WWYD? "Please stand and greet your neighbor."

[SuperHappy]

I don’t get that. And the whole introducing yourselves takes literally less than 1 minute, so I am surprised so many people say they hate it or that it takes their time away from Jesus.

If Mass is the only time people dedicate to Jesus then they may be why they feel this way. I also am very surprised how many hate this and say that they can’t concentrate after a short greeting time.

 

[1neophyte]

If Mass is the only time people dedicate to Jesus then they may be why they feel this way. I also am very surprised how many hate this and say that they can’t concentrate after a short greeting time.

It’s not a matter of breaking concentration, it’s a matter of forced greetings simply being unpleasant. You may think it’s rude to not greet someone, but for an introvert, being greeted just for the sake of it is rude.

Say you threw a party, and served broccoli as part of the meal. If someone there chose not to eat it because they dislike it, would you respond with, “Well, frankly, I’m surprised that you’re responding this way. Broccoli is good for you, and I don’t know why you’re here if you’re not going to eat it. Look at how everyone else is enjoying it,” and then proceed to forcibly stuff the broccoli into the person’s face? In that scenario, who is the rude one with the “surprising” reaction?

 

[EasterJoy]

This idea of using the nave of a church as a place to socialize is a novelty in the history of the Church. When I was growing up, the nave of the church was not used as a place for idle conversation even between two people in the process of cleaning it!!

We have to ask ourselves why this change has taken place in our lifetime.

I’d propose two reasons:

1. We have lost our sense of the value of maintaining a quiet attitude of solemnity at all times when in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. In many parishes, it would seem that those attending Mass find it almost impossible to abstain from socializing when there are other people nearby to socialize with. They barely stop conversing with each other even during the Mass itself, let alone before and after Mass. In contrast, many people do not make any physical sign of reverence acknowledging the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, nor do they change their behavior inside a church in any substantial way from when they outside the church. Some children preparing for their First Holy Communion even have to be taught how to genuflect, because their parents have not taught them.

I will take that back–I have seen Protestant churches with cupholders in the pews. You will not see latte consumption inside a typical Catholic church. The only ones eating or drinking are very small children.

1. We are far too much in the habit of ignoring other people when we venture outside the church building–that is, lonely people actually see the moments before Mass as a time to make a social connection that properly ought to have been more than satisfied outside the space dedicated to worship, prayer and contemplation. If that were to change, the greeting immediately before Mass would be unnecessary. More to the point, if it doesn’t change, what good is a hand shake from someone who will be certain to ignore you at all other times of the week?

If lonely people in the parish really see a 30 second greeting immediately before Mass as a major opportunity for making a personal connection with fellow parishioners, we have to ask why that is. In my home parish, the one where the inside of the church was a place for quiet, the outside of the church was a place for socializing. The talking after church among parishioners would typically last at least 30 minutes, and that was without a doughnut in sight. Perhaps the present situation comes about because we are too busy or don’t make any time commitment to our parishes that goes beyond the time required to attend Mass, even over the course of as long as a month. I don’t know.

 

[EasterJoy]

Aside: Is this a question that has been discussed at all in the Liturgy and Sacraments subforum?

 

[mVitus]

I’m havin’ fun with this.

Ushers - Father this one here won’t participate.

Priest (in a kindly voice) - What is your name son?

Priest (in a sterner voice) - What is your name!

Priest (in a loud angry voice) - GIVE US YOUR NAME!

Priest - Okay boys give him the treatment.

As the ushers slowly wave a doughnut in front of the person’s face the priest says…We don’t like to do this but you are forcing our hand. If you don’t give us your name you will be forced to fellowship with us however you will be denied doughnuts. Now be a good lad and tell us your name.

Person (whispering) - Fredrico

Usher (loudly as he sticks the doughnut under Fredrico’s nose) - YOUR FULL NAME!

Fredrico (breaking down) - Jimenez…Fredrico Jiminez.

Priest - now isn’t that better. You may sit now but don’t entertain any thoughts about escaping in the crowd after Mass. Miss Catchem, the head of the welcoming committee is not called ol’ eagle eye for nothing.

