**Ramble time because I have no ability to talk concisely
**
A lot of it is the why the message has been delivered, the lack of addressing other sexual morality issues creating this feeling of complete and utter hypocrisy by many, the feeling of the teaching to call out unjust discrimination is often just words to some, Catholic associated sites like Litesitenews or Crisis who seem to lack any and utter charity towards gay people, treat them as the enemy basically in the culture war and create an US vs Them.
For example, Beauty and the Beast lead to a huge freak out for having a gay character who never kissed another guy, just apparently had a short dance seen where you could infer his orientation. Big Bang Theory, a hit comedy show, regularly has the characters hook up and have premarital sex and no one says a peep. Some prominent figure in real life talks about their same sex spouse… the world is ending. A person who is married to their 3rd spouse… nothing. The rampant use of contraception even among Catholics… rarely made a big deal about. A person says they’re gay… many freak out and view them as now supporting or going to some kind of inherently hedonistic lifestyle. A person divorces and announces they’re marriage to someone else… nope nothing. When it feels like heterosexual sin is widely tolerated while homosexual sin (and some cases just having the temptations) is viewed as the most evil thing possible… doesn’t matter how you word the message, people are going to feel like it’s not legitimate.
Not to mention we have a culture, including widespread in Christian culture, that basically idolatrizes romantic sexual love and as devalued friendship so much that for many people, not being able to express love in a sexual romantic relationship translates to them as being without love their entire life. We have done a terrible job at making our church communities into fellowship of brothers and sisters in Christ. Too often it feels like a Sunday social club where many leave the second they can to return to their lives with their families. When you’re the celibate single and people don’t seem like they willing to make time for you, it hurts. When it feels like you’re the one constantly sacrificing and bending over backwards to try and help married friends who seemingly push you out of their lives as they enter ‘the married life state’ and find couple friends, it’s hard not to feel unwanted and ‘stuck.’ The truth is our church culture (Christian at large) doesn’t talk about supporting people in celibate vocations ever yet has tremendous amount of resources, support, ministries etc towards the vocation of marriage. It gives off the impression that everyone will do everything in their power to help the married couple succeed while basically telling the celibate person to figure it out on their own (and if they’re a gay/ssa celibate person… then to figure it out on their own, don’t disclose your attractions, and don’t appear ‘too gay’ because that makes everyone else uncomfortable apparently). Also when is the last time we focused on the love that can be found in friendship, discussed the amazing friendship between David and Jonathan, talked about and upheld celibate people in general?.. Rather Christian culture gushes only over married people (particular those with children) and often treats single people as spiritual immature or something is wrong with them (especially if they’re gay/ssa).
With all of these factors in play, it isn’t the Church teaching that is the issue. Society and culture as a poor perspective on love, their is a lack of vocational support in celibacy (people often have the perspective of it’s hard therefore I must not have the calling yet we realize marriage vocation isn’t always easy so there is a faulty perspective there), and their is blatant hypocrisy on how other sin issues are addressed. With all that in mind, the Church teachings to many feel like nothing more than empty words. That is why I think places like
spiritualfriendship.org are so valuable. They kinda have some extra points when addressing gay/ssa people since they not only actively trying to live within a traditional teaching while dealing with sexuality issues, but they are trying to support and uphold others with that same cross. They (in my view) have been able to do far more than Courage simply because unlike Courage (which has valid reasons for this), the writers in spiritual friendship are more open thus provide physical rather than abstract examples of people.
