Would you leave your family to live in a better city or state?

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My wife is about to give birth to our first child and we are a pretty young couple. We have been discussing and praying about a move that would bring us to a place where the culture and moral/spiritual climate is friendlier and seemingly more conducive to raising kids. I love adventure and work from home so I wouldn’t be losing much professionally. My wife will be able to do the same job, too, but it may not bear so much apostolic fruit as it does here. Cost of living would be cheaper if we moved.

The problem? I can’t find the will to leave my family behind. My mom is divorced, fairly lonely, and I can already tell that our baby is bringing her a huge surge of joy in her life. To just leave her in the dust for the comfort and enjoyment of living elsewhere feels wrong, and I have often felt God kind if whispering for me to stay. And my brother is my best friend, and a big reason we moved back here was to be close to family. Now I am anxious to leave. My wife, as it happens, is fairly neutral about it all, and thinks perhaps we should stay.

I really want to move to be around less depressing and more encouraging people, politics, and values, but I also don’t want to be a comfort-seeking weanie in the face of a real need for evangelization. And, if course, there is ny family.

Have you dealt with this? Do you have any advice?
 
My husband and I live far from both of our families. Far enough that even weekend visits aren’t practical unless we have at least 4 days to spend traveling and visiting. We LOVE it. Living so far has made us a stronger couple, forced us to build strong connections to others, and allowed us to discover who we are as individuals and as a couple. Even if you only do it for a few years I highly recommend it.
 
We are a young couple as well. We have 1 child, and are about 1-3 months away from moving about 3 hours away. I am scared, but looking forward to it. At the beginning of our marriage we lived in the same city, but farther away than we currently do. Distance was good for us. It let us focus on our family more.

Our main reason for moving is so that I can remain a stay at home mom. Our current city is too expensive to live in, and its just not plausible to keep this up.
 
If you look at your post backwards, your answer may be right there.
Colorad007 said:
And, of course, there is my family.
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Colorad007 said:
We have been discussing and praying about a move that would bring us to a place where the culture and moral/spiritual climate is friendlier and seemingly more conducive to raising kids.
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I know you care about your brother, mother, etc. But you have a wife and a new baby on the way. They, truly, are your family now. You don’t have to cut out your other family members, but your focus ought to be your wife and child.
 
we were 22 with our first child, living 4-5hrs from ANY family, and we loved it, still do.
 
We live a few blocks from my parents, and that has been very helpful with 2 infant sons. Of course, my husband works long hours away from home, and you work from home and will be able to help your wife out with the baby. Please don’t think I’m advising you in any way, just bringing up some things you may not have thought of. I imagine only having one baby at a time can be hard at times too! 😉

You are certainly in my prayers. Pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you, and listen!
 
FrenzyJen said:
If you look at your post backwards, your answer may be right there.

I know you care about your brother, mother, etc. But you have a wife and a new baby on the way. They, truly, are your family now. You don’t have to cut out your other family members, but your focus ought to be your wife and child.
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That is the perfect, end all be all answer to your question.
 
I guess our circumstances are a bit different being military, but we aren’t close to any family. It is about a 8-9 hour drive back home. I know of a couple who literally built a house right next to her mom. I think I like being away better than right next to them. lol. They can’t just randomly drop by, my aunt and uncle have this problem with my aunt’s parents. My husband and I are a lot closer with it just being us. I don’t have kids yet, but at least I will be raising my kids and others won’t overstep their boundaries. I grew up a few miles from one set of grandparents. They were those grands who would overstep their boundaries and they spoiled me and my brother rotten.

I love my family. I am super close to my mom and we talk once a day, but I wouldn’t want to be living super close to her. When you get married you leave your mother and father and you move FAR AWAY. :p:D
 
The only answer is Yes. Don’t say no, and be proven wrong.

Millions of refugees around the world today, and billions, of people throughout history, have so proven it.
 
The “not as much apostolic fruit” part makes me think this is a question for a lot of prayer.
 
FrenzyJen said:
If you look at your post backwards, your answer may be right there.

I know you care about your brother, mother, etc. But you have a wife and a new baby on the way. They, truly, are your family now. You don’t have to cut out your other family members, but your focus ought to be your wife and child.
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Best advice. 👍
 
Yes, for educational purposes. I’ve considered moving a fair ways outside Minnesota for my undergraduate degree, specifically Utah.
 
Perhaps you can have it both ways, if you delay your move. It’s a really good idea to have family around when you’ve got a newborn. Good for grandma too to have those precious first years.

As far as being in a good place for raising children, you and your immediate family ARE your child’s world for the first couple of years - you could live almost anywhere and the child wouldn’t know the diff.

Once s/he is out & about in the world is the time to consider the culture of where you live.
 
