Young Catholic Wife In A Non Catholic World

[FullOfThought]

*I’d like to start off my saying the God has blessed my husband and I abundantly and I love my life. I try to find good Christian friends and watch/read only appropriate materials, dress modestly. However, since have got married I have entered into a new sub culture in medical school and feel bombarded with athesist opinions, and when I try to defend my beliefs I am met with ridicule. *

*For example, we were discussing embryology and I asked a question where I referred to the embryo as a child and my proffessor laughed and said “A child? It’s a cell!!” *

*The language is awful here, the people are friendly but so different than I and **openly *discuss their multiple sexual partners in class (it is all topic relevant in class), and think I am ‘stupid’ for getting married so young… I’m 25… not that young, and that I’ve ‘thrown my life away’… they don’t get how unbelievably amazing it is to have my husband… they’re so different than me.

*I feel like I am surrounded by this world that I want to cover my eyes and ears continuously! I send most of my time there so it’s not a matter of ‘spend less time there’. My life will revolve for 3 more years around being at school, and coming home at night to my husband. *

Any advice to thicken my skin??

 

[bearkatjen]

I’m kind of shocked you are met with such negativity. So many of my doctors are Christians, and would just expect there to be a diverse group of people in medical school, a diversity of religions, a diversity of values, and people from the entire political and social spectrum.

Is there a campus group in the medical school for Catholics or all Christians? If not, you should consider starting one up. You can’t be the only practicing Christian, and having a group offers support not just to yourself, but others like you. Or maybe a group for married students. I know there must be other married students, because when my friend was at Baylor College of Medicine she had peers getting married and having babies left and right!

 

[jilly4ski]

*I’d like to start off my saying the God has blessed my husband and I abundantly and I love my life. I try to find good Christian friends and watch/read only appropriate materials, dress modestly. However, since have got married I have entered into a new sub culture in medical school and feel bombarded with athesist opinions, and when I try to defend my beliefs I am met with ridicule. *

*For example, we were discussing embryology and I asked a question where I referred to the embryo as a child and my proffessor laughed and said “A child? It’s a cell!!” *

*The language is awful here, the people are friendly but so different than I and **openly ***discuss their multiple sexual partners in class (it is all topic relevant in class), and think I am ‘stupid’ for getting married so young… I’m 25… not that young, and that I’ve ‘thrown my life away’… they don’t get how unbelievably amazing it is to have my husband… they’re so different than me.

*I feel like I am surrounded by this world that I want to cover my eyes and ears continuously! I send most of my time there so it’s not a matter of ‘spend less time there’. My life will revolve for 3 more years around being at school, and coming home at night to my husband. *

Any advice to thicken my skin??

hmm, when I was in law school I definitely felt like the odd one out, not because I was married, but because I didn’t spend every weekend in the bars, didn’t engage in highschool hijinks and drama, and I had kids right away. (I was more or less pregnant when I arrived) So I spent no more time in school than class time. I did all my studying at home, unless I needed the actual book in the library, and often went right from class to home.

But I did not experience such behavior in class, and certainly not by a professor. (One of my constitutional law profs was a flaming liberal, but she didn’t ridicule others positions for holding otherwise). I don’t know maybe it is because the law profession tends to be more conservative/uptight.

You could bring up the fact that many of their patients have different thoughts on these matters, and if they are gong to deride people for getting married at 25,etc. they are going to insult many patients and not be able to keep their patients and get many complaints filed against them, thus inhibiting their ability to practice medicine and make any money doing so. Honestly your professor sounds like a jerk, if it happens again, I would say, “try telling that to the woman coming in for pre natal care. I mean really, do you need prenatal care if it is a only a cell?”

I guess I didn’t make many friends in law school, I knew people but I didn’t know people. I clung to my husband and my home life. The only other thing I could think of would be to transfer schools, as your school seems oddly undiverse. Many of my doctors have told me about being married while in med school, or are Christian (I actually go to a pro-life Catholic clinic right now), or even had children while they were taking their boards. Maybe you just haven’t found the people that you fit in with yet. Look for the quiet ones and ignore the loud ones who are just looking for attention.

