Would you stay friends with someone who was doing things you consider morally wrong?

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Bev17243

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I have a friend who is Christian(Evangelical). I belonged to the same church but now consider converting to Catholicism. Anyway, during the last year her behavior changed and she started doing lot of things I consider morally wrong. Having sex with different men, lying, neglecting her teenage daughter. One example-the other day she stayed overnight at her current boyfriends house without even letting her daughter know where she was. Her daughter was worried sick and called everyone looking for her. I just feel like she is only a Christian for 2 hours on Sunday and the rest of the time she just acts whatever she feels like. She is not ashamed of any sins that she committed and freely tells everyone of her sexual escapades. She won’t listen to anyone’s advice and says she is an adult and noone should tell her what to do.
I don’t really want to be around this kind of behavior and I can’t condone what she is doing however our mutual friends are telling me that she needs our help and we shouldn’t just abandon her. I really don’t know what to do. FYI, our mutual friends are Evangelical Christians as well, they are very much dissapproving of her behavior but not willing to say anything to her other than “well, we need to pray for her”
 
Bev17243 said:
I have a friend who is Christian(Evangelical). I belonged to the same church but now consider converting to Catholicism. Anyway, during the last year her behavior changed and she started doing lot of things I consider morally wrong. Having sex with different men, lying, neglecting her teenage daughter. One example-the other day she stayed overnight at her current boyfriends house without even letting her daughter know where she was. Her daughter was worried sick and called everyone looking for her. I just feel like she is only a Christian for 2 hours on Sunday and the rest of the time she just acts whatever she feels like. She is not ashamed of any sins that she committed and freely tells everyone of her sexual escapades. She won’t listen to anyone’s advice and says she is an adult and noone should tell her what to do.
I don’t really want to be around this kind of behavior and I can’t condone what she is doing however our mutual friends are telling me that she needs our help and we shouldn’t just abandon her. I really don’t know what to do. FYI, our mutual friends are Evangelical Christians as well, they are very much dissapproving of her behavior but not willing to say anything to her other than “well, we need to pray for her”
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Something to consider while you’re making your decision:

If you keep this woman in your life you just might be a savior to her teenage daughter, who sounds like she needs all of the stabilizing influences in her life that she can get her hands on.

Luna
 
Bev17243 said:
I have a friend who is Christian(Evangelical). I belonged to the same church but now consider converting to Catholicism. Anyway, during the last year her behavior changed and she started doing lot of things I consider morally wrong. Having sex with different men, lying, neglecting her teenage daughter. One example-the other day she stayed overnight at her current boyfriends house without even letting her daughter know where she was. Her daughter was worried sick and called everyone looking for her. I just feel like she is only a Christian for 2 hours on Sunday and the rest of the time she just acts whatever she feels like. She is not ashamed of any sins that she committed and freely tells everyone of her sexual escapades. She won’t listen to anyone’s advice and says she is an adult and noone should tell her what to do.
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I mean this in a respectful way…you do not need to confess your friends sins here on CAF! I personally have a hard enough time keeping track of my own sins. Be a witness and living testimony through your life as by example and by your actions.
Bev17243 said:
I don’t really want to be around this kind of behavior and I can’t condone what she is doing however our mutual friends are telling me that she needs our help and we shouldn’t just abandon her. I really don’t know what to do. FYI, our mutual friends are Evangelical Christians as well, they are very much dissapproving of her behavior but not willing to say anything to her other than “well, we need to pray for her”
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Although off topic, it seems to relate. You may have heard that Casey Anthony is living in a church in Palm Beach (maybe). I said as I read this, “why a church”, and my wife replied something to the extent that it saves on the commute. The point here is those who are in sin need help from others most of all but you must be careful that it’s on your turf so to speak and not hers. Let her come to church and see what love has to offer. Let her commit her sins alone but know you are there for her should she desire to be free of her situation. Let her choose of her own free will but not feel judged or persecuted. Do not speak ill of her and keep her sins private for her to reveal reconcile of her own free will. Let her not know your disapproval but know your choice to live a life as you choose without any narration or explanation of which way is better or what you have chosen. Let her see what you do not hear what you have to say about her or yourself in contrast. Let her feel your love as a child of God but not your endorsement of her behavior.

Remember It is through our own faults that we sin, and that we all sin.

I hope that helps.
 
I would definitely say something to her. I would not close the door to the friendship but neither would I spend time with her or allow her tell me about her sexual escapades. I would tell her that she is making some serious wrong choices, especially where her daughter is concerned.
 
