Young breakupee looking for advice

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aball1035

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I have a question for people in a former serious relationship, but i’ll give you all a little background.

I’m 20 and my girlfriend of 2.5 years recently broke up with me, and I’m just feeling terrible. We were best friends and talked and hung out every day, but suddenly that’s no more. She was my best friend and there’s no one who comes close to how I felt when I was with her. I’m scared that I won’t find another girl that I can have as much fun with as with her. I’m scared that I’ll have to settle for someone who I enjoy being with, but not as great as the girl I was just with.

Can anyone give me advice about how the process of breakups and finding new relationships usually happen and how I can deal with it? I know there are a lot more fish in the sea, but I havn’t found anybody I love to hang out with as much as her, and I’m scared I never will.
 
What I would say at this time… and it may not be what you want to hear but maybe it is…

At this time it is best to secure your relationship with Christ.
Perhaps all this happened because God wants you to pursue a religious vocation or perhaps this happened so that you could have a chance to really secure your foundations so that when that right person does come around, you will be ready to be a leader in that relationship.

All in all, you will be okay. I definitely understand the franticness of what’s next, will I ever find someone thoughts but for me, I was franctically trying to find that special girl until I finally decided that it was ridiculous what I was doing and that the thing that mattered the most and would stay with me the most was my Lord. So I dropped the search completely and told God that I just wanted to focus on Him and not worry about girls anymore… sure enough a couple of months later I met the woman who is now my wife and believe it or not she had made the same promise to God about the same time I did.

So worry not, and just let God grow you and send you someone if he may or listen if He places on your heart a different vocation.
 
Hello…you are so young and I have been in your position, and I know how it feels to have a breakup…When you are young, everything, every emotion is ten times worse…After all the breakups i had, i did eventually meet a wonderful person who i married and now we have 3 kids…before I met him, I never thought I would meet anyone worthy of the last person who broke up with me…but when you least expect it, it happens…
Faith helps you get through heartache…I did not have faith before I met my husband, so if you have Jesus in your heart, you can cope with anything:)
I know it is hard to hear this, but you will get over this person…I got over my breakups…time really does heal.
You are so young, work on your relationship with God…He is always there for us…God Bless you:)
 
When I was your age I also went through a hard break up, and it didn’t seem like I would meet anyone like that person again. Most of us probably have a past like yours. Just give it time, meet new people, and you won’t feel this way anymore.
 
I liked the post above, about just focusing on God. But, I know how you are feeling, because I felt the same way you did about 2 years ago. And, it’s true when they say time will heal your pain ?, something like that lol… Also, i have a friend who was in a situation similar to yours… she was older about 27, and she was in LOVE with this guy she was dating, and he broke her heart. Had no valid reason for breaking up with her. It took her literally a year to get over him. And, a couple months later she found the perfect man for her, and is now married to him. She thought she would never find someone again, especially someone like him. But, she did and he was, in my opinion, a much better catch !! So, hang in there and trust me, you will find someone… Just focus on God, and other things in your life for now.
 
aball1035 said:
I have a question for people in a former serious relationship, but i’ll give you all a little background.

I’m 20 and my girlfriend of 2.5 years recently broke up with me, and I’m just feeling terrible. We were best friends and talked and hung out every day, but suddenly that’s no more. She was my best friend and there’s no one who comes close to how I felt when I was with her. I’m scared that I won’t find another girl that I can have as much fun with as with her. I’m scared that I’ll have to settle for someone who I enjoy being with, but not as great as the girl I was just with.

Can anyone give me advice about how the process of breakups and finding new relationships usually happen and how I can deal with it? I know there are a lot more fish in the sea, but I havn’t found anybody I love to hang out with as much as her, and I’m scared I never will.
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I think you’re already handling it rather well. Life’s plenty yet and there are many people, so as you guess correctly, “plenty of fish in the sea.”

People rightly say it’s a good time to build up your relationship with God. It may also be a good time to build your relationship with other people, like your family or friends. You may slowly return to your old hobbies (that you didn’t have time for when you had a girlfriend) or find new ones. You’ll need contact with people and you’ll need distraction for your mind.

As for relationships, you don’t need to have a girlfriend at all times to be a valuable man. Relationships aren’t there for their own sake, they are a way to help you find a good wife in the end. Basically, if a girlfriend “works”, she becomes a fiancee and if it works, she will be your wife. In the meantime, you may discover that you prefer someone else after all or that you wouldn’t like to spend your life with that girl for some reason, of course, but it’s not about just having a girlfriend or boyfriend. You need to find a wife, but you don’t need always to be in a relationship (replacing one girl with another the way you upgrade a piece of software, but essentially simply always being in a relationship) - that’s a wrong approach. Don’t waste time on relationships without a future and don’t give in to the pressure to pair up or the pressing need for company.
 
Thank you all for your help. How do I know what God’s will is/will be in this situation? I don’t think im called to the religous life
 
God’s will is that you will grow closer to him. For most of us, marriage is our vocation. However, I don’t think that it has ever been Catholic teaching that there is one particular person that God wills us to marry. I think that we are offered a multitude of ways in which to serve God’s will as we live our lives. If this girl broke up with you, that does not mean that you are suddenly going to be cut off from being able to do God’s will.

I know how much it hurts to be in the position that you are in right now. It really does. There is something really beautiful in people who can be hurt and who do not harden their hearts, who stay open and vulnerable, albeit hopefully a bit wiser. I’m sure that you have grown a lot as a person from all that you experienced that was wonderful in your relationship with this girl. The truth is that all of the pain that you are feeling now will also help you to grow and will give you a strength that you never knew you had. I am sure that right now what you have just experienced is the worst loss that you can imagine. The thing is though that God really will give you what you need to pick up the pieces and carry on and have new experiences, more opportunities to follow his will.

I know I am rambling and that is because I am tired and about to go to bed. So, hope this makes some sense. Praying for you.
 
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