"You must respect your wife."

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Hello. I was told this today. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible that husbands must respect their wives. I do read that wives are to submit and respect husbands. I see husbands are called to love their wives; I see nothing about husbands submitting to their wives and respecting their wives.

Yet, I read from catholic appologetic material that men are to respect their wives and make sacrifices for them. Okay? So Bible doesn’t say anything about respecting their wives but catholic teaching says I should? How do I make sense of this? To what extent do I respect my wife? I want to follow my conscious and join the Catholic Church so do I sacrifice what I want and ignore my conscious and submit to my wife’s will out of respect for her? I was literally told plainly today that I would destroy my family if I convert against my wife’s wishes.

Today I had a female protestant pastor, who says I am the head of the household in my domestic church, tell me…that I must respect my wife and can’t do everything I want to in life, and if I convert to the Catholic Church, I’d be destroying my marriage. She said this because obviously she is trying to dissuade me from converting to the Catholic faith against my wife’s wishes.

I’m puzzled and confused. I’m head of household and am in no way placing ANY burden on my wife for her to continue to practice her beliefs—AND giving her mission to raise our son protestant, YET I’m the one who is told to respect my wife and not do what I want AND I would be destroying my marriage by converting to the Catholic Church? Um what.

I’m just trying to process all of this. So, what I was wondering is for help on making sense of how the Catholic Church interprets “wives respect husbands and husbands love your wives.”

(1)Where in the Bible and Apostolic Tradition does it teach that I must respect my wife. If I must respect my wife, then to what extent?

(2)When, as husband, am I morally allowed to not respect her as head of household?

(3)Does the Catholic Church teach that a husband must submit to their wives?

(4)Does the Catholic Church teach that a husband must make sacrifices for their wives? If so, how does respect play into that, and to what extent?

(5)Do I have any authority over my wife, and if so, What authority do I have over my wife?

(6)How am I able to exercise this authority in relation to my wife’s free will?

(7)Do I urge my wife to respect me or can I command the authority?

(8)If I ask without commanding my wife to respect me and she says no, is she sinning against me? Would it be an act of rebellion?

(9)If I refuse to listen to my wife and convert to the Catholic Church, why is it morally okay to not respect her and love her in this instance?

Yeah, I’m really confused. I am not forcing my wife to do anything and desire her to respect me for better or for worse because we have something in Canada called Freedom Of Religion, but I’m told “No, you married her for better or for worse” and “No, YOU must respect her.”

Bretheren of Catholic Answers Forum, please help me make sense of all this confusion. I’m so confused and I want to convert to the Catholic Church no matter if my wife leaves me with my son and I get accused of all sorts of things, it’s just I was hoping to have help in understanding the Catholic take on all of this. I’m going to put God above my wife no matter what and follow my conscious regardless.

I need to discern some things here:

(1)How much if feminism playing a role here and to what extent? I’m told I’m head of the household and to be a man yet I’m told to give in to my wife out of respect and that if I call the shots in a way that doesn’t respect her on matters of faith and conscious, I’ll be destroying my marriage? Like, what.

(2)How much is protestant fears, biases, and misconceptions affecting her judgement, and if so, to what extent and in what way?

(3)How much of her desire for my wife and I to stay together is sincere and not affected by feminism and her protestant lens.

(4)How is the devil and the spiritual world playing a role into this. The same day a priest came over to bless my home. Are they even involved at all or is this a result of the protestant
reformation?

(5)My wife once told me I can’t do anything I want because I am no longer single but am married. The female pastor told me this today. I need to discern whether the pastor actually planted…that thought…into my wife’s head or if that thought came from my own wife’s mind.
I want to assume my pastor wouldn’t do that but I feel I can’t rule it out, and now I need to ponder and discern whether I should ask the pastor at an opportune time this question.

I’m all ears bretheren. Please help me out here. Much appreciated. I appreciate the time it takes for people to respond to my post. If there is anything you can throw my way as well—catholic tracts, book suggestions, advice, what the catechism says—that would be wonderful. I plan to look into the catechism and my catholic study bibles and pray about it as well. God bless. Looking forward to reading all the advice and responses.
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
Hello. I was told this today. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible that husbands must respect their wives. I do read that wives are to submit and respect husbands. I see husbands are called to love their wives; I see nothing about husbands submitting to their wives and respecting their wives.

