Writing down examen of conscience

[DL82]

I say the office of compline daily (most days, not perfect attendance) and this includes a daily examen of conscience.

I am also preparing for my first confession. The issue is, I know I won’t remember every sin I’ve ever committed in my life, or even the majority. They do come to me piece by piece when I’m praying the confietor as part of compline.

I tried writing them all down, but I now have a list of 8 pages of sins, and that’s just from the past 8 days’ examination (they’re only little notepad pages). I’m worried at the effect it will have on my confidence if I continue to build up such an extensive list of sins, and when i go to look them over to prepare a summary that I can confess when Easter comes around.

The other thing that’s come back to haunt me, so to speak, are all the sins I confessed to when I used to confess to my Anglican spiritual director. Because his orders were not valid, I need to confess them all again, but have forgotten most of them, because I always used to forget and let them go when I came out of confession, I can kinda remember a few, but I feel like I’m spiritually going backwards by even trying to recall previously ‘confessed’ sins.

Is this healthy or not? I feel like I can’t let go of these sins yet, they’re weighing me down because I can’t go to confession.

 

[puzzleannie]

If you are already baptized and preparing for full communion with the Catholic Church through RCIA you can go to confession whenever you are ready. There are only 10 commandments so I don’t see how your list could be 8 pages long. There should be 10 items with tick marks for how many times you offended against that commandment. Condense, confess what you remember, and if you do not accept that God in his mercy forgives all and absolves all, what you remember and what you don’t, then you are denying the grace of the sacrament. Go to the priest who is directing you and tell him your dilemma and take his advice. Get on EWTN and look for the re-run of Fr. Groeschel’s program from Sunday 5/20 “Should we worry about past sins”. The answer is no, because worry implies anxiety and refusal to accept God’s forgiveness and mercy.

 

[LilyM]

If you are already baptized and preparing for full communion with the Catholic Church through RCIA you can go to confession whenever you are ready. There are only 10 commandments so I don’t see how your list could be 8 pages long. There should be 10 items with tick marks for how many times you offended against that commandment. Condense, confess what you remember, and if you do not accept that God in his mercy forgives all and absolves all, what you remember and what you don’t, then you are denying the grace of the sacrament. Go to the priest who is directing you and tell him your dilemma and take his advice. Get on EWTN and look for the re-run of Fr. Groeschel’s program from Sunday 5/20 “Should we worry about past sins”. The answer is no, because worry implies anxiety and refusal to accept God’s forgiveness and mercy.

You can’t just say, to your confessor or yourself, ‘I broke the first/third/seventh commandment’ though. Not even in a general confession. There are a gazillion different ways you can break just the first commandment - idolatry, dabbling in the occult, adhering to heresy etc etc. And the priest needs to know at least a little more than just that you broke commandment number x.

DL, remember that most adults who are preparing for first confession after conversion or reversion tend to have rather long lists. Priests are usually prepared for this. Many priests are happy to guide you through the examination of conscience, and ask for what extra information he may need than the other way around.

Do try, for your own sanity and your confessor’s, to focus on the mortal sins only for now, since venial sins don’t require confession. This examination of conscience gives excellent guidance on how to distinguish the mortal from the venial.

And remember the requirements for mortal sin - you must have known it was a serious sin at the time you were doing it. Try to deal as briefly as possible with pet sins or patterns of sin (those you repeat often) - even if they’re patterns of mortal sin. Just type and number, don’t go into background detail!

God bless, remember baby steps! Mortal sin only for now, as you progress in faith you can get into the venial sins.

 

[jc-servant]

I converted in my late 30’s. I was told by my priest to confess at minimum the mortal sins that I could remember since my baptism (at age 18). I was also to include serious sins that I could remember even if they were not mortal if I could remember them.

I was told to use a summary type of format for things that happened repeatedly over a period of years. An example might be, “I used artificial contraception for 10 years.” It would get ridiculous to try to add up every single instance that someone took the pill even though each time was a separate sin.

I did start a “sin journal” of sorts on my own about 2 months before my 1st confession as things came to mind that I had done in the past. I had to remember that some things although serious sins were not mortal because I did not know that they were serious and purposefully commit them anyway.

I think that your list might be shorter than you think if you only give enough info so that the priest can tell what the sin was (he does not need/want the gory details) and you consolidate repeated sins into an approximate number of times or number of years/months that they happened.

Another tip one of our priests gave was to inform the priest at the start of the confession of your age and marital status if that is not readily apparent. It helps them to put the confession into context in order to provide better counsel.

If you are going to your first confession outside of a special day set aside for such confessions, you might want to make an appointment and inform the priest that it will be a “1st confession.” If you go during regular confession hours at your parish it can end up feeling “rushed” because you and the priest will be aware of the line of people waiting. If you set up a private time, he can reserve plenty of time to guide you through the steps and to give any counsel.

 

[Windmill]

I second the Examination of Conscience that LilyM linked in her post. That’s the one I use in my own preparation for confession. Many EoC’s are so vague that they either cause confusion or scruples. This one is well done. I’d also recommend Moral Theology by Jone. Since the book is older, some things have been changed by Canon Law (example: fasting laws prior to receiving Holy Communion), however, it is very clear in explaining moral issues and mortal/venial denotations.

 

[Al_Masetti]

Another approach is to tell the priest about your life. What, specifically, you have done and about your sorrow for your sins. And some idea of the time scale. It’s not: he said, I said. It’s supposed to be a way of lifting a weight off your shoulders. An unburdening of things that create separations between us and God. It’s not pyschological therapy; it’s giving the priest some accurate sense of what your sins are and asking for absolution.

