Young children and the Mass

[djrakowski]

We’re currently investigating the possibility of converting to Catholicism. I have a concern for my children, who are all younger than age 6. The oldest two have autism, and find it very difficult to attend for very long, especially when the activity isn’t child-oriented. In our current (evangelical) church, they attend Sunday school while my wife and I participate in the worship service. I’m VERY afraid of what would happen if we were to suddenly force them to sit through the Mass, because this would be a radical departure from anything they’ve experienced so far. Does anyone have experience with such as move as this, and if so, do you have any suggestions?

I’m very impressed that the Catholic Church strives to keep families together as much as possible. It seems that most evangelical churches with which I’ve been associated try to split kids from adults as early as possible, as soon as they walk in the door.

Thanks in advance for your help!
Dan

 

[mercygate]

djrakowski:

We’re currently investigating the possibility of converting to Catholicism. I have a concern for my children, who are all younger than age 6. The oldest two have autism, and find it very difficult to attend for very long, especially when the activity isn’t child-oriented. In our current (evangelical) church, they attend Sunday school while my wife and I participate in the worship service. I’m VERY afraid of what would happen if we were to suddenly force them to sit through the Mass, because this would be a radical departure from anything they’ve experienced so far. Does anyone have experience with such as move as this, and if so, do you have any suggestions?

I’m very impressed that the Catholic Church strives to keep families together as much as possible. It seems that most evangelical churches with which I’ve been associated try to split kids from adults as early as possible, as soon as they walk in the door.

Thanks in advance for your help!
Dan

You are not alone! Talk to your parish; see what they have to say. They may put you in touch with other parents who are caring for children with similar problems.

 

[space_ghost]

djrakowski:

We’re currently investigating the possibility of converting to Catholicism. I have a concern for my children, who are all younger than age 6. The oldest two have autism, and find it very difficult to attend for very long, especially when the activity isn’t child-oriented. In our current (evangelical) church, they attend Sunday school while my wife and I participate in the worship service. I’m VERY afraid of what would happen if we were to suddenly force them to sit through the Mass, because this would be a radical departure from anything they’ve experienced so far. Does anyone have experience with such as move as this, and if so, do you have any suggestions?

I’m very impressed that the Catholic Church strives to keep families together as much as possible. It seems that most evangelical churches with which I’ve been associated try to split kids from adults as early as possible, as soon as they walk in the door.

Thanks in advance for your help!
Dan

try to imagine the sermon on the mount… Jesus standing there, walking among entire families and preaching… i am sure there were children playing, babies crying, small talk between adolescents… i just don’t see Jesus asking people to leave their children home, or ask them to take them behind the cry tree…
I feel parenting is lacking here… i don’t know, what do you think?

 

[djrakowski]

mercygate:

You are not alone! Talk to your parish; see what they have to say. They may put you in touch with other parents who are caring for children with similar problems.

Sometimes, the most obvious of answers eludes me Thanks for the advice.

We know one other couple in a similar situation, and they attend this particular parish. They usually start in the ‘cry room,’ then end up in a side chapel. That’s somewhat less than ideal, but maybe that’s how we’re going to have to handle it, at least until the kids get used to it. After the Christmas season, I’ll schedule a sit-down with the pastor and discuss it with him, then let y’all know how it works out.

Dan

 

[dhgray]

our church has a kids mass. At the beginning of the normal mass, the priest calls the kids up to the front, they are prayed over and then led off to enjoy the mass spoken at their level. They are returned just before communion.

 

[Marsha]

my children are 8, 7, and 5 and never once had a problem with sitting still in the mass. my son is speical needs and he does find. we do take lil pads of paper for them to draw on, but they must most of the time listen and ask questions.

you might be surprised, they might do jsut fine! atleast do a trail verision and see hwo things go

 

[ProudArmyWife]

While I don’t have any special needs children, I was once a special education teacher (and an adult convert).

During RCIA I asked how in the world was I supposed to get to church with very small children, each week, with no assistance as my husband was deployed. My leaders told me the more difficult it is for one to get to/through mass, the more of a sacrifice you have given at the alter. Jesus is present and he see’s your efforts.

Perhaps you may want to set some time goals instead of trying to make it through each mass every time. Don’t worry about what other people say - you are not going to church for other people but to serve our Lord. I would also sit towards the front so the children can see what is going on (that we are actually listening to someone! - Very helpful for me!!). Perhaps buy some related mass/Catholic books for your children to read/look at incase the attention span is distracted.

God bless!

 

[djrakowski]

space ghost:

try to imagine the sermon on the mount… Jesus standing there, walking among entire families and preaching… i am sure there were children playing, babies crying, small talk between adolescents… i just don’t see Jesus asking people to leave their children home, or ask them to take them behind the cry tree…
I feel parenting is lacking here… i don’t know, what do you think?

I’m not sure what you mean by a lack of parenting in this situation. My children have autism, which is a neurological condition that makes it physically impossible for them to pay attention for very long, unless the subject is of intense interest to them.

