Would you refuse to date someone who does not go to Confession?

[whatevergirl]

Oops…one more thing–LOL

I realized just after posting that last comment, that when we really think about it…there isn’t one thing that Jesus wanted us to do, that wasn’t all about love. Confession is about love. Abstinence is about love (if we are called to periodic moments of this, or a lifetime of celibacy). Being prolife is about love. The annulment process is about healing and love…

We are called to some things that again, in our human thinking, seem hard, but are really for our own good–to make us holier people. God’s desire of our holiness is all about love.

It’s all about love. When people attack the Church…maybe my reply should be…‘why are you attacking the Church…She is all about love.’

But, the secular view of love, and true Godly love are two different things…that’s why we wrestle so much.

 

[grandfather]

Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut so far. I just wanted to clarify that unfortunately in this case I am the one who does not go to Confession. I didn’t realize how important this is, so much so that it is a deal-breaker for some of you. I’m still trying to understand why it’s necessary to go to Confession, as opposed to just asking God directly for forgiveness. I know you receive the knowledge of being forgiven and the accompanying sanctifying graces, but how does that make Confession necessary, though?

Sometimes it helps to not look a one sacrament without seeing how it impacts others. They all go together.

There are sacraments of the living and sacraments of the dead. Baptism, penance and annointing are sacraments of the dead. Holy Communion, Holy Matrimony, Holy Orders and Confirmation are sacraments of the living. All sacraments are means of grace. In order to receive grace in a sacrament of the living you have to already have sacntifying grace in your soul. Baptism gives that grace and Confession restores it if it is lost.

Dating or courtship is not an end in itself. Courtship is for a purpose. It is supposed to lead to marriage. Lots of people get married in the Church and the marriages end up being miserable. The proof of it is the number of divorces and annulment apoplications. If you are unable to receive the grace to sustain a marriage there is a reason for it. The soul that is not properly disposed to receive it can not receive it. The soul must have sanctifying grace in order to receive these other graces. So the Church says do not receive Holy Communion unless you are properly disposed, have sanctifying grace. First go to Confession and get right. The same is true when you marry or get ordained.

If you are not prepared to receive then attempting to is a sacrelige. So why do so many arriages fail? People lack the grace they need to succeed, to keep their vows, to love one another.

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

Would someone not going to Confession or not thinking that it’s necessary be a deal-breaker for you? Thank you in advance for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

I consider confession to be personal, so I don’t even think I’d share if/when I go. It’s between the person and God in my book. Also, how do you determine when to cut someone off? If they don’t go every week, every month, at all, etc?

 

[AHapka]

Just please don’t go to the flip side of this question.

Every time I go to Confession, I have to hear my wife ask me what sins I confessed, when I did them, what Father said, and what my penance was. After I tell her each sin, then I have to hear “anything else?” I’ve omitted sins on occassion that I was embarassed about and said “that’s it” just so I wouldn’t have to repeat it. So I hope that’s not a mortal sin, in which case I might be committing them right after Confession. But I grow so sick of it.

I’ve actually snuck out and did trips to the grocery store and such so that I could sneak in a Confession without her knowing I was going so I didn’t have to get grilled about what sins I may or may not have committed when I got home. Two weeks ago she was on a shopping trip and I took all three kids to the Confessional with me. Not fun.

But before anyone calls me a Saint, i’m not. I committed a mortal sin and really need to go again…darn it… So I skipped going to Mass this weekend (if I don’t go, she doesn’t) just so I didn’t have to answer the question of why I couldn’t receive Communion (and the last time I said I couldn’t she said, let’s just leave).

So if you want to ask someone if they go to Confession, I could agree with that. But if you’re gonna grill them on every single sin they committed from little to big, expect a big wedge to be driven into your relationship.

If you want to know if your potential date has faith, you’ll know the tree by it’s fruits.

 

[Salonika]

So if you want to ask someone if they go to Confession, I could agree with that. But if you’re gonna grill them on every single sin they committed from little to big, expect a big wedge to be driven into your relationship.

That would drive something more than a big wedge in a relationship for me. It would be a relationship breaker as would be reading any journal or prayer diary I kept.

As I said in a earlier post where not going to confession would be a relationship breaker would be if the person said how important confession was to them, or for others, and didn’t go.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Can you still be a good Catholic, if you fulfill your once-a-year obligation, but pray directly to God for forgiveness other times?

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

Can you still be a good Catholic, if you fulfill your once-a-year obligation, but pray directly to God for forgiveness other times?

I don’t think so (I thought it was once a month, but don’t know for sure.) In Mass yesterday (or the day before) the priest specifically addressed “just talking to God” instead of going throught the actual process. He quoted some scripture (can’t remember what) and said that it is set up for you to actually confess to a human on purpose.

 

[childofmary1143]

Every time I go to Confession, I have to hear my wife ask me what sins I confessed, when I did them, what Father said, and what my penance was. After I tell her each sin, then I have to hear “anything else?” I’ve omitted sins on occasion that I was embarrassed about and said “that’s it” just so I wouldn’t have to repeat it. So I hope that’s not a mortal sin, in which case I might be committing them right after Confession. But I grow so sick of it.

AHapka, Your wife has no business or right to ask you that. Its none of her business.

 

[childofmary1143]

Would someone not going to Confession or not thinking that it’s necessary be a deal-breaker for you? Thank you in advance for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

Assuming she was Catholic, then yes it would be a deal breaker.

