Would you refuse to date someone who does not go to Confession?

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Would someone not going to Confession or not thinking that it’s necessary be a deal-breaker for you? Thank you in advance for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[Belgarion]

Yes.

 

[tiggeriffic]

Not at all. but it’s really a decision you have to make for yourself.

If the Sacrament of Reconciliation is important to you then maybe it should be a deal breaker for you. I am fine dating even a non-Catholic. I refuse to date an Atheist, and whomever it is - they must respect my faith and beliefs.

So you have to decide what is important for you and where you line in the sand is. And I am guessing that the list of what is important is going to be a lot longer than going to Confession.

 

[Miles_Mariae]

Yes.

 

[puzzleannie]

Would someone not going to Confession or not thinking that it’s necessary be a deal-breaker for you? Thank you in advance for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

while my dating days are over, living with a perfect person is a pain in the neck, so yes that would be a deal-breaker

 

[surfinpure]

If I were single, yes, I would not date anyone who refuses to go to Confession. Such a person cannot be a serious Catholic, and I would only want to date serious Catholics.

 

[Simon_X]

It’s easy to say deal breaker, but let’s remember, people can and do grow in faith and the Sacraments as time goes by. If we help educate and show a good example to someone who still attends church and is working on their faith life, I would stick with them and try to show the benefits of this sacrament even if not serious about a serious relationship.

Make sense?

 

[Feedmysheep]

Would someone not going to Confession or not thinking that it’s necessary be a deal-breaker for you? Thank you in advance for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

Yes.

However, the me who is speaking now (who is also well past dating age) values Holy Mother Church far more than the me who would have been speaking 15 years ago (and in “prime” dating age).

But if, for some known-only-unto-God reason, I was to start dating again, a man who didn’t go to Confession would either be a. a non-Catholic, or b. a Catholic who wasn’t practicing his faith. Neither option would be one I would chose to spend my dating time on.

 

[Miles_Mariae]

Make sense?

Nope.

 

[Salonika]

What would be a deal breaker for me was if the person was Catholic, believed in confession and then didn’t go.

I would then also wonder if there were other things where there was a discrepancy between what they believed and what they did.

 

[anna1978]

We hardly tell eachother if and when we go to confession, and I can’t imagine in our dating days saying ‘So, do you go to confession often?’. That’s private and between him and God!

 

[Tinajo]

It’s easy to say deal breaker, but let’s remember, people can and do grow in faith and the Sacraments as time goes by. If we help educate and show a good example to someone who still attends church and is working on their faith life, I would stick with them and try to show the benefits of this sacrament even if not serious about a serious relationship.

Make sense?

I would absolutely second this as someone from the opposite side of the fence, so to speak - don’t give up on them!

I’m a cradle Catholic who grew up in the time when catechesis was pretty much non-existent, and since my mother was married to a non-Catholic there was less emphasis on Catholicism at home than might have been the case - hence I was never told about what confession was, why it was important or how important it was.

While dating the man who recently became my husband, I knew that he went to confession and thought it was important, but I was scared of talking about it. Over time I gained the confidence to ask him what happened in confession and why it was important… that very brief conversation was enough for me to realise that I needed to find out more about this because it was important, so I did a lot of research on the internet.

This led to my increasing desire for the sacrament which culminated in my going to confession for the first time a few weeks before our wedding.

This is just one example of the many ways in which my husband’s witness in living out the faith drew me closer to Catholic teachings - if he had decided not to date me, an ignorant but well-meaning Catholic, I am very sure that I would not be as strong in my faith or as happy as I am now.

By all means, don’t agree to marry someone who is not committed to living the Catholic faith fully, but please don’t rule out dating them as your example may be exactly what they need!

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut so far. I just wanted to clarify that unfortunately in this case I am the one who does not go to Confession. I didn’t realize how important this is, so much so that it is a deal-breaker for some of you. I’m still trying to understand why it’s necessary to go to Confession, as opposed to just asking God directly for forgiveness. I know you receive the knowledge of being forgiven and the accompanying sanctifying graces, but how does that make Confession necessary, though?

 

[whatevergirl]

Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut so far. I just wanted to clarify that unfortunately in this case I am the one who does not go to Confession. I didn’t realize how important this is, so much so that it is a deal-breaker for some of you. I’m still trying to understand why it’s necessary to go to Confession, as opposed to just asking God directly for forgiveness. I know you receive the knowledge of being forgiven and the accompanying sanctifying graces, but how does that make Confession necessary, though?

I used to question confession too, about 6 years ago, was when I did a lot of research on it. I was so confused–so much Protestant info to back up not needing to go to confession–so much compelling info to back up why we should go, from a Catholic perspective. It was a daunting time for me, and for my husband. He too questioned. After much prayer, talking to a priest, and more research…we feel that one day…we just had a lightbulb moment.

