Wrong to invite gay friend to wedding?

  • Thread starter Thread starter tim23
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
If your mother is Catholic, she must listen to the Catechism at least, if she won’t listen to you:
2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.
Click to expand...
Emphasis mine.
 
1ke said:
Your mother in law should read the Catechism section on persons with same sex attraction. It would be inappropriate for Wendy to bring a “date” to the wedding. But, it is not inappropriate for you to inviter her or for her to attend.

You have two things going on here:

(1) An ignorant mother in law
(2) A control issue that I think you need to beware of. This will follow you into your marriage. So, keep your eye out for it and make sure you and your wife are united when MIL tries to butt into your life and decisions in the future. She’s a manipulator.

You could take back the control by paying for the wedding yourself. Personally, if either of my parents were acting like a jack*ss I would be tempted to tell I’m not playing the emotional blackmail game. I will invite who I see fit. It’s their decision to come to the wedding or not. If they choose not to, it is there loss.
Click to expand...
I agree with this. And, I want to add that I hope you and your fiancee are in the habit of praying together because you’re going to need the strength, with a MIL like that. Good luck!
 
My homosexual best friend came to my wedding, which was in a Catholic church. He wasn’t in the wedding party (due to lots of things going on in his life, not my choice), but he came to my wedding!

What’s wrong with having her come? How unChristlike. Yes acting upon homosexual desires is a sin, but that doesn’t mean we are to treat them like they are contagious or something. Jeewhiz!
 
I was wanting to add that this thread has a high probability of turning into a should I invite my gay freind thread. And if it does I will probably be dragged in. But the real issue is your FMIL trying to command and control. even if she has good reason to dislike this person her putting stipulations on it and even saying childish things like “if she is going then I am not” Is obviously the bigger potential issue/sin here. Honestly, if you are mature and strong enough I would suggest a “sit down” with her and talk about the role she is going to have in the wedding and even in your lives. If you are able to calmly and maturly defuse this then it would pay dividends later. Just make sure that you are capable of handling her. If you are not it will only backfire on you.
 
1ke said:
Your mother in law should read the Catechism section on persons with same sex attraction. It would be inappropriate for Wendy to bring a “date” to the wedding. But, it is not inappropriate for you to inviter her or for her to attend.

.
Click to expand...
That is a point to consider. Every wedding I ever went to, I brought a date. The OP didn’t mention whether this point in particular was a concern. It would be for me.

'Course, the mother-in-law seems to have an objection that goes beyond this. She, like this lesbian and like us, has blind spots and imperfect impulses.
 
Brenda_V said:
My thoughts exactly. What about that friend who is living with his girlfriend? Or, the one who had an abortion/assisted someone in getting one, or the gossip? Yes, if you cut out all gossipers you will have a nice small wedding.

Seriously, ask your soon to be mil why she doesn’t want to invite this friend, if it is because of the fear of her having PDA’s with a girlfriend/significant other then Wendy needs to be told not to do so. The invite can be “Wendy Lesbian” not “Wendy Lesbian and Friend” which is usually how invites to single friends are done so they can choose to bring a date.

Brenda V.
Click to expand...
In this case, do you tell other people not to bring significant others with whom they have premarital sex, or with whom they cohabitate? If the rule applies to Wendy why not to straight sinners?
 
Annn said:
In this case, do you tell other people not to bring significant others with whom they have premarital sex, or with whom they cohabitate? If the rule applies to Wendy why not to straight sinners?
Click to expand...
Of course, it’s not simply about sinners, which includes us all. And hey, it’s their wedding, so they can invite who they like.

