, however, doesn’t mean that we should make concessions.

This said still reeling from being dumped for this very reason.

 

[Ellyakamommy]

Must I spell it out for you? Where would the marriage ceremony take place? Would the non-Catholic Christian expect to use condoms during married life? Would he or she approve of sending the kids to a Catholic school or at least to a Catholic church for Mass every Sunday? Would he or she go to Mass? Would he or she try to get their Catholic spouse to stop praying the Rosary and “worshiping idols”? Would he or she approve of having a priest over to bless the house? Would he or she try to convince their Catholic spouse to become Protestant? Would they argue over religion, or just stop practicing altogether and let the children decide on their own what to do about religion when they grow up just to keep the peace?

QQ less, kthx.

While these questions and potential problems you spell out could be problematic of a marriage between a Catholic and non-Catholic, they aren’t necessesarily so. SeekerJenn has described a marriage that is free of this pitfalls. She’s participating in a sacramental marriage.

Yes, the church may frown upon marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics, but does not prohibit it because it does allow for a marriage where a non-Catholic is supportive of living up to the requirements of a Catholic marriage.

 

[Larowyn]

While these questions and potential problems you spell out could be problematic of a marriage between a Catholic and non-Catholic, they aren’t necessesarily so. SeekerJenn has described a marriage that is free of this pitfalls. She’s participating in a sacramental marriage.

Yes, the church may frown upon marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics, but does not prohibit it because it does allow for a marriage where a non-Catholic is supportive of living up to the requirements of a Catholic marriage.

SeekerJen’s relationship should be considered an exception and not a rule. In general, marrying a non-Catholic can open the door to sin.

 

[kage_ar]

What does the Church teach on this?? (I have bolded a portion in the middle).

Mixed marriages and disparity of cult
1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.
[1634](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/1634.htm’) Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. **But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise. **
1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.137 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.138 This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that **the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.139 **
[1636](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/1636.htm’) Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple’s obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them. 1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."140 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.141 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

I disagree. The non-Catholic spouse wanting to have his or her children educated in his or her faith is not disrespectful or controlling. The children are as much his or her as they are ours.

This, however, doesn’t mean that we should make concessions.

This said still reeling from being dumped for this very reason.

Educating them about different faiths isn’t wrong- though in some regards it may confuse. I was specifically speaking of when they do not allow the Catholic spouse to fulfill their promise of doing their best to raise the children Catholic. Simply refuse to have them Baptized, and such- that is what I deem controlling and disrespectful. They know about the promise of the Catholic spouse, they are informed of it.

Catholicism, taught right, will always “win” against different religions because it is the Truth, from God Himself. Many Protestants have converted after starting to educate themselves and realizing that Catholicism is in fact the fullness of Truth.

I’m not advocating teaching children both religions, that will confuse them. But if they know their Catholicism, they won’t be swayed.

Having said all that- this should all be discussed beforehand. it shouldn’t come as a shock after the wedding that nothing is as it seemed. If you are a Catholic dating a Bible carrying hardcore Baptist, you should be discussing children and their religion. And if neither party will back down, well, you need to work it out before you marry. After- it’ll be too late. If you can’t work it out… well, unable to agree on a serious topic, religious in nature or not, is questionable in a relationship leading to marriage.

And Chevalier, sorry about the break-up.

 

[ladylinguist]

I would prefer to marry a Catholic, as I want to spend my life with someone who shares my faith. At the same time, it doesn’t seem like there are enough single, devout Catholic men to go around. It’s hard to believe that I’ll ever find a husband within the faith.

 

[Edward62]

Yes, I would. I think that if God intends for me to fall in love with someone, it won’t matter whether they’re Catholic or not… we can stil have a loving relationship and (hopefully) they’ll come to see the wisdom and beauty of the Church.

I’ve no doubts that it can work… my mom (a devout Catholic) married my dad (a vaguely protestant agnostic) thirty years ago and they’re still very happy together.

 

[GraceDK]

I would prefer to marry a Catholic, as I want to spend my life with someone who shares my faith. At the same time, it doesn’t seem like there are enough single, devout Catholic men to go around. It’s hard to believe that I’ll ever find a husband within the faith.

I agree with this… It would be wonderful to marry a Catholic but I live at a place with many, many more Evangelicals than Catholics and the Catholic Church is really rather asleep where I am.

Anyway I also think… I’d rather marry an on-fire Evangelical man than a nominal Catholic …

Spirituality also matters… I am into the zealous, evangelising, charismatic men… but some traditional Catholic men cant understand that at all and… well… there are many things that can go wrong in the faith-sharing department even if both are Catholics…

Just some thoughts…
My absolute criteria is a Christian… besides from that I think: if I am ever blessed to fall in love again then that is already HUGE…

Peace.

