WWYD: Teen neighbor and boyfriend?

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boymama

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Our neighbors belong to our parish; however, we are not close to them. They are 25 years older than us, and their children run from ages 15-25. The 15 year old is the only child still left living at home.

The mother went back to work recently, and I have noticed that the 15 year old’s boyfriend has been there everyday Monday - Friday after school until about 20 minutes before the parents arrive home from work. He parks his car in the tennis courts parking lot (about 150 yards from my house), and he walks to their house and goes in the back door. Additionally, this means their daughter gave her boyfriend the code for our neighborhood gates which is a huge HOA violation. If someone on the HOA board found out they could face punishment. (If he were to be ringing in like a normal guest he would have to call the landline, and they seem to be arriving around the same time making that impossible.)

(Note: I’m not spying or being nosy. These are my next door neighbors. I see the boyfriend and teen when I am outside with my children or when I’m washing dishes since my kitchen windows face the space between our homes.)

Because he is parking down the street and not in their driveway I’m inclined to believe my neighbors are not okay with him being there (or their daughter has never asked so they haven’t had a chance to say no). They are both devout, and I know they took issue with their oldest child living with his significant other during their engagement.

Do I have an obligation to say something? How do I bring this up?

I feel like I’m walking a thin line, because a) I’m closer in age to their daughter than them (I’m 28), and b) I don’t want to intrude and presume what their house rules are.

Any suggestions are welcome. If I were in their shoes I would want to know, but I realize not all parents feel that way.
 
If it was me, I would mind my own business. This is none of your concern.
 
It does sound like the boyfriend is probably not supposed to be there, but no, you do not have an obligation to say anything.

You said that you are not spying or being nosy, but you notice an awful lot of information for someone who is just “noticing things”- where he parks his car, that he is there every day, that he goes in the back door, when he leaves, etc. Unless the parents have suspected something and asked you for information, it’s not your business. They will likely find out eventually, if they really don’t know.
 
Lorelei12 said:
It does sound like the boyfriend is probably not supposed to be there, but no, you do not have an obligation to say anything.

You said that you are not spying or being nosy, but you notice an awful lot of information for someone who is just “noticing things”- where he parks his car, that he is there every day, that he goes in the back door, when he leaves, etc. Unless the parents have suspected something and asked you for information, it’s not your business. They will likely find out eventually, if they really don’t know.
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I was just about to edit my statement to say this has been going on for at least a month, so I have been able to put together bits and pieces over that time. I’ve walked passed his parked car a few times, seen him use the back door a few times, etc etc.

Additionally, my husband also noticed it a few times and mentioned it to me recently.
 
If I were the parents, I would want to know.

So, I would tell them. I would mention the HOA violation and also simply state facts I have observed.

And I would end with, if this is NOMB please just tell me and I will not mention it again.
 
1ke said:
If I were the parents, I would want to know.

So, I would tell them. I would mention the HOA violation and also simply state facts I have observed.

And I would end with, if this is NOMB please just tell me and I will not mention it again.
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Agreed.
 
Ah, very frustrating! I’m around the same age as you and I imagine well the feeling that you must feel every time you see it, epsecially since it’s a violation of the HOA rules.
But if you tell the parents, they might see you as an instigator who is just trying to make trouble, as opposed to the friendly neighbor who is looking out for them.
Any short-term benefit that might come from it might not be worth it in the long run.

You might want to save it for sometime if/when it becomes an extreme bother, such as cars backed up for a whole block for a party they are having, etc…
Remember, if you’re going to do it for something at some point, it has to seriously be worth it, and you may want in advance to know that other neighbors are on your side first, if that’s at all possible. That way you’d have back-up support.

Sometimes we simply can’t do anything, and I’ll give you my own example; Since April 2006, a span of 7 years now, my illegal Mexican neighbors ( who live like pigs, by the way, I’m just saying ), are people who I catch drinking and driving almost every single day! And our newspapers often have articles about illegals who are caught D&D and injuring other people on the road – Well, the fact that I see them drink and drive almost every day doesn’t help me, because my eyes don’t have a built-in camera; in the judicial system, we need proof, and when I have no proof, my going to the police and telling on my neighbors is not going to help. Without proof, I’m helpless in this matter, and it’s beyond frustrating. And when they are finished each time, they take their empty Corona bottles and litter them in the yard, making it an eye-sore. Plus, anytime someone has a legitimate gripe about people who aren’t white, that someone gets unfairly labeled as being racist.

Take heart, 15 year olds usually have a way of dropping their guard and getting caught doing something when they start to get overconfident.

Good luck to you and please keep us updated. 😉
 
As a mother, i would want to know, but this is your neighbor so perhaps you could simply pray.

I saw our neighbor’s son doing drug by accident, i decided not to say anything since we were new neighbor at the time but i sure prayed for this young man.

If this young girl wants to see her boyfriend, she may find another creative way to do so.

Hard call, maybe you can ask your priest of what to do.

All the best!
 
They will get caught eventually. I would just let it be, pray for the family, and try your best to be a good neighbor which doesn’t include telling on the daughter. You are her neighbor as well.
 
I would probably mention it casually next time I was alone with the parents. I’d do it in a very friendly way, “How do you like your new job? Has it been a tough adjustment? I noticed Lily often has a friend over in the afternoons. I think he usually parks at the tennis courts. It’s none of my business, I know, but I like thinking that my neighbors are looking out for my kids, too, so I thought I’d mention it to you.”
 
johnsmith2025;10453445 said:
illegal Mexican
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neighbors ( who live like pigs, by the way, I’m just saying ), how do you know their illegal or mexican.
 
Not entirely sure if this counts or if I have read it wrong but this is how I have read it. I agree with garn9173 primarily because Romans 2 tells us that we should not be judging the actions of others despite what you have or may have seen. Job 34:21-22 says that the Lord’s eyes are upon us all the time, he indeed sees everything that happens. If they are devout then they should know that his eyes are always upon us. We were given free will, God allowed us to decide for ourselves to walk upon his path this is seen in Proverbs 16:9 so again if their free will tells them to walk upon the path of sin then that is their choice. Going back to Romans 2, Romans 2:11 states God shows no partiality. Romans 14:10 says that we will all stand before the judgment seat of God and also Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God— not the result of works, so that no one may boast. This to me shows that it is only the Lord that can judge us, we should not judge each other, instead we should love one another like the Lord loves us.
 
You could report to the HOA that you believe the boyfriend has the code. That way they’d get “caught” and you wouldn’t be the bad guy.
 
If the girl was an adult, I’d say none of your business. Since she is minor, I’d drop an anonymous note to the parents. If nothing comes of it, so be it.
 
Well…if the boyfriend having the security code is a violation of the neighbourhoods safety, you owe it to the other neighbours to say something. As for the 15 year old’s behaviour… it would appear to be putting your nose in other people’s business. Everyone thinks ‘I would want to know if it was my daughter’ until they actually hear it for real

Angie
 
Anglewannabe said:
Well…if the boyfriend having the security code is a violation of the neighbourhoods safety, you owe it to the other neighbours to say something. As for the 15 year old’s behaviour… it would appear to be putting your nose in other people’s business. Everyone thinks ‘I would want to know if it was my daughter’ until they actually hear it for real

Angie
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Well, no one really wants to know, but since we are responsible for our children’s well-being, we need to know. I have a responsibility to keep over-heated monkeys off my daughter. I have a responsibility to teach my sons from turning into overheated monkeys. That’s how I protect my neighbor’s daughter among other means.
 
This is what I would do: I would start dropping by to borrow a cup of sugar, to return the cup of sugar, and in the course of conversing with the daughter, if you don’t see the boyfriend, caually say something like, Oh, I thought your boyfriend would be her as usual.

Then she would know that you know, and would hopefully decide to put an end to the unsupervised visits, as she never knows when you will interrupt her!
 
You have no obligation to tell the parents. They should know, however. The daughter is obviously aware that her parents would not approve. It is too bad that you don’t have a friendly relationship with the parents.
 
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PaulfromIowa:
You have no obligation to tell the parents. They should know, however. The daughter is obviously aware that her parents would not approve. It is too bad that you don’t have a friendly relationship with the parents.
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We are friendly but not close if that makes sense. Our neighborhood is a bit odd in that the older families and younger ones don’t mix other than at block parties and other such events.

We certainly chat a few times a week since we don’t have fences between our yards.

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