Experienced confessors can get a good idea without a written laundry list.

[The more you go to confession and “struggle/cope” with the process, the more comfortable you become. You can ask the priest, briefly, for his guidance. With experience, a full confession can be experienced in sixty seconds.]

It can be as brief as: "I really screwed up. I did this and I’m very sorry. 50 times.]

He will ask if he has any questions.

Trust the confessor.

[Father Benedict Groeschel has done some Sunday Night Live programs about the sacrament of reconciliation. And he revisits the subject from time to time. Tune in and/or get the DVDs.]

 

[mercygate]

Everybody has official dogma on this. A lot of people will tell you if it takes more than 5 minutes, you’re abusing the sacrament. That said, Ignatius of Loyola took 3 hours. John Henry Newman took 7 (OK – THAT’s a lot). A lot of people will tell you that if you write it down, you’re being scrupulous.

If you’re a sensible, mature person, you will take your own temperature and discuss it with the Boss.

In my case, I needed my 15-page list; I needed that confession to be as careful and complete as possible. Modest. Thorough. Reserving nothing. No frills, but deep. When I finished, the Priest said: How did you *do *that! Best day/experience of my life. It took 2 hours start to finish.

 

[figaro845]

I am also writing down my lists of sins. However by the time I read the examen of conscience I’m soo overwhelmed. Are all the questions related to mortal sins? I have read Scott Hahn’s book on confession and he said if you purposely leave something out your confession is invalid. So if you have something you’re too humiliated to confess and you don’t, then you might as well have stayed home and not wasted your priest’s time? I coverted a few years ago and have only gone to Confession twice and it was such an awful experience and I know I should go cause I’m way past my ‘once a year’ duty but I’m being to think I’d rather not recieve the Eucharist then have to go through confession again. Sorry to sidetrack this thread.

 

[mercygate]

I am also writing down my lists of sins. However by the time I read the examen of conscience I’m soo overwhelmed. Are all the questions related to mortal sins? I have read Scott Hahn’s book on confession and he said if you purposely leave something out your confession is invalid. So if you have something you’re too humiliated to confess and you don’t, then you might as well have stayed home and not wasted your priest’s time? I coverted a few years ago and have only gone to Confession twice and it was such an awful experience and I know I should go cause I’m way past my ‘once a year’ duty but I’m being to think I’d rather not recieve the Eucharist then have to go through confession again. Sorry to sidetrack this thread.

Conquering your aversion to the Mercy of God would be a great thing for you.

 

[DallasCatholic]

Everybody has official dogma on this. A lot of people will tell you if it takes more than 5 minutes, you’re abusing the sacrament. That said, Ignatius of Loyola took 3 hours. John Henry Newman took 7 (OK – THAT’s a lot). A lot of people will tell you that if you write it down, you’re being scrupulous.

If you’re a sensible, mature person, you will take your own temperature and discuss it with the Boss.

In my case, I needed my 15-page list; I needed that confession to be as careful and complete as possible. Modest. Thorough. Reserving nothing. No frills, but deep. When I finished, the Priest said: How did you *do *that! Best day/experience of my life. It took 2 hours start to finish.

Ignatius was told by his confessor that he was being scrupulous, on more than one occasion.

 

[mercygate]

Ignatius was told by his confessor that he was being scrupulous, on more than one occasion.

OK. I hear you. But once that was done, it was DONE! No “what abouts” or “what ifs” or “I forgots.” I did my very best to be thorough. I coughed up every last bit of junk I could remember and LEFT it there. The Priest, thinking I might tend to scrupulosity, said: “Your intention was clearly to make a good confession; anything you may remember in the future that you did not mention today has been taken care of with this.”

I took him, and my Lord, at his word: “I absolve you from your sins.”

:extrahappy:

 

[DallasCatholic]

OK. I hear you. But once that was done, it was DONE! No “what abouts” or “what ifs” or “I forgots.” I did my very best to be thorough. I coughed up every last bit of junk I could remember and LEFT it there. The Priest, thinking I might tend to scrupulosity, said: “Your intention was clearly to make a good confession; anything you may remember in the future that you did not mention today has been taken care of with this.”

I took him, and my Lord, at his word: “I absolve you from your sins.”

:extrahappy:

I wasn’t criticizing, just pointing out that Ignatius might not be the best example. In fact, at Manresa he spent several hours every day for several days confessing his sins. Ignatius also took on brutal penances by himself which damaged his health severely. Later in his life Ignatius made sure to point out in the Spiritual Exercises that one should not mortify oneself to the point of physical harm. Ignatius is one of my favorite Saints and his Spiritual Exercises have changed my life but he is not the best example of giving a good confession.

 

[Greg27]

The great Philosopher Immanuel Kant said two things filled him with awe; the heavens above and the moral law within.

The moral law within is your conscience, or that little voice which screams out if you are doing or have done something wrong. It screams whenever you or someone else has committed a mortal sin, while it ‘tut-tuts’ if you do a venial sin of some kind.

When your conscience is crying out at you, you need to go to confession as soon as possible, while if there are other things it is revealing to you, you should go to the sacrament and raise the issue your conscience has raised to you. Newman called our conscience our ‘aboriginal pope’, in the sense we already know inside of us by the law of our hearts what is gravely wrong and right.