Dear ncJohn, Cheeto1,
ncJohn, can you say that what Jesus showed you has made you a man so different than before you knew Him?A man so different that you would sell all give to the apostles and live in common with them?Would I,can I say the same thing?No I cannot.But what I can say is that by trials and suffering and dying to ones self,I have started to see what a great thing it is! I can just begin to take my eyes off of myself long enough to see something else.I see Jesus in heaven calling.I see the saints who have gone on before us calling.I can hear the saints join me in my prayers.I can fall prostrate before the Lamb who was slain,and now lives again.That is something that could change me! Is changing me!
I would say, as you have, that it is something that could change me and is changing me. As I have been reminded on occasion, when I start to beat myself up as I am prone to do, that it is a journey and that I am where God means for me to be at this point on it to accomplish what He wants accomplished.
Perhaps there is as much example for my children and grandchildren in seeing me struggle with this as there would if I was already “there”. Just as we learned how suffering can be handled by seeing Jesus himself suffer rather than seeing him already in his glory in a way with which we could not possibly identify, perhaps others can also take heart and be willing to take small steps in seeing someone else willing to do so with them, joining them on the journey.
So, I still cry and moan to God about my troubles but they are not as bad as many of the bretheren.But,I can also give thanks for these same things because they are the cause of my drawing nearer to Him.I think maybe this is just a small taste of what happened to the early disciples.Something like this must be conversion.I can almost see from that vantage point that nothing else matters as long as I can be nearer to Christ in the midst of the bretheren.What do you think?
This is absolutely the ongoing conversion we are all called to sawman. As a Franciscan, the need for daily and ongoing conversion is deeply rooted in me; the recognition that each day I have to recommit myself to moving forward rather than letting myself slide back, and that each day God will give me the grace to do so if I trust and follow.
I still have to admit though that I seldom find the ability to give thanks for my trials while they are going on, though I have gotten much better at being able to see after the fact that they were in fact for my own good. I have also found that I have learned much, much more from the horrible mistakes I have made, and their consequences, than I have ever learned from my “successes”, though the successes are certainly necessary to give us encouragement to continue.
In th end, whatever it is God really is calling me to, while I have to admit that I’m not close to perfect I can confidently say that I’m further along than I used to be, and that at least in my better moments I’m trying to listen.
Peace to you on your journey!