Yet, I read from catholic appologetic material that men are to respect their wives and make sacrifices for them. Okay? So Bible doesn’t say anything about respecting their wives but catholic teaching says I should? How do I make sense of this? To what extent do I respect my wife? I want to follow my conscious and join the Catholic Church so do I sacrifice what I want and ignore my conscious and submit to my wife’s will out of respect for her? I was literally told plainly today that I would destroy my family if I convert against my wife’s wishes.

Today I had a female protestant pastor, who says I am the head of the household in my domestic church, tell me…that I must respect my wife and can’t do everything I want to in life, and if I convert to the Catholic Church, I’d be destroying my marriage. She said this because obviously she is trying to dissuade me from converting to the Catholic faith against my wife’s wishes.

I’m puzzled and confused. I’m head of household and am in no way placing ANY burden on my wife for her to continue to practice her beliefs—AND giving her mission to raise our son protestant, YET I’m the one who is told to respect my wife and not do what I want AND I would be destroying my marriage by converting to the Catholic Church? Um what.

I’m just trying to process all of this. So, what I was wondering is for help on making sense of how the Catholic Church interprets “wives respect husbands and husbands love your wives.”

(1)Where in the Bible and Apostolic Tradition does it teach that I must respect my wife. If I must respect my wife, then to what extent?

(2)When, as husband, am I morally allowed to not respect her as head of household?

(3)Does the Catholic Church teach that a husband must submit to their wives?

(4)Does the Catholic Church teach that a husband must make sacrifices for their wives? If so, how does respect play into that, and to what extent?

(5)Do I have any authority over my wife, and if so, What authority do I have over my wife?

(6)How am I able to exercise this authority in relation to my wife’s free will?

(7)Do I urge my wife to respect me or can I command the authority?

(8)If I ask without commanding my wife to respect me and she says no, is she sinning against me? Would it be an act of rebellion?

(9)If I refuse to listen to my wife and convert to the Catholic Church, why is it morally okay to not respect her and love her in this instance?

Yeah, I’m really confused. I am not forcing my wife to do anything and desire her to respect me for better or for worse because we have something in Canada called Freedom Of Religion, but I’m told “No, you married her for better or for worse” and “No, YOU must respect her.”

Bretheren of Catholic Answers Forum, please help me make sense of all this confusion. I’m so confused and I want to convert to the Catholic Church no matter if my wife leaves me with my son and I get accused of all sorts of things, it’s just I was hoping to have help in understanding the Catholic take on all of this. I’m going to put God above my wife no matter what and follow my conscious regardless.

I need to discern some things here:

(1)How much if feminism playing a role here and to what extent? I’m told I’m head of the household and to be a man yet I’m told to give in to my wife out of respect and that if I call the shots in a way that doesn’t respect her on matters of faith and conscious, I’ll be destroying my marriage? Like, what.

(2)How much is protestant fears, biases, and misconceptions affecting her judgement, and if so, to what extent and in what way?

(3)How much of her desire for my wife and I to stay together is sincere and not affected by feminism and her protestant lens.

(4)How is the devil and the spiritual world playing a role into this. The same day a priest came over to bless my home. Are they even involved at all or is this a result of the protestant
reformation?

(5)My wife once told me I can’t do anything I want because I am no longer single but am married. The female pastor told me this today. I need to discern whether the pastor actually planted…that thought…into my wife’s head or if that thought came from my own wife’s mind.
I want to assume my pastor wouldn’t do that but I feel I can’t rule it out, and now I need to ponder and discern whether I should ask the pastor at an opportune time this question.

I’m all ears bretheren. Please help me out here. Much appreciated. I appreciate the time it takes for people to respond to my post. If there is anything you can throw my way as well—catholic tracts, book suggestions, advice, what the catechism says—that would be wonderful. I plan to look into the catechism and my catholic study bibles and pray about it as well. God bless. Looking forward to reading all the advice and responses.
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Why do you feel that respecting someone you love means submission?
 
Hey there Hoosier Daddy,

Why do I feel that respecting someone I love means submission? I don’t. However, it seems
that by “you must respect your wife and can’t do what you want” to mean I must submit to my wife’s will and give up converting to the Catholic Church if she says so.

Then again, I in good conscious can’t say I know how the Catholic Church interprets for example “Submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21.”
 
