Young Americans Aren't Too Poor to Have Kids

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Jessica Burke writes about how scary it is to have children. And why she’s glad she wasn’t too scared to do it.

“When I look at all the best things in my life, every single one has come at a high cost. I didn’t know how expensive children are, what toll pregnancy would take on my body, or how tired I’d be. I couldn’t look into the future to see what types of challenges and heartaches we’ll face.”

“Parenting is hard; probably the hardest thing I’ve undertaken. I wasn’t a mom for long before I began to learn that motherhood would require me to lay aside my own desires and needs for the good of my child. When my oldest was two weeks old, I sat on my bed sobbing because I didn’t think I could make it through another day of sleep-deprived nursing around the clock.”

“I can’t personally offer anyone a financial incentive to have children. But every time I welcome a young adult into my life, I’m hoping they’ll get a glimpse of an imperfect family who loves deeply. People who don’t want children shouldn’t have them, but boy are they missing out.”

Full article:

 
Researcher Jeremy Carl wrote:

“Those having the most children are least able to pay for their upbringing. American women became mothers last year at rates that were inversely proportional to family income. The birth rate was almost 50 percent higher for those with less than $10,000 in family income than for those with family incomes of $200,000 or more.”

I suspect that a big reason for lower birthrates in the over-$200k group is that it’s an older, biologically less fertile demographic, rather than there being a whole bunch of 25-year-olds making over $200k a year who are stubbornly refusing to have children…

“I cannot deny that parenting has come at a cost. My husband and I have worked hard and sacrificed to make ends meet. We drive old cars, have home projects we won’t get to any time soon, and do without some luxuries other people consider necessities.”

And a lot of young people today are financially struggling already, without any kids.
 
Yes, Jessica Burke quotes that in her article, but she says she’s glad she didn’t think about it too much before having kids, “because I might have chosen to miss out on four of the best blessings I’ve ever had. The price we pay for children is small compared to what we receive in return.”
 
My mom used to tell us growing up that if we waited until we could afford to get married or have children, than no one would ever get married or have children. People that want a family make it work.
 
That the birth rate is higher in populations with lower incomes does not necessarily mean that “Americans aren’t too poor to have kids”. Americans aren’t having more kids for a lot of different reasons, but the very simplistic conclusion that they’re just too selfish and don’t want to give up their lifestyle only goes so far.

I think older adults (meaning my parents’ generation, who are in their 60s and up) have a hard time understanding the economic and social climate in which we are having children now. It is nearly impossible to live on one income unless that one income is rather substantial. Do people with lower incomes do it? Yes, but often not without help from family or other social welfare programs.

My husband and I are in our mid thirties and have one child and one on the way. He has a Bachelor’s and I have Master’s degree. We both work and we still do not own a home. We’ve both experienced layoffs. Our son needs therapy. Things are tight. We do not go on vacations, ever. Health insurance is outrageously expensive and pays for less and less each year. I always wanted more kids. That will probably not happen.

People like to say “oh, people these days don’t want kids because they don’t want to give up all their stuff” or “they’re too scared”. I don’t disagree with most of the article, but I do disagree with the idea that people are unnecessarily scared of financial and other concerns, and if they could only learn to sacrifice. There is certainly truth in that, but let’s not downplay issues like parental leave, health care costs, child care costs, the need for dual incomes, etc.
 
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Xantippe said:
I suspect that a big reason for lower birthrates in the over-$200k group is that it’s an older, biologically less fertile demographic, rather than there being a whole bunch of 25-year-olds making over $200k a year who are stubbornly refusing to have children…
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Yes, it makes no sense to present this information within the context of this article without some kind of context related to age.
 
There was. It says women ages 15-44. That is a very large age range.

I am 47. I just gave birth to my second biological daughter. The first was born just before I turned 46. My 6 older kids are all adopted from a family member. I am not sure how that would be translated in terms of this study. I don’t fit into the age range listed for my bio kids. The other 6 I am unsure they would count for me or their bio mom. I will say that our income is closer to the $10,000 mark than it is the $200,000 mark, and before custody was granted the state agencies involved did check for financial stability. We more than qualified. I seriously believe people make choices based on what they want and think that sacrificing parenthood is the responsible choice. I am glad there are others that realize that sometimes you just have to go with what you’ve got.
 