But, it’s reasonable not to invite homosexuals as a couple for two reasons:
  1. If one believes that treating them as a couple assists them in following the road to you-know-where.
  2. If one considers their visible presence at the wedding as a contradiction to the meaning of the occasion.
And sure, cohabiting couples might be considered in those categories as well. Or an incestual couple. It’s not about judging hearts, but rather not ignoring sin.
 
kage_ar said:
Wonder if your MIL wants to screen out ALL sinners from the wedding? That would cust the costs down in most families 🙂
Click to expand...
Gosh, I wish I had thought of that last year before my daughter’s wedding when we were trying to watch our expenses! 😉

My sister is a lesbian, with a “spouse” (Massachusetts.) She ignored both of our daughters’ weddings, as she was aggravated that none of us acknowledged her “wedding.” It presents a very difficult situation, particularly for my dear 89 year old, very Catholic Dad. Sometimes living 1500 miles from family is not entirely a bad thing.
 
tim23 said:
Hello,
My fiance, “Jenna” and I will be getting married in September, and are planning our guest lists now. We both come from Catholic families and will be married in a Catholic ceremony. Jenna has a good friend “Wendy” who she works with who happens to be a lesbian, and very much wanted to invite her to the ceremony. But Jenna’s mother, who is a devout Catholic, notified us that she will not “permit” us to invite Wendy to the wedding. Wendy and Jenna were both somewhat upset about this. Since, as is traditional, Jenna’s parents are paying for most of the ceremony, her mother feels that she has ultimate approval over who comes to the wedding and would be seriously offended to have a homosexual as a guest, and said that if we wanted to invite Wendy she would not go to the wedding.
I feel as though I am a devout Catholic as well, but I feel there is nothing wrong in inviting a homosexual friend to a wedding. I don’t feel that this implies approval of her sexual activity, nor do I feel that homosexuals should be treated as personae non grata because they are committing sin in their sexual lives.
Is my future mother-in-law being unreasonable, or are my fiance and I too lax in our moral standards?
Click to expand...
**first i would like to congratulate you!
i dont think theres something wrong on inviting a lesbian to a wedding. Jesus never chose who to preach to…that will be my basis…

God bless you and your future family…

noodles**
 
Wow! I didn’t expect so many responses in such a short time! Thanks everyone for your advice and opinions. I am glad that almost everyone believes that being a lesbian is not inherently a reason to not invite “Wendy” to the wedding.

My mother-in-law is very conservative in her moral views. She sees homosexuals as very grave sinners and does not believe we should allow such a “pervert sodomite” (her words) at our wedding. I knew beforehand that she was judgmental, but did not realize until the current situation just how bad it was. But I will respect her as a mother-in-law, but I will also NOT allow her to try to manage my and my fiance’s lives. When she threatened to not go to the wedding if we invited Wendy, I think she was exxagerating to make a point of just how much she was opposed to Wendy coming. Obviously, my mother in law is paying for the wedding, and will come to the wedding, but she is very opposed to a lesbian being among the guests.

Wendy is indeed an active lesbian, but she is not currently dating anyone. The idea of her bringing a date never occured to me because she is single, but I suppose that by the time of the wedding she could be dating someone. It would not feel right telling Wendy that everyone could bring a date except for her, and I wouldn’t feel offended by her bringing a date. Wendy is a very respectful person, and I can not imagine her demonstrating public displays of affection with her date, especially in a church. I have never seen her do so with women she was dating in public. I can see how you may think that allowing her to bring a date would be seen as implying approval of her relationship, but I do not. We and Wendy have had many respectful discussions about relgion, and she knows what our church teaches and understand that we believe her activity is sinful but still value her as a person and a friend. She obviously does not believe her activity is sinful.

Also, SMHW, you are exactly correct in your guess about my future father-in-law.

Sadly, my mother-in-law is very adamant. I tried to explain that we see Wendy as a friend and do not approve of her sexual behavior, but she does not want a homosexual . Hopefully in a few months my mother-in-law will calm down and will be able to get over having a gay person at the wedding. If worse comes to worse, we will just have to tell Wendy she can’t some, even though in the past we had just assumed she would be there.

Thanks again for all the responses.
 
Ceremonially present FMIL with a cheque to the value of “Wendy’s” meal and drinks at the reception. Problem solved - monetary clout neutralised. 😉
 
john_ennis said:
That is a point to consider. Every wedding I ever went to, I brought a date. The OP didn’t mention whether this point in particular was a concern. It would be for me.
.
Click to expand...
🤷 my homosexual male best friend brought a date…His date happened to be a mutual friend of ours, who happened to also be homosexual but was a girl. 😉 lol. They decided to go as “dates”, out of respect for my church.
 
