Would you marry a non-catholic?

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I hope not.

Anyway i think i am fated in ways that I always mix with a bunch of buddist friends.

It’s always difficult to talk to them expecially when they says “can we pray to our ancestor?” ( you know the buddist is always very concerned with their ancestors)
 
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donosti:
Yes,I would.If I love her that’s all it matters.Love.
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That is far from true.

if we were capable of perfect love like Jesus was, i’d agree, but since we are not, love does NOT conquer all…
 
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HappyCatholic01:
That is far from true.

if we were capable of perfect love like Jesus was, i’d agree, but since we are not, love does NOT conquer all…
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I totally agree with you. I think it’s worth mentioning that the notion many people have about love/romance is not true love. God is love. He came into our world and died for us just to show us how much He loves us! Now that’s true love.

Why would I want to marry someone that I cannot share that true love with? I might be able to share love with him, but if I can’t share God with him, am I sharing true love? Moreover, I want to share the entirety of love with someone, so I want someone who is dedicated to God and the entirety of His Church.
 
I am wondering if being a RC means that we are not to open our hearts to other Christians? Was it not the Samaritan leper that thanked Jesus for his healing?
 
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adrienned:
I am wondering if being a RC means that we are not to open our hearts to other Christians? Was it not the Samaritan leper that thanked Jesus for his healing?
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I try to open my heart to all people! Sometimes I fail to do that, but I do have good friends of all different faiths or no faith at all.

Choosing friends and choosing a spouse are two different processes. There’s nothing wrong with Catholics, while discerning God’s will for them, discover that they want to be able to share the intimate relationship they have with Christ in the most intimate relationship they can have on earth – with their spouse.
 
I would leave it up to God
Of course I am not married…hey I can’t even date yet!
but it all depends on what God wants.
If God wants me to marry a non-catholic, and thus bring her into the Church, then let it be done according to God’s will
If He wants me to marry a Catholic ( I have someone in mind… 😃 ) because a lot of good would come from it, then so be it
God knows what he wants us to do, and you can’t really control that.
stay with Him, pray, and He will guide you to the right spouse
 
I did. My husband and I got married in the Catholic church and we have 1 child and another on the way. He is a great father. He’s Christian but doesn’t attend any church.

When we talked about having our DD baptised at 4 months old, he was fine with it but the next day threw a fit. It turned out, it was his mother talking through him. She goes to a Christian church about once a month and she didn’t want our daughter baptised because she wanted to take her to HER church. I told my husband that by marrying me in the Catholic church, he agreed to raise any kids Catholic and also since he didn’t go to church himself, he didn’t get a say. 😃 He’s never given me any more trouble.

We’ll celebrate our 5 year anniversary next June and I can’t see any future problems that would split us up. I would love for him to convert and sneak the suggestion in from time to time but if he doesn’t, I don’t care. I can still share the faith with my children!
 
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Belgarion:
I would leave it up to God
If God wants me to marry a non-catholic, and thus bring her into the Church, then let it be done according to God’s will
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Are you able to discern future events though? Marrying a non-Catholic is completely independent of bringing them into the Church.

As many psoters on here will tell you, this is not a guarantee by any means. Many NEVER convert.

I wonder what the stats are on conversions of non-Catholics who marry Catholics?
 
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HappyCatholic01:
Are you able to discern future events though? Marrying a non-Catholic is completely independent of bringing them into the Church.

As many psoters on here will tell you, this is not a guarantee by any means. Many NEVER convert.

I wonder what the stats are on conversions of non-Catholics who marry Catholics?
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I don’t know what the stats are but they are better than the stats of people who just decide to convert. Most of the people in our RCIA program are spouses of Catholics, I only know of one couple who decided to convert without being married to a Catholic.
 
Yes, but that wasn’t the real question. I don’t doubt that more people who convert are spouses of Catholics.

The questions is, what percentage of Catholic’s spouses actually convert?

I am not saying don’t do it, but since the bible specifically calls out passages about being unequally yoked, and since the Catechism says it is LESS THAN IDEAL, I’d say it isn’t the best idea.

Of course, I got burned by a serious protestant girlfriend, so my advice may be no more accurate than the anecdotal evidence of a former Protestant who converted.

But relying on scripture and the Catechism, it isn’t considered a good idea.
 
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HappyCatholic01:
Of course, I got burned by a serious protestant girlfriend, so my advice may be no more accurate than the anecdotal evidence of a former Protestant who converted.

But relying on scripture and the Catechism, it isn’t considered a good idea.
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And perhaps I am biased because I am the daughter of a cradle Catholic and a convert (mom converted when I was 5). I thank God that my father had enough faith and love to marry my mother and be patient with her; otherwise I would not be here. And she would not likely have been exposed to the Catholic Church otherwise, as she was raised with no religion and was not even baptized until she was a teenager and attending church services with friends. I believe that my father was chosen to help her on her way to full communion.

