Would you marry a non- believer?

[RinoaHeartilly]

I voted ‘no’ just because I see too many problems with interfaith marriages. Where the marriage ceremony would take place is the first question that comes to mind. How about how the children would be raised? Would they attend services with me? How do I explain to them that I believe in one thing while Daddy believes in something else entirely? Of course, if I found a guy that wasn’t hostile at all to my beliefs and didn’t have a problem with me passing my beliefs onto the kids, I’d reconsider.
Of course, I still want to spend a few more years being single and getting my ducks in a row before I worry about big stuff like that

 

[robwar]

My conditions for marrying a believer are almost the same for marrying a non believer which are irrelevant to religion.

Would you marry a non-believer?

No, scripture is very clear in OT and NT not to marry outside of one’s faith. There are just too many issues, can’t share and pray together and the conflict of raising children. for the few situations where it works out, there are too many more that don’t work out or become less than happy marriages. Maybe from your perspective of being an atheist, you may think it doesn’t matter but if you marry a spouse of some sort of religious beliefs are you going to be supportive of that? are you willing to have your children raised in the faith, are you willing to let your spouse go to religious services on a regular basis while you stay home. are you willing to let your spouse financially support their religious institution? These are big and serious issues and while maybe to you you think I don’t care or I think I am tolerant or supportive, that may not be true once someone marries and they see that practicing one’s faith take time, effort, money and commitiment and those things cut away from time, effort, money etc with you.

 

[robwar]

Hope no one minds if a non beleaver leaves an answer.

Personally I don’t care what my future wife’s religion is so long as the following conditions are met.

1. She does not belittle or insult my religion.
2. She does not attempt to convert me to their religion.
3. I’m fine with having the wedding in the tradition of my future wife’s religion if she insists, but she must be willing to do atleast a small ceremony in my religions tradition.
4. She will not attempt to force our children into her religious beliefs. I want my children to be free to chose a religion based on their own study and belief rather than be raised dogmatically and go through life with closed minds. She can certainly teach them about her faith, but I won’t let someone program my children to believe a specific religion.

Obviously marrying a person of your own faith eliminates many potential problems. But my own religion has no divine mandate against it, and my grandparents had a very successful Catholic-Lutheran marriage. My great Grandfather who grew up in the Catholic stronghold of southern Germany hated Catholics because of his experiences with Nuns both in school and in a POW camp in France. That didn’t stop him from marrying a catholic woman and having several catholic children. I think interfaith marraiges are certainly possible.

While that sounds tolerant of you. If your spouse is Catholic and you and them marry in the Catholic church, they as part of the sacrimental marriage, promise to raise the children Catholic, it isn’t a choice to leave it to the children to decide. since you do have strong ideas about raising your children or exposing them to paganism, don’t marry a Catholic.

 

[ThinkingSapien]

I voted ‘no’ just because I see too many problems with interfaith marriages. Where the marriage ceremony would take place is the first question that comes to mind. How about how the children would be raised? Would they attend services with me? How do I explain to them that I believe in one thing while Daddy believes in something else entirely?

I had a friend in college (Hindu) that was dating a guy (Christian) and this came up. That ended their relationship. When speaking about children she said “Of course we would teach the kids about both of our faiths and let them decide.” Her boyfriend responded with “My kids aren’t going to HELL!” While I think there were more elegant ways in which that thought could have been expressed his honest expression was enough for them to quickly conclude that it would not work out for them.

 

[Skadi]

While that sounds tolerant of you. If your spouse is Catholic and you and them marry in the Catholic church, they as part of the sacrimental marriage, promise to raise the children Catholic, it isn’t a choice to leave it to the children to decide. since you do have strong ideas about raising your children or exposing them to paganism, don’t marry a Catholic.

I was raised catholic, come from a area that is (At least nominally) over 80% catholic, and attended a catholic HS in my day meaning most of my friends and acquaintances are catholic. I know the churches official policy is to require children raised catholic I know quite a few people of the younger generation who I doubt would end a potential marriage over that. But your right, when I marry I’m afraid it can’t be a catholic who insists on raising the kids catholic. I’m fine with an infant baptism, I had it. I’m fine if they want to go to church with her so long as its optional. I just want my children to chose for themselves. If my wife wants a child confirmed and they don’t want it I can’t let let her do that. I was confirmed against my will and its not something I’d allow my kids to go through.

 

[Mr_Clean]

I voted no. Looking back with perfect vision of course. I did marry someone who is Christian but both of us were fallen away. She a lapsed Catholic - me a salad bar protestant who thought he knew something. We got married in a protestant church by a female preacher.

Years later after child #3 was baptised at the Catholic church my mother-in-law went to (long story) I was “curious” about Catholicism and asked my wife “why don’t we just join your mom’s church?”. My lapsed Catholic wife said “you don’t know what you’re saying”. She obviously didn’t want to be Catholic but reluctantly agreed. I joined and its been uphill alot for her because her experience growing up Catholic wasn’t “fun”. She likes protestant preachers because she finds their sermons entertaining. I have tried to teach her what Catholicism is really about not what she was taught. Its been frustrating at times because I want more of what’s offered and she would probably be happy with going to mass Christmas and Easter.

