Young children at the Latin Mass

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I am not interested in having an argument over how children should behave in church, and just how much noise warrants leaving the sanctuary, etc. I just wanted to say:

It has been my experience, and the experience of others I know, that Latin Masses are often not very welcoming to families with young children. On the one hand, you do find more large families. On the other hand, you see a lot more people turning around and giving parents the stink-eye whenever a kid squawks.

My advice to anyone who is hoping to see Latin Mass attendance increase in their diocese: cut these parents some slack, wouldja? I’m sure crying babies are annoying, but surely you’d rather hear a baby fuss than not see any children at Mass at all? And, really, can’t you just offer it up?
 
HOPEFUL_IN_UK said:
… And, really, can’t you just offer it up?
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A few months ago, in another thread on this forum – can’t remember which thread but there was a debate going on either about the EF versus the OF, or liturgical music – anyway, one poster who was more “traditionalist” posted that he walked out of a NO Mass because of the opening song! :eek:

I remember at the time suggesting that maybe he should have “offered it up.”

What amazes me about some (not all - don’t start bashing me) who prefer a more traditional form of worship is that they will go on and on about the EF placing more emphasis on sacrifice and the OF placing more emphasis on meal, yet they themselves have not yet learned to sacrifice, and so will give the crying baby’s family the “stinkeye” or, if they attend a NO Mass will walk out because of a song.

Seems to me that all that talk of sacrifice just hasn’t sunk in.

Go figure. 🤷
 
Well let me give you at least three possible ways to handle and/or fix the problem.

1.) People are going to have to learn to focus better on the Mass. They have to learn that’s part of a normal child’s development. Crying and fussing is what children do. They have to remember Jesus’ words.
" Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me;…" Mark 9:37

" Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked them, but Jesus said, " Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:13-14

" Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them." Mark 10:16

" See that you do not despise one of these little ones…" Matthew 18:10

2.) If your parish has the means and/or funds, they can either put up a wall with windows, in the back of church to separate the crying children and their parent(s). This next one requires setting aside a room. It would be called a Crying Room.

3.) The parents would have to take the child outside when it cries. This is common courtesy for the rest of the congregation.
I like the OF better than the EF. Both are valid forms of the Mass. I see the problem of young children at the OF. It appears by watching the congregations reactions, it doesn’t really bother most of them. However, at times it is a distraction at Mass. But you have to go with flow and refocus on why we are here for.

Any way, just my opinion.
 
nobody who self-selects the traditional Catholic label has any room to object to children at Mass be cause they are the natural result of fidelity to that other eternal Catholic teaching: openness to life. if this gives you a problem please re-read Mark 9:36-37 and 10:13-16 until you get over the “hey who let those brats into my private Mass?” complex.
 
They’re babies, we’re adults. Who should we depend upon to be the adults? Babies find it impossible to focus on one thing for more than five seconds… are we, as adults not able to do the same thing when a distraction comes along?

However, there was one time, at a Christmas Vigil Mass…

A mother who didn’t speak a lick of English had a child who was obviously unhappy. He started to cry and she started to squeeze him tight - he’d cry, she’d squeeze, etc. He just got louder and louder and, finally, after 20 or so minutes of this, a lady got out of her pew and went back to the lady and offered the mom help in a loving, charitable manner. That’s how you deal with that stuff, I think.
 
Great thread. One thing my friends and I have found helpful for dealing with our youngins is–wait for it–sitting in the very front, center. I don’t know if Msgnr is intimidating or if the kids just get more interested, but they tend to behave better.

Yeah, things at our OF can get pretty loud some times. But the parents try.

The concept of having young children in Church is completely foreign to the Baptist community I was raised in–you have childrent’s church for that! But Mass is such a family event. When an Evangelical relative of mine found out that Catholics take their children to Mass, she said “How annoying!”
 
Ah, the famous “stinkeye.” I have never seen even one out-of-control child who was even in the least bit calmed by someone giving them the “stinkeye.” However, I have always felt parishes would be well served by “grandma/grandpa ushers” whose sole purpose would be to approach families who had children who were proving to be a destraction to all and quietly, lovingly, offering to (1) take mama/papa and screecher to the back; (2) stay with any other children while the screamer was taken to the back; or (3) take said banshee to the back themselves and allow the remainder of the family to remain. Then we could all save our stinkeyes for those who really deserve it – adults with cell phones ringing!!! 😉
 
As a parent who goes to the EF, it’s never been a problem, for me or really anyone else.

I like the sound of children at Mass.
 
At least they are there. Babies and small children cannot control themselves. They will cry. Yeah, if they get out of control, then take them out and calm them down, but which is worse? An adult’s cell going off, or an innocent baby crying? I say bless the family for bringing their children with them.
 
I love seeing the little ones with their parents and brought up for Communion in my parish.
 
As the parent of three under six years old (and a regular at the OF) THANK YOU ALL!!!