Also, while it may be true that the very poor have a higher birthrate than the very rich, it is also true that (on average) households with higher income are doing more of the kid-having.

https://thepracticalconservative.wo...come-compared-to-all-households-2017-numbers/

“Less than 9% of all households making under 50k/yr are married with under-18 kids.
About 20% of all households making 50-99k/yr are married with under-18 kids.
About 30% of all households making 100-149k/yr are married with under-18 kids.
About 35% of all households making 150k/yr or more are married with under-18 kids.”

Meanwhile, the US median household income is something like $59k…

When you compare those sets of numbers (moderate median household income versus the fact that affluent households are much more likely to be married with children), it gets easier to understand why it takes so long for young Americans to get married and have children, and why the US total fertility rate is around 1.8 children per woman.
 
I think one big factor is lack of financial education for young people. At my high school, if you were on the college prep track, you took an economics class, but you didn’t learn personal finance. I’m not going to say it isn’t harder today, but I do get annoyed when I hear college friends at get togethers talk about how student loans make them too poor to do this or that, but they’re living pretty luxuriously (probably financing it with credit cards, agh!) But that’s the standard of living they grew up with and they don’t know any differently.
 
That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I question the truth of it though. Approximately 40% of all children in the US are born out of wedlock. 41% of children are living in very low income or below the poverty line homes. So basically all those numbers show is if a couple is married, they don’t tend to have children unless they are well off, and then only 1 or 2. More single mothers giving birth than married, middle class parents. Those numbers are not looking good for the future of our nation.
 
You are right. It seems many people think they deserve or need a specific lifestyle and make no effort to work towards acheiving it. They want it all now instead of sacrificing for better days ahead. They dig deeper and deeper holes that eventually become impossible to climb out of. So they whine and complain, but still do nothing. Growing up, we called that spoiled.
 
pensmama87 said:
I think one big factor is lack of financial education for young people. At my high school, if you were on the college prep track, you took an economics class, but you didn’t learn personal finance. I’m not going to say it isn’t harder today, but I do get annoyed when I hear college friends at get togethers talk about how student loans make them too poor to do this or that, but they’re living pretty luxuriously (probably financing it with credit cards, agh!) But that’s the standard of living they grew up with and they don’t know any differently.
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Lack of financial education is the rule, rather than the exception, so it is easy to get a bad start in life by accident. After all, a lot of older people are pretty bad with money, too, so they can’t teach something that they don’t know, even if their kids were willing to listen.
 
13pollitos said:
That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I question the truth of it though. Approximately 40% of all children in the US are born out of wedlock. 41% of children are living in very low income or below the poverty line homes. So basically all those numbers show is if a couple is married, they don’t tend to have children unless they are well off, and then only 1 or 2. More single mothers giving birth than married, middle class parents. Those numbers are not looking good for the future of our nation.
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It’s a tricky thing.

On the one hand, there are a lot of poor single mothers. But on the other hand, nowadays poor single mothers do not typically have a lot of kids.
 
13pollitos said:
You are right. It seems many people think they deserve or need a specific lifestyle and make no effort to work towards acheiving it. They want it all now instead of sacrificing for better days ahead. They dig deeper and deeper holes that eventually become impossible to climb out of. So they whine and complain, but still do nothing. Growing up, we called that spoiled.
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To be fair, young people today are also likely to have a lot less help from family than when I was a kid.

I was a mid-70s baby and 80s kid, and we lived in the same town as my paternal grandparents and routinely did overnights at grandma’s house and I have a lot of memories of spending time with my grandma with my parents not around. When I was a little kid, my grandma was still working (I was the first grandkid and was born when she was 50), but she eventually quit and was free to be pretty much a professional grandma (as well as helping grandpa with the farm).

Fastforward to the present and things are different for my kids. For one thing, we live 2,000 miles from both grandmas. For another thing, both grandma are still working hard, despite being 65ish and 70ish. The kids see their grandparents for a total of maybe two weeks a year if they’re lucky, it’s very expensive either for us to visit them or them to visit us, the kids have had very little solo time with their grandparents, we can go literally years at a time without them babysitting for us for so much as a dinner, and there’s never been a time when all of the kids were in the care of their grandparents overnight. While my parents took SO many trips without us kids when I was growing up, there’s never been a time in the last 16 years where the kids’ grandparents did that for us. (One set of grandparents is talking about doing a trip to the old country with the big kids, but it hasn’t happened yet.)