Bev17243 said:
I have a friend who is Christian(Evangelical). I belonged to the same church but now consider converting to Catholicism. Anyway, during the last year her behavior changed and she started doing lot of things I consider morally wrong. Having sex with different men, lying, neglecting her teenage daughter. One example-the other day she stayed overnight at her current boyfriends house without even letting her daughter know where she was. Her daughter was worried sick and called everyone looking for her. I just feel like she is only a Christian for 2 hours on Sunday and the rest of the time she just acts whatever she feels like. She is not ashamed of any sins that she committed and freely tells everyone of her sexual escapades. She won’t listen to anyone’s advice and says she is an adult and noone should tell her what to do.
I don’t really want to be around this kind of behavior and I can’t condone what she is doing however our mutual friends are telling me that she needs our help and we shouldn’t just abandon her. I really don’t know what to do. FYI, our mutual friends are Evangelical Christians as well, they are very much dissapproving of her behavior but not willing to say anything to her other than “well, we need to pray for her”
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"An old man said, ’ Judge not him who is guilty of fornication, if thou art chaste: or thou thyself wilt offend a similar law. For He who said, “Thou shalt not fornicate” said also “Thou shalt not judge.”’"
-Verba Seniorum Book IX:10
 
theidler said:
"An old man said, ’ Judge not him who is guilty of fornication, if thou art chaste: or thou thyself wilt offend a similar law. For He who said, “Thou shalt not fornicate” said also “Thou shalt not judge.”’"
-Verba Seniorum Book IX:10
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while I understand why other posters don’t think that I should just walk away from our relationship, what good will it do to her if noone says anything? She will just continue on her destructive path into hell
 
Luna_Lovecraft said:
Something to consider while you’re making your decision:

If you keep this woman in your life you just might be a savior to her teenage daughter, who sounds like she needs all of the stabilizing influences in her life that she can get her hands on.

Luna
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I agree
 
domandcarols said:
I agree
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actually. my husband and I told her daughter if she needs help with anything or just talking she can call us any time. she is having very difficult time right now because of what her mother is doing and my heart just goes out to her
 
You need to pray … A LOT!!!

God can turn bad situations into win-win situations.
 
I wouldn’t turn your back on her. I would however live the life that would show her that I was very devout in my faith. If she speaks to you of her sins, I would tell her what the Church says and why. I wouldn’t judge, I’d just give her truth and let God do the rest.

As the rest said above, you might be just the influence this young daughter needs right now. She needs to see stable people in her mothers life. People who love unconditionally, but don’t accept sin.
 
Tough situation.

There is one thing that I have learned: people don’t like to hear the truth about their negative behaviour, but hearing it will get them to think about it all, although they might not admit that to you.

If you think that having a conversation will make some kind of a difference, then by all means say something. However, be prepared for a defensive attitude. The friendship could end.

In any case, I hope that her daughter takes your offer and turns to you.

God bless.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Tough situation.

There is one thing that I have learned: people don’t like to hear the truth about their negative behaviour, but hearing it will get them to think about it all, although they might not admit that to you.

If you think that having a conversation will make some kind of a difference, then by all means say something. However, be prepared for a defensive attitude. The friendship could end.

In any case, I hope that her daughter takes your offer and turns to you.

God bless.
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thank you. I’m not sure if me talking to her will do any good since I tried it before(in a nice non preachy way) and got “I’m sure you are right but I just get carried away sometime” and everything continued as before:(
 
The actual thread title could take in a vast area, but as the specific question seems to concern sexual sin, I’d say that if friendship with this person is an occasion of sin, then it may be necessary to end the friendship, but if not, then it would be preferable to remain in contact in the hope of being a positive influence.
 
if there are none good but god, then i imagine friends arent an option if you cant stay friends with folks who do wrong. you can only be friends with god. that should be enough anyway.
 
theidler said:
"An old man said, ’ Judge not him who is guilty of fornication, if thou art chaste: or thou thyself wilt offend a similar law. For He who said, “Thou shalt not fornicate” said also “Thou shalt not judge.”’"
-Verba Seniorum Book IX:10
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That’s actually talking about judgement in the context of determining another’s eternal destination post death. ie. “That guy is fornicating, he’s going to Hell”.

However, we are called to correct and guide. ie. “That guy is fornicating, that’s not very good. I will tell him why fornication is wrong, he claims to be Christian, I will help teach him from the Bible and tradition where fornication is mentioned is being wrong. I will also help him with what ever problems he has in his life that may be leading to his fornicating. I must be careful in helping him. I must be charitable. et cetera”.
 
If we picked our friends based on thier mortality, we wouldn’t have any friends at all. I am sure that all of our friends have done or are doing things that don’t click with our morals. The thing is not to entertain those things… you can still be friends with them though
 
Luna_Lovecraft said:
Something to consider while you’re making your decision:

If you keep this woman in your life you just might be a savior to her teenage daughter, who sounds like she needs all of the stabilizing influences in her life that she can get her hands on.

Luna
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You are right. That should be considered. But if she believes this woman might affect herself negatively, she should break it up. It’s not good to stay in a friendship when people try to influence you to do the wrong things, even for her child’s sake.
 
theidler said:
"An old man said, ’ Judge not him who is guilty of fornication, if thou art chaste: or thou thyself wilt offend a similar law. For He who said, “Thou shalt not fornicate” said also “Thou shalt not judge.”’"
-Verba Seniorum Book IX:10
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We are commanded by Scripture and by Catholic Doctrine to judge actions. We are forbidden to judge souls.
 
If she is a friend, a real friend, you sit down and have a heart to heart with her.

“Honey, I love you like a sister. I am concerned that you seem to be putting yourself in some very dangerous situations, both physically and more importantly, spiritually. I want you to know that you are valuable to me, to your daughter, to our friends and to Jesus. Please, do not let yourself be treated with such disrespect by these men.”

Go from there. That you love her but she is hurting her friend, her family and her God.
 
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