You got me laughing. Nice little joke.

 

[SuperHappy]

It’s not a matter of breaking concentration, it’s a matter of forced greetings simply being unpleasant. You may think it’s rude to not greet someone, but for an introvert, being greeted just for the sake of it is rude.

Say you threw a party, and served broccoli as part of the meal. If someone there chose not to eat it because they dislike it, would you respond with, “Well, frankly, I’m surprised that you’re responding this way. Broccoli is good for you, and I don’t know why you’re here if you’re not going to eat it. Look at how everyone else is enjoying it,” and then proceed to forcibly stuff the broccoli into the person’s face? In that scenario, who is the rude one with the “surprising” reaction?

Forcibly shoving food into someone’s mouth can hardly be compared with smiling and saying hello to a fellow worshipper.

I don’t really understand the thinking that a simple greeting is a form of rudeness. I guess you and I will have to agree to disagree.

When in worship, I like to feel the warmth of being with fellow believers. That is part of why I go to church to worship rather than contemplate in silence at home (which I also do at times).

Perhaps the church should do as the protestants do and have two types of services, one that is geared toward the traditional model with the silent contemplation and no greeting or interactions and another that is more modern and includes those things.

Praying for the church as always.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

The responses to this thread are very surprising to me.

The Catholic Church has a huge mercy campaign and a come back home campaign yet many church members don’t agree with a greeting time before Mass. I feel that the greeting time helps both of those campaigns. It shows mercy to those who come to church alone and makes it a little easier for them to feel accepted. As for welcome back, if I went to a church expecting to be welcome and the people told me they didn’t agree with greeting time and they refused to shake my hand, I certainly would not feel welcomed and I would probably not come back.

The Catholic Church needs to welcome people. It’s a mandate from God to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Yet many are stating how much they hate just simply greeting someone. It is really not loving or kind to refuse to simply greet someone.

Praying for the Church and for hearts & minds to be opened.

I went to church (Protestant services and later Catholic Mass) alone for many years and I can tell you that it does not make one feel particularly welcomed or any less alone to be subjected to a superficial forced greeting time. It also disrupts prayer and any sense of the sacred to have the “greeting time” in the pews right before Mass.

If you really want to welcome people and establish a connection with them, seek them out after Mass and introduce yourself. On a parish level, community-building can be done after Mass, such as a fellowship hour downstairs, or with various parish events throughout the week.

(That said, if you end up at a church that has the greeting time, you can’t really refuse to participate without being rude. Better just to talk to the pastor about it sometime.)

 

[Bataar]

If it’s just a basic greeting, I’ll be inwardly annoyed but participate. It’s not bad, but I’d rather not. There was a church I went to a while back that would instruct you to greet your neighbor and tell them your favorite color or some such thing. I quit going to that service or went late to skip that.

 

[1neophyte]

Perhaps the church should do as the protestants do and have two types of services, one that is geared toward the traditional model with the silent contemplation and no greeting or interactions and another that is more modern and includes those things.

Now that is something that you and I can completely agree on.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

It’s not a matter of breaking concentration, it’s a matter of forced greetings simply being unpleasant. You may think it’s rude to not greet someone, but for an introvert, being greeted just for the sake of it is rude.

Say you threw a party, and served broccoli as part of the meal. If someone there chose not to eat it because they dislike it, would you respond with, “Well, frankly, I’m surprised that you’re responding this way. Broccoli is good for you, and I don’t know why you’re here if you’re not going to eat it. Look at how everyone else is enjoying it,” and then proceed to forcibly stuff the broccoli into the person’s face? In that scenario, who is the rude one with the “surprising” reaction?

Being an introvert does not give one a pass to be rude.
My husband is one of the most introverted people I know, yet even he will say good morning to the person next to him in the pew.

Mass, as I have said before, is a communal event. I just cannot believe that moving out of one’s comfort zone to say hello to one’s fellow worshipers would be so contentious. I really do weep for humanity.