More often than not, I have to remove my kids from the church for distracting behavior. But it sure is nice to know that at least some of you would welcome us back…noise and all. The crying room would be okay if it weren’t full of PARENTS talking to each other and reading to/playing with their kids. How are the children ever going to learn to behave during church if they don’t practice being still and quiet?

Sorry…my little vent there. I can’t imagine even trying the EF with my little ones. Too much pressure for me! 😊
 
**The crying room would be okay if it weren’t full of PARENTS talking to each other and reading to/playing with their kids. **

I often think the parents need a cry room more than the children or I do.
 
consumedconvert said:
Great thread. One thing my friends and I have found helpful for dealing with our youngins is–wait for it–sitting in the very front, center. I don’t know if Msgnr is intimidating or if the kids just get more interested, but they tend to behave better…
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You are SO CORRECT !!!

“Crying Rooms” at the back of the church are useful only for the youngest of babies and very tiny toddlers.

Once a child is of an age where you can point out something to him or her and the child can focus on it (kind of like at the zoo: “Oh! Look at the lion! The lion goes rooooaaar!”), the family should be seated front and center, and cues should be whispered into the child’s ear. (“Look! Father is going to read us a story about Jesus!” “Let’s be quiet while Father talks about Jesus.” “See the pretty cup? It’s called a chalice.” Etc.)

Doing this with a 3 or 4 year old produces a 5 or 6 year old who can sit still and respect the Mass. You can’t expect a child to learn about the Mass when they’re in a rear Crying Room about a quarter mile away from the altar and can’t see what’s going on!

Of course, there may still be times when a severe case of the screaming fidgets attacks and the child may have to be removed for a time, since, well, kids will be kids. 🤷

BUT - Adults must remember that the tots they give the “stinkeye” to are the future of our Church!
 
The EF we attend is utterly silent. The only noise you ever hear from the pews is the squealing of this one man’s hearing aid. There is no music. There are no responses. If I whispered in my kids ear, I’d get even more stink-eyes.

The priest who says the Mass has expressed his annoyance with crying children on more than one occasion. Once a couple were there with a fussy infant. She wasn’t screaming. She wasn’t shouting. I have seen many, many noisier children at Mass. But, she kept up a pretty steady fussing. The priest said that it ruined his concentration and nearly made him lose his place.
 
I hate crying rooms. I hated them when I had little ones, and I hate them now that my little ones are grown and have little ones of their own. I used to refer to the crying room derisively as the “baby box”.
 
HOPEFUL_IN_UK said:
The EF we attend is utterly silent. The only noise you ever hear from the pews is the squealing of this one man’s hearing aid. There is no music. There are no responses. If I whispered in my kids ear, I’d get even more stink-eyes.

The priest who says the Mass has expressed his annoyance with crying children on more than one occasion. Once a couple were there with a fussy infant. She wasn’t screaming. She wasn’t shouting. I have seen many, many noisier children at Mass. But, she kept up a pretty steady fussing. The priest said that it ruined his concentration and nearly made him lose his place.
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This is the environment in which you choose to worship? :eek: :confused:

Aren’t you afraid to sneeze?
 
HOPEFUL_IN_UK said:
Once a couple were there with a fussy infant. She wasn’t screaming. She wasn’t shouting. I have seen many, many noisier children at Mass. But, she kept up a pretty steady fussing. The priest said that it ruined his concentration and nearly made him lose his place.
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This is the problem with parents who won’t remove their really noisy fussing children. If you were at my church, my priest would lose all concentration and his place in the Mass. Many priests are able to ignore it, but some can’t. In my opinion it is very bad manners to subject others to this type of behavior during Mass. If I hear screaming and crying and it goes on for more than a minute or two, I am going to turn around!

I am more than happy to see children at Mass, but they should be trained how to behave. Children will learn to be quiet in church if parents expect it, but unfortunately it seems the children are in charge nowadays.
 
As far as I am concerned, babies and young children belong at Mass, even the traditional latin Mass. If the baby is crying, sure take him or her outside, and calm him down, but regular kid noises are normal. As they learn to talk, teach them to be quiet. Large families were always at latin Masses. When I grew up in the 50’s the latin Masses were not as quiet as they are now. Today the silence can be intimidating for some people, parents of small children especially.
 
I don’t see that it matters what kind of Mass it is- good manners are welcome anywhere, anytime. I wouldn’t think of subjecting others to my screaming child no matter where I was. There is a big difference between normal kid noises and a crying baby. I attend a EF Mass every week and it’s not that quiet, but when a kid starts screaming and the parents do nothing, it’s hard to ignore.

Parents are a lot different these days. Many would be insulted or offended if you offered to help them.

BTW, I taught preschool for 10 years (2-6 year olds) and I know that it’s possible for a 2 year old to sit still and behave in church. Children will live up to our expectations if only we would have them!
 
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