I’ve gotten the impression that many serious Catholics are upset when something in the Mass breaks the sense of reverence. I don’t want my children to cause that type of disruption.

Dan

 

[mercygate]

djrakowski:

I’m not sure what you mean by a lack of parenting in this situation. My children have autism, which is a neurological condition that makes it physically impossible for them to pay attention for very long, unless the subject is of intense interest to them.

I’ve gotten the impression that many serious Catholics are upset when something in the Mass breaks the sense of reverence. I don’t want my children to cause that type of disruption.

Dan

Dan, the greatest sound in the world is the sound of children misbehaving at Mass – OK, if it goes on and on, then it’s a parent issue. And maybe leave the hard toys that make a racket when they fall, or noise-making toys at home. But when a kid just pipes up, squirms, or escapes from the pew, and his dad chases after him down the aisle, it’s great. People who have a problem with that have a problem!

How can kids learn how to behave at Mass unless they GO to Mass?

 

[djrakowski]

mercygate:

Dan, the greatest sound in the world is the sound of children misbehaving at Mass – OK, if it goes on and on, then it’s a parent issue. And maybe leave the hard toys that make a racket when they fall, or noise-making toys at home. But when a kid just pipes up, squirms, or escapes from the pew, and his dad chases after him down the aisle, it’s great. People who have a problem with that have a problem!

How can kids learn how to behave at Mass unless they GO to Mass?

I’m in full agreement with everything you’ve written here. You’re certainly correct about how children should learn to behave at Mass by actually being there. Having said that, my son is going to be the one running all over the church and making noise at inappropriate times, and going on (and on, and on, and on…). He doesn’t understand spoken language, so short of holding him firmly on my lap and placing my hand over his mouth, there’s no other way of controlling him. Then, he simply fights and makes things worse.

I’m still going to talk to the pastor of the church in which I’ve been doing my inquiry to see if he can offer any help.

Thanks!
Dan

 

[dhgray]

mercygate:

But when a kid just pipes up, squirms, or escapes from the pew, and his dad chases after him down the aisle, it’s great. People who have a problem with that have a problem!

How can kids learn how to behave at Mass unless they GO to Mass?

I’ve gotten the impression that many serious Catholics are upset when something in the Mass breaks the sense of reverence. I don’t want my children to cause that type of disruption.

If you feel the Lord is leading you into the Catholic Church. He will take care of the kids too.

 

[djrakowski]

ProudArmyWife:

Perhaps you may want to set some time goals instead of trying to make it through each mass every time. Don’t worry about what other people say - you are not going to church for other people but to serve our Lord. I would also sit towards the front so the children can see what is going on (that we are actually listening to someone! - Very helpful for me!!). Perhaps buy some related mass/Catholic books for your children to read/look at incase the attention span is distracted.

Thank you for these great ideas. I’ll start looking for some Catholic books for children, and maybe ask the pastor if my son can walk through the church when it isn’t being used for Mass. Children with autism often find it easier to cope with new experiences if they have an opportunity to get familiar with the environment.

Dan

 

[AmyS]

djrakowski:

I’m in full agreement with everything you’ve written here. You’re certainly correct about how children should learn to behave at Mass by actually being there. Having said that, my son is going to be the one running all over the church and making noise at inappropriate times, and going on (and on, and on, and on…). He doesn’t understand spoken language, so short of holding him firmly on my lap and placing my hand over his mouth, there’s no other way of controlling him. Then, he simply fights and makes things worse.

I’m still going to talk to the pastor of the church in which I’ve been doing my inquiry to see if he can offer any help.

Thanks!
Dan

We don’t have a cry room in our chuch because our priest loves to hear the children. We also have childrens liturgy like dhgry…

We have three children that go to our parish that are Autistic… They are at verying degrees and ages. One is 9 and more sever, he does pretty well because he seems to like the consistancy of the mass. Actually all three seem to like that.

The oldest isn’t actually a child he is 31… His parents go to the Mass and he usually has a caretaker with him too, because his parents are readers, Eucharistic Ministers, and they sing in the Mass. He is so filled with love for the Mass it is inspiring. He will shout out “Peace be with you, Father Amaro” at the end of the Gospel reading. Or he might shout out “Amen.” It might have been distracting at one point, but, now I love to see him… I think talking to the priest of your parish is a good place to start.

The last kid is 9 and isn’t extreamly server… He was in my CCD class for a while. He like consistancy. He does fine.

 

[caroljm36]

djrakowski:

I’ve gotten the impression that many serious Catholics are upset when something in the Mass breaks the sense of reverence. I don’t want my children to cause that type of disruption.

Dan

Not at my parish! Babies crying and children commenting are ubiquitous and no one gets uptight about it. Dirty looks are out! Sometimes we even crack up when multiple babies seem to coordinate an effort to distract the homilist.

When I first became Catholic it bothered me a little but I quickly remembered Christ’s command that we suffer the little children. Having kids there sets us apart from the dying old mainline Protestant churches, and is definitely a sign of hope and renewal for Catholicism.