I thought this was already answered… your faith journey is yours and there is no one on this earth that can tell you not to go where you please.

If your wife leaves, she leaves. You’re under no obligation to listen to your pastor or your wife in this regard. There’s no point over thinking it any longer or posting what your should do. You already know what you should do.
 
I believe that part of the passage that says that wives should submit to their husbands also states that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. How did Christ love the Church? He died for it. So, men must be willing to die for their wives.
 
kingston1 said:
I thought this was already answered… your faith journey is yours and there is no one on this earth that can tell you not to go where you please.

If your wife leaves, she leaves. You’re under no obligation to listen to your pastor or your wife in this regard. There’s no point over thinking it any longer or posting what your should do. You already know what you should do.
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Please don’t dismiss what I’m trying to ask so easily.

I’m being accused of wrong doing for wanting to join the Catholic Church. The charge is that I’d be destroying my marriage by converting to the Catholic Church because I would not be respecting my wife.

I need help in understanding how the Church defines “respecting” my wife in light of that accusation and why* I would not be doing wrong doing by following my conscious and what I believe God is wanting me to do even though my wife feels I’m not respecting her.

Am I always obligated to respect my wife, and if not, when would it not be wrong doing? I want to be catholic and I’m being accused of wrong doing here for not respecting my wife and destroying my family as a consequence! It’s causing me stress and anxiety. And I need help in understanding the Catholic take on all of this…*
 
I mean, how do I even begin to articulate my words and explain why I am not committing any wrong doing by becoming a catholic even though my wife feels I am not respecting her?
How do I begin to defend against the accusation I’d be destroying my family due to not respecting my wife?

Am i committing wrong doing by converting to the Catholic Church against my wife’s wishes? Am I obligated to respect her in all circumstances and if I don’t, is it wrong doing?

What does the Church teach in light of all this is what I’m asking.
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
Hey there Hoosier Daddy,

Why do I feel that respecting someone I love means submission? I don’t. However, it seems
that by “you must respect your wife and can’t do what you want” to mean I must submit to my wife’s will and give up converting to the Catholic Church if she says so.

Then again, I in good conscious can’t say I know how the Catholic Church interprets for example “Submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21.”
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After reviewing your posts I think you tend to focus on the wrong things.
Your faith is yours. But you need to be a good husband.

I’d like to see more positive posts from you in regards to your spouse.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
After reviewing your posts I think you tend to focus on the wrong things.
Your faith is yours. But you need to be a good husband.

I’d like to see more positive posts from you in regards to your spouse.
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Exuse me? You really hurt my by dismissing me like that…
I’m really struggling here to not react in anger at your post…
 
It’s my faith journey, sure. Sorry guys. I don’t mean to ask the same questions over-and-over again. I’ll need to ponder and reflect on my behaviour on here and examine what I can do to change any bad behaviours.

I’m letting emotions and anxiety get to me…

Sorry guys. I’m really embarassed and feel humiliated right now…
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
I mean, how do I even begin to articulate my words and explain why I am not committing any wrong doing by becoming a catholic even though my wife feels I am not respecting her?
How do I begin to defend against the accusation I’d be destroying my family due to not respecting my wife?

Am i committing wrong doing by converting to the Catholic Church against my wife’s wishes? Am I obligated to respect her in all circumstances and if I don’t, is it wrong doing?

What does the Church teach in light of all this is what I’m asking.
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Your faith journey has NOTHING to do with respecting your wife; it is only about your relationship with GOD. The Holy Spirit is obviously calling you into the Catholic Church and your wife (or your Protestant pastor) has no authority to stop you. You do not need your wife’s permission to work where you work, to drive the car you drive, to wear the shirt you want to wear, to cut your hair in the style you want, or make any other of the personal decisions you make in your daily life, and you do not need it to become Catholic. I think maybe it is time for your wife to respect YOU and if she does not like or support your decision to become Catholic, then at least let you do it on your own in peace. The bible says it is better to obey God, than men, and it sounds like He wants you to join His Church.
 