So I would say it is tuff even if both “believe” but are not on the same page. If I were able to go back knowing what I know now I’d change a lot of things but I suppose many of us would.

 

[tonyrey]

I voted no. Looking back with perfect vision of course. I did marry someone who is Christian but both of us were fallen away. She a lapsed Catholic - me a salad bar protestant who thought he knew something. We got married in a protestant church by a female preacher.

Years later after child #3 was baptised at the Catholic church my mother-in-law went to (long story) I was “curious” about Catholicism and asked my wife “why don’t we just join your mom’s church?”. My lapsed Catholic wife said “you don’t know what you’re saying”. She obviously didn’t want to be Catholic but reluctantly agreed. I joined and its been uphill alot for her because her experience growing up Catholic wasn’t “fun”. She likes protestant preachers because she finds their sermons entertaining. I have tried to teach her what Catholicism is really about not what she was taught. Its been frustrating at times because I want more of what’s offered and she would probably be happy with going to mass Christmas and Easter.

So I would say it is tuff even if both “believe” but are not on the same page. If I were able to go back knowing what I know now I’d change a lot of things but I suppose many of us would.

It could have turned out far worse for you even if you had married a practising Catholic. At least you are both in the same book and still together! Happy New Year.

 

[Mr_Clean]

It could have turned out far worse for you even if you had married a practising Catholic. At least you are both in the same book and still together! Happy New Year.

Very true. Happy New Year!

 

[yppop]

The question depends on too many factors. I would say if what is meant by non-believer is an atheist, I would say no to a marriage. The greatest religious impediment to marriage is different and inflexible beliefs and atheism is the most inflexible belief. If by non-believer you mean an agnostic, someone that doesn’t know if there is a God or not, but certainly doesn’t believe in religion, I would say it depended on what good qualities that person had. If by non-believer you mean someone that has no opinion about God or religion but doesn’t practice religion I would say yes if that person had the other qualities that you were looking for in a spouse.

I base my opinion on empirical evidence.

I was a Catholic in name only when I married my wife, a devout, non-judgmental Catholic. Based on my love for her and the sacramental grace inherent of our marriage, I too, have become a devout and non-judgmental Catholic. We raised eight children, educated all in Catholic schools, and provided them with the advantage of being raised in a truly religious home. One became a priest; three married Catholics; three daughters married non-Catholic men none of whom practiced any religion; and my youngest son married a practicing Methodist lady, who converted to Catholicism after a year of marriage. The three non-practicing son-in-laws converted after 12, 15, and 21 years of marriage, the durations of which give testimony of the non-proselytizing, non-judgmental nature of our children. All three of the converted men have told me that the most important factor in their decision to convert was the realization that Catholicism was a strong foundation on which to build a healthy environment in which to raise well-adjusted, moral, and happy children. All of my children, and sons and daughters-in-law are devout, non-judgmental Catholics. We have 22 grandchildren all of whom have been raised Catholic. Four of them are now married and have given us three great grandchildren. My wife and I are now responsible for bringing 37 Catholics into the world, with many more to come.

Happy New Year
Yppop

 

[RinoaHeartilly]

I had a friend in college (Hindu) that was dating a guy (Christian) and this came up. That ended their relationship. When speaking about children she said “Of course we would teach the kids about both of our faiths and let them decide.” Her boyfriend responded with “My kids aren’t going to HELL!” While I think there were more elegant ways in which that thought could have been expressed his honest expression was enough for them to quickly conclude that it would not work out for them.

Yeah, it just seems so much easier when you share the same views as your boy/girlfriend. And I agree, your friend’s boyfriend could have been more graceful in expressing his opinion, but at least he got his point across.

 

[samson1]

I can’t make any exceptions- she must be a Practicing Catholic that attends Mass and is in line with the teachings of the Church.

 

[minion]

It seems to me, consciously filtering all non-Catholics as your partners amounts to a kind of “religious” racism.

I remember one of Fulton Sheen’s sermons about how a wife constantly prayed for her atheist husband, and I thought it beautiful and romantic. One’s belief is only a point in time, and can be changed, and maybe even after death.

As long as my spouse knows exactly what they’re getting into when marrying a Catholic, and is not actively hostile to it, sure.

While the majority of No’s in the poll sound more pragmatic, they seem incredibly unloving to me.

 

[dshix]

It seems to me, consciously filtering all non-Catholics as your partners amounts to a kind of “religious” racism.

No. It has nothing to do with “filtering” religion.

What I mean, and what I suspect many others mean when they say they would not marry a non-Catholic, is not that they are pedantically “disqualifying” non-Catholics, but rather, that they are aware that because of the differences and problems that appear in mixed religion marriages, they perceive that such a union would not be able to reach a certain level of compatibility that they wish for.

I, myself, do not believe I will find myself able to marry a non-Catholic, simply because I know that there would be a great deal lacking in that marriage.