Yikes! What's with all the sex talk and off color jokes at Mom's outing?

[Giannawannabe]

Last night I went to a sort of “Meet and Greet” outing at a local restaurant with some moms from my kids’ school. I have some nice friends/acquaintances, who are the moms of my 2 older kids. However, I don’t know a lot of the moms in my Kindergartener’s class, yet. I thought it was a nice opportunity to meet them!!

Well, let me tell you…within short order, I realized what type of group this was. The conversation went south quite quickly. Most of the women were there to drink heavily. Much of the talk centered around sex and gossip. Honestly, I can’t get too graphic, but apparently one of the moms has sex toy parties, and most recently a “strip tease aerobics” party. She apparently has a “pole”, if you know what I mean. Quite a few of the moms had been to her parties. Some of the moms who hadn’t, were quite interested in being invited.

The mom who organized it(the Meet and Greet), is the mom of my daughter’s best friend. She seemed like a very nice lady. Her daughter is sweet and polite, and a pleasure to have over. I’ve had a little bit of a “gut feeling” about her, but nothing I could put my finger on—UNTIL NOW!

I basically sat there, with my one lady friend (the only other one not involved with the off-color conversation) with a smile plastered on my face. I simply could not offer anything to the conversation. When it wasn’t sex, sex toys, or tips on how to masturbate, the conversation turned to gossiping about other moms and their kids. What an eye opener!!! I was the first one to leave, and I have a feeling that I was made fun of as soon as the door closed behind me.

Now what? They plan on meeting regularly!! Whoa!! My dh told me just to go once in awhile for a short time to make an appearance(if I’m invited again). I just don’t think I can. I appreciate being invited, but it was obvious that these ladies consider a moms night out as an opportunity to get drunk and let it all hang out!!! Anyone else experience this? Am I just being a prude?? Help!!

 

[puzzleannie]

recalls my first meeting with moms of daughters softball team summer we moved to our new town, it turned out to be a lingerie & party, the & being what you describe. Trying to be broad-minded (I was much younger then, not crotchety like now) I went to one more event, a birthday party for two of the members. When the male stripper showed up I called my DH for a rescue. as some of these moms were from our new parochial school warning bells sounded even before school started. I joined PTO and it was downhill from there. We ended up leaving the school and going to public school due to unChristian behaviors and attitudes on part of teachers, administration and parents which far from being condemned were glorified. One thing I did not do then that I would do now (and have done) is state clearly and unemotionally why I was leaving, as in “since we seem to have no interests and values in common, I see I will not fit into your group, thanks for asking me but I will not be back (said immediately after some raunchy joke)”

 

[msproule]

It sounds to me like there are a lot of “Desperate Housewives” wannabes (no connection whatsoever to Giannawannabe, of course!)

 

[wacky_wonderful]

I went to one of those parties once. Quite a shock. Now I’m older and although I wouldn’t go to one of those parties today, I can understand why they happen. Where else can these moms go to get the lingerie and toys that they want? Does being a Catholic or a Christian mean that you have to forgo that stuff? They can’t go to the local shop to get those things. Maybe buying online is not an option.

 

[Seatuck]

No you are not being a prude. I’m even seeing some too graphic talk among practicing christians these days which seems to be a direct product of the freedom in society in general. People are not being taught this type of modesty in speech and privacy. Chances are if you don’t participate much you will cease to be invited. You could make excuses of not being available. Or you could go ahead and make your understanding of sex and marriage known. You may be respected for it or you may be persecuted and ridiculed for it. Either way God will Bless you for it.Part of the problem seems to be the honest desire of christians to have a good healthy sex life. There aren’t a lot of resources of instruction and encouragement without them turning to the inappropriately graphic and tawdry.

 

[wacky_wonderful]

Bingo.

 

[Giannawannabe]

msproule:

It sounds to me like there are a lot of “Desperate Housewives” wannabes (no connection whatsoever to Giannawannabe, of course!)

Too funny!! LOL, that’s exactly what my dh called them–Desperate Housewives!!!

 

[Giannawannabe]

wacky&wonderful:

I went to one of those parties once. Quite a shock. Now I’m older and although I wouldn’t go to one of those parties today, I can understand why they happen. Where else can these moms go to get the lingerie and toys that they want? Does being a Catholic or a Christian mean that you have to forgo that stuff? They can’t go to the local shop to get those things. Maybe buying online is not an option.

You know what? It’s not the lingerie/toy thing, per se. It’s the way in which it was talked about-----EXPLICIT details about sex lives and using the “toys”. I certainly am all for “fun” in the bedroom—and I’ve been married for 19 years. However, to discuss such matters at a “school mom get together” is quite another thing. After all, many of us had just met on a social level. Honestly, just mentioning attendance at such sex parties would have caught me off guard, but I wouldn’t have been so offended as to post here!!! It was the ongoing discussion, crude language, and discussion about husbands, etc. that got my prudish little self all in a tizzy.