Jesus gave this Sacrament to His Apostles. He told them that they would have the power (through Him of course) to forgive sins. At the time during Jesus’ life, He was absolving people of their sins. Before then, sacrifices, etc were brought into temples to ask God for forgiveness. Finally, through Jesus’ death, our sins are forgiven…but, this doesn’t mean that what Jesus told the Apostles goes out the window. What it means for us as Christians, is that there is no sin so great, that the blood of Christ cannot cleanse. Through His blood, only, we are redeemed.

But, Jesus knew His physical life was coming to a close, and so He told the Apostles–(basically) …‘I give you the authority to forgive sins.’ So, if Jesus didn’t feel that this was necessary …to go to a priest to hear the words of absolution, I don’t think He would have bothered to instruct the Apostles on this. The gift comes in where hearing the words, helps us to truly move on, and clear our conscience. Have you ever mulled over the same sin over and over in your head, asking for forgiveness? Confession allows everything to be out in the open…spoken to a priest who is acting in the persona of Christ…and offering even words of advice, encouragement, and healing. Why would we *not want *this?

So, back to my husband and me…we realized that we were picking and choosing what we followed, as Catholics. So, if we are to follow Christ…we have to put down our own pride, thoughts, human limitations and understanding, human logic…and go towards following Christ’s instructions–ALL OF THEM. That is what became so crystal clear to me–that if Christ asked His Apostles to do this, who am I to refuse this gift?

We can be forgiven, if we are truly humbled, and contrite…without going to confession…but for mortal sins, to truly be pure of heart and mind before receiving the Eucharist, we need to be cleansed of mortal sin–and the Sacrament is the ointment that heals the wound…seals the hole between us and God.

If we take out the value of Confession, as seen in Scripture, we have to start unraveling the whole cloth. Each thing Jesus did, and said, had a reason. Not just for those times, but for ALL times.

I hope this helps!

 

[KCT]

If you end up married in the Catholic church, both people ought to avail themselves of all the graces possible.

 

[lizaanne]

Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut so far. I just wanted to clarify that unfortunately in this case I am the one who does not go to Confession. I didn’t realize how important this is, so much so that it is a deal-breaker for some of you. I’m still trying to understand why it’s necessary to go to Confession, as opposed to just asking God directly for forgiveness. I know you receive the knowledge of being forgiven and the accompanying sanctifying graces, but how does that make Confession necessary, though?

There is also a really simple answer as well - because Christ’s Holy Church tells me I must. To me, that’s all I need to know. I don’t question the Church because I know she is right.



~Liza

 

[whatevergirl]

PS–It wouldn’t be a deal breaker to me…if I were dating a Catholic. In my dating days, I didn’t always date Catholics, and if I did, they weren’t always practicing. (but neither was I to the fullest) I went to mass, followed the Commandments, but I would honestly say I was a cafeteria Catholic. (I don’t like that term)

Faith is a journey. If a guy I was dating back then who say was devout, and let me go because I wasn’t as devout, I wouldn’t necessarily blame him. I think that one’s faith should be paramount when making a life altering decision as who to marry. But, if I were still dating, and met someone who was not devout, and I was…I would just make it a crystal clear that I am hopeful my future spouse would be on the same page as me, in faith.

If you call yourself Catholic, then find a way to grow in understanding of the faith–in all aspects of it. You have a great gift, being Catholic…live it.

 

[jwashu]

As a recent convert I was truly surprised at the number of lay Catholics who don’t take advantage or don’t really feel that Confession is “necessary anymore.”

Some of these are very good and somewhat devout Catholics, they are just mislead, they haven’t been taught the truth even though they have been at Mass consistently their entire life… and some went to Catholic school.

My wife and I visited another parish a few weeks ago while out of town and out of a parish with thousands of families and 8 Masses each weekend, they offered Confession for only 1 hour each week on Saturday morning… Do you think those parishioners take that Sacrament seriously?

Rather than it being a deal breaker, help them understand why it’s meaningful to you and why it IS important. My guess is that they just don’t have the right information.

Joe

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

I used to question confession too, about 6 years ago, was when I did a lot of research on it. I was so confused–so much Protestant info to back up not needing to go to confession–so much compelling info to back up why we should go, from a Catholic perspective. It was a daunting time for me, and for my husband. He too questioned. After much prayer, talking to a priest, and more research…we feel that one day…we just had a lightbulb moment.