I know there are still traditional grandparents here and there , but the truth is that many young Americans are going to have a lot less practical support from their parents than the parents themselves got, and they’re aware of it. So they have to get their ducks in a row better, because nobody is going to be there to help them.
 
Clementine14 said:
People like to say “oh, people these days don’t want kids because they don’t want to give up all their stuff” or “they’re too scared”. I don’t disagree with most of the article, but I do disagree with the idea that people are unnecessarily scared of financial and other concerns, and if they could only learn to sacrifice. There is certainly truth in that, but let’s not downplay issues like parental leave, health care costs, child care costs, the need for dual incomes, etc.
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Yes, and let’s not forget problems with K-12 education and the impact on family finances.

Consider how many people today (especially on CAF!) feel uncomfortable about the quality of their local public schools. Again, I was an 80s kid, and while we knew about homeschooling (and I believe one of my siblings was very briefly homeschooled due to a fight with school), public school was simply assumed. My parents disliked this or that about our school district, but it was OK, and (most importantly!) it was free.

Some years later, my sister attempted to have her son at our old hometown public school. Our school hadn’t been that hot when we were kids, but it’s gone seriously downhill since then. Our old high school is now a 3 out of 10 on greatschools.net, but there have been times when it was a 1 or a 2. My sister pulled her son out of the public elementary in our home town and they were (fortunately) able to get him into a better district, but one with way more expensive homes.

It was a tremendous advantage for parents in past generations to be able to have peace of mind about putting their kids in their local public school or to have access to inexpensive parochial schools. If public school isn’t a realistic option (or if it’s necessary to pay more for a house in a better school district), kids get a lot more expensive.
 
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I don’t understand the thinking that adults should be getting help from their parents. It isn’t part of the culture I am from. Instead, adult children help their parents as a way of giving back. My husband and i have always sent money to our parents, just as our parents sent money to them. We do not want or expect that from our own children, but we will not be paying their expenses or helping buy a home or any such thing. We will provide free childcare if they choose to live near us, but that is completely up to them. So far, one adult is living far away, one is traveling, one is close by and one at home. The one at home has a job and pays their own expenses. Itvseems, though, that itbis the norm in the US for parents to be at least a small part of the support for their kids. It’s teally sad to me.


I never lived near my extended family. We saw them about 2-4 weeks every other summer. My kids have never been near their grandparents either. I don’t understand why that is such a big thing. Adults should be able to stand in their own feet.
 
Neither do well off married people. Or middle class. Or any one else. That is a big part of the issue
 
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That’s really unfair. Public schools have always been a bad system. I teach in them. I know the problems and they have always existed. People used to just accept that that was how it had to be and didnt think there was a choice. Parochial or private catholic schools have been hit or miss as well. I attended them. Some were good, most were no better than the public schools. Many people could not afford even the cheapest ones even in past generations. Once again, these are choices people make. Deciding you or your kids deserve something better than what you can afford is simply pride. Instead people should be thankful if they have the option, not expect grandparents to pitch in or whine and complain it’s not good enough.
 
13pollitos said:
There was. It says women ages 15-44. That is a very large age range.
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There are very important differences between a 15 year old and a 44 year old. In the graph linked to in the article, these differences are not accounted for at all.
 
13pollitos said:
Deciding you or your kids deserve something better than what you can afford is simply pride. Instead people should be thankful if they have the option, not expect grandparents to pitch in or whine and complain it’s not good enough.
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This type of thing is exactly the problem I have with the idea that people should just suck it up and have a lot of children no matter what, and that things like this shouldn’t be a concern.

There are some communities around here that have really poor public school systems. Some that are really excellent, all within a 30 mile radius. There IS a choice. This is why we don’t currently own a home- we’ve chosen to keep renting until we find a home we can afford in a good community with good schools, because my son has special needs and it’s important that he has a supportive program and frankly, because I’d be worried for his safety and our own living in one of the communities with bad schools.

I don’t think most people think “well I’m not having more kids because I can’t afford private school for them” but that it is part of a larger financial picture. What’s not fair is implying that parents who want their kids to get a good, safe education (and have their needs addressed if there are special needs) are prideful. People like to think “well I did this, so can everyone else” and sometimes sacrificing parenthood IS a responsible choice.
 
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