Would you do this to your spouse?

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We are moving and my husband works part0time. I work about 14 hours a day…he works 3 hours a day. That is a story that I’ve posted about here, as well.

Anyway – we are moving tomorrow. Turns out he schedule the movers to be at our home at 8:30 am – and I’m supposed to handle them all by myself until he comes home around noon. They will be done by then!

Then he told me tonight that I also needed to be in the other home waiting for a utility hook up! I told him I couldn’t do it all on my own…and I insisted we reschedule. He basically said he forbid it.

I think I am going to cancel regardless…but I’m worndering if this would happen in a typical marriage?

I have had this kind of problem with my husband before…but this was just over the top because he could easily have moved these times to accomodate me.
 
No not really…it’s been tough. I have truly tried to get him to help out…and he’s improved some. But…why in the world would he still think it’s okay to set up a MOVE …without helping?
 
It wouldn’t be. But if you are not a team, then I assume this is just the last in a line of misdeeds, and you may need a more basic discussion with hubbie at an appropriate time.
 
Well we have gone to THERAPY over this stuff. He has a long history of leaving me when the stuff hits the fan. I fly out to other cities for work and he calls me to complain about our dog before a big meeting…or leaving me alone when I have to have surgery. So…this is par for the course. So that’s why I think I’m going to CANCEL the move tomorrow and just force the issue.

Is that too extreme?

Also, he came around and agreed to downsize on a house/lease. We have financial problems. However, he insisted on a house and signed a lease – on the house I hate. I freaked out and told him I couldn’t live there. It’s very dark and dismall. He told me to try to get out of the lease…but it’s going to cost us a $$$ security deposit. He is VERY much against it and signed a 2 year lease!

I am considering just forcing the issue and saying we are moving to house we both agree on. But, he is very very difficult…and picky.

What should I do? Suck it up and be miserable?
 
Just from observation, I think there is usually more communication and scheduling things together. (I live with my sister and brother-in-law.) Sometimes, though, it does appear that a spouse might jump the gun and make decisions without the other. It is frustrsting, I suppose, because it puts a person on edge to have to wonder what someone else is up to! Makes me glad I am single.

I have a pretty big local extended family and when a big move takes place that just about everyone if informed of the scheduling ahead of time and a few of the guys in the fam may be asked to help. So if that happened, there would probably be someone to back up.

Is there a friend from church or anyone else who you can call on to help?
 
Well we have gone to THERAPY over this stuff. He has a long history of leaving me when the stuff hits the fan. I fly out to other cities for work and he calls me to complain about our dog before a big meeting…or leaving me alone when I have to have surgery. So…this is par for the course. So that’s why I think I’m going to CANCEL the move tomorrow and just force the issue.

Is that too extreme?

Also, he came around and agreed to downsize on a house/lease. We have financial problems. However, he insisted on a house and signed a lease – on the house I hate. I freaked out and told him I couldn’t live there. It’s very dark and dismall. He told me to try to get out of the lease…but it’s going to cost us a $$$ security deposit. He is VERY much against it and signed a 2 year lease!

I am considering just forcing the issue and saying we are moving to house we both agree on. But, he is very very difficult…and picky.

What should I do? Suck it up and be miserable?
 
No…it’s too last minute. And we just recently moved here – no family/friends in the state.

So…unfortunately no.
CAROLOFTHEBELLS said:
Just from observation, I think there is usually more communication and scheduling things together. (I live with my sister and brother-in-law.) I have a pretty big local extended family and when a big move takes place that just about everyone if informed of the scheduling ahead of time and a few of the guys in the fam may be asked to help. So if that happened, there would probably be someone to back up.

Is there a friend from church or anyone else who you can call on to help?
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I don’t know if this will help, but just a thought. Can your landlord or realtor stand by at the other house?

What kind of utility? Electric and gas turn on can be automatic, can’t they?
 
You already know the answer to your questions. Based on this and previous posts your husband has serious mental health issues. You need professional help to get perspective on your next steps in this marriage.
 
Well, I kinda am in favor of cancelling. But don’t know you guys. I think you sound like you need to step back and be able to be in more control and cancelling will help with that.

Did you sign the lease?
 
the realtor sent an email “docusign” lease…and my husband signed on my behalf…

I did not forbid him from doing it prior to… but he knows I’m miserable
 
mega1 said:

“Anyway – we are moving tomorrow. Turns out he schedule the movers to be at our home at 8:30 am – and I’m supposed to handle them all by myself until he comes home around noon. They will be done by then!”