 

[chevalier]

Educating them about different faiths isn’t wrong- though in some regards it may confuse. I was specifically speaking of when they do not allow the Catholic spouse to fulfill their promise of doing their best to raise the children Catholic. Simply refuse to have them Baptized, and such- that is what I deem controlling and disrespectful. They know about the promise of the Catholic spouse, they are informed of it.

Is a Catholic controlling and disrespectful when he doesn’t want his child to be circumcised then?

The mere fact that they disagree with our view that our children have to be brought up Catholic doesn’t make them controlling or disrespectful. They could say we are controlling because we want our children to follow our religion, not the other parent’s or a strange mix of both. They could also claim we don’t respect their religion for the same reason. After all, they have equal rights as parents.

I’m not advocating teaching children both religions, that will confuse them.

Can’t have two faiths.

If you are a Catholic dating a Bible carrying hardcore Baptist, you should be discussing children and their religion. And if neither party will back down, well, you need to work it out before you marry.

Yup.

And Chevalier, sorry about the break-up.

Old stuff, still hurts. She wouldn’t get over the idea that it’s oppressive to teach children to go to confession, abstain from meat or partying in fast, and so on. I don’t think she was controlling or disrespectful because of that. Because of that per se, at least, since obviously, some of the ideas people have about Catholicism are quite disrespectful. But since she’d have had as many rights as a parent as I would, I don’t think she was controlling. Misguided and stubborn, yes, but not controlling. She wanted to teach her children (if any) her ideas, I mine, it didn’t work out. There was quite a lot of “controlling” or “disrespectful” impression of me since I was trying to have the future children brought up in my beliefs, not in hers, despite the fact she’d have been as much of a parent as I. What I’m defending here is not any other religion or belief - Catholicism is the fullest faith, but the fact that if the non-Catholic spouse or potential spouse finds it hard to abdicate his rights and give up the material choices to the Catholic one, it doesn’t make the non-Catholic controlling (not any more than the Catholic) or disrespectful (we can affirm the trueness of Catholicism while respecting his belief; he or she can try to pass his or her beliefs to his or her children without disrespecting our faith).

All this said, I’m not an advocate of compromise. The children have to be brought up Catholic - or rather we have to do our best to make it happen - and that’s the end of it.

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

Is a Catholic controlling and disrespectful when he doesn’t want his child to be circumcised then?

The mere fact that they disagree with our view that our children have to be brought up Catholic doesn’t make them controlling or disrespectful. They could say we are controlling because we want our children to follow our religion, not the other parent’s or a strange mix of both. They could also claim we don’t respect their religion for the same reason. After all, they have equal rights as parents.

Can’t have two faiths.

Yup.

Old stuff, still hurts. She wouldn’t get over the idea that it’s oppressive to teach children to go to confession, abstain from meat or partying in fast, and so on. I don’t think she was controlling or disrespectful because of that. Because of that per se, at least, since obviously, some of the ideas people have about Catholicism are quite disrespectful. But since she’d have had as many rights as a parent as I would, I don’t think she was controlling. Misguided and stubborn, yes, but not controlling. She wanted to teach her children (if any) her ideas, I mine, it didn’t work out. There was quite a lot of “controlling” or “disrespectful” impression of me since I was trying to have the future children brought up in my beliefs, not in hers, despite the fact she’d have been as much of a parent as I. What I’m defending here is not any other religion or belief - Catholicism is the fullest faith, but the fact that if the non-Catholic spouse or potential spouse finds it hard to abdicate his rights and give up the material choices to the Catholic one, it doesn’t make the non-Catholic controlling (not any more than the Catholic) or disrespectful (we can affirm the trueness of Catholicism while respecting his belief; he or she can try to pass his or her beliefs to his or her children without disrespecting our faith).

All this said, I’m not an advocate of compromise. The children have to be brought up Catholic - or rather we have to do our best to make it happen - and that’s the end of it.

Alright, you win. I mentioned controlling and disrespectful for a reason * but if we look from their view, it could be said that the Catholics are the controlling ones. Compromise in the sense that it wouldn’t be the beliefs of the children, but the Catholic will have to understand the non-Catholic, and the non-Catholic will have to compromise. It is a hard situation, and does slightly depend on the non-Catholic. Some faiths will be fine with the Catholicism since it is also Christian, some will fight it. Interfaith couples, and marriages, are hard. It takes a certain type of person to be able to deal with it. But at the same time, it takes a certain type of person to be able to live with another person for 60+ years and not get on each others nerves for most of that time. Marriage vocations are in and of themselves quite tricky.*

 

[Julianna]

NO. To do so is to put your desires in front of God’s.

To do so is to put Mother Church’s** loving** advice behind your own. So you are really saying to God, that you know better than Him.

