YELLING to children!

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When is it “acceptable” or “ethical” for adults to yell at children in responding and correcting them??

Can it be done in a way that does not amount to VERBAL ABUSE??

(I invite Reverend Priests and Prayer Warriors also to share their knowledge and opinions on this issue!)
:confused:
 
Ransri said:
When is it “acceptable” or “ethical” for adults to yell at children in responding and correcting them??

Can it be done in a way that does not amount to VERBAL ABUSE??

(I invite Reverend Priests and Prayer Warriors also to share their knowledge and opinions on this issue!)
:confused:
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  1. All caps in a post is “yelling”…
  2. Yelling is a perfectly acceptable form of child raising. And like any other form it can be abused . Common sense tells us this.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
  1. All caps in a post is “yelling”…
  2. Yelling is a perfectly acceptable form of child raising. And like any other form it can be abused . Common sense tells us this.
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“perfectly acceptable?” :confused: Aside from warning against an immediate and clear danger such as an oncoming car, in what circumstances do you believe yelling at children to be a good thing?
 
3DOCTORS said:
“perfectly acceptable?” :confused: Aside from warning against an immediate and clear danger such as an oncoming car, in what circumstances do you believe yelling at children to be a good thing?
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:rolleyes:
 
Me from kitchen window
“Don’t step on my tomato plants please!”

Me from my living room
“Shut the door! I’m not air conditioning the whole neighborhood!”

Me from the drivers seat
“Buckle up!”

Me from 3 minutes ago… “hoosier jr, stop jumping off the couch over your sister!”

Me at a soccer game with kids.

“Look out it’s coming right at your face!”
 
3DOCTORS said:
“perfectly acceptable?” :confused: Aside from warning against an immediate and clear danger such as an oncoming car, in what circumstances do you believe yelling at children to be a good thing?
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Volume alone does not make speech abusive. An abusive or menacing tone can be achieved without raising the voice, too.

Children are not entitled to be raised by parents who are never over-excited about non-compliance or poor decision-making by the children, either. Sometimes, overturning some tables and driving people with a whip made out of cords is necessary. Not every memorable teaching moment has to be a pleasant one. (See John 2:14-17) Children should not be raised to believe that a run-in with positive charity is always an encounter with a mild-mannered countenance. That is not true.

In my opinion, however, it is a big mistake to lead your child to believe that what you say is only important to you if you say it loudly. It is a bad idea to send them out into life operating under that misconception, too. Justice very often speaks its binding conditions in very measured tones that still need to be taken very seriously.
 
I also have found that what comes across as ‘yelling’ to one person is often not heard as yelling by the person who is supposedly the ‘yeller’.

Parent, in firm tones, “I told you to make sure you made your bed this morning. You didn’t. Go make it now before you go out to your friend’s house.”

Teen, weeping, "why are you yelling at me? It’s just a stupid old bed! Tiffany is expecting me now and you’re making me late, so rude!

or
Teen, yelling at sister, “Get your hands away from my dresser you piece of trash, stop effing with my things, I’ll slap your face off.”

Parent, rushing to door, “What is all this yelling going on?”

Teen, blankly, “Who’s yelling?”
 
I think that yelling at teens is less effective than it is with younger kids. Teens can sense that when you yell you are on the defensive. There is nothing like riling up an older person into yelling at you. It also helps if you don’t yell often. When you do, it is a big deal. That also carries over into getting angry in general. I rarely get angry, but I have been told by friends that if I ever would get angry I would be quite scary.

For the record, my Mom hardly ever yelled at us. She was much more scary when she talked in measured tones. I get chills just thinking about it. 😉
 
Given the OP’s culture, I doubt any of us really get what he is talking about.

No we don’t yell TO children.
Not if we want them to respect us and not to yell back when they are older.
We do shout if they are in danger. Which is not really that often.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Me from kitchen window
“Don’t step on my tomato plants please!”

Me from my living room
“Shut the door! I’m not air conditioning the whole neighborhood!”

Me from the drivers seat
“Buckle up!”

Me from 3 minutes ago… “hoosier jr, stop jumping off the couch over your sister!”

Me at a soccer game with kids.

“Look out it’s coming right at your face!”
Click to expand...
Perfect!👍😃
 
Ransri said:
When is it “acceptable” or “ethical” for adults to yell at children in responding and correcting them??

Can it be done in a way that does not amount to VERBAL ABUSE??

