Young Children/eating at Mass

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I wanted to know if it’s appropriate to bring young children to church. And also if it’s allowable for young children to eat during Mass.
I have a 2 1/2 year old son. We bring him every Sunday. He gets impatient most times. We sit in the back of the church just in case he acts up. I remove him when he starts to fuss so not to disturb the other parishioners. We started to give my son Goldfish crackers to quiet him down. Today, I was told by someone who helps out during the Mass that it was not allowable. Unfortunately, he was shaking his head just before telling me as if he was angry at us and later shaking his ahead again when he was acting up. Again, I remove him as quickly as possible because I get embarrassed when he starts to whine.

thank you in advance
 
aperez011 said:
We started to give my son Goldfish crackers to quiet him down. Today, I was told by someone who helps out during the Mass that it was not allowable.
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It could be that the pastor had made a rule for the parish that there should be no eating at all in church by anyone, even children. Obviously eating in church should generally be avoided for the sake of reverence, not to speak of the Eucharistic fast for communicants. Also, eating crackers means crumbs are left behind, which looks messy, and gets on other people’s clothing. What my grandmother used to do when I was small was instruct me about the importance of sitting quietly, then if I became restless she gave me a tiny little mint as a reward for composing myself. Or, have you tried giving him the crackers outside the church, then coming back in?
 
Even though it’s been over 30 yrs for me, I can identify with this! 🙂 I must admit I used Cheerios and there don’t really have to be any crumbs! It would be a good idea, however, to talk to the pastor and see if this admonishment came from him. Enjoy the baby, they grow up so fast!
 
aperez011 said:
I wanted to know if it’s appropriate to bring young children to church. And also if it’s allowable for young children to eat during Mass.
I have a 2 1/2 year old son. We bring him every Sunday. He gets impatient most times. We sit in the back of the church just in case he acts up. I remove him when he starts to fuss so not to disturb the other parishioners. We started to give my son Goldfish crackers to quiet him down. Today, I was told by someone who helps out during the Mass that it was not allowable. Unfortunately, he was shaking his head just before telling me as if he was angry at us and later shaking his ahead again when he was acting up. Again, I remove him as quickly as possible because I get embarrassed when he starts to whine.

thank you in advance
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I used to do this, myself. My kids are small and I figured as long as I clean up after them, it’s not a big deal. But what I found was a couple of things. First of all, it’s REALLY hard to clean up smooshed cheerios and goldfish. (even with baby wipes!). Secondly, I spent ALOT of time during Mass picking them up from the floor so that they wouldn’t get stepped on. Then, of course, I had my kids fighting over which bag belonged to whom.
And don’t get me started on dropped sippy cups.

What it boiled down to for me is that as restless as my kids get, it’s far easier to pull them out for a few minutes than to go through the whole snack thing.

As far as whether or not its appropriate to bring your kids to Mass…well, some would argue no, but I believe that it’s the best thing you can do for them. Get them early, make it a habit that will last. And, for those who tell you to leave your little ones at home, you can remind them of what Jesus said. “Suffer the little children come to me, and do not stop them. For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.”
 
There isn’t a fasting requirement for kids in canon law or anything, but it keeps the church cleaner if you don’t feed the kids there. It is a habit better not formed, besides. If you can bring them to Mass well-fed, there aren’t many kids that can’t go an hour without eating…although obviously, it doesn’t always work out that way, especially with babies.

There are other ways to distract a small child besides eating, too. You might assemble a bag of special stuff that they never see except for at Mass. You don’t have to bring all the stuff every week; you can have a box for them to choose two or three things from."Magnadoodle"s allow them to draw without dropping the marker or being able to mark up the pews or the missals. The “sewing” toys where they thread colored strings through holes to make a design are quiet and don’t tempt towards sound effects. There are other quiet and self-contained puzzles like that, like Rubrics cubes and those games with the squares that slide: they don’t have to be able to solve them to have fun with them. Special books are good. I’ve heard of some parents having one of those stuffed Noah’s ark sets that they bring to church. In general, harder toys are noiser and toys with more than a few pieces are harder to keep track of.

I think it is a good idea to take kids to church regularly, as long as they don’t have a temperament that makes it a constant battle. If the ability to “behave” appropriately for their age (and your blood pressure!) just isn’t there yet, though, that doesn’t mean they won’t be fine when they’re older. We had twins, and they didn’t start going on a regular basis until they were quite a bit older. They are now in 3rd grade and like Mass very much.

If your kids are OK to be taken most of the time from when they are little, you might consider having your “date night” on Saturday from time to time, so you can go to Mass and actually give your undivided attention to the Lord together before you go out to give your undivided attention to each other!