 

[JimG]

At my current parish, pre-Mass socializing is not much of a problem, because at most weekend Masses someone is leading the rosary before Mass, and as the church gradually fills with people, they join in the rosary.

There is large vestibule where people can talk before and after mass, but silence and prayer is encouraged once one enters the church proper.

I have attended some parishes where the chatting in the pews before Mass grew so loud that I felt as though I were at some entertainment event rather than at church.

But I am old enough to remember what Sunday Mass was like in my pre Vatican II parish. At Sunday Mass, everyone was friendly and there was a great deal of socializing, both before and after mass—all of it occuring in the parking lot, in front of the church, on the church steps, and sometimes in the vestibule. But once one opened the door from the vestibule to the church and entered, perfect silence reigned. People entered silently; whole families entered silently, genuflected, knelt and prayed. No one spoke. A Baptist friend I once took with me to Mass commented on it, amazed at the silence. But that was normal. Outside, after Mass, and in the vestibule, conversation and visiting began again and persisted for a while. Those who stayd in church to pray after Mass were undisturbed.

I’ll go along with whatever a pastor decides. But the memory of the contrast is just rather amazing to me.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

The Catholic Church has a huge mercy campaign and a come back home campaign yet many church members don’t agree with a greeting time before Mass. I feel that the greeting time helps both of those campaigns. It shows mercy to those who come to church alone and makes it a little easier for them to feel accepted.

I do not have a problem with greeting people at church or wishing the sign of peace to them or designating some official greeters to stand at the church doors saying “good morning, welcome to St. Patrick’s” or whatever.

However, the Mercy campaign as I see it is for forgiving people their sins and welcoming them back to practicing their faith - not for welcoming them to a social hour. I returned to very active practice of my faith as a direct result of the Year of Mercy. I read about it and the Holy Spirit inspired me to go take advantage of it and get myself “right with God”.

For various reasons I have almost always attended Mass alone during my entire adult life and I go to a lot of different Catholic churches due to my travel schedule and work schedule. I do not myself need someone welcoming me at the door in order to show God’s mercy or “welcome me back” to the Church. In fact I was a bit self-conscious about the whole business of getting myself confessed and regularly attending and I wanted to just blend in and go about my business of praying and seeing Jesus with as little fanfare as possible. And I would just hate the idea of someone assuming that I, walking into a strange church alone, was some lonely single soul who needed a big “welcome”. I also would wonder about the motives of anyone who was coming back to the Church expecting a social welcome - it’s not about that.

Please understand that while these greetings and welcomes may serve the needs of a segment of attendees, it’s not the case that everybody walking into a church alone is lonely and wants to be greeted or “welcomed”. And some of the people who would like to feel more welcome may even be attending as a couple or even as part of a group.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

When in worship, I like to feel the warmth of being with fellow believers. That is part of why I go to church to worship rather than contemplate in silence at home (which I also do at times).

I think there is a certain solidarity and feeling of community that comes just from worshipping at Mass with fellow believers, actually especially in relative silence, as we all focus on our Lord and on the holy sacrifice of the Mass, which is Calvary made present. To me, there is a much more powerful feeling of oneness in the Body of Christ when we are all focusing on Him rather than turning the focus on each other.

It’s definitely important to develop friendships and relationships with other believers, but turning Mass into a social time isn’t the answer.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

But I am old enough to remember what Sunday Mass was like in my pre Vatican II parish. At Sunday Mass, everyone was friendly and there was a great deal of socializing, both before and after mass—all of it occuring in the parking lot, in front of the church, on the church steps, and sometimes in the vestibule. But once one opened the door from the vestibule to the church and entered, perfect silence reigned. People entered silently; whole families entered silently, genuflected, knelt and prayed. No one spoke. A Baptist friend I once took with me to Mass commented on it, amazed at the silence. But that was normal. Outside, after Mass, and in the vestibule, conversation and visiting began again and persisted for a while. Those who stayd in church to pray after Mass were undisturbed.