(I invite Reverend Priests and Prayer Warriors also to share their knowledge and opinions on this issue!)
:confused:
Click to expand...
Prudence. I think that’s the difference. It’s not always easily discerned in every situation, parents do the best they can at the moment, and they can be wrong. …if so apology is in order. Discipline requires case by case discernment. I don’t ever believe discipline can be achieved by yelling. …may be helpful at times to utilize as a device to be heard though. I think I recall a few passages which Jesus yelled.

Also, as said already, what is yelling for one isn’t for another. And tone of voice doesn’t always pertain to abusive speech. A person can have very abusive threatening connotation and say it in a manner hat is not loud.

Ephesians 6:4. And. Colossians 3:21 also come to mind. I wish I could copy and paste the content right now but I can’t, so all who are reading this, please take the time to read those passages. Basically, fathers, make sure not to kill your child’s spirit.
 
Sometimes when you have to get attention for whatever reason. Or for effect.

I used to foster care very troubled teenagers, those going into , or coming output of youth detention.

I found a certain merit in making my intentions known by using a voice out of character.
 
Tantum_ergo said:
I also have found that what comes across as ‘yelling’ to one person is often not heard as yelling by the person who is supposedly the ‘yeller’.

Parent, in firm tones, “I told you to make sure you made your bed this morning. You didn’t. Go make it now before you go out to your friend’s house.”

Teen, weeping, "why are you yelling at me? It’s just a stupid old bed! Tiffany is expecting me now and you’re making me late, so rude!

or
Teen, yelling at sister, “Get your hands away from my dresser you piece of trash, stop effing with my things, I’ll slap your face off.”

Parent, rushing to door, “What is all this yelling going on?”

Teen, blankly, “Who’s yelling?”
Click to expand...
Both those teens would get a time out in the Dungeon.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Me from kitchen window
“Don’t step on my tomato plants please!”

Me from my living room
“Shut the door! I’m not air conditioning the whole neighborhood!”

Me from the drivers seat
“Buckle up!”

Me from 3 minutes ago… “hoosier jr, stop jumping off the couch over your sister!”

Me at a soccer game with kids.

“Look out it’s coming right at your face!”
Click to expand...
Lel hoosier jr
 
Parents yell
  • when a kid is in danger
  • when they have told the kid about 3 times to stop what they’re doing and are being ignored and want to get the kid’s attention
  • when they are suddenly unpleasantly surprised or hurt or it’s just one stick on the pile too many for one day and they, being human, blow their cool and yell.
My mother lost her cool and yelled at me quite a bit and would then shut down and be silent and upset for a while. She felt bad about it later. She regarded it as partly a fault of herself but also could not understand why I would do the things that “made” her yell. I was her first and only kid. Sometimes she didn’t quite realize how kids, even good kids, might act. Sometimes she and I just had a clash as moms and daughters with strong personalities tend to do.

I learned to deal with it. It wasn’t pleasant. If I had had kids, yelling is one thing I would have made a big effort to do a lot less, along with one or two other habits of my mother.

So I would recommend that it be avoided wherever possible, knowing that it’s going to happen in some circumstances and if it’s a once in a while thing, it’s understandable.
 
I come from a loud Italian family. After I got married, my mother and I were having a “discussion” about something in rather loud tones, My mother-in-law was horrified and began to chide me for yelling and disrespecting my mother. My mother looked at her and said “Who’s yelling? This is normal for us. She’s not disrespecting me.” But I never talked loudly to my MIL. She would have considered it extremely rude.

Outside of the loud Italian family situations, I normally don’t yell, but I do find myself talking louder if I can’t get my point across.

People need to take cultural differences into consideration before criticizing all yelling. Sometimes it’s just the way they talk, and I had a child psychology professor tell the class that in these family cultural situations, studies have found very little harm done to the children.
 
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Ransri said:
When is it “acceptable” or “ethical” for adults to yell at children in responding and correcting them??

Can it be done in a way that does not amount to VERBAL ABUSE??

(I invite Reverend Priests and Prayer Warriors also to share their knowledge and opinions on this issue!)
:confused:
Click to expand...
I don’t think it’s ever acceptable. Yelling always come from a place of anger, and anger is not ordered toward instruction. Ask yourself, and then answer your question, honestly: When I yell, am I acting from a place of dispassionate intent to instruct? Or is there always a genuine emotional element to it? And if I were to employ a well-thought-through strategy for correcting a behavior, would I at that point, even be able to conjure up yelling?

I think the reality is that yelling is not a strategy that people can use in rearing their kids because it’s not a strategy at all. It is the absence of a strategy. Yelling is an animal action, designed precisely for situations in which there is no other strategy, such as scaring off aggressors. In the context of anger your child’s wrongs, I suspect it approaches wrath with a near-deadly closeness.
 
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