When your child is a bit older, by the way, we found the kids less impatient when we could sit near the front and they could see what was going on. They knew that we’d be headed for the back row if they acted so as to draw attention to themselves, so they were usually pretty good. We have a very child-welcoming parish, though, so we only heard compliments about their behavior. I’m sure they weren’t so good as that! Still, this is child and parish-specific.

What did not work for us was the “cry room”. Most of the kids just ran around and played in there. I found it hard to pay attention to Mass and decided it was easier to leave our kids at home entirely for an extended period of time before trying to introduce them to the idea that Mass time was not play time.

I’d take this over to the Parenting forum, though. Check their past threads. There are lots of great ideas there.
 
EasterJoy said:
There are other ways to distract a small child besides eating, too.
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IMHO, the better approach is not to work for distraction but to work for attention to the sanctuary, even for a 2-1/2 year old. It is true that toddlers are often restless, even boisterous, but this really is not too young for a child to learn to sit quietly and attend to what is going on. Even when I was quite small, my grandmother and I always sat right up in front. Her focus and recollection helped me learn to be calm and attentive. Like I said before she used tiny mints as a reward and on one particularly difficult occasion, the promise of a visit to my favorite place on the way home.
 
Solitude said:
IMHO, the better approach is not to work for distraction but to work for attention to the sanctuary, even for a 2-1/2 year old. It is true that toddlers are often restless, even boisterous, but this really is not too young for a child to learn to sit quietly and attend to what is going on. Even when I was quite small, my grandmother and I always sat right up in front. Her focus and recollection helped me learn to be calm and attentive. Like I said before she used tiny mints as a reward and on one particularly difficult occasion, the promise of a visit to my favorite place on the way home.
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Sitting up front is good, if the bag is never opened, this is great, associating the time with something pleasant afterwards is, too, but sometimes a book or a puzzle during the homily allows the parents to actually stay and hear it.

It depends on the child. The less they get used to having, the better, but I’m of the opinion that eating during church isn’t a good habit.
 
EasterJoy said:
I’m of the opinion that eating during church isn’t a good habit.
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I agree 100%. I guess in my mind a child consuming a tiny little mint is not “eating”, even though consuming a mint would certainly be a breach of the Eucharistic fast for an adult. Therefore providing a mint is not forming a habit of eating in church. To me, playing games during Mass is a bad habit to form.
 
The following is from A Large Catechism of the Catholic Religion.
Who are obliged to hear Mass on Sundays and Holidays of obligation?
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All who have sufficiently attained the use of reason (which is generally about the age of seven) are strictly bound to hear Mass, unless weighty reasons, as illness, nursing the sick, etc., excuse them from it.
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When do we sin against this command of the Church?
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1. When, through our own fault, we lose Mass either entirely or a part of it; and 2. When during Mass we give away to voluntary distractions, look about through curiosity, talk, laugh, or otherwise behave irreverently.
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The Lord is in His holy temple: let all the earth keep silence before Him. (Hab 2:20 )
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If your child distracts you and you miss part of the Mass, I’d recommend leaving him at home (not alone, of course), or with a babysitter until he’s older.
 
Cry room.

I was out of town this weekend, and we visited a church that had a cry room right in the sanctury (the Protestant term for sanctuary, but I’m sorry, I can’t remember the Catholic term for the "church place where all the people sit for Mass) where the people could participate in the Mass, but the room was soundproofed.

It was excellent. Several of the little ones in that room were literally bouncing off the walls. Yet they could still see and hear everything and everyone in the Mass.

Not all parents with little ones were in that cry room. Other little ones sat quietly with their parents in the actual Mass. Still OTHERS sat in the sanctuary and spent the entire Mass corralling their active little toddler.

Every little child is different, and to expect all little children to sit quietly is just not the way the Lord made kids! Parents can certainly try different techniques to keep a child at least respectful during Mass, but for some children, nothing works. Usually these children grow out of it (mine did), but to imply that the parents could do more is just not true. They are dealing with the child that the Lord gave them.

So I appreciated that this church had a cry room to accomodate the wild ones! It was nice not to have to listen to some of the chatter from the little ones. I believe in seeking interior quiet and not allowing the outside world to distract me from prayer, but I still have a difficult time ignoring little ones when they call out, “Mommy, I hate that man in the front.” (screamed out at our church a few weeks ago by an energetic toddler) or “Mommy, I have to poop!” (screamed out at our church in recent times!) I’m also distracted when little ones run down the aisle up onto the altar.

My parish has a cry room, but the Mass is shown on a closed circuit TV, so it’s not quite as good as actually being in the Mass. And the older parish that I play piano for has pews in the back that are separated from the church by glass, but it isn’t soundproof.

So perhaps you can seek out a church that has a cry room or has arranged for parishioners with lively children to sit somewhere separated from the rest of the congregation until their child grows out of the chatterbox/wiggleworm phase.
 