What you describe really is the ideal. Thank you for posting this.

We seem to have lost both 1) the sense of the sacred at Mass, as well as 2) the sense of community in our parishes. Interesting how a previous generation had no problem with either one.

 

[johnnyc176]

Mass, as I have said before, is a communal event. I just cannot believe that moving out of one’s comfort zone to say hello to one’s fellow worshipers would be so contentious. I really do weep for humanity.

A bit dramatic? There are a heckuva lot more dreadful reasons to weep for humanity than for those who wish to remain quiet in prayer before Mass. There are many thriving parishes that do not require this stuff before Mass. I myself have never encountered this sort of thing. I’m kinda shocked that there are parishes that shame or force people to do it. Besides the same thing could be accomplished by scheduling meet and greets after Mass preferably in another building so that people could remain praying after Mass in a quiet setting.

 

[1neophyte]

Being an introvert does not give one a pass to be rude.
My husband is one of the most introverted people I know, yet even he will say good morning to the person next to him in the pew.

Mass, as I have said before, is a communal event. I just cannot believe that moving out of one’s comfort zone to say hello to one’s fellow worshipers would be so contentious. I really do weep for humanity.

This is why you weep for humanity? This?

 

[Lorelei12]

I used to attend Mass at a church where this was customary. I think it’s rude not to respond to someone who says hello to you, so I always smiled and greeted people, but I kind of resented it. It felt like a parent telling me “Lorelei, say hi to your cousin” or one of those icebreaker games that I have always hated.

While understand the motivation behind wanting to get parishioners talking to each other, I think this can better accomplished in other ways while allowing people who would prefer to be quiet in prayer that time, or recognizing that adults can greet people or not greet people as they choose on their own. I wouldn’t have complained about it, and I’ll go along with whatever the priest asks, but I don’t really think that adults need to be treated like children, and that’s what it feels like.

 

[Mark121359]

But I am old enough to remember what Sunday Mass was like in my pre Vatican II parish. At Sunday Mass, everyone was friendly and there was a great deal of socializing, both before and after mass—all of it occuring in the parking lot, in front of the church, on the church steps, and sometimes in the vestibule. But once one opened the door from the vestibule to the church and entered, perfect silence reigned. People entered silently; whole families entered silently, genuflected, knelt and prayed. No one spoke. A Baptist friend I once took with me to Mass commented on it, amazed at the silence. But that was normal. Outside, after Mass, and in the vestibule, conversation and visiting began again and persisted for a while. Those who stayd in church to pray after Mass were undisturbed.

I’ll go along with whatever a pastor decides. But the memory of the contrast is just rather amazing to me.

This! This is how it should be. No one is suggesting here that socializing and greeting people is wrong. But the time to do those things are outside, not inside the church. I can’t help but think that this is for the most part a liberal vs. a conservative thing. If you’re liberal, you’ll probably enjoy this forced greeting thing. If conservative, not so much. But one thing’s for certain. No one should be forced to go through what Hoosier Daddy wrote in post #71;

The parish across town goes a step further. They ask all visiting people to stand, introduce themselves, where they are from and then people clap for them. This is beyond awkward.

Beyond awkward? Nope…it’s beyond ridiculous!

Peace, Mark

 

[EasterJoy]

… I always smiled and greeted people, but I kind of resented it. It felt like a parent telling me “Lorelei, say hi to your cousin” or one of those icebreaker games that I have always hated… I don’t really think that adults need to be treated like children, and that’s what it feels like.

This, too. Plus, it unnecessarily interrupts the people who are praying. They ought to be allowed to at least attempt to pray.

 

[EasterJoy]

…The parish across town goes a step further. They ask all visiting people to stand, introduce themselves, where they are from and then people clap for them. This is beyond awkward.

Our parish has one guy who does this. Everyone else just gets up there and tells the congregation to remember to turn off their noise-making devices. He has to go through the MC schtick. (The visitors don’t know that they shouldn’t stand up if they don’t want to introduce themselves, which makes it a gotcha thing to do.)