Jesus gave this Sacrament to His Apostles. He told them that they would have the power (through Him of course) to forgive sins. At the time during Jesus’ life, He was absolving people of their sins. Before then, sacrifices, etc were brought into temples to ask God for forgiveness. Finally, through Jesus’ death, our sins are forgiven…but, this doesn’t mean that what Jesus told the Apostles goes out the window. What it means for us as Christians, is that there is no sin so great, that the blood of Christ cannot cleanse. Through His blood, only, we are redeemed.

But, Jesus knew His physical life was coming to a close, and so He told the Apostles–(basically) …‘I give you the authority to forgive sins.’ So, if Jesus didn’t feel that this was necessary …to go to a priest to hear the words of absolution, I don’t think He would have bothered to instruct the Apostles on this. The gift comes in where hearing the words, helps us to truly move on, and clear our conscience. Have you ever mulled over the same sin over and over in your head, asking for forgiveness? Confession allows everything to be out in the open…spoken to a priest who is acting in the persona of Christ…and offering even words of advice, encouragement, and healing. Why would we *not want *this?

So, back to my husband and me…we realized that we were picking and choosing what we followed, as Catholics. So, if we are to follow Christ…we have to put down our own pride, thoughts, human limitations and understanding, human logic…and go towards following Christ’s instructions–ALL OF THEM. That is what became so crystal clear to me–that if Christ asked His Apostles to do this, who am I to refuse this gift?

We can be forgiven, if we are truly humbled, and contrite…without going to confession…but for mortal sins, to truly be pure of heart and mind before receiving the Eucharist, we need to be cleansed of mortal sin–and the Sacrament is the ointment that heals the wound…seals the hole between us and God.

If we take out the value of Confession, as seen in Scripture, we have to start unraveling the whole cloth. Each thing Jesus did, and said, had a reason. Not just for those times, but for ALL times.

I hope this helps!

Thank you, whatevergirl! This really, really helped, especially coming from someone who also went through this. I also more or less come from a Protestant background before my conversion, and that is why I put more emphasis on and cultivated a personal relationship with God, perhaps to the detriment of my accepting the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

I especially liked the “light bulb” part, where you said that Jesus must’ve told this to his apostles for a reason. And yes, oftentimes I do mull over something for which I’ve asked God for forgiveness, and it just keeps coming back to me. Also, at a time when I seriously considered going to Confession, I found myself committing a lot fewer sins, or at least was much more aware of my own actions. What you said about humility also makes sense. I suppose my own pride had something to do with it, as in presuming that my sins would be forgiven outside the means with which Jesus has given us.

I had also heard about what you said about mortal sins. Actually, she had told me about it, but I rashly brushed it aside at the time. It’s interesting how that thought kept coming back me, though. I suppose it’s not that I don’t listen; it’s just that sometimes I don’t always vocalize what’s in my mind.

It’s very true what another poster had said - if it’s what the Church has decreed, it should be good enough for the faithful. It’s not that I’m against the Sacrament of Reconciliation - I will fulfill my yearly obligation - but I do want to understand it better, which I haven’t been able to before.

Rather than it being a deal breaker, help them understand why it’s meaningful to you and why it IS important. My guess is that they just don’t have the right information.

That’s actually exactly what she did, but after not seeing any progress on my part after 3 months, I think she finally gave up on me. It’s probably too late now, anyway. That said, I still want to do this for Him, which is the way it should be.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m glad, Catholic Guy.

And here’s something else…once you start going regularly…you’ll understand why. That’s the amazing thing about God. Sometimes, you have to take the leap of faith but He won’t leave you in suspense. lol Everything will make perfect sense, and come full circle–when you go on a regular basis without questioning. You’ll be like…:newidea:

Once I ‘got it,’ I felt so silly ever having questioned Jesus’ intent of giving this sacred gift to His followers (and to us). Not that you’re silly…but you’re using human logic to define something that Jesus, (Divinity) instituted. It would be like…why did God make trees green? (but it doesn’t impact your life, so you really don’t care) Like why is the sky blue…why are there 10 Commandments and not 15? These things we don’t ever question. (well maybe you might lol) The thing with following the Commandments, is that takes action too, but it actually requires more of us to ‘not’ do something than do something. (don’t steal, don’t commit adultery, etc)

But, we question confession, because it requires an action…because it requires focus, preparation, driving in our car to a parish to do it, and then…true repentance. We think…well, God is everywhere at all times–He hears my confessions. Confession is more about us, than God, really. God will always be God…will always be all loving and all merciful, whether you or I show up for confession or not. What will change, is you. Me. Our hearts will change as we utilize this Sacrament, because we become what Jesus wants us to become. He loves us that much…Our relationship with Jesus will change, because we are no longer picking and choosing what Scripture to follow (no, it’s not a RCC ‘invention’) but we will be in full communion with Christ.

So, it’s no wonder some of us question it. But, just do it, and you will soon learn why God gave us this gift. (I promise)