Well, gotta go. I just realized it’s Friday, and I try to fast from the CAForums on Friday!!! Guess some additional fasting of some other sort is going to be needed!! Thanks all for responding. Glad I’m not the only prude.

 

[Ana]

wacky&wonderful:

Where else can these moms go to get the lingerie and toys that they want? Does being a Catholic or a Christian mean that you have to forgo that stuff? They can’t go to the local shop to get those things. Maybe buying online is not an option.

But does one have to get drunk, tell raunchy jokes, and eat pornographic popsicles to get the lingerie? Catalogs can be a good substitute. Also, any department store has a woman’s lingerie section, from Bloomingdales to Walmart.

 

[Celia]

Try being the only married, religious one in your group of friends. That’s always a good time.

 

[Toni]

I just have to know was this a group of public school moms?

 

[Peace-bwu]

Chances are there were more women who don’t normally talk about those things but are just trying to “fit in” It can be lonely sometimes to be the only real lady in the room. I would say give it one more try and see if there are a few women you do get along with, otherwise don’t sweat it, if you aren’t missing anything but that garbage. I don’t mind having a few drinks in moderation with the ladies, and I don’t mind conversation but when it turns overt sex talk and lingerie parties… no thanks. There are women in my circle who have had those parties, and a few of my friends have been to them and *acted *like they were fine so as to not be rude, but left early and then told me how uncomfortable they were. Chances are there are some ladies who were just trying to be polite.

If you don’t find a few that steer clear of gossip and demeaning sex or put down their husbands and marriage far too much, then just continue to look elsewhere.

 

[wacky_wonderful]

Ana:

But does one have to get drunk, tell raunchy jokes, and eat pornographic popsicles to get the lingerie? Catalogs can be a good substitute. Also, any department store has a woman’s lingerie section, from Bloomingdales to Walmart.

The party I went to didn’t have popsicles in the shape of body parts. They were a much milder group. And if I don’t wear my hearing aids, I can’t hear a lot of stuff. So I missed the raunchy talk at the party I attended. You’re right, there is lingerie available almost everywhere.

 

[Giannawannabe]

Peace-bwu:

Chances are there were more women who don’t normally talk about those things but are just trying to “fit in” It can be lonely sometimes to be the only real lady in the room.
If you don’t find a few that steer clear of gossip and demeaning sex or put down their husbands and marriage far too much, then just continue to look elsewhere.

Thanks Peace-bwu. Out of the 11 women, there were 3 of us who weren’t engaged in the sex talk and gossip, and 1 who looked like she was trying to “fit in” by discussing how many times a week she makes love with her husband!!
I’m lucky that I have some very nice, faithful friends that are the moms of my older 2 kids. Also, we’re very involved in some family Catholic groups around here, and have nice friends there. These were the moms of my Kindergartener. I just wanted to get to know them a little bit better. It was quite a shock to be well known and involved with so many families with my older 2 and then not to know a SINGLE mom in the Kindergarten class—plus I felt SO OLD!!!

BTW, I have since found out that the worst of the moms in the group, are well known partiers. In fact, the last moms night out, someone had to go to the ER because someone had slipped them a mickey!!!

 

[wacky_wonderful]

“fit in”

by discussing how many times a week she makes love with her husband!!

There you have it. There’s another thread in progress right now re: a young mother trying to make friends in a very unfriendly place. In another time and place, this woman you mentioned might never have behaved that way. Wanting to fit in doesn’t end once you get past adolescence. I once asked a friend if she had an active sex life, and she told me no, and that she didn’t know of anyone who did. I wasn’t being tacky, I was wanting to know how I fit in with the rest of the world. Was I the only one living in a celibate marriage? Turns out I wasn’t. Small comfort. I’m no raging liberal, but I look at what people do sometimes and I can understand why they do it. Might not be right, but I can understand. How can I judge them?

 

[Giannawannabe]

wacky&wonderful:

There you have it. There’s another thread in progress right now re: a young mother trying to make friends in a very unfriendly place. In another time and place, this woman you mentioned might never have behaved that way. Wanting to fit in doesn’t end once you get past adolescence. I once asked a friend if she had an active sex life, and she told me no, and that she didn’t know of anyone who did. I wasn’t being tacky, I was wanting to know how I fit in with the rest of the world. Was I the only one living in a celibate marriage? Turns out I wasn’t. Small comfort. I’m no raging liberal, but I look at what people do sometimes and I can understand why they do it. Might not be right, but I can understand. How can I judge them?

