A
A_R_Smith
Guest
Greetings,
I know there are probably many threads discussing this topic, however, please hear me out…I am at a point in my life where I could truly use some solid, non-biased advice. Forgive me…as this will be a very lengthly post. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves to hear my testimonial……
am a twenty-one year old college student, still a virgin, who has decided it is time to carefully go through my personal life and see what remains to be fixed before I can saftly say I am ready to venture into the world of courting. I am slightly different from most people with my condition due to the fact that 1)I am only attracted to men and 2) I am a hermaphrodite…basically, I have female chromosones, a broad-shouldered, stocky female body with some slight physical abnormalities - nothing too crazy…I’m being vague for the sake of everyone’s sanity -and male-pattern hair/stubble. Furthermore, I tend to think of myself in male terms, although I am completely attracted to men only, contrary to what many people assume due to my habit of preffering male attire.
Like so many of those who share this gender identity disorder, I realized something was slightly out of place when I was quite young. I can remember the incident clearly: a four-year-old child crying their heart out in one of the school bathrooms as they realized they would never grow up to be a boy. I wore dresses, pink stuff, played dress-up…the usual feminine things. As an adult, I realize this was a coping mechanism employed to conform to my physical gender.
Thankfully, my parents had explained my hermaphroditic condition to me in an age-appropriate manner. Now, before anyone jumps to conclusions, my family is very close and completely loyal to the Catholic Church……my parents made it a point to discuss issues that most families have difficulty addressing. Ironically, I kept my questions to myself, as I have always been the sort of individual who tries to solve their own problems and not drag anyone else into it.
Then, when I was twelve years old, a girl attempted to rape me. The school covered it up, despite everything my parents did. From that point on, I became more cynical, paranoid and pushed away from the female body I had begun to start hating even more as puberty progressed along. I know many of the people who read this will automatically assume “Oh, wait! That’s what made her have a gender-identity problem”. Sorry mates, while I do not deny having such a traumatic incident occur at that crucial stage of my development had an impact on my perception on myself, it is not the ultimate cause.
As an additional trauma, my Dad died at the young age of fifty-two from malpractice, leaving my forty-four year old Mom a widow and the sole provider for me and my sisters, who were fourteen and nine years of age at the time. The loss of my greatest hero made me withdrawn, bitter, cynical and far easier to vex than before. My sole consilation was that I never once felt anger towards God, only confusion and dispair. I remember pulling on my Dad’s shirt and sitting in his rocking chair after I got the news.
Though I had never said this to anyone, I considered myself the ‘son’ of the family, though at the time I reasoned I was simply just a tomboy. At sixteen, I decided enough was enough and began to research disorders, taking note of all of my unique symptoms into careful consideration. I found articles on Gender Identity Disorder and trannssexualism…then wept as I realised this was the answer I had been seeking. Unlike many who undergo the process of taking hormones and eventually obtaining SRS operations, I have no desire to remove my reproductive organs as I still want to pass on my genetics with the man I marry and I happen to love kids!!!
Though I will take testosterone at some point to gain a more masculine edge to my features, the only operations I will ever undergo, permitting my health, are the masectomies. I know many mothers here may not understand how someone can desire to give children life yet remove their breasts, but I honestly see no use for them. 
I’m determined to remain faithful to the church, yet at the same time I continually agonize over the feelings that I was meant to be a man instead of a woman. How can I possibly ever hope to court a good Catholic man, let alone marry him and raise a family, in the knowledge that I have this gender identity disorder? I can only find the church’s views on women with gender identity disorders who are attracted to females. Again, taking into account that I am attracted to men, this information is irrelevant. Many good people in my parish have advised I pray to the Blessed Virgin for help, although that in itself is a dilemma for me. Since I have never been comfortable as a woman, I find it difficult to approach Our Lady. As I’ve gotten older, I can no longer even look at my body in the mirror without becomine ill. As much as I have tried to embrace my feminine nature, I realize this is partially due to my hermaphrodtitsm and that can never be entirely ‘fixed’. Any assistance and advice would be greatly appreciated.
