LilSheep,
I sooo know where you are coming from!
One thing I have learned is that an argument is either over facts which can be substantiated or over opinion including unsubstantiatable facts (like what happened).
A lot of arguments can be avoided by figuring out which one is occurring and if it is the first, looking up the answer.
If it is the second, then just try to end the argument by bowing out. One example is that the other day A got mad at B as the result of a comment B made which A took as having been said in a bad tone of voice. B had not intended that. Each had a different opinion about the tone of voice, and since the event was not videoed, there was no way to investigate which opinion was right. A had the option of accepting B’s version gracefully (Oh, I’m sorry, I misunderstood what was going on) or by B (Oh, I’m sorry I sounded that way).
In the issue of the time of Mass, one could simply say, let’s check by calling or looking online. If the problem is which time to go to Mass… well, one person, the more mature one
, will agree with the other and let the other see the problems with their solutions.
Like I might suggest to my spouse that going to the early Mass is better because it’s not right before the children’s naptime. He or she might insist that the later Mass is better because the children will have had time to run around and play.
For some reason, the discussion starts looking like it might get heated, so I acquiesce and let my spouse find out that he or she is wrong. Of course, I might find oit that I was wrong but I won’t be terribly embarrassed by that because I conceded.
And of course there is the issue of wifely submission (which is why I tried to keep the above example gender-neutral) I myself am a wife, so often I remeber that and allow my husband to make the decision.
But I wasn’t always like that (and I still slip up sometimes). At those times, my husband tries to remember to take the policy of better to be happy than right, and allows me to make the decision.
All this has helped my family to avoid a lot of fights. When it comes to our children, of course, I just tell them they have to obey, even if the parent is wrong (unless of course it’s an immoral request). They too should allow their parents to be proven wrong.
As to the yelling and use of vulgarities, I do not think using vulgarities is an actual sin, and there are times when the judicious use of a vulgarity can cause the other person enough shock that they step back and reassess their position. However, that means one can use vulgarities only extremely rarely, and of course avoid blaspheming totally, as that is a sin (objectively).
But usually a raised voice indicates anger and frustration, and simply stating that one is feeling that way can send the same message, or one might think that one is too angry and/or frustated to continue the conversation and delay it altogether and thus avoid a fight.
So just save yelling and cussing for the most awful of situations and they will be more effective then, and if yiu are really lucky, the most awful of situations will never occur. And cut yourself some slack if you mess up, because we are all sinners…
