Would you do this to your spouse?

[mega1]

All the calls go to my cell phone… So he doesn’t experience any of the discomfort.

We each have our own numbers.

So… This has really been all on my shoulders.

And I have been managing the issue with the landlord because he is not capable of managing it … Hence the reason I’m in bankruptcy right now.

 

[agnes_therese]

And I have been managing the issue with the landlord because he is not capable of managing it … Hence the reason I’m in bankruptcy right now.

Isn’t capable of managing it? or just doesn’t want to be bothered, because he knows he can push it off onto you?

 

[mega1]

A little of both… But he just can’t handle that kind of stuff and If/when he does… It becomes a natural disaster.

 

[Kal2012]

If there is a separation and your husband is a good father, and home far more often, wouldn’t being with his father be preferable for your son? As opposed to at your house, with a nanny. There are a few posters suggesting single motherhood, essentially cutting your husband out all-together- that’s not right. Perhaps joint custody with more time at the father’s?

Nothing in this situation is ideal.

The main reason dad is home more is because dad is a “freelancer” and doesn’t have a regular 9-5 job w/a steady, decent income. Which is part why the couple is having money problems.

I don’t think anyone wants to keep the dad away from the kid. However, we want to see the dad “man up” and do what he needs to in order to take care of his family. If that means getting a job that he doesn’t really like, then - well, that’s what it means. It’s part of being part of the marriage team. I’ve heard of guys taking 2nd and 3rd jobs to take care of the bills and their families. This guy really comes off as the guy who’s living with his “sugar mama.” And “sugar mama” is tired, stressed out and paying all the bills to be miserable w/the freeloader.

Mom shouldn’t be the only one shouldering all the responsibility in the family. She’s pretty much a single parent already, given that the dad isn’t pulling his weight. Not everyone who separates actually divorces.

Who knows what dad’s situation is going to be once he has to get a regular job and not depend of the wife for an income?

 

[Kal2012]

The idea of losing custody of my son is SO painful to me… It causes me to become paralyzed. Why wouldn’t I just sacrifice and keep working my arse off to please my son and provide … Vs throwing chaos into all of our lives. I know I am admittedly a hard working career person, but If my husband came up with a job that paid my salary…, I would quit my job and just do my consulting from home. My son is so important to me. I love him very much.

My husband was very upset today (sulking) because he says he’s upset that I seemed to be “in a funk” with the house we have to move into and he feels like it is all his fault. He is very quiet and pouty. It is just frustrating.

I want to do the best for everyone. And I am not concerned about myself…

Honestly, that’s the problem. It’s not your job to make your husband and son happy.

Happiness is over-rated. Nobody is happy all the time. Making other people happy is making you miserable. You don’t have to be a martyr to prove that you absolutely love your family. Teaching your son that it’s okay to be a doormat for other people isn’t going to help him in his future relationships with women.

The reality - and we have to deal with reality - is that your husband doesn’t have a job where you can stay home. The reality is that you are in bankruptcy and your husband isn’t stepping up to help out financially.

 

[mega1]

Yes… I remember my own father working shift after shift for us… My Mom stayed Home with us. But he worked so hard to cover the bills.

The craziest thing is that I am constantly to blame (in his mind) for everything. When I asked him why he never applied for the job with my company (emailed him the application last Monday) he said that I didn’t print it out for him.

I said you couldn’t have done that? He said we were out of printer paper. No lie.

He has a few freelance jobs booked next month, but his 10 hours a week consulting job ends in 2 weeks.

 

[Xantippe]

mega1 said:

“I sold a bunch of furniture on Craigslist today so that we could downsize for the smaller house. My husband had us at the furniture store 3 hrs later. The table “I” liked. He didn’t. Of course. I sold our dining room set. Hoping to find something on Craigslist to suffice.”

He didn’t force you at gunpoint into the car, did he? You chose to go. Watch this sort of language and watch your decision-making process. To hear you talk, you have no control over anything that happens in your home, and everything that goes wrong is your husband’s fault. Obviously, your husband is causing a lot of financial and logistical problems, but you have a role in this situation. Stop going along with things that are contrary to your better judgment, and if you and your husband agree to something, own that agreement.

There’s always something good-enough-for-now at IKEA. Agree on a budget and he can go and get something for you guys and you don’t have to fuss with Craigslist–he really can’t screw up IKEA unless he is actually trying to and I suspect that with his particular talents, he could probably even get everything assembled by himself.

 

[Xantippe]

mega1 said:

“The craziest thing is that I am constantly to blame (in his mind) for everything. When I asked him why he never applied for the job with my company (emailed him the application last Monday) he said that I didn’t print it out for him.”

Why would you want him to work for your company? That sounds like a bad idea, on so many different levels. Then you’d feel compelled to do at least half his work for him if he didn’t do it.

I wonder if he’s lonely at home and in your new area, which is why he engages in a lot of these behaviors, which look like attention-seeking to me. You know how with kids, we are warned to watch out for situations where they act out because that’s the only way to get attention? That sounds like your husband.

 

[mega1]

He may be lonely but he’s done this for years. I’ve introduced him to a ton of people and he says he likes being a loner. He has a few friends but not many.

As for the company stuff… He is well respected in his niche. We worked at the same company for many years. He’s good in his little area of expertise. Actually excellent. But my point is they came after him and he couldn’t even find the time to apply?

I’m not going to say any more because by the looks of things… We may be splitting and I wouldn’t want him working at the same place. This is true.