VanSensei said:
Yes, for educational purposes. I’ve considered moving a fair ways outside Minnesota for my undergraduate degree, specifically Utah.
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I moved away for undergraduate and graduate work, but I always ended up back here for family. And now with a baby thrown into the mix, it makes leaving even harder. If it were a matter of school or a better job opportunity, then I would feel better about it. But just leaving because I want a more conservative, religious place? That’s tough.
 
Colorad007 said:
My wife is about to give birth to our first child and we are a pretty young couple. We have been discussing and praying about a move that would bring us to a place where the culture and moral/spiritual climate is friendlier and seemingly more conducive to raising kids. I love adventure and work from home so I wouldn’t be losing much professionally. My wife will be able to do the same job, too, but it may not bear so much apostolic fruit as it does here. Cost of living would be cheaper if we moved.

The problem? I can’t find the will to leave my family behind. My mom is divorced, fairly lonely, and I can already tell that our baby is bringing her a huge surge of joy in her life. To just leave her in the dust for the comfort and enjoyment of living elsewhere feels wrong, and I have often felt God kind if whispering for me to stay. And my brother is my best friend, and a big reason we moved back here was to be close to family. Now I am anxious to leave. My wife, as it happens, is fairly neutral about it all, and thinks perhaps we should stay.

I really want to move to be around less depressing and more encouraging people, politics, and values, but I also don’t want to be a comfort-seeking weanie in the face of a real need for evangelization. And, if course, there is ny family.

Have you dealt with this? Do you have any advice?
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A serious commitment to a period of prayer would be important for a decision like this, maybe a novena to Our Lady of Good Counsel; you would have most excellent counsel from Our Lady! I like this description of Our Lady because she is depicted as guiding St. Aloysius Gonzaga through decisions in life, and in helping him understand his vocation: deaconjohn1987.blogspot.com/2012/04/our-lady-of-good-counsel-novena.html Sounds like the kind of guidance you are seeking too. There is a page with the novena prayer: cmri.org/sisters-novena-olgc.shtml

Since you are concerned about your mother, who better to seek guidance from than our spiritual mother? 😉

Prayer in the form of eucharistic adoration can be a powerful source of guidance and inspiration when making an important decision.

Finally, I read this meditation today, and when I saw your post, I remembered it. fralfonse.blogspot.com/2013/09/perplexed-and-fascinated.html Even if you move to a different city, there will be limitations there as well. At some point you may become a little dissatisfied with the place when it is no longer new to you. As is described in the meditation, no earthly place can satisfy the desires of our hearts for what is divine.
 
Colorad007 said:
My wife is about to give birth to our first child and we are a pretty young couple. We have been discussing and praying about a move that would bring us to a place where the culture and moral/spiritual climate is friendlier and seemingly more conducive to raising kids. I love adventure and work from home so I wouldn’t be losing much professionally. My wife will be able to do the same job, too, but it may not bear so much apostolic fruit as it does here. Cost of living would be cheaper if we moved.

The problem? I can’t find the will to leave my family behind. My mom is divorced, fairly lonely, and I can already tell that our baby is bringing her a huge surge of joy in her life. To just leave her in the dust for the comfort and enjoyment of living elsewhere feels wrong, and I have often felt God kind if whispering for me to stay. And my brother is my best friend, and a big reason we moved back here was to be close to family. Now I am anxious to leave. My wife, as it happens, is fairly neutral about it all, and thinks perhaps we should stay.

I really want to move to be around less depressing and more encouraging people, politics, and values, but I also don’t want to be a comfort-seeking weanie in the face of a real need for evangelization. And, if course, there is ny family.

Have you dealt with this? Do you have any advice?
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Your happiness really depends on whether or not your wife is happy. She has told you she would rather stay. So stay. Grow where you are planted.

Linus2nd
 
Cleave to your wife. You are in charge of a family. Their needs are always first, and the needs of your child trump your situation every time. It sounds like you need to pray on it.

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aTraditionalist said:
Cleave to your wife. You are in charge of a family. Their needs are always first, and the needs of your child trump your situation every time. It sounds like you need to pray on it.

Posted from Catholic.com App for Android
Click to expand...
Speaking of my wife, she is from Dayton, too. One place I think would be excellent is beautiful Cincinnati.

We are talking about a move that would take us anywhere from seven to twenty hours by car away from my family. Going from seeing my family at least once a week to only once a year.

But what I really wonder is whether anywhere is truly “safe” for raising holy Catholic kids. Is there anywhere that doesn’t require parents to be in full-blown missionary mode? I am not convinced that Cincinnati or anywhere else would actually be that much better. But it is hard to know unless I try it, either, thus the confusion.
 
We too are transplants. We are 8 hours from family but we decided to homestead here for our kids. We’ve been all over the country and lived in Europe, and this is the place we felt that was good enough to call home. You’ll have to deal with the culture any where you go. To us at least, it seems that Ohio was better than most. Our adventure hasn’t gone unnoticed, recently some family started to uproot and move here as well. The real bonus is that I am not really involved in the daily drama anymore. My family could do a season on Springer.
 
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