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James_2_24
Guest
Can Catholics write their own vows at their wedding? How does this work? I never knew one could write their own vows until someone asked me if this was what i was doing.
Thanks
Thanks
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rayne89
Guest
I am almost sure this not permitted. I’ll see if I can find a source.
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Br.Rich_SFO
Guest
James_2:24:
No Catholics cannot write their own vows. The Rite of Marriage has the specific Form necessary for the Sacrament.
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puzzleannie
Guest
Br. Rich SFO:
exactly right, as usual. neither can they choose their own readings from outside the selection of prescribed readings and psalms from Scripture, definitely no readings from the Prophet, Jonathan Livingston Seagull (very popular in the 70s), or other secular works, and NO pop songs replacing the responsorial psalm, no matter how mad MIL will be.
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
Why would you want to do that, anyway? The choices are very beautiful and cover the Sacrament perfectly.
CHOICE 1 (and most commonly used):
I, N., take you, N., to be my wife/ husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
CHOICE 2 (actually, more traditional):
“I, ________, take you ______, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
SOME priests will let you say “what’s in your heart” in addition to the preset vows. It’s a pretty nervous day, esp. with a big family wedding.
CHOICE 1 (and most commonly used):
I, N., take you, N., to be my wife/ husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
CHOICE 2 (actually, more traditional):
“I, ________, take you ______, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
SOME priests will let you say “what’s in your heart” in addition to the preset vows. It’s a pretty nervous day, esp. with a big family wedding.
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James_2_24
Guest
I never stated that I ever wanted to do it. I asked because my sister asked me if I was going to write my own vows… That’s when I wondered: “is that even allowed?” and came here to see what people knew about it.
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
James, honey, you are thinking way too late for all this.
You love the young woman, right? You’re more than ready to commit to her for the rest of your life, right? You obvously want a very Catholic nuptial Mass, right?
Simply tell your sister and the rest of these butt-in-skies that everything is ready and will be the way it is- no more suggestions, no more “ideas”, just what’s on the program.
AND MANY BLESSINGS ON YOU AND YOUR BRIDE!
You love the young woman, right? You’re more than ready to commit to her for the rest of your life, right? You obvously want a very Catholic nuptial Mass, right?
Simply tell your sister and the rest of these butt-in-skies that everything is ready and will be the way it is- no more suggestions, no more “ideas”, just what’s on the program.
AND MANY BLESSINGS ON YOU AND YOUR BRIDE!
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Forest-Pine
Guest
For future reference (not yours 
), a Catholic CAN fully customize two places: the prayer of the couple and the prayers of the faithful. While the priests usually want at least a little (name removed by moderator)ut on the structure of the prayers of the faithful, the prayer of the couple can be completely written by you two. If you have something personal to say, it can go in the Prayer of the Couple. If it isn’t appropriate to say in a prayer to God, then it doesn’t belong at Mass. As mentioned in another thread, we had a blessing over our hands here. (I don’t know why, but I just have this vision of a musically talanted couple singing Michael English’s “All I Long For” for a Prayer of the Couple. Don’t know how many priests would go for it, but whenever I hear the song that’s what I think of.)
Also, one is technically allowed to use non-suggested readings but most priests are hesitant to do so as the suggested are the best suited to a Nuptial Mass. We had a slight variation in our first reading. We used Song of Songs 2:10-13. We also changed the Responsorial Psalm in that we used Psalm 148 with an alleluia response, which there is no music for.
OHHHH!!! And one more thing Protestants will notice as lacking, read the Catholic vows again:
I, bride, take you, groom, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
There is no “obey” wording in there anywhere. The Catholic Church has never had it…
), a Catholic CAN fully customize two places: the prayer of the couple and the prayers of the faithful. While the priests usually want at least a little (name removed by moderator)ut on the structure of the prayers of the faithful, the prayer of the couple can be completely written by you two. If you have something personal to say, it can go in the Prayer of the Couple. If it isn’t appropriate to say in a prayer to God, then it doesn’t belong at Mass. As mentioned in another thread, we had a blessing over our hands here. (I don’t know why, but I just have this vision of a musically talanted couple singing Michael English’s “All I Long For” for a Prayer of the Couple. Don’t know how many priests would go for it, but whenever I hear the song that’s what I think of.)Also, one is technically allowed to use non-suggested readings but most priests are hesitant to do so as the suggested are the best suited to a Nuptial Mass. We had a slight variation in our first reading. We used Song of Songs 2:10-13. We also changed the Responsorial Psalm in that we used Psalm 148 with an alleluia response, which there is no music for.
OHHHH!!! And one more thing Protestants will notice as lacking, read the Catholic vows again:
I, bride, take you, groom, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
There is no “obey” wording in there anywhere. The Catholic Church has never had it…
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DaveBj
Guest
It was okay in 1970–we did it, and at a nuptial mass, too. I have no memory of what we said or where in the service it came. I remember being at that service, but that’s about all 
DaveBj
DaveBj
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cameron_lansing
Guest
We’ve tried cases in which a couple wrote their own vows. In one, we listened to and watched the video-taped exchange. One party never actually gave marital consent. It was a lovely declaration of appreciation and friendship though, I think. It was very poetic, but did not constitute the valid giving of marital consent.
One Unitarian minister in the 1970s was notorious for solemnizing weddings at which the couple promised to stay married as long as they loved each other. He has subsequently regretted it.
Since marriage contains the giving and receiving of certain matrimonial duties and obligations that are intrinsic to marriage and cannot be left out, the Church in its wisdom seeks to protect the integrity of the nuptial convenant by specifying the language of consent.
Episcopal conferences can develop and use formulae other than that in the Roman Ritual with approval of the Holy See, but spouses and official witnesses are not free to do that. At “best” they would act illegally, and as the case above shows, even invalidly.
The Church in mixed marriages when a dispensation from canonical form is given would defer to the form used in the ceremony of the other religious entity. The latter might permit writing vows.
One Unitarian minister in the 1970s was notorious for solemnizing weddings at which the couple promised to stay married as long as they loved each other. He has subsequently regretted it.
Since marriage contains the giving and receiving of certain matrimonial duties and obligations that are intrinsic to marriage and cannot be left out, the Church in its wisdom seeks to protect the integrity of the nuptial convenant by specifying the language of consent.
Episcopal conferences can develop and use formulae other than that in the Roman Ritual with approval of the Holy See, but spouses and official witnesses are not free to do that. At “best” they would act illegally, and as the case above shows, even invalidly.
The Church in mixed marriages when a dispensation from canonical form is given would defer to the form used in the ceremony of the other religious entity. The latter might permit writing vows.
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