Young children at Mass

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Hi everyone,

Last week, I attended on Saturday evening and decided to stand in the back (which I usually do since the Mass are almost always jammed pack - Thank the Lord).

A young mother brought in her little daughter and she stayed with a bunch of people standing in the back. The young little girl was very loud, she talks, she runs around making loud stepping songs, she sings, and she talks with her mom. Her mom tried, but was not very successful and quieting the little child. After 15 mins of doing that, she just gave up and let her daughter have a hay day. This went on until communion.

I love children, but I’ve never been so annoyed before. Others are too because those standing around her left. Toward communion time, the little girl ran to the door and began pushing it and knocking on it, demanding to be let out. After a while, the mother relented and they went outside. I was relieved, but also felt that I shouldn’t be… the mom tried her best to bring her child to Mass.

I was thinking if I should have told her to bring her daughter to the crying room; but was afraid she might be offended and leave the church. I think she knows that those around her are annoyed, but she may be too exhausted to notice.

What would be the Christian way of handling this problem? On one hand, I don’t want to discourage the mom from attending Mass, on the other hand, I am sure very few around the back can concentrate on the Mass.

Warmest regards,
-JL
 
I know how I handle my children and what I would do if it were my child, but I am always flustered as to how to handle other people with their children. I find this an interesting thread and would also like suggestions on how to be charitable and helpful when the children are not my own.
 
I don’t have children myself so I’ll try my best to empathize with parents who have a hard time controlling the children.

Perhaps, if there is a crying room, instead of suggesting that the mother take her daughter in there, you could try to kindly inform her that there is a crying room. I probably would not be offended if someone were to say something like, “Hi, I just wanted to let you know that there is a crying room over there if it gets to be too frustrating for you to try to keep her quiet in here. Is there anything I can do to help you with her?” Just be very nice about it and let her see that you want to help make the situation better for everyone. Try not to act annoyed.

That is the best suggestion I have, I’m interested in hearing what others have to say.
 
Maybe offer to help watch her child while sitting in the same pew. Who knows, maybe the child is one who is even more active outside of church. The offering to help would be wonderful for all parties (including yourself).
 
I cannot think of any good way to approach the mom about this. If it was me, I would be up in the front pew because I get easily distracted. I feel that having to sit in back is my penalty for running late.
 
I also get distracted by the children. I often choose to attend the contemplative evening Mass at our parish. Every once in a while I go to the more family oriented Mass late in the morning. Last time there was an extended family with young adult brothers and sisters. There were 3 baby carriers and multiple preschoolers to distract me. As I was distracted for the millionth time, I realized that I have become an old fogey. I am too old to have young children and too young to have young grandchildren. I began to think about what Jesus would do in this situation. Would he tell the young families to take their children out? Would he delight int he fact that this family was open to having so many children?

I still resolve to attend a less distracting Mass, and I will try to remember to sit up closer to the front, but I will try to rejoice in the families with young children who go through hours of preparation just to get their children to Mass and struggle to keep the children quiet enough so not to burden others.
 
jimmy2010 said:
Hi everyone,

Last week, I attended on Saturday evening and decided to stand in the back (which I usually do since the Mass are almost always jammed pack - Thank the Lord).

A young mother brought in her little daughter and she stayed with a bunch of people standing in the back. The young little girl was very loud…
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She’s standing in the back with a young child? Expecting a young child to stand in the back of church for an hour would cause some of the best behaved children to misbehave. Next time, if you have a seat, get up and offer it to her.
 
jimmy2010 said:
Hi everyone,

Last week, I attended on Saturday evening and decided to stand in the back (which I usually do since the Mass are almost always jammed pack - Thank the Lord).

A young mother brought in her little daughter and she stayed with a bunch of people standing in the back. The young little girl was very loud, she talks, she runs around making loud stepping songs, she sings, and she talks with her mom. Her mom tried, but was not very successful and quieting the little child. After 15 mins of doing that, she just gave up and let her daughter have a hay day. This went on until communion.

