Just so you know, fat alimony checks are generally only dispersed if there was a pre-nuptial agreement, or if the woman is contesting the divorce and was a homemaker for most of their marriage. As those situations are rare, alimony payments are almost unheard of in this day and age. Maybe you meant child support?
How can this be? I was relieve to read Alphawoman’s post on the top of page 2, and what Allegra and others said. So I am not alone. Its what the other woman are saying, wise ones, that I agree with.
At the very least, IMO, they are heaping more years on him in purgatory while he straightens out the state of mind they helped put him in!)Child support is money a non-custodial parent pays a custodial parent in order to support their own child. Alimony is money that courts require one party of a divorce to pay to the other party for the support of the spouse. It’s generally only given in an instance of a contested divorce, where the contesting party gave up the opportunity to have a career that he or she could potentially use to support his or herself in order to be a homemaker or stay at home parent. Alimony used to be very common, as many women did not pursue careers after marriage. Now it is rare, as most women do have some sort of career and many marriages end after only a couple of years anyway, which isn’t a hindrance to the woman starting a career.
I see.
Not a replacement for being in the home.
When my ex left for an affair when our child was small, I did receive alimony for a certain amount of years, on top of custody. Both figures were pre-decided by the law, and one reason I got it is that I had supported him through his entire college education, which was his career field. It was not enough to live on, but it made it much easier with a small child. (But it was not easy!).
I don’t know how weird it is. I mean the problems are the same. Maybe the root causes are even the same. Maybe the experiences are similar or the same. So then a guy gets the same feelings in his heart. And wants someone to understand what it’s like. In the same way. I think that’s sort of human nature really. To want someone to understand. To want to resist change. To not be ready to change until change needs to happen. To want to pretend that you aren’t hurting other people when really you are. To make excuses instead of doing harder things that take real effort.
Thanks for trying to help. Thanks for taking that time. You must have a big heart to have gone through all this before. To have lived with someone with addictions and still want to take the time to help someone else out. A complete stranger. I feel bad that I can’t fix what I’ve broken in my life. I wish I could just return someone’s affections fairly. I don’t think I ever did it. Not growing up, not when I was dating, and not during my brief marriage. But it is in messages like these that I want to try. I mean you have no idea how much I am wishing you good feelings right now. There is no way for me to make it come through in these words. But I mean I read your message this morning and thought about what you might have gone through all day. I tried to figure out a way to say something to let you know that I care. Something that sounded right. I was there during Mass being tempted to write out the ideas that came. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to miss out on what was going on. But then I got home and all the ideas had disappeared. So instead I wrote this. I hope you understand it. I hope I didn’t make the same mistake as before. In my message to Alpha. (I’ve read it over three times now and it sounds ok. But I guess you’ll tell me if it isn’t.)
I don’t know man. I mean I think you’ve got some points here and there in your other posts, but this? I don’t think it’s fair to think that women know what they’re getting into. I mean women often don’t really know men all that well until they get married. They don’t know how guys often see the world. They don’t see the utilitarian side of men. Men have this problem of breaking things down into working parts. They figure out what needs to be done and they do it.
Well thanks for that. I didn’t expect to be compared to Peter.
I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I have to be careful about thinking that I’m worthy about stuff yet. I still have a lot of me to earn back first. But I mean I’m really touched that you thought that. It sort of blew me away a bit. Thanks for that.Obviously, porn isn’t something men will generally be vocal about, except in a setting where they feel safe with it (like, possibly with another college-age male).
Are you blaming communicating with me for making a badly judged opinion? That’s interesting. Blaming others for your own flaws seems to be a theme.
That’s such a depressing worldview. You get what you deserve and that’s that. People make bad decisions for all sorts of reasons that usually stem from low self esteem and poor education but there’s nothing more hopeful and joyful than doing better once you know better. Expecting others to respect you, the marriage and themselves, when you’ve grown and matured in faith is the point of living.
But you do get what you deserve. Sin is not a small deal. If you enter into a marriage (or something that resembles it) with gravely erroneous views, and you have gravely erroneous standards, you’re going to end up with a gravely erroneous individual. I really don’t think this is such a dismal thing to believe. It seems rather straightforward as a cause and effect.
Yeah. Ok I guess I see what you’re saying here. And maybe you have this part a bit right. But I mean what I was saying is that for the 45% of women who don’t vote this way, who didn’t think they’d be getting into that kind of relationship, I think it’s probably fair to say a lot of them didn’t realize a lot of men were like this. I mean I had a totally different issue that I never told my wife about. It was something that had been bothering me for a few years. Something I could never tell her about. And I mean that really made things unfair for her. That made it so that she married what she thought she knew and ended up with me instead.
Your views are objectionable in the extreme and totally disconnected from logic, medical science around addiction, and the teachings of the Catholic faith. Please do us all a favour and stop spouting your poisonous lies. You are fooling no one but yourself.
I think one ought to care relatively little about the “addiction” part here, since it is secondary. Any porn consumption is perfectly adequate to constitute grave matter. I’d even argue that actual hardcore addiction is a lesser problem in so far as it directly affects a marriage / resemblance of a marriage. Men that are addicted to porn in the sense that they’re stuck in front of the computer for hours on end every day often don’t get into relationships in the first place. It’s the ones that use it casually or sporadically from time to time that are still pursuing flesh & blood women. Or they incorporate it with their female partner as an attempt to further excite the relationship; not uncommon.