Catholic1954 said:
Your faith journey has NOTHING to do with respecting your wife; it is only about your relationship with GOD. The Holy Spirit is obviously calling you into the Catholic Church and your wife (or your Protestant pastor) has no authority to stop you. You do not need your wife’s permission to work where you work, to drive the car you drive, to wear the shirt you want to wear, to cut your hair in the style you want, or make any other of the personal decisions you make in your daily life, and you do not need it to become Catholic. I think maybe it is time for your wife to respect YOU and if she does not like or support your decision to become Catholic, then at least let you do it on your own in peace. The bible says it is better to obey God, than men, and it sounds like He wants you to join His Church.
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Yes, your wife is not respecting **you **if she wants to stand in your way of becoming Catholic. She has dragged everyone she knows into something that is between you and God. You are not being disrespectful to her in wanting to convert. And to even have said that to you by anyone is just wrong.

They are treating you as if you are doing something immoral or sinful and you are not. Do not let anyone suggest that that you do not respect your wife because you want to convert to Catholicism. That is just crazy.
 
Not sure where this is in the bible but it says something to the effect that Jesus came to set man against son etc…

I really think the problem here is your protestant background has trained you that actions are only acceptable is there is proof in the bible for them. Also, I think that since protestant are allowed to interpret the bible anyway they want, your wife and pastor are manipulating it to their advantage. And the problem is, you are playing into it, trying to find proof in the bible when the reality is, neither your wife nor your pastor will accept any proof you find.

So my advice, quit trying to use to bible to change their mind ! Read the bible to hear what the Holy Spirit wants to communicate to you, convert to Catholicism, be the best Catholic you can be and let time do it’s thing. Set a good Catholic example and then do like Jesus, except everybody else’s free will to either join you or leave you

Angie
 
Even where it says wives are to submit to their husbands, that would only apply in situations where there is no right or wrong answer and the wife chooses of her own free will to accept her husband’s guidance. If there IS a right answer, then the wife is obliged to pursue what is right.

The same applies when the genders are reversed.

Your protestant pastor obviously doesn’t want you to convert. Why not talk to a Catholic priest?
 
Yes, you need to respect your wife. I can’t believe that’s even a question? But that does not mean she gets to act like a dictator. I’m not sure why you keep talking to these pastors. It’s obviously doing more harm than good.
 
AClaire11 said:
Yes, you need to respect your wife. I can’t believe that’s even a question? But that does not mean she gets to act like a dictator. I’m not sure why you keep talking to these pastors. It’s obviously doing more harm than good.
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I agree. The people you’re talking to have an agenda. No matter what you say back, you are not going to change their opinion. It’ll just lead to arguments and confusion.

Lou
 
Why are you listening to a female “pastor”? What Biblical justification does she give for her authority as a pastor, when Paul is pretty clear on what roles women may/may not play within the church?

Honestly, in practice, a lot of advice (secular, Catholic, and Protestant) seems to boil down to “submit to your wives,” but I don’t know how you could defend such a proposition Biblically. I leave it to others to explain Catholic teaching on the matter, but haven’t they already done so?
 
Of course you should respect your wife and she should respect you. This respect does not mean agreement with every opinion nor does it mean submission. Mutual respect can soften hard feelings arising from disagreements.

I’ve been married for 20 years now and I can tell you that you can be happy or you can be right but seldom can you be both.
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
Am i committing wrong doing by converting to the Catholic Church against my wife’s wishes?

What does the Church teach in light of all this is what I’m asking.
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The church does not want your marriage destroyed, but neither does it say you must obey your wife in this. I know a man who convereted although his wife was completely against it and wanted nothing to do with the Catholic faith. But he did it.

In the end, you must make this decision. Don’t let all these people manipulate you.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
The church does not want your marriage destroyed, but neither does it say you must obey your wife in this. I know a man who convereted although his wife was completely against it and wanted nothing to do with the Catholic faith. But he did it.

In the end, you must make this decision. Don’t let all these people manipulate you.
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Yes, that’s the problem here and in your many threads about this. You seem to think you can win them over with logic, reason, as long as you “say the right things.” But they have no interest in that. Continuing to agree to these meetings and interviews is not getting you anywhere, but it does provide some convenient stalling options. These people are manipulating you.

It would show greater respect for your wife if you did not let her treat you so badly. That doesn’t mean you completely disregard her wishes or that you deny her the respect and dignity due to her as God’s loving creation and as your chosen wife, but no, you don’t let people just run all over you.

The most argument you need to make is, “Thank you for your concern. I know what I’m doing. I love my wife. Now please let me get on with my life.” And then stop seeing these people.
 
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