I love children, but I’ve never been so annoyed before. Others are too because those standing around her left. Toward communion time, the little girl ran to the door and began pushing it and knocking on it, demanding to be let out. After a while, the mother relented and they went outside. I was relieved, but also felt that I shouldn’t be… the mom tried her best to bring her child to Mass.

I was thinking if I should have told her to bring her daughter to the crying room; but was afraid she might be offended and leave the church. I think she knows that those around her are annoyed, but she may be too exhausted to notice.

What would be the Christian way of handling this problem? On one hand, I don’t want to discourage the mom from attending Mass, on the other hand, I am sure very few around the back can concentrate on the Mass.

Warmest regards,
-JL
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Offer it up as a sacrifice, use it as a lesson from God in teaching patience, pray for the mother & the child -those would be my suggestions.
 
Maybe offer to find her a seat or something. My kids would be off the wall if we were standing the whole time, but when sitting they are fairly good.

For all you front pew people who get distracted, sorry to say but my family is front pew people as well ;)😃 My kids like to see the priest, and it keeps them from looking around to much. I refuse to let them turn around, so the only place to look is at the priest or over at the tabernacle. 👍
 
Hmm, the back of the church does usually seem to be worse than the front.

Last week, my church was crowded and I sat in the back. About halfway through Mass, the boy sitting in front of me starts rubbing his head, and a cloud of dandruff flies off.

Amazed at his discovery, he spent the next 5 minutes rubbing his head and watching a huge cloud of dandruff accumulate in the air. It was like a snowstorm. I had never seen anything like it before.

I brushed my clothes off pretty well after that Mass…
 
I have three children. I fell away from the church for a while. When I finally cam e back, I brought my children w/me (hubby is not Catholic.) The more I brought them, showed by example, praised positive behaivior and corrected the bad( after mass of course), the better they behaved. They are now old enough (14, 11, 9) to know better. They still misbehave at times.

If my kids were very disruptive, I would rtake them to the vestibule or outside to correct them and bring them back in.
 
If I find myself thoroughly distracted and the child is coming up to me looking for attention, and receiving no reprimand from the parents not to do so, I take it upon myself to whisper to the child about Jesus and about the Mass.

But like I said, this is only if the parent is indifferent enough not to apologize or demand that the child not interact with strangers. If a parent thinks it’s OK to let a child actively distract other Mass-goers, then I assume that parent thinks it’s OK for me to interact with their child.:cool:

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. 🤷 But, I’ve never had the child snatched away from me or been asked by the parent not to do it.
 
I too get easily irritated in Mass when there are unruly kids. My feelings are split. I think that first of all, kids need to be taught to act a certain way from the very first time they go to church. A lot of parents bring a bag of toys and books and even food in crinkly, loud wrappers to keep the child occupied–one child was even eating a full McDonald’s meal in church one time. Seriously, can the child go without eating for a hour? My brother has a child and from the time he was very small and started going to church, he is not allowed to bring anything but maybe a stuffed animal with him, and he was taught a “church voice” and the different parts of Mass explained to him in kiddie terms as best as could be. This has seemed to work very well and although he is restless at times, overall he understand that Mass is a time to be quiet and still. I get the MOST frustrated when a parent doesn’t even really do anything to try to quiet the child, sometimes they just kind of look around sheepishly as if it’s cute. It’s not cute. I want to focus.

I don’t really have a remedy. I’m with the poster who said that they try to attend an evening, contemplative Mass. I try to do the same, there is a Sunday night mass that has very few children. I love it and am able to focus and pay attention without distraction. The times I can’t make that Mass I just suck it up and try to pay attention as best I can.
 
I wouldn’t say anything i this circumstance. You never know what it took that mom to get to Mass. Perhaps the mom has Fibromalgia or Agoraphobia. In those cases, it would be heroic for her to attend Mass. Maybe she hasn’t been to Mass in years, and she just started attending even though she feels intimidated. It could be she is a single mom who worked night shift the previous evening and is simply exhausted.