AmberDale said:
🤷 my homosexual male best friend brought a date…His date happened to be a mutual friend of ours, who happened to also be homosexual but was a girl. 😉 lol. They decided to go as “dates”, out of respect for my church.
Click to expand...
How is a fraud respecting your church?
 
You might as well count on your FMIL not being at your wedding. After all if Wendy’s “sin” is bothering your FMIL so much and she can’t find in her heart to be a Better Christian…then She (your FMIL) needs to stay home. 😉

Ok I’m just somewhat kidding in the first part of my post. All joking aside though…you might want to ask you FMIL this question.
  1. How does she know for a Fact, that everyone else on the two of your list’s aren’t indeed gay? What is she going to send out a servey that ask all kinds of questions to see who is and who isn’t the Biggest and Badest Sinner? (or gay person) Does she not know there are a lot of “gay” people who still hide the fact they are gay?
  2. Most Gay people are not going to be mauling each other at your wedding nor at the reception…they are people like everyone else and most of them do have a thing called “Respect for Others.” You’re true friends, (which Wendy sound very much to be) wouldn’t even think once let alone twice about doing something to offend you, or your family.
Now is the time to stand up for your future wife and demand that her friend Wendy be there. Your FMIL will get over it or she won’t… Meanwhile if you two give in to her now she’ll forever be in the middle of your marriage…simple as that. (Take it from those of us who know…and it took years to correct and a lot of “Hard Feelings”. Which my MIL never did get over.) but she learned to deal with the fact that my husband and I live our lives the way we want to not the way she want’s us to.
 
AmberDale said:
🤷 my homosexual male best friend brought a date…His date happened to be a mutual friend of ours, who happened to also be homosexual but was a girl. 😉 lol. They decided to go as “dates”, out of respect for my church.
Click to expand...
This would be known as bringing a guest. Not a date.
 
I don’t see it as fraud, maybe “date” wasn’t the right word. They just came together. Heck, if it were me (being a straight female) I would have accompanied him as a “date/guest” to someone elses wedding if he asked. 🤷 Maybe as good Christians we should show more love towards sinners and not constantly run from them.
 
john_ennis said:
That is a point to consider. Every wedding I ever went to, I brought a date. The OP didn’t mention whether this point in particular was a concern. It would be for me.

'Course, the mother-in-law seems to have an objection that goes beyond this. She, like this lesbian and like us, has blind spots and imperfect impulses.
Click to expand...
In that case they could simply not include “and guest” on the invitation. In order to keep costs down for our wedding, we only invited people to bring guests/dates if they were in a long-term relationship, i.e. engaged (or practically engaged) or married. Of course, I had to invite my bridesmaid’s brand-new boyfriend, which I wasn’t thrilled about since I barely knew him and they moved in together 6 weeks after they started dating…but that is another story!

Agree that FMIL’s issues seem to run deeper than that, though. That is the definite downside of parents paying for the wedding…sometimes a controlling parent thinks they can run the show since they are footing the bills
 
AmberDale said:
I don’t see it as fraud, maybe “date” wasn’t the right word. They just came together. Heck, if it were me (being a straight female) I would have accompanied him as a “date/guest” to someone elses wedding if he asked. 🤷 Maybe as good Christians we should show more love towards sinners and not constantly run from them.
Click to expand...
If the word isn’t date then it isn’t fraud. But your idea of a “date” to respect the church here was odd. Perhaps to respect your friedship was more appropriate but pretending in hipocracy does not honor Holy Mother Church. If they just came as freinds however, I see no problem with that.
Showing love for sinners is indeed noble. But few people have the wisdom, strength and command the authority of Jesus to truly “love the sinner” as Jesus did, this requires saving and converting thier hearts, which sad to say we are too weak or just too akward and cowardly to do. Jesus had that devin power to help, His people “sinners and Tax collecters” were changed by His message. How many of us can say that. Heck we cant even DO that without it coming across as judging…🤷
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top