You said,
The rest of your post is about coveting your neighbor’s wife, which I did not address. If you are not concerned about coveting your neighbor’s goods, then you should have left out the “goods” part of your question.
Really? My original post was so long if fills my screen. it contained one sentence refering to coveting your neighbours wife:
Depending on translation the commandment not to covet your neighbours Wife is included in the same commandment or in a separate one… but ultimately the thought processes are the same, and can equally be applied to the fixations that many single people can develop (the “unrequited love” fixation).
I didn’t dwell on this as
- it’s not the problem I’m struggling with at the moment (Thank God for the Graces given in the Sacrament of Marriage), and
- it’s a topic that’s dealt with again and again both here and in the family forum.
The intention of the remainder of my post was to discuss the problem of coveting goods…
For me this can become a consuming fixaton. The latest “Must Have” item. I can think of little else than my current fixation, or occasionally fixations.
Currently: My phone contract is due for renewal… I’ve been thinking about which of the latest smart-phones to get as my “Free” upgrade. (the Galaxy SIII or the pending release Galaxy Note 2).
This was not a fixation I’d been particularly bothered with as I had untill yesterday not thought of it as a purchase to be questioned… just a choice of
which phone to have and what target discount to try haggling the sales person down to for the monthly contract. - but I’ve still spent hours OOGLING over the Tech Specs of the devices and checking that none of the other manufacturers are likely to come out with offerings that I feel are equivalent for my “needs” and wants.
The second fixation at the moment is wanting a new Guitar. I want a 6-string (steel string) acoustic or electroacoustic guitar. I’m currently the guitarist for weekly prayer meetings. I have an old “beginners” classical that I got 20 years ago in my early teens. It’s not great for playing in public and has some minor faults, plus it’s tuning slips rapidly, and it takes ages to tune (nylon strings change more with temperature and slip more… plus its partly the guitar.) It also has a distinct “Buzz” on one of the strings, which I’ve not been able to fix.
My other guitar is a demonic looking electric. apart from the appearance which draws odd looks in Christian gatherings, (and I’m afraid could be a distraction to some worshipers), It’s totally unsuited to smaller living room type gatherings due to the size of the amp and the time needed to set up. Plus it’s my first electric, and I haven’t yet learned how to best utilize it. My Amp is Huge, and doesn’t do “Quiet” very well…
I had a good steel string acoustic guitar in my teens, but it got stolen when I was a student and I was uninsured at the time. I’ve never found the money to replace it, and now am
Coveting a new guitar. I want one that meets specific desires in terms of Quality and in terms of how it sounds. I’ve spent hours trying out guitars in guitar shops… I’ve found what types of guitar I like. I’ve found but missed a couple of 2nd Hand deals on the kind of guitar I would like. I’ve been begging and annoying my wife about the issue trying to get her to agree to such a purchase. trying to bargain with her. - But ultimately: I have 2 guitars already. We can ill afford the kind of guitar I want. - even at 2nd hand prices… and they tend to get sold very fast when they do appear.
We also lack the space in the house to safely protect another guitar.
The Ones I have would be likely to attract very poor trade-in value, (far less than they are worth to keep) and similar electric guitars are going unsold on E-bay or only fetching a pittance.
This is an example of my current fixations and behaviour. 4 months ago it was something different that I spent about 9 months trying to persuade my wife we “needed”… before that it was something else… and my current fixation is likely to stick around for a very long time until satisfied… then something else will take it’s place. (maybe after a couple of months of peace.)
Over the years this behaviour has resulted in my building up enormous levels of debt, and about 8 years ago i was discussing bankruptcy proceedings with a solicitor. (I avoided that, and those debts are now paid off in full, but replaced with others)
Since I got married I have managed to reduce my personal debts from about £50,000 the year I got married, to about £12,000 today - that’s in 4 years… but added another 10,000 of new debt! - That’s meant debt repayments of almost £1000 per month (US$1588 approx). Now my wife is a SAHM, and we don’t have her income, but many of the smaller debts are paid. ~ but that £1000 is more than my wife ever took home after tax!
I’m not counting the mortgage in all that as that’s more equivalent to rent (actually it’s cheaper) and we’re in very modest housing. (actually too small for our growing family and we will need to move this year so my Mother In Law can live with us as soon as she gets out of hospital). (I know those figures allow for very little interest… I’d managed to get a lot of low or 0% deals).
on the Plus side: If I can be disiplined and not increase my debts i could be debt free in 3 years without re-negotiation of existing deals. by diverting funds from completed loans into the outstanding ones it could be quicker than that.
but that’s my logic speaking. It’s an intense burning desire that drives me to spend, using new credit, on things that are “Nice” and I don’t really need. The strength of that urge is frightening, and it’s persistent… I get fixated on things and the fixation can last a year before first it wears down my resistance, and then I wear down my wife’s.
If I didn’t have this problem we could have been debt free, my wife would have the freedom to only work if she wanted to to have an outside occupation. (she worked part time between our kids births)
If I didn’t have this problem, then some of these purchases in the past year might not have needed to cause such consternation, as we would have had much more disposable income (not diverting £12,000 per year into debt repayments). We should have had sufficient savings to have been able to have bought a more suitable house and modify it for my mother-in-law’s needs (provide her with a semi-independent annex). We’ve seen suitable properties and not been able to act due to an inability to borrow due to our current debt levels and lack of cash for a deposit & fees.
So: after that personal exposé of my financial situation and credit history you can see why I ask the question. I need to drive these thoughts from my mind because if I don’t they will eventually win. then the cycle starts again.
While things are hugely better than they were 10 years ago when I was on the verge of bankruptcy, they are far from rosy, and it is the result of my own sinful behaviour.