A chastisement, even given gently, could really have a profound affect.

Really, the primary purpose of Mass is to worship God. And, I think he is more pleased with distractions offered up and continual refocusing of our attention than by prayer offered in the most reverent of circumstances. In this way, we grow in patience, and perseverance. It may be that God placed you specifically in that Mass in that pew so you could offer up that distraction.
 
i agree with bcuster. if disruptive kids are really a distraction, to the point where the worshipper is feeling uncharitable, s/he should choose early seats, early mass.

on the other hand, the excuse, “at least the kids are at Mass” doesn’t work for me. in our parish there is a family with tremendously disruptive kids. the parents think they’re being laid back and creative, but their kids are astonishingly busy.

one week, i heard two older women after mass. apparently the first had complained about the kids’ behaviors because the second one said, “well, at least they’re taking their children to mass!”

the first one responded, “oh baloney. if every kid here acted like their kids, they’d run the rest of us out of Mass!”

she was right. and what a difficult example to overcome when i’m trying to teach my own small kids good Mass behavior.

but if i’m actually stuck with that behavior? i move seats or offer it up.

one exception: my husband and i both have asked disruptive teens to cool it at Mass, whether parents are there or not.
 
Despite I feel I might be beating a dead horse here (we post about young children at Mass all the time over in parenting – go figure. :cool: ) in my response, I am going to simply offer you what I do.

I shush the child. Not loudly, not obnoxiously, but put my finger to my lips, or shake my head no at them. Kids “listen” better to strangers than they do their own parents as I can certainly testify, even if the stranger isn’t saying anything at all but gesturing for them to knock it off. Or I’ll low-talk as we call it: “no no, this is church, no screaming” barely audible. I do it in my sweet-but-firm mommy voice. No parent has ever noticed it, but apparently seemed pleased their child came back into the pew and quieted down. LOL While they peek over mom’s shoulder at me to see if I might tattle. 👍 😃 😛

Other than that, you should try to attend the masses that are generally kid-free. In my parish it’s the 8AM. While I like the idea of offering it up – and as the parent to many kids of many ages I certainly should have SOME patience in this area – but I too get really annoyed when distracted this way. Disclaimer: I get very irritated whenever there is a situation where a child is out of control, disruptive, or hurting other’s and the parents do nothing. Church, my home, the park or the grocery store, it just bugs me. I admit it. :whistle: It’s just THAT MUCH more annoying at church. God deserves for me to be loving and willing in my heart, not annoyed and uncharitable. I try not to take the Eucharist if that is going on, just go to a later Mass when I can concentrate.

Just saying I feel for you.

Oh and PS, cry rooms are typically the worse seat in the house. They are not “cry rooms” at all – they are PAR-TAY rooms where older children who should darn well be able to sit still in a pew are running around acting crazy, playing, screaming, etc. My current church does not have one. My last one? No point whatsoever: you couldn’t even hear the mass. Nonsense. Total nonsense. Just sayin’.
 
leonie said:
Really, the primary purpose of Mass is to worship God. And, I think he is more pleased with distractions offered up and continual refocusing of our attention than by prayer offered in the most reverent of circumstances. In this way, we grow in patience, and perseverance. It may be that God placed you specifically in that Mass in that pew so you could offer up that distraction.
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This. 👍

The OP asked “What is the most Christian way to deal with this” and my answer is “To offer up your annoyance and maybe even receive communion, for the intentions of that child’s mother.”

When I take my kids to Mass, I don’t hear a thing. I don’t get to reflect or pray or anything. I just wrestle the kids and try to keep them from annoying everybody. (Sometimes I succeed better than other times.) I spend a lot of time outside, too, if the little one is being noisy. I go because I believe God is pleased to see me there. (On Sundays, DH and I usually take turns going to Mass so we can leave the kids at home, but I do take the boys to weekday masses, sometimes.)
 
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