I guess that’s how I view this aspect of my marriage as well. My husband knew before we were even engaged that my faith and our family religion are non-negotiables. He knew that marrying me meant a Catholic sacramental marriage in church with a priest as witness, that I would continue as a fully practicing Catholic, that our children would all be fully raised as Catholics, and that he was welcome aboard at any time. Considering that many of his relatives and most of his friends are agnostic at best and most of them scoff at anything that cannot be reasoned away with logic and science (I know that many of them think I’m a little nuts), his growing openness to the Church is encouraging to me. Perhaps I have been chosen by God to help lead him home.
 
Well, I’m going to use this thread as the opportunity to come out of the closet on these forums and say that a non-Catholic spouse may ultimately decide that divorce is the better option, as is currently happening to me.

When we married, I had drifted away from the faith (or perhaps had never been fully formed in it to begin with), and while I would have preferred a Catholic wedding, I wasn’t willing to wait the 6 months while my mom who was seriously ill might not make it 6 more months. So we went ahead and had a civil wedding 3 months later. I had stated that I wanted to raise any children we had in the Catholic faith and that was fine with him, as he’d been raised Episcopalian, to him the only difference was that Catholics don’t believe in divorce, and neither did he.

So, considering the fact that we were very much in love, and I’d done a lot of work to discern what was important in my life and in my spouse. I felt I’d covered all the bases in selecting this wonderful man.

But there were things that I took for granted, as a result of being raised Catholic, things I never even considered might be issues. I wanted a large family and he only wanted 1 child, I told him I wanted 3 (I was afraid that if I said I really wanted 6 he’d turn and run - argh, that would have been a better time to learn the truth). I figured he’d compromise at 2 and then, being in love with both, we could simply take them one at a time after that. I never, in my wildest imagination, thought he’d never consider more than the one he wanted at the onset.

He also has had a difficult time with the idea of having financial responsibility for a family. For him, my staying at home to be a mother to our daughter is akin to my retiring, and his being older, he should be the one retiring first. This is something he has never been able to understand, even when I moved to a small town away from the industry in which I previously worked, and early in the marriage the jobs I had required extensive travel or insane hours, neither of which is conducive to parenting.

Things got more complicated when I caught fire for the faith.

Mind you, he’s done so many things right. He’s never fought raising our daughter Catholic. When I’ve been unable to get her to Mass (eg. been out of town) he’s always driven her there. He even reminds me if I’ve lost track of time and I’m supposed to be getting ready for Mass. He’s better at remembering the Lenten Fast for meats than I am, and he doesn’t openly question the moral teachings I am presenting to our daughter, even when I know he probably disagrees.

But he refuses to discuss these things with me. I have asked him for feedback, especially on issues where I know I’ve made a 180, wanting to discuss things with him, but it’s not something he’s willing to talk about. In the meantime, I’ve taught our daughter double well, explaining to her what the church teaches and why, with reference to the CCC and various teachers of the faith, so she knows it’s not simply my opinion.

But, ultimately, he’s finally had enough of our differences and is moving forward on a divorce. We will also be selling the only home we have had together, the only home our daughter has known.

So, given where I am standing right now, knowing what I know now, would I marry a non-Catholic? No! I also wouldn’t start dating a non-Catholic, why tempt fate.

If I were already in love with him when I came to realize my faith were important, but we weren’t married, I would go to pre-cana classes, I would put lots of hours into Eucharistic Adoration, and I would seriously, seriously consider that I might never live the life God intended for me by making this decision. God gives the best to those who trust Him to make the choice.

If this marriage does in fact end in divorce and is subsequently annulled, I would not date a non-Catholic, nor do I anticipate ever dating someone who isn’t already very serious about their Catholicism. God is way too important!

BTW, even after many years of deep pain, I still love my husband dearly, and would gladly work with him to reconcile all our differences. While I foolishly didn’t invite the Church to our wedding, I intended God to be present (in my own private manner) and I intended my promise of “Till Death do us part” to be made before God.

I have prayed sincerely for his conversion, I have not pushed him on matters of Faith yet I have asked everyone, most importantly our daughter, to pray for his conversion.

I would also appreciate anyone who reads this to pray for us and for him.

Thanks,

CARose
 
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SeekerJen:
And perhaps I am biased because I am the daughter of a cradle Catholic and a convert (mom converted when I was 5). I thank God that my father had enough faith and love to marry my mother and be patient with her; otherwise I would not be here. And she would not likely have been exposed to the Catholic Church otherwise, as she was raised with no religion and was not even baptized until she was a teenager and attending church services with friends. I believe that my father was chosen to help her on her way to full communion.