There is a GOOD reason why Mother Church teaches what she does. Don’t go happily skipping into a mixed marraige thinking it will all be okay— that is testing God, which is a sin.

And for once, will someone please stand up for all the children who are products of these mixed marriages? Just DON’T DO IT for their soul’s sake, okay? You have no idea. You have NO idea.

Hello there. My soul is just fine thank you. My parents, (dad Catholic), mom (Baptist) were married in the Catholic Church in the Diocese of Springfield MA, in 1956. They would have been married 50 yrs. (dad passed away in 06). My siblings and I were all raised Catholic. It was my Baptist mother who made sure we went to catechism class and made our sacraments. My mother made my first communion dress (and my sister).

When my mother and father met with Fr. V back in 1955 to make plans for marriage. The priest pointed his finger at my dad, and yelled, “YOU KNOW BETTER!”. And proceded to lecture him, with my mother sitting right there. Thank God, it’s not the 1950’s anymore. Afterwards, my mother told my dad, “Fr. V is not marrying us”. My father told Fr. V, that he did not want him to marry (my dad) and mom. Fr. V told my dad, that he will not marry in a Catholic Church in this Diocese. My dad, said, “Fine, her pastor is waiting to meet with us, we will get married there.”

Oddly enough the other priest, Fr. G, in the church contacted my mother and said he would like her to meet with him to answer any questions she may have and that he was granted permission from the Bishop to marry them. My mother asked many questions and was releived to hear that the stories she heard about Catholics when she was growing up were not true. Fr. G married my parents in 1956.

I often wondered why the change of heart with my dads Church?

I am not a product of sin. What planet are you on? I am firmly planted on the planet “reality”. I married a Catholic, my 2 siblings married Protestants (Pentacostal and Methodist)…their children are raised Catholic. So where is your beef?

We didn’t grow horns on our heads. My Baptist grandmother was so worried about us being raised Catholic. It wasn’t until she got older she realized that we were just fine. I learned alot about the Bible from her and I am grateful that I didn’t grow up in a fishbowl. I knew that one day, I would be working along side Protestants…have a boss that is a Protestant, a neighbor, the police officer, the mailman, my child’s teacher/principal, the kids next door. I live in the south now, where Catholics are few and far between.

You can’t isolate yourself from the rest of the world. How can I best show the wonderful things about being Catholic if I isolate myself, and bite the hand that reaches out to me? How can I point fingers at someone’s else faith journey as unfullfilling, when my Church has some house cleaning to do?

Sometimes, people forget…that they are…well…human

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

Yes - I did, in fact, marry a non-Catholic. Not a problem to be had for us, really. These broad brush assumptions about how hard and rough it will be just make me laugh sometimes. For me, there’s more to a person than their denomination.

I agree 100%. I hate when people (who aren’t married to non-Catholics) assume that the non-Catholic is always trying to drag the Catholic down, or away from the Church. It certainly isn’t the case in our house. I believe in freedom of religion. If a protestant tried to convert me, they would lose the battle. I would also never do the same to anyone else. Our children (first on the way) will be Catholic, with Catholic Godparents, etc…). I have my Rosaries, my little Mary (and other statues), my prayer cards, go to Mass, etc… Nothing is EVER an issue.

Now, if I had met someone who had wanted to convert me, I wouldn’t have married them. That being said, there can be some wonderful marriages out there where the other person HAPPENS not to be Catholic.

 

[Larowyn]

I agree 100%. I hate when people (who aren’t married to non-Catholics) assume that the non-Catholic is always trying to drag the Catholic down, or away from the Church. It certainly isn’t the case in our house. I believe in freedom of religion. If a protestant tried to convert me, they would lose the battle. I would also never do the same to anyone else. Our children (first on the way) will be Catholic, with Catholic Godparents, etc…). I have my Rosaries, my little Mary (and other statues), my prayer cards, go to Mass, etc… Nothing is EVER an issue.

Now, if I had met someone who had wanted to convert me, I wouldn’t have married them. That being said, there can be some wonderful marriages out there where the other person HAPPENS not to be Catholic.

I’m offended that you’re so pleased with yourself for having a good marriage with a non-Catholic and take the idea of having such a marriage so lightly when there are so many good Catholics out there looking for a good Catholic spouse and will probably never find one, much like how stray dogs at the pound look for good homes.

 

[Julianna]

I’m offended that you’re so pleased with yourself for having a good marriage with a non-Catholic and take the idea of having such a marriage so lightly when there are so many good Catholics out there looking for a good Catholic spouse and will probably never find one, much like how stray dogs at the pound look for good homes.

God Bless America…thank you BostonMyrtleBea for your comments!

 

[Larowyn]

God Bless America…thank you BostonMyrtleBea for your comments!

Looks like you’ve got the names mixed up.