M
Mar044
Guest
i have had a hard life, im pretty young at 27 and pretty much live my life thinking im going to hell.
a post in this forum pretty much brought this up, but i wondered if its wrong to beg for purgatory to get into heaven…half the time i repeat what i do wrong and i know what i do is wrong, i just want the chance to be happy.
half the time i pray to my father more then jesus, i dont mean to i just do…sigh
I guess my real question is, does god know your not a good person and gives you the chance to go to heaven?
I worked in law enforcement as a young man (security) hoping to be a police officer, in my job i have seen alot working in a mall, and one thing on my mind has always kept with me, about five years ago a drunk homeless man was causing a scene and i kicked him out of the mall during a snow storm (its downtown toronto with 4 million poeple) he cursed my name and left, half a day later i went home from my shift and turned on the news and they reported they had found the body of that person frozen to death near the mall in a parking stairway, after talking with police and security they told me it wasn’t my fault and i was doing my job…but…i directly sent a man to his death without thinking about it…
since then i seen other things, poor people kill themselves, other stuff that effects me. i dont want to be a police officer anymore but wondered if god forgives…i ask for forgiveness but its like dirt that doesnt wash off, i never feel like im really sorry or i mean it enough. i ask for forgiveness but its like dirt that wont wash off…i dont know how to describe it, people say just ask for forgiveness but it doesnt help…does that mean i dont mean it…sometimes thats why i wish for purgatory rather then heaven, if i dont believe myself how can god?
a post in this forum pretty much brought this up, but i wondered if its wrong to beg for purgatory to get into heaven…half the time i repeat what i do wrong and i know what i do is wrong, i just want the chance to be happy.
half the time i pray to my father more then jesus, i dont mean to i just do…sigh
I guess my real question is, does god know your not a good person and gives you the chance to go to heaven?
I worked in law enforcement as a young man (security) hoping to be a police officer, in my job i have seen alot working in a mall, and one thing on my mind has always kept with me, about five years ago a drunk homeless man was causing a scene and i kicked him out of the mall during a snow storm (its downtown toronto with 4 million poeple) he cursed my name and left, half a day later i went home from my shift and turned on the news and they reported they had found the body of that person frozen to death near the mall in a parking stairway, after talking with police and security they told me it wasn’t my fault and i was doing my job…but…i directly sent a man to his death without thinking about it…
since then i seen other things, poor people kill themselves, other stuff that effects me. i dont want to be a police officer anymore but wondered if god forgives…i ask for forgiveness but its like dirt that doesnt wash off, i never feel like im really sorry or i mean it enough. i ask for forgiveness but its like dirt that wont wash off…i dont know how to describe it, people say just ask for forgiveness but it doesnt help…does that mean i dont mean it…sometimes thats why i wish for purgatory rather then heaven, if i dont believe myself how can god?