Pax.
I know there are probably many threads discussing this topic, however, please hear me out…I am at a point in my life where I could truly use some solid, non-biased advice. Forgive me…as this will be a very lengthly post. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves to hear my testimonial……
am a twenty-one year old college student, still a virgin, who has decided it is time to carefully go through my personal life and see what remains to be fixed before I can saftly say I am ready to venture into the world of courting. I am slightly different from most people with my condition due to the fact that 1)I am only attracted to men and 2) I am a hermaphrodite…basically, I have female chromosones, a broad-shouldered, stocky female body with some slight physical abnormalities - nothing too crazy…I’m being vague for the sake of everyone’s sanity -and male-pattern hair/stubble. Furthermore, I tend to think of myself in male terms, although I am completely attracted to men only, contrary to what many people assume due to my habit of preffering male attire.
Like so many of those who share this gender identity disorder, I realized something was slightly out of place when I was quite young. I can remember the incident clearly: a four-year-old child crying their heart out in one of the school bathrooms as they realized they would never grow up to be a boy. I wore dresses, pink stuff, played dress-up…the usual feminine things. As an adult, I realize this was a coping mechanism employed to conform to my physical gender.
Thankfully, my parents had explained my hermaphroditic condition to me in an age-appropriate manner. Now, before anyone jumps to conclusions, my family is very close and completely loyal to the Catholic Church……my parents made it a point to discuss issues that most families have difficulty addressing. Ironically, I kept my questions to myself, as I have always been the sort of individual who tries to solve their own problems and not drag anyone else into it.
Then, when I was twelve years old, a girl attempted to rape me. The school covered it up, despite everything my parents did. From that point on, I became more cynical, paranoid and pushed away from the female body I had begun to start hating even more as puberty progressed along. I know many of the people who read this will automatically assume “Oh, wait! That’s what made her have a gender-identity problem”. Sorry mates, while I do not deny having such a traumatic incident occur at that crucial stage of my development had an impact on my perception on myself, it is not the ultimate cause.
As an additional trauma, my Dad died at the young age of fifty-two from malpractice, leaving my forty-four year old Mom a widow and the sole provider for me and my sisters, who were fourteen and nine years of age at the time. The loss of my greatest hero made me withdrawn, bitter, cynical and far easier to vex than before. My sole consilation was that I never once felt anger towards God, only confusion and dispair. I remember pulling on my Dad’s shirt and sitting in his rocking chair after I got the news.
Though I had never said this to anyone, I considered myself the ‘son’ of the family, though at the time I reasoned I was simply just a tomboy. At sixteen, I decided enough was enough and began to research disorders, taking note of all of my unique symptoms into careful consideration. I found articles on Gender Identity Disorder and trannssexualism…then wept as I realised this was the answer I had been seeking. Unlike many who undergo the process of taking hormones and eventually obtaining SRS operations, I have no desire to remove my reproductive organs as I still want to pass on my genetics with the man I marry and I happen to love kids!!!
Though I will take testosterone at some point to gain a more masculine edge to my features, the only operations I will ever undergo, permitting my health, are the masectomies. I know many mothers here may not understand how someone can desire to give children life yet remove their breasts, but I honestly see no use for them. I’m determined to remain faithful to the church, yet at the same time I continually agonize over the feelings that I was meant to be a man instead of a woman. How can I possibly ever hope to court a good Catholic man, let alone marry him and raise a family, in the knowledge that I have this gender identity disorder? I can only find the church’s views on women with gender identity disorders who are attracted to females. Again, taking into account that I am attracted to men, this information is irrelevant. Many good people in my parish have advised I pray to the Blessed Virgin for help, although that in itself is a dilemma for me. Since I have never been comfortable as a woman, I find it difficult to approach Our Lady. As I’ve gotten older, I can no longer even look at my body in the mirror without becomine ill. As much as I have tried to embrace my feminine nature, I realize this is partially due to my hermaphrodtitsm and that can never be entirely ‘fixed’. Any assistance and advice would be greatly appreciated.
Pax.
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