Eating is inappropriate in church. Its even more inappropriate if its done at an early mass, as others will be there later at the later masses.

2 1/2 year old children aren’t required to be at mass, the child staying at home is a viable option.
 
As some of the other posters pointed out, there is no law against givving children food at Mass, but it’s probably not a good idea. Aside from the mess, thing about the message it conveys to the child. By giving the child a snack to keep him or her quiet, you are saying that eating is an acceptable way of dealing with boredom. If you’re bored, eat something. This is a habit that stays with many people into adulthood, and is one of the contributing factors of obesity.
 
aperez011 said:
I wanted to know if it’s appropriate to bring young children to church.
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Proverbs 22:6 - *Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
*

Yes, you should take your child to Mass with you.
And also if it’s allowable for young children to eat during Mass.
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Proverbs 22:6 - *Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. *

No, he should not be trained to eat during Mass, because when he is older, it will be difficult for him to break this habit. It’s much better never to develop a bad habit in the first place, than to have to break it when you are older.
 
don’t know the policy in your parish, but if your child spills food or drink in this church, please clean it up yourself, as our only janitorial service is volunteer and once a week, on Sat. morning, and if you leave the mess, the daily massgoers tomorrow will have to contend with ants and roaches, because that is a fact of life here.

I have raised 4 children, have 9 grandchildren, am the oldest of 6, and have had numerous foster children of varying ages and disabilities, and have never, ever, had a child who physcially was unable to make it through a 1 hour period w/o eating, except for a nursing infant. For your own comfort and peace of mind, since there are many places where toddlers eating is out of place, it would be well to come up with other ways to keep them busy. For one thing, we should probably be careful about teaching children that the way to combat boredom is by using food as a distraction. that in itself does not lead to healthy attitudes about food.
 
Mister_De said:
The following is from A Large Catechism of the Catholic Religion.
<<Who are obliged to hear Mass on Sundays and Holidays of obligation?

All who have sufficiently attained the use of reason (which is generally about the age of seven) are strictly bound to hear Mass, unless weighty reasons, as illness, nursing the sick, etc., excuse them from it.

When do we sin against this command of the Church?
  1. When, through our own fault, we lose Mass either entirely or a part of it; and 2. When during Mass we give away to voluntary distractions, look about through curiosity, talk, laugh, or otherwise behave irreverently.
The Lord is in His holy temple: let all the earth keep silence before Him. (Hab 2:20 ) >>

If your child distracts you and you miss part of the Mass, I’d recommend leaving him at home (not alone, of course), or with a babysitter until he’s older.
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You didn’t hightlight the important part of that instruction: through our own fault. That means when we can’t pay attention because we’re too busy making googly eyes at some one else’s baby (or let ourselves be distracted by other’s attire, actions, non actions, etc), not because we are taking care of our children. Those who choose to bring children to Mass recieve graces whether we catch every single word or not.

What has worked for us? Sitting close the the front, holding the youngest child/children (usually under 2 or 3) and keeping their focus up front, removing the child if they can’t keep control–but not letting them run around the back (being taken out is a punishment!), teaching the simplest responses and songs that are repeated each week, going over the readings each week before Mass.

Hope that helps!
 
Here’s a few practical ideas…

First, let’s designate the 7:30 am Sunday morning Mass for those families with eating/crying/squirming infants and toddlers. I don’t think anyone will disagree with that- besides, Jesus will less present at those Masses anyway.

Second, the 9:00 am Mass can be for those parents who secured baby-sitters for their children- which is great because they can witness the foolishness of the parents from the 7:30 am Mass as they exit. It is also a great idea they will have a chance to worship God, the source of life, apart from their demon children.

Third, make special mention to all adults who use anything from the youth room (as opposed to the old room) that it is much appreciated that nothing is every misplaced, broken, lost, or messy. Because if their is no name on a certian item, it must be for public use- even if it is locked in a closet. This saves the children from cleaning up.
 
One of the curches I attend has books for the little ones - colouring books with pictures relating to whats happening at the mass and on the alter.

There’s also a cathecist who takes the very young ones into a room during the mass, they talk about the story of the gospel that day, and make pictures, articles relating to the message as they see it.

After mass is finished but before every leaves they present their work to the congregation.

Works a treat - I’m talking about the NO rite here though, not the EF.

At the Latin rite - I’ve only noticed one kid playing up - and his mumleft with him immediately.

I agree with the God’s Time and training them up as young as and as soon as possible - but I in general disagree with giving anything to eat - must better to do something active relating to the Mass Rite.

As for my two little darlings :rolleyes: - dunno but for some reason they seemed to ‘‘get it’’ and were never really a problem when they were much younger. But like I said, they didnt spend the whole time at the mass and went off and did art and stuff with their friends to show to us all afterwards.
 
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