Young Couples Parish Support

[raybauermd]

I have found that many young and faithful couples have difficulty finding social support and like-minded couples/families at the local parish level.

If I were to start a young couples or young families support group at the parish level, what kind of things would you like assistance with?

Opportunities for social interaction? Babysitting for other parish activities? Prayer groups? Moms groups? Couples prayer? NFP? What else?

Can you provide any specific/concrete examples of things you have experienced that have been effective in providing support for young faithful couples?

 

[misspriss]

Opportunities for social interaction? Babysitting for other parish activities? Prayer groups? Moms groups? Couples prayer? NFP? What else?

Can you provide any specific/concrete examples of things you have experienced that have been effective in providing support for young faithful couples?

Opportunities for social interaction? Yes. Babysitting for other parish activities? ABSOLUTELY. Some system of childcare for confession would be greatly appreciated.

Mