Yelling at my mother

[CatholicOf94]

I am 16, and I am a practicing Catholic. I have to confess that I have a temper problem:blush: Over the past few days, I have engaged into very intense arguments with my mother. And the sad part is, it is over the most ridiculous things, things that could be simply talked over instead of yelling. I got so mad at her today That I literally was bawling my eyes out like this:crying:
I try to control my anger but it isn’t easy for me. I know my obedience is being put to the test. I simply don’t know what to do, or how to control my temper. Any advice???

P.S. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!

 

[flyingfish]

I am 16, and I am a practicing Catholic. I have to confess that I have a temper problem:blush: Over the past few days, I have engaged into very intense arguments with my mother. And the sad part is, it is over the most ridiculous things, things that could be simply talked over instead of yelling. I got so mad at her today That I literally was bawling my eyes out like this:crying:
I try to control my anger but it isn’t easy for me. I know my obedience is being put to the test. I simply don’t know what to do, or how to control my temper. Any advice???

P.S. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!

Walk away. If your mother is doing things that are making you scream, get out of the situation as fast as you can. Go for a run, or a walk, go to the mall, go see some friends.

 

[pamnbam]

Don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s okay to get angry, but it’s what you do with it that counts. Apologize to your mother. Admit to her (if she doesn’t already know) that you tend to feel easily angered and you’re trying to work on it. When you feel the anger bubbling up, say the St. Michael prayer or count backwards from 10 until you start to calm down (it really does work). Re-train yourself to think before you react. Good luck!

 

[s4angel]

Sounds like some of the fights I had with my grandma… Listen only you can change the way you react, not your mother. I finnaly figured out if I was very angry and feeling that anger when talking with my grandma I would say " Gran I am being unreasonable can I go to my room before I say something I don’t mean?" the first time I did this she stopped too and looked at me and said " i need to go take a break too". We stopped yelling at each other and started identifying the times when we were being unreasonable and chose instead of having yelling contest that niether one of us won to instead stop the conversation until we had both cooled off. I started seeing her as a human being and someone I would rather die than to hurt with words spoken in anger. I use that trick to this day and simply it is just knowing when you are getting angry and stopping until that anger is gone and then resuming the conversation when you are not angry.

I hope you understand that under no circumstances is it alright for you to ever raise your voice to your mom. I see that you are a teenager… This is the time for you to realize that parents are not perfect and sometimes they make mistakes too but what you need to see is that you can’t controle what they say or do only how you react to it, if you find yourself getting to that point where anger or fustration is taking over, rather than sin, acknowledge that you have a choice to stop and you can controle yourself as hard as the first few times will be it will be worth it.

 

[David2010]

It certainly is a test of self-discipline to hold your temper in check when you feel yourself getting angry. When I was younger I tended to either go into a silent, angry pout, and not say anything at all for a while, or I would lose my temper and get into a yelling match. I think it does take resolve to say what is on your mind in a controlled way some times. Sometimes you are too shy to open discussion on a topic. Or you just don’t want to bother. Or some other excuse. And then it turns into a blow-up that you realize should have been discussed properly before reaching that point.

You should make an effort to not lose your temper. Call it an exercise in building self-discipline, or character development. But if you do get in a shouting match with your mother, you should not run away. The subject has now been broached and you should now discuss it and get it out in the open. Personally, I find that the arguments I have with my wife are usually about things that have been simmering for a while, but not dealt with properly. Then, after we have an argument, say what’s on our mind, we have a proper discussion about what is bugging us. Maybe you should do the same with your mother. Turn an argument into an ice-breaker. After all, you’ve already had a shouting match, so what could get worse? It might be your best opportunity to lead into a discussion of what is on your mind, now that the ice has been broken.

 

[Hereswith]

Don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s okay to get angry, but it’s what you do with it that counts. Apologize to your mother. Admit to her (if she doesn’t already know) that you tend to feel easily angered and you’re trying to work on it. When you feel the anger bubbling up, say the St. Michael prayer or count backwards from 10 until you start to calm down (it really does work). Re-train yourself to think before you react. Good luck!

That is great advice. Please remember that the anger is okay, it is the way you use it that gets you in trouble. At 16, I was learning that lesson too. Self-control is something you learn - and you have to learn it intentionally, with practice. It isn’t easy! But it is important. It is worse to go through life hurting people when you don’t mean to - your presence should be a blessing to others, not a horror! Right?

I like the idea of telling your mom you are working on it, and even excusing yourself if you get too worked up to have the discussion. You are on the right track!

Prayers always help too.

 

[JerryS]

Have you confessed this as a sin against the 4th commandment? That will also help you receive God’s grace to be respectful and forgiving to your mother. Getting angry is usually a sign of pride and selfishness (as I know too well from personal experience). The sacrament will help you make it right with God and feel His love more strongly. That, in turn, will help you to be more humble and loving (even when you don’t feel like it).

The peace of God be with you.

 

[Rascalking]

Remember to confess, and be sure to forgive yourself (often the hardest thing to do).

We all make mistakes, we all sin. The point is not to TRY to sin!

 

[Cable]

“Walk away. If your mother is doing things that are making you scream, get out of the situation as fast as you can. Go for a run, or a walk, go to the mall, go see some friends.”

Great advice !

I’m praying for you too.

 

[cmscms]

First of all, since you have not given much detail, I will have to make a lot of assumptions in my answers.

When I was a teenager, I use to yell at my father all the time. As an adult, I have and still do feel tremendous guilt over it.

My situation could be different than yours. I would tell my father in crystal clear english when he would do a behaviour that would make me mad. He would continue to do the behaviour. As a teenager and no way of getting my own appartment, the only option I had was to yell at him. Looking back, as much as my behaviour is wrong, what hurts the most is I was totally financially dependent on someone who would not respect my boundaries.

So, I have to wonder if the things you yell about are really petty or if you are not being hard on yourself. For example, if your mom washed your jeans and put them in the drier when you wanted to hang them to dry, perhaps you are putting guilt trips on ourself that you are being petty. Well guess what, at 16 you have the right to say 'please don’t put my jeans in the dryer.

Now, if you politely tell your mother 'please don’t ever wash my clothes without checking with me first, you could be pleasantly surprised and she says ‘Thank you for telling me’

Or she could be like my mother and say ‘well, then your clothers would never get washed’ To which I would have replied as a rebellious teenager ‘I like wearing dirty clothes’. To which my mom would have replied ‘Well no daughter of mine is going to school in dirty clothes’ which would make me feel like her reputation matter more than my independance which would have made me yell at her over something stupid.

So, the point of my post is: 16 is a diffucult age. You are too young to get your own place yet, you might not have parents that support your need for independance. Please don’t be so hard on yourself

CM

 

[Kindness]

In this example of course you could also say “Dearest mother, I realize you have been doing all my laundry for 16 years and that I am now old enough to sort, wash, iron and put away my own clothes. Thank you for all the laundry you have washed for me.”

 

[cmscms]

In this example of course you could also say “Dearest mother, I realize you have been doing all my laundry for 16 years and that I am now old enough to sort, wash, iron and put away my own clothes. Thank you for all the laundry you have washed for me.”

Hi Kindness,

I couldn’t agree more with you wisdom. Just one problem. My mother was so controlling there is no WAY she ever would have let me touch her wasing machine. At least now me and her can laugh about it

 

[Hereswith]

I have been away from the thread for a day, and when I come back I’m like, “Wow, why is everyone talking about laundry? What did I miss?”

 

[Norseman82]

It’s a little hard to offer insight and advice without knowing what the argument was about and whether your mother was just exercising normal motherly authority or whether she was being abusive to you.

 

[dulcissima]

If you are getting mad over small things that could easily be talked through, do you think there is a chance that there is something else that is making you very angry which you haven’t talked to anyone about? Sometimes the things that we get so worked up about emotionally aren’t even the things that are truly bothering us. They’re just a safer venue to explore the emotions that we have bottled up inside.