 

[mandajane]

I’ve found, in these type of situations, is that prayer helps. My family is not supportive of me being Catholic, and they have not taken my engagement to a Catholic man, or my intention to live the rest of my life as a Catholic, well. They all assumed it was some ‘phase’ I would grow out of.

So, pray. Every. Single. Day. As often as you feel comfortable praying.

Also, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and your religion. If the professor laughs at you for calling it a child, calmly tell him that you are Catholic, and leave it at that.

While you might be worrying about the negativity, remember that for a number of these people, you may be the only example of a devout Catholic they have. So wear it proudly, and don’t allow them to insult you, or your religion, but don’t be overly judgmental.

However, I will say - if you feel it’s going overboard, and that you are being harassed because of your religious beliefs, go to the department chair, the board, whoever is over your professor. Remember - God loves you, but He wants you to love Him back. Just like you’d expect your husband to stand up for you if someone were ridiculing you in front of him, you should stand up for God.

 

[Waiting]

*I’d like to start off my saying the God has blessed my husband and I abundantly and I love my life. I try to find good Christian friends and watch/read only appropriate materials, dress modestly. However, since have got married I have entered into a new sub culture in medical school and feel bombarded with athesist opinions, and when I try to defend my beliefs I am met with ridicule. *

*For example, we were discussing embryology and I asked a question where I referred to the embryo as a child and my proffessor laughed and said “A child? It’s a cell!!” *

*The language is awful here, the people are friendly but so different than I and **openly ***discuss their multiple sexual partners in class (it is all topic relevant in class), and think I am ‘stupid’ for getting married so young… I’m 25… not that young, and that I’ve ‘thrown my life away’… they don’t get how unbelievably amazing it is to have my husband… they’re so different than me.

*I feel like I am surrounded by this world that I want to cover my eyes and ears continuously! I send most of my time there so it’s not a matter of ‘spend less time there’. My life will revolve for 3 more years around being at school, and coming home at night to my husband. *

Any advice to thicken my skin??

Offer it up! Sinners, the Poor Souls in Purgatory, etc., could use the graces coming from your willingness to endure, patiently, the criticism and poor taste coming from your fellow classmates. Truly feel sorry for them, for as Jesus said, “They know not what they do.” Remember, this, too, shall pass, but unless the others in the class experience a conversion along the way, they will be marooned in a spiritual desert, needing help and not even realizing it. Be grateful for the blessings you have received. Pray that they, too, will soon be so blessed.

 

[Havard]

Sorry if this is too cheesy, but maybe it’ll lift your spirits or be a little inspirational:

Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Sorry if this is too cheesy, but maybe it’ll lift your spirits or be a little inspirational:

Good old Sam Gamgee, such a wise Hobbit he became.

 

[SummerSmiles]

Good old Sam Gamgee, such a wise Hobbit he became.

Sam was one of my favorite characters in that story. A wonderful example of a true and loyal friend in the end.

OP, I don’t have any suggestions, but I know how you feel. Just last weekend I went to a get together held by a young couple from my church. Even there, I was surprised at all the open talk about despising having too many biological kids, promotion of contraception and abortion, and even promoting gay marriage. I felt so out of place. At times I wonder when I will find a group of people that I truly fit in with. For now, I just continue to offer prayers for my friends when I think of them.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

*I’d like to start off my saying the God has blessed my husband and I abundantly and I love my life. I try to find good Christian friends and watch/read only appropriate materials, dress modestly. However, since have got married I have entered into a new sub culture in medical school and feel bombarded with athesist opinions, and when I try to defend my beliefs I am met with ridicule. *

*For example, we were discussing embryology and I asked a question where I referred to the embryo as a child and my proffessor laughed and said “A child? It’s a cell!!” *

I’m just shooting this out there, perhaps I’m not clear on the situation.

But given that this is medical school, right… why would you refer to an embryo as a “child”? Perhaps that is what your professor is critiquing, perhaps not, but… this is not philosophy.