I definitely understand WHY that woman was trying to “fit in”–at least that is how it appeared to me. I guess I am lucky that I’ve always been more of an independent thinker type, and have never needed to “fit in” by pretending I’m someone I’m not. I actually felt sorry for her.
I think it’s very different talking to a friend about sex on a one to one basis. I’ve done that myself—no EXPLICIT details about my husband’s genitals, but just to find out if I’m “normal”. It has been with a very, very close friend when it was just the 2 of us. In this situation, the women were talking about their husband’s genitals, his performance, making fun of husbands, and generally being very nosy about how often everyone else “did it”. They were loud, drunk, obnoxious, and crude. I wish I could be more detailed, so you could understand how offensive they were, but I think that would be inappropriate. Suffice to say, I’m not judging these people. I’m simply shocked and horrified that these are the moms of my little Kindergartener’s friends. Their values on sex and raising kids is vastly different than my own. I am now feeling uncomfortable with my daughter going over to their homes—especially if a sleepover were to be suggested. Also, they have all asked when my older daughter is going to babysit Now, that I know they stay out all hours and get drunk, and that their language becomes disgusting when they’re drunk, I just don’t think I can have my daughter babysitting their kids. sigh

 

[bones_IV]

I feel for you mothers out there, it must be a heavy cross to bear. I have a good friend of mine who wears a viel to mass and she is not well liked over at her parish and is vastly unpopular. A lot the sex talk and off color jokes are just done out of ignorance. I could denounce the sexual immorality of this country and get derided by a pius soul who accuses me of being ‘too negative’. I blame it on man kinds misuse of freewill and our ‘positivistic’ society. John Paul II had plenty to say about positivism in his encyclical fide et ratio. Pray for these folks and don’t judge them. God will be their judge. Father John Corapi “You can’t spit in the face of God and get away with it.”

 

[Peace-bwu]

Giannawannabe:

Thanks Peace-bwu. Out of the 11 women, there were 3 of us who weren’t engaged in the sex talk and gossip, and 1 who looked like she was trying to “fit in” by discussing how many times a week she makes love with her husband!!
I’m lucky that I have some very nice, faithful friends that are the moms of my older 2 kids. Also, we’re very involved in some family Catholic groups around here, and have nice friends there. These were the moms of my Kindergartener. I just wanted to get to know them a little bit better. It was quite a shock to be well known and involved with so many families with my older 2 and then not to know a SINGLE mom in the Kindergarten class—plus I felt SO OLD!!!

BTW, I have since found out that the worst of the moms in the group, are well known partiers. In fact, the last moms night out, someone had to go to the ER because someone had slipped them a mickey!!!

It might be nice to invite the three 3 + 1 kdg. moms who seemed to be “normal” to a little get together or girls night out. I often have a hard time fitting in with the 30 and under crowd. Even in my early to mid 20s my friends were usually the older moms with their youngest kids the age of my children. One of my closest friends had a teenage daugter and was 10 yrs my senior, but had two younger kids the ages of mine. It can be a challenge to find young moms who also share my values.

 

[Princess_Abby]

In terms of how often Americans supposedly “do it,” Oprah cited a study yesterday that claims the majority of Americans only have sex ten times a YEAR with their spouse. Pretty sad. That’s less than once a month.

Of course, this is the general population–which is also highly populated by the aging baby-boomer generation–and I have read myself that practicing Catholics tend to have a much more satisfying sex life with their spouse due to the emotional and spiritual aspect of their relationship being so fufilling, too, and therefore the frequency for practicing, happily married Catholics is probably much greater than the general population.

I’m only saying this to point out that so many of these women who group together and pretend they’re so entranced with their supposedly insatiable libido are basically all talk. Sure, maybe a few of them have pretty active and maybe slightly kinky sex lives but I just don’t believe that every kindergartner’s mother is being authentic with their graphic descriptions of sexual ecstacy. They can talk all they want about their single-minded quest for the best toy or erotica, but personally I can’t imagine anything more tasteless than annoucing their activities in such a public manner. At best it’s comical and at worst it’s cheap. What they don’t realize is perhaps how insecure it makes them look in the first place–women who are satisfied don’t have to announce it because they aren’t concerned about what others might be thinking. They’re happy, they know it, and they have enough self-respect to keep it to themselves.

I personally think that shows like Desperate Housewives or Sex in the City–while both amusing in the right frame of mind–have done something to sort of warp the minds of ladies in their mid twenties to possibly mid forties. Almost as if we all think that others must be acting completely outrageously in the bedroom and in order to keep up or pretend we’re living out these adventures, talking about ‘amazing sex’ in a sordid way is somehow necessary to prove we’re all enjoying explosive experiences on every given night of the week.

 

[estesbob]

Seatuck:

Part of the problem seems to be the honest desire of christians to have a good healthy sex life. There aren’t a lot of resources of instruction and encouragement without them turning to the inappropriately graphic and tawdry.

Say what!!! My wife and i have a very good healthy sex life and we most certainly dont need any “resources” to help us along!!!