Would you refuse to be a child's godparent?

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MeInMississippi

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My 5 year old grandson has not been baptized. Right now his great grandmother and I have power of attorney on him (obviously that’s a whole story). I asked my brother who is a devout Catholic to be his godfather, as I feel it’s of the upmost importance we get my grandson baptized ASAP. He said no. I was floored. My brother stated he was consecrated and he didn’t like how my grandson was being raised when he was with the great grandmother.
I’m so hurt over this. Why would you not want to assist in handing down the faith? This poor child has been through so much. He has been abandoned by his parents. He needs positive influences in his life.
The problem at the great grandmother’s home is they are not disciplinarians. My grandson gets his way on everything when he’s there. When he comes back to my house we have to reel him back in and that can be a challenge. I can’t see why my brother blames or is penalizing my grandson for that. I thought being a godparent was an honor.
 
I wouldn’t mostly because I don’t think I would there for the child or person like most godparents are.
 
The honor aspect is secondary to duty.
If he thinks he cannot fulfill his duties as best he can, perhaps due to great grandmas parenting, he is well within his rights to say no.
 
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Surely it depends on the circumstances and there are valid reasons to say no.
 
The dynamics between family members can be most complicated. Being a God Parent is a huge thing. Only those who are willing should be accept the responsibility.
 
Finding a baptismal sponsor is secondary to the main issue: providing a good home for the child. Is there a plan for the child’s education, both secular and religious education?
 
I was asked to be my sister’s child’s godparent, and in the end, they realized it wouldn’t work. I quizzed my sister whether she still believed in reincarnation, and other beliefs of hers which are not Catholic. My priest had told me beforehand that you can’t really support somebody raising their children in the Catholic faith when they don’t truly believe that faith and are unable themselves to pass it on. My sister thought it was all possible. Her husband, who is Protestant, realized that it was a deal breaker.

Don’t worry about this situation. I am sure your brother will pray for the baby as if he were his godchild.
 
I understand that you feel hurt. But it is well within his right to say ‘no’ especially if he thinks that he cannot do his duties as a Godfather. Try finding someone who wishes and will try to always be there for your grandson.
 
I have committed to giving him a Catholic education and teaching him the faith. He’s been in Pre-K Catholic school for two years, and will be starting Kindergarten in the same school because my husband and I pay for it and enrolled him. In the end my husband and I will probably be raising him as the great grandmother is 80. My brother lives 20 minutes away and could fulfill the duties as a godparent.
 
“That baby’s parents are not holy enough for me!” How sad.

I would never refuse. I may not be there for every party, but, I will be praying for that child and be available on the phone, text, social media, for them as long as I live.
 
I think it is a great honour to be a Godparent, if one can. I might well refuse because my brother (only one in my family with a child who might ask me) has a wife who hates Catholics and I could never be a Godparent without bringing my ‘catholicness’ into it but that, though what you asked isn’t what this is about.

In your circumstance though it is very hurtful to you, you brother has to do what he feels is right. I would suggest you ask him to explain it to you a bit better so it is less hard to understand. It is probably in relation to his vocation that he feels he can’t be true to that and to respect how he see’s the great grandparents parenting skills. I am guessing there is a little more to all that and he’d feel a conflict. He is definitely not penalising your grandson, from his point of view. Even if he is not Godparent he can still be in the child’s life. How much do you know about your brother’s consecration and his order and it’s charism? If I were you I would speak gently to him and ask him about this decision, I doubt it had any malice and no doubt was made with the God in the forefront. We can only surmise and guess at reasons, your brother is the only one who can truly tell you his reasons and why he can’t do what you want. But dont assume it’s a selfish or blaming one and don’t assume he won’t be part of the childs life, just not that part. God bless you all.
 
No !
I am a God parent - and I always chat to her -
Did you go to church…are you praying…
You will have to read a bible chapter - if you want to play !
She ( 12 now ) is still pretty good 😇
 
I so agree! I think as Catholics we have a responsibility to hand down the faith. My brother has such a knowledge of the faith. We see him a good bit and my grandson needs every good influence that’s out there to help him. I can’t help but think this is why some people have a problem with Christians.
 
He’s working on being a Carmelite. I asked him if he could please tell me why he said no. He mentioned the great grandmother and then stated he didn’t have to give me any further reason. I don’t know… I just feel like we have a duty to hand down the faith…especially for a child who is having a difficult time and especially if we know the faith well. I’m doing my best, but it does take a village in my opinion.
 
Maybe your brother has a health condition you don’t know about. Maybe he feels he can’t make that kind of a long term commitment as a result. It may be about him, not about you and the family dynamic. That should be OK. I hear you saying your brother is a wonderful person and Catholic. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Respect his boundaries. You don’t know every detail of his personal life, nor should you.
 
Perhaps your brother thinks you are the one out of line for asking him to be the godfather. Reading between the lines it sounds like your brother is trying to distance himself from your family and you. You sound like you are just trying to dump your headaches on him.

Based on the amount of drama in your family presently, I think many people would run away before you asked them.

It sounds like anyone who signs on to be the godfather is going to get a lot more than they bargained for.
 
If I were asked I would be a child’s godparent. I never expect anyone to ask me to be their kids godparent, probably because I don’t have any kids myself.
 
I once refused to be a God-father because the Baptism was only sought as a gesture–the parents were not Catholics and were not planning to bring the child up as a Catholic. I offer that I would one do so if I were allowed to teach the Faith to the child–I was quickly refused.

How difficult would be for your brother to instruct your grandson in the Faith? If there is no hindrance to the child being brought up in the Faith, I don’t see how it would be a bad/wrong thing for your brother to do.

Insist on it! The sooner that someone instructs the child in the Faith the sooner that the child can engage his Catholic trek with Christ!

Maran atha!

Angel
 
Wow…harsh…
I don’t ask anything of my brother so… yeah …he’s 38, has no job, and lives with my parents.

My daughter and my grandson’s dad are drug addicts. My husband and I love my grandson very much and enrolled him in Catholic Pre-K for the last two years, and now will be starting him in Catholic elementary and eventually Catholic upper school. We are trying to do right by him. His has been a stressful and confusing life for a five year old. His parents have never had jobs to support him. It’s always been my husband and I and his great grandmother. And when I say the great grandmother, that’s the paternal great grandmother, not my brother’s and my mother.

We have my grandson in church, and have just gotten him involved with a church group called The Young Vincentians. He had his first and very successful season of soccer this past year, and will also eventually be put in piano lessons. We will actually ask nothing of my brother except now to be a godfather. He’s never been called on before to do anything for my grandson. My brother is devout and that’s why I asked him. I figured the more good Catholic influences my grandson could get, the better. Yes it’s a complicated family dynamic, but my husband and I are neither unreasonable or irresponsible. We are trying to keep this poor little guy from ending up like his parents. This child is hurting and doesn’t understand why his parents aren’t there for him.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, though…very sweet of you to take the time.
 
I am bringing him up in the faith. My husband and I have had him in Catholic preschool for the last two years and now he will be starting Catholic elementary this year. He goes to church with me every weekend and has just joined the Young Vincentians. Since my brother refused my grandson’s great grandmother found someone else who found it an honor to be asked and accepted. Thanks be to God. I am actually going to be the godmother. I’m very happy about that. I’m just ready to get this sweet baby baptized. I had been begging my daughter since he was born to do it. Now that she’s not in charge it is going to be done!!
 
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