Sorry to disagree with some, but I can understand the OP. I also respectfully but more strongly disagree with the notion that “Mom should mind her own business.” In other words, I thing you’re all wrong! Sorry for a long post.
I write this as a married guy, a parent, and a former single guy.
One aspect of parenting that IMHO is sorely overlooked is the skill of teaching our children to find quality mates as they get to the “age when that is expected.” Let me respectfully note the following:
- While true that “some are called to religious life,” such calling should be explained in the context of what’s right for the person. In other words – if you want to become a priest, fine, but do so because you are called to that, not b/c you can;t find a wife and “fall into” a vocation. Failing to find a spouse does not mean you are called to a vocation.
- Finding a spouse is a lost art form. Society, friends, etc., often value the wrong things. Ever read a personal ad? Many say the same things, i.e., “I like long walks on the beach, I’m looking for someone funny,” etc. Aren’t we all? Instead, what is really important is finding a person who is dedicated; devoted to one’s family; kind; industrious, etc., i.e., not a layabout, a spendthrift, etc. .
- As we go through teens, 20s, etc., we are expected to learn how to interact with others of the opposite gender; learn the differences between men & women, etc. That’s part of growing up. IMHO, learning how to interact with the opposite gender is part of maturing, to the point where we can be prepared for relationships and eventually marriage…or at least, healthy relationships with other people.
- That said, there is a “range of reasonableness” for learning these things. It’s normal to hit adolescence and start to like the opposite gender…so, in high school, we have proms, etc…because those events are “normal,” and part of the process of learning how to interact with others, ask someone out, etc. However, it’s not really “normal” to be 45 & have never learned to interact with a person of the opposite gender, such that you can ask someone out for coffee. If you don’t want to, once again, fine – but you should be able to, and know how to, if you DO want to, long before you’re 45…because learning how to is part of being a healthy person
Now to the OP: It’s probably OK IMHO that son isn’t “into women.” I wasn’t really either at 23! But what Mom also notices is that sonny’s life is too testosterone laden. Once again, there’s a place for that…but life is more than testosterone. Mom seems to be saying, “he’s going way overboard, is this normal?” Everyone is saying, “yes.” I counter with, “if mom needs to ask, maybe he is going a bit overboard,” and maybe he needs a bit of well-rounding…
…because, like I said above, if he doesn’t learn that well-rounding at 23, he may not have it at 33 when he wants to settle down and he is “competing” with guys who know how to ask a lady to go have coffee after church, and he doesn’t.
Finally, as to the notion that “God will send someone to us when it’s right, etc.,” I respond, “it sure helps if we look around for that someone!” There are lots of 45 year olds who are still waiting for Mr./Ms Right, but may not find that person, either because of unreasonable expectations, or because they really never learned “dating 101,” etc. - and those things need to be taught by parents, not by friends, society, trashy magazines, etc.
Anyway, I’ve said my peace. For OP: I respectfully suggest that you gently tell your son, “while you change the world’s monetary policy, how about an art museum someday, or music at the local bookstore…or even a Catholic singles function…” (My parents pulled that one on me. I fought going…and then a tall blonde picked me up. We’ll celebrate our 10th anniversary in not too long…).
maybe your son just hasn’t met the right person yet, or this isn’t the time.
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