An embryo is an embryo, not a child… and an embryo is a cell (well, it’s a multicellular organism, but nevertheless, I expect that is his point.)

In other words, wouldn’t that be like referring to the gluteus maximus as a “butt”? (Which would be wrong in more ways than one…)

 

[Trigger06]

An embryo is a unique human person. It is a baby. ‘Embryo’ is just a more specific term to designate a specific stage in the development of a baby.

 

[promethius]

Any advice to thicken my skin??

As regards your being married “throwing away your life”… your marraige will produce children, who will advance the human race. If you died five years from now, your life would have made a difference and you would leave a genetic legacy (and hopefully a spiritual legacy of faith based children!).

Their lifestyle carried on would leave only a legacy of partners going “sucks that X died, they were good in bed.” Not the type of legacy I want to leave behind.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with getting married… nothing whatsoever. What these people have is nothing compared to what you do, so it is not surprising at all that they want to denigrate your status and make it seem inferior to their own.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

An embryo is a unique human person. It is a baby. ‘Embryo’ is just a more specific term to designate a specific stage in the development of a baby.

Right, and in medical school isn’t that kinda, you know… important? I mean, to be specific?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Their lifestyle carried on would leave only a legacy of partners going “sucks that X died, they were good in bed.” Not the type of legacy I want to leave behind.

I hope you didn’t really mean that. Are you really saying that unmarried people, especially those who engage in premarital sex leave nothing behind? No family that they loved and took care of, no friends that will be forever changed by knowing them, no difference that they made through volunteer work or activism, no one that they helped make a better life for themselves? They are really just reduced to their sexual experiences?

How very dehumanizing.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

And to the OP, stand up for your decisions and your family. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for marrying young, and don’t let people bash that decision. Your husband deserves to have you stand up for spending your life with him.

I wouldn’t suggest engaging your professors in a pro-life debate, since that’s just a distraction and they are just likely to look down on you. But at the same time don’t let them humiliate you for being Catholic. When I was doing my undergrad in a major city I had a professor who took great joy in humiliating me for being from a small town. I mean, obviously I was never going to accomplish anything, right? I consistently stood up for myself and my background and by the end of the semester I had earned his respect and now that I’m starting to apply to law schools he is my number one reference.

 

[Colorad007]

I am a young Catholic husband and law student, so I can relate very well to what you’re dealing with. Here are a few things that I have found helpful:

1.) Your school is a mission field. It is your apostolate, your mission field. You may be the only real source of light to those people, so don’t hesitate to passionately evangelize whenever and however the opportunity arises.

2.) Stay closely connected with your husband. Instead of staying at school to study, take every opportunity to come home and see your husband. Don’t make that environment your home–at least to every extent possible in your situation.

3.) Be bold in asserting and arguing your principles.

4.) Read St. Josemaria Escriva. I think you’ll find his stuff tremendously helpful in your situation.

Like I said, your situation sounds almost identical to mine. I attend daily Mass, adoration once or twice a week for at least an hour, and I pray a lot. Take as much time as you can during the day to pray and do spiritual reading. That keeps me grounded when I’m assaulted by the culture surrounding me. I talk to my wife frequently when possibly and spend as little time as possible at school. If you can find good Christians at your school, that will help. It will also help to find a campus Catholic group.

 

[Allegra]

I hope you didn’t really mean that. Are you really saying that unmarried people, especially those who engage in premarital sex leave nothing behind? No family that they loved and took care of, no friends that will be forever changed by knowing them, no difference that they made through volunteer work or activism, no one that they helped make a better life for themselves? They are really just reduced to their sexual experiences?

How very dehumanizing.

This is certainly not the case. Every person leaves an impact on the world. I think, however, that if these people have had the chutzpa to publicly criticize this woman as “throwing her life away” by being married, they might just be fighting their own fears that they haven’t anyone who really loves them.