Some posters here have asked how one is to determine if the person that you are dating, is going to confession. At my age (38) I am not interested in dating, but courtship and that entails spending **considerable ** time together including Church time.

 

[mark_a]

while my dating days are over, living with a perfect person is a pain in the neck, so yes that would be a deal-breaker

 

[mark_a]

Would someone not going to Confession or not thinking that it’s necessary be a deal-breaker for you? Thank you in advance for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

Yes. A cafeteria Catholic is a Protestant without the guts to hate the pope.

 

[shannyk]

Just please don’t go to the flip side of this question.

Every time I go to Confession, I have to hear my wife ask me what sins I confessed, when I did them, what Father said, and what my penance was. After I tell her each sin, then I have to hear “anything else?” I’ve omitted sins on occassion that I was embarassed about and said “that’s it” just so I wouldn’t have to repeat it. So I hope that’s not a mortal sin, in which case I might be committing them right after Confession. But I grow so sick of it.

I’ve actually snuck out and did trips to the grocery store and such so that I could sneak in a Confession without her knowing I was going so I didn’t have to get grilled about what sins I may or may not have committed when I got home. Two weeks ago she was on a shopping trip and I took all three kids to the Confessional with me. Not fun.

But before anyone calls me a Saint, i’m not. I committed a mortal sin and really need to go again…darn it… So I skipped going to Mass this weekend (if I don’t go, she doesn’t) just so I didn’t have to answer the question of why I couldn’t receive Communion (and the last time I said I couldn’t she said, let’s just leave).

So if you want to ask someone if they go to Confession, I could agree with that. But if you’re gonna grill them on every single sin they committed from little to big, expect a big wedge to be driven into your relationship.

If you want to know if your potential date has faith, you’ll know the tree by it’s fruits.

Andy you may not be a saint (yet ) but you sure have saintly patience. This post has me just

 

[KingAlfred]

Would someone not going to Confession or not thinking that it’s necessary be a deal-breaker for you? Thank you in advance for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

That’s a very personal matter. It sounds as though you’re looking for the consummate Catholic. Watch out. That might not be the best criteria by which to judge. No offense. I know from experience, e.g., the hard way.

 

[childofmary1143]

That’s a very personal matter.

Marriage is a VERY personal decision. You must know the person whom you want to marry.

It sounds as though you’re looking for the consummate Catholic.

Not perfect, as there is none, but sincere.

Watch out. That might not be the best criteria by which to judge.

I can’t imagine a more important quality than that.

No offense. I know from experience, e.g., the hard way.

Sorry to hear that.

 

[Sierrah]

No it wouldn’t make any difference to me honestly and I probably wouldn’t ask them about it. To me it’s a deeply personal issue between the individual and GOD. I’m not setting out to be someones conscience they have to make the choice to go or not and not everyone can. To be honest I go but not all that often myself so who am I to judge who is worth dating because they go or don’t go.

 

[childofmary1143]

No it wouldn’t make any difference to me honestly and I probably wouldn’t ask them about it. To me it’s a deeply personal issue between the individual and GOD. I’m not setting out to be someones conscience they have to make the choice to go or not and not everyone can. To be honest I go but not all that often myself so who am I to judge who is worth dating because they go or don’t go.

I think a distinction needs to be made.

When I first read the title of this thread, it brought back a personal experience I had. About 3 years ago, every parish in my diocese had a fund raiser for Adult Convert formation instruction. A few of the ladies in charge of it for my parish came to my door and my Dad mentioned that one thing they should be taught is about confession as at the time my Dad and I were the only ones ever going to confession. We can say that as our parish is a mission Church and we would always be at the Church for Mass before the Priest would come. Well the ladies, didn’t like that idea about confession as they associated it with fear, trembling etc.

Having that experience in my mind, I am assuming that this thread is not about long periods between confession, but people who don’t think that Confession is necessary or good.

 

[KingAlfred]

“I can’t imagine a more important quality than that.”

I can – love and compatibility.

 

[wanner47]

“I can’t imagine a more important quality than that.”

I can – love and compatibility.

You think the ideal mate is someone who puts their family above Jesus?

Somehow, I don’t think Jesus would agree with that.

Matthew 10:37 - He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

AHapka - You indeed have the patience of a saint! IMHO, what your wife is doing is very rude.

How does she react if you simply tell her, “Thanks for your concern, honey, but I prefer not to discuss my confessions with anyone but Father [Lastname]”?

I would never dream of asking my husband something so personal and private.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

I don’t think so (I thought it was once a month, but don’t know for sure.) In Mass yesterday (or the day before) the priest specifically addressed “just talking to God” instead of going throught the actual process. He quoted some scripture (can’t remember what) and said that it is set up for you to actually confess to a human on purpose.

Thanks for the reply, BostonMyrtleBea. Does anyone know what the obligation is for Confession?

Assuming she was Catholic, then yes it would be a deal breaker.

Thanks for the reply, childofmary1143. I just wanted to clarify again that I’m the one who is not going to Confession, not her. I am Catholic, so I guess that makes it worse?

Some posters here have asked how one is to determine if the person that you are dating, is going to confession. At my age (38) I am not interested in dating, but courtship and that entails spending **considerable ** time together including Church time.

Well, it’s actually one of the very first questions she asked me.

 

[childofmary1143]

Thanks for the reply, childofmary1143. I just wanted to clarify again that I’m the one who is not going to Confession, not her. I am Catholic, so I guess that makes it worse?

I would suggest you read post #36 to explain what I am trying to express.