8:30 is a pretty normal time for movers to show up. I think with our last move, they came at 9. I don’t think I’ve ever had movers start in the afternoon.

I wouldn’t count on them being done by noon. Don’t worry–there will be lots of move left for your husband to help with!

“Then he told me tonight that I also needed to be in the other home waiting for a utility hook up! I told him I couldn’t do it all on my own…and I insisted we reschedule. He basically said he forbid it.”

Cancel the move or cancel the utility hook-up? I’m assuming this is something like cable or internet, which is why somebody has to be there. If it is cable or internet, feel free to reschedule for a more convenient time. I actually think, though (having moved recently), that you will do better to be at the new house directing traffic, rather than being at the old house.
 
mega1 said:

“So that’s why I think I’m going to CANCEL the move tomorrow and just force the issue.”

Don’t you think that’s what your husband has been trying to provoke you into doing? Remember, he never wanted this move.

You guys’ process is really unfortunate.

Good luck!
 
mega1 said:
We are moving and my husband works part0time. I work about 14 hours a day…he works 3 hours a day. That is a story that I’ve posted about here, as well.

Anyway – we are moving tomorrow. Turns out he schedule the movers to be at our home at 8:30 am – and I’m supposed to handle them all by myself until he comes home around noon. They will be done by then!

Then he told me tonight that I also needed to be in the other home waiting for a utility hook up! I told him I couldn’t do it all on my own…and I insisted we reschedule. He basically said he forbid it.

I think I am going to cancel regardless…but I’m worndering if this would happen in a typical marriage?

I have had this kind of problem with my husband before…but this was just over the top because he could easily have moved these times to accomodate me.
Click to expand...
I had to deal with my husband doing deployment workups and moving. I had to get the movers to do everything, I had to get the power and water turned on. I had to basically do it all, plus go to work as a teacher(work never ends for a teacher. lol) We moved and one week later he was gone, we were still in boxes. It will probably happen again for us. I don’t think it is typical, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I didn’t mind it, but I’m a control freak.
 
I don’t think that’s what he wants.

He got into a huge battle with the landlord of our current house. There was some mold in the basement area and he wanted to use that as an excuse to get out of our lease (penalty free). He accomplished that goal – but I ended up having to deal with a lot of emailing fighting with the landlord as he proceeded to basically tell us to get out ASAP because we were a pain in his butt. The LL was wrong and he should have solved the mold issue, but my husband made it a war. In fact, he was so happy when the mold test that we paid for…came back positive…that he said he wanted to dance around the house naked…because the LL was wrong and proven so.

So…this is just the end of that mess. We have to leave now…because of that mess.
 
You already know what’s going to happen given all the past history. If you have surgery, he will NOT be there to help you. If you move, likewise. Why count on him for anything? He only intervenes to create problems.

Go to counseling WITHOUT him. You need someone rational you can talk to about these problems, and that’s not him.
 
mega1 said:

“He is VERY much against it and signed a 2 year lease!”

The last one was also a 2-year lease, wasn’t it?
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
I had to deal with my husband doing deployment workups and moving. I had to get the movers to do everything, I had to get the power and water turned on. I had to basically do it all, plus go to work as a teacher(work never ends for a teacher. lol) We moved and one week later he was gone, we were still in boxes. It will probably happen again for us. I don’t think it is typical, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I didn’t mind it, but I’m a control freak.
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You and your husband are working as a team - a military family team. That means, the spouse often picks up what is left to accomplished, as orders have the military member away from home, etc. Its not an easy life - but it is often the life of a military family.

I haven’t followed the OPs other post, but it appears her husband is not a “team player”. He’s choosing to drop these problems upon his dear wife.
 
mega1 said:
We are moving and my husband works part0time. I work about 14 hours a day…he works 3 hours a day. That is a story that I’ve posted about here, as well.

Anyway – we are moving tomorrow. Turns out he schedule the movers to be at our home at 8:30 am – and I’m supposed to handle them all by myself until he comes home around noon. They will be done by then!

Then he told me tonight that I also needed to be in the other home waiting for a utility hook up! I told him I couldn’t do it all on my own…and I insisted we reschedule. He basically said he forbid it.

I think I am going to cancel regardless…but I’m worndering if this would happen in a typical marriage?

I have had this kind of problem with my husband before…but this was just over the top because he could easily have moved these times to accomodate me.
Click to expand...
New here. Don’t know the whole story, but this is not typical to me. Shame on him. It seems that he gets away with walking all over you. Have you tried marriage counceling?
 
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