 

[plinko]

*I’d like to start off my saying the God has blessed my husband and I abundantly and I love my life. I try to find good Christian friends and watch/read only appropriate materials, dress modestly. However, since have got married I have entered into a new sub culture in medical school and feel bombarded with athesist opinions, and when I try to defend my beliefs I am met with ridicule. *

*For example, we were discussing embryology and I asked a question where I referred to the embryo as a child and my proffessor laughed and said “A child? It’s a cell!!” *

*The language is awful here, the people are friendly but so different than I and **openly ***discuss their multiple sexual partners in class (it is all topic relevant in class), and think I am ‘stupid’ for getting married so young… I’m 25… not that young, and that I’ve ‘thrown my life away’… they don’t get how unbelievably amazing it is to have my husband… they’re so different than me.

*I feel like I am surrounded by this world that I want to cover my eyes and ears continuously! I send most of my time there so it’s not a matter of ‘spend less time there’. My life will revolve for 3 more years around being at school, and coming home at night to my husband. *

Any advice to thicken my skin??

What country are you in? I ask because I was a US med student and that doesn’t sound like anything I’ve ever heard here. Sounds like you chose the wrong med school for your personality. The school I went to had a large Mormon crowd (and no, it wasn’t in Utah!). I went to church a couple times with the Catholics of the class. 90% of my class was either in a committed relationship (on the way to marriage) or married with kids already. Everybody was very respectful of everyone else’s beliefs, sometimes to an extreme extent. That was very unprofessional of your professor–at that stage of education, people should know that the concept of when life begins is a touchy subject with some.

I hate to say it, but I worry that some of this may be overexaggerated in your head. If your school is anything like mine was, they hound you from day one about “professionalism” and how what you say and do is upheld to a high standard (archaic doctor-on-a-pedestal speak). I don’t think people are openly criticizing you the way you think they are; I think you may be projecting their evaluation of you.

In any case, it’s actually only two years. The third and fourth year, you’ll be spending long hours in the hospital and it won’t have that weird I’m-in-high-school-again vibe that preclinical years have. Just toughen up on your OB/GYN rotation.

 

[promethius]

I hope you didn’t really mean that. Are you really saying that unmarried people, especially those who engage in premarital sex leave nothing behind? No family that they loved and took care of, no friends that will be forever changed by knowing them, no difference that they made through volunteer work or activism, no one that they helped make a better life for themselves? They are really just reduced to their sexual experiences?

How very dehumanizing.

I was speaking hyperbolically, but with a grain of truth since I have heard this type of thing said before of a girl who died.

Certainly a person struggling with sexual sin still leaves behind something worthwhile… but those who have abandoned any sense of morality, and seek to verbally destroy the goodness of marraige and assault church teachings MOST CERTAINLY leave behind less of a venerable legacy than those who seek to follow a well informed conscience.

After all, how are Hitler and Judas’ legacies working out for them? (and before you say it, no, I don’t equate the actions of her classmates with Hitler and Judas, but I bring these up as examples of the fact that the sinfulness of our actions most certainly DOES impact perceptions of us after we die).

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I’ve just finished my PhD and am fresh out of grad school and can relate to your experience. My department was dominated by loud atheists and I felt so out of place, thought I was the only Christian there. I just accepted the fact that I was alone there and that I couldn’t truly relate to other students on a deeper level, beyond research talk. I found company elsewhere and that suited me well. Prayer was crucial and helped me when I felt lonely and out of place.

You are lucky you have a husband and a life outside of university, because most students don’t. Your colleagues who make fun of you sound extremely immature. They are just kids and probably don’t know any better. Keep your eyes on the prize, choose how much time you want to spend with other students and focus on your family life. I’m sure you will meet likeminded people eventually, sometims it just takes a bit of time.

 

[Geist]

*For example, we were discussing embryology and I asked a question where I referred to the embryo as a child and my proffessor laughed and said “A child? It’s a cell!!” *

“A cell”? Singular? Its a single cell state for roughly 24 hours immediately after conception. After that it divides(creates more cells in other words) at a remarkable rate.