 

[Irish_Melkite]

space ghost:

I feel parenting is lacking here… i don’t know, what do you think?

SG,

That may be the most uncharitable post that I’ve ever seen here and that would be going some.

I hope that God never sees fit to give you a child with special needs because I would be concerned for that child with an attitude such as yours.

Dan,

I have a 4 year old son who has autistic tendencies and can be a challenge, a handful, and a delight - in remarkably rapid succession at times. From your description, your situation is more severe than mine.

Talk with the pastor, try it out, see how it goes. You may be surprised - hopefully pleasantly . You may have to work with the crying room and side chapel - so be it - it could be worse. If he doesn’t do well even with those accomodations and you find the parish to be less accepting than the wonderful ones that a few folks have written of here, then look for a warmer, more loving parish.

Many years,

Neil

 

[djrakowski]

Irish Melkite:

I have a 4 year old son who has autistic tendencies and can be a challenge, a handful, and a delight - in remarkably rapid succession at times. From your description, your situation is more severe than mine.

Talk with the pastor, try it out, see how it goes. You may be surprised - hopefully pleasantly . You may have to work with the crying room and side chapel - so be it - it could be worse. If he doesn’t do well even with those accomodations and you find the parish to be less accepting than the wonderful ones that a few folks have written of here, then look for a warmer, more loving parish.

Two of our three children are affected by autism in differing degrees of severity, and they are exactly as you’ve described. We’ve been blessed beyond our wildest dreams.

I don’t suspect a problem at this parish. I’ve been drawn to it for two reasons: faithfulness to the magisterium, and the warmth and authenticity of both the pastor and the parishioners. I was really looking for strategies to help especially my son, which ProudArmyWife very kindly provided.

Thanks for your kind words!

Dan

 

[dhgray]

HI Dan,

I wanted to let you know that there is a Vatican Approved, Catholic Based, Family Ministry called Couples for Christ (CFC) and they ar going to conduct a Christian Life Program seminar in Sterling Heights on the weekend of January 21, 2005. Please check out www.couplesforchrist.us for more information. If you want to meet strong Spirit Filled, Family and Community Orientated Catholics, this is the group for you. PM or e-mail me for more information.

 

[jrabs]

djrakowski:

I’ve gotten the impression that many serious Catholics are upset when something in the Mass breaks the sense of reverence. I don’t want my children to cause that type of disruption.

Dan

Hi Dan. Merry Christmas to you and you family. Glad to catch up with up with you again on this topic.
You seem to be a great dad, and I have enjoyed our previous exchanges.

I, too, used to fear distracting people. I have tried sitting in front to occupy the kids attention, then at times I sit in the back where they can fuss a bit more and not distract too many people. I would bring little toys, books and whatever to keep them as still and quiet as posible. Maybe you need to leave a bit early at times - or hang out in the hall somedays. Ease your kids into the whole service.

But do not let the distraction thing get to you. I realized ( it hit me during Adoration) that God loves the little kids. They are a blessing and belong at church - distractions and all. I no longer make apologies. I no longer get embarrassed and make excuses. My son does his best and God loves that.

I believe time at Adoration has helped my son in amazing ways. God loves to see them at Adoration, too. I think they get great blessings of peace from it.

Too bad for the people around you who do not understand. But church is about family and love and respect. If the folks around you cannot give you compasssion, then they have the problem - not you, my friend. They will get over it. You just follow God’s commandment to bring your children to church.

Peace and love to you and your family this year. I continue to pray for you and your family.
Jennifer

 

[KittyKat]

I love seeing families together. It is so great. And completely funny when every baby in the place decides that they must be upset at the same time. Usually the only ones that freak out are the parents, although I have a bad habit of sneaking a glance at the squirming children because I love seeing them there. I can’t wait to take my own children to Mass someday, and I want to see if I am as good as my mother was at keeping track of me.

Although I will admit that I did nearly scream at the Methodist church I used to attend when one little boy tried to get away and crawled under the pews and decided to peek up to see who was chasing him and I wound up with a two year old under my skirt. Talk about surprise.

Good Luck
Kat

 

[puzzleannie]

we have two autistic children and two Downs children from 4 different families we are working with to get them to the point where they can receive the sacraments. Our deaf confirmation and communion class moved to a neighboring parish with a bigger sanctuary so a sign interpreter can have room to work. When you do join the Church, it is your right to request this for all your children including those with special needs.

I have been trying for 3 years to start a day care during Mass, with parent volunteers assisted by high schoolers. This has worked well at both parishes my daughters attend, and was commonplace when my kids were little. Parents take turns, 2 couples each week, watching preschoolers, and those older kids who cannot participate for a full Mass due to special needs. One couple only has to do this 6 times a year if you have enough volunteers. If it goes for 2 back to back Masses, you can even attend one of those Masses while your children are in day care. It should be parent organized and parent staffed. You might want to try starting something.