I guess that’s how I view this aspect of my marriage as well. My husband knew before we were even engaged that my faith and our family religion are non-negotiables. He knew that marrying me meant a Catholic sacramental marriage in church with a priest as witness, that I would continue as a fully practicing Catholic, that our children would all be fully raised as Catholics, and that he was welcome aboard at any time. Considering that many of his relatives and most of his friends are agnostic at best and most of them scoff at anything that cannot be reasoned away with logic and science (I know that many of them think I’m a little nuts), his growing openness to the Church is encouraging to me. Perhaps I have been chosen by God to help lead him home.
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My mom was raised Catholic, and my dad wasn’t, he would go to mass with us once in a while, but not often
now he is a Catholic, he converted 3 or 4 years ago, and it is because my mom married him and always had faith in him, she knew he would make the right choice.
things are a little shakey with him, but he is alot better than he was
and although I will do whatever God tells me to do, I would rather marry a Catholic because I have seen how loving and beautiful those kind of relationships can be, and I want to experience that, but its not really my call 😃
 
CARose, you may want to try giving him a Miraculous Medal or a card with a medal on it. Our Lady promises to help those who have it in their possession. Many conversions and miracles have been associated with it.

I still have hopes of converting my wife also. She has several issues that she does not agree with. I too would have wanted more kids, thankfully we have 3. I would have preferred more, but I’m thankful for the ones we have.

There seems to be other issues with your mnarriage other than the number of children.

We have an uneasy peace on not debating too vehemently our differences on issues. We discuss them once in a while, but we do not get into knock down drag our fights over them.

You may want to seek some marriage councelling. IF you can possibly save your marriage you must do everything that you can to do so. Marriage only works if you are totally committed to sticking together through thick and thin.

To me divorce is NOT an option, so I go out of my way to make things work. With God’s help you can make it work.
 
Flopfoot wrote:
All these people saying they did marry a non-Catholic and then it turned out good in the end… thats fine for you now but you know, we Catholics always say “the ends don’t justify the means.” Of course, this isn’t a question of morality, but we can use the same idea. If it’s not a good idea to start a relationship with a non-Catholic, then it’s not going to become a good idea just because it worked out well in the end for some other people here.
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True, the ends do not justify the means. But neither is the end assured by the beginning. Best laid plans and all that…

I married a non-Catholic, she converted, we have two beautiful children that are Catholic. Where would I be if I had found someone else - a Catholic - to marry? Don’t know.

Did I choose her for my wife? Absolutely.

Did God choose her for my wife? Absolutely.
 
due to my lack of attention span and general lack of time, I have not read the entire thread. However I want to respond to the question in the subject line of the thread.

My answer would have to be no (now that I’ve said this, I will probably end up having to contradict myself in the future, funny how that happens).

For me, my faith is the top and ultimate way of indentifying myself and living my life. Without being able to share it with my wife, I could never be one with her in the truest sense.

However, I know that it can and has worked for others. Its just not for me.

God bless all of you!
 
wcknight,

Thanks for your response to my post. I don’t want to hi-jack this thread, so I won’t go into the details of my marriage and what appears to be an impending divorce. But know that we have tried counseling, he’s refused to continue or try another route (I’ve tried for years to get him to attend Retrouvaille with me, but it’s “church sponsored” in his mind, despite the fact that the local couple in charge aren’t even Catholic). I’ve had a Green scapular under his side of the bed (he found an removed) and now it’s merely on the headboard, on my side. I use holy water on occasion, had the house blessed by the priest, etc.

You are correct that we have difficulties beyond the number of children, it’s merely my one gravest regret, as I am highly unlikely to be able to have any more at this point. At the same time, I absolutely love our daughter, and wouldn’t trade her for anything. She has many traits from her father, so I don’t regret having become his wife, but there has been a price to pay.

I agree that divorce should never be the answer, but in some states, including CA, all it takes is one spouse tossing in the towel, and the other spouse has no legal way of stopping things.

I didn’t know the risks I was taking when I married my husband. If I had, I would have done at least some things differently, even if I were to have married him. But from this point forward, I wouldn’t consider dating a non-Catholic. Not based on my experience. I want a relationship that places God and the truths taught by the Church at our center.

CARose

I’d welcome any comments via PM, but I don’t want to hijack this thread.
 
Mom said that marraige is a hard thing, so “I don’t even want you to date a non-Catholic”… by marring a non-Catholic, you add just one more potential disagreement to the marraige. I wouldnt’ marry a non-Catholic because I realize that no matter how much I love him, my faith is always first. I have many aunts who don’t have Catholic husbands, and it has been difficult for most of them. I am not yet married, so I don’t know what is in store for me, so I guess I will just have to pray and let God take care of the rest!

Laura 😛
 
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EsclavoDeCristo:
due to my lack of attention span and general lack of time, I have not read the entire thread. However I want to respond to the question in the subject line of the thread.

My answer would have to be no (now that I’ve said this, I will probably end up having to contradict myself in the future, funny how that happens).

For me, my faith is the top and ultimate way of indentifying myself and living my life. Without being able to share it with my wife, I could never be one with her in the truest sense.

However, I know that it can and has worked for others. Its just not for me.

God bless all of you!
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I agree! (think I just posted that… :hmmm:… oh well…) I too have a short attention span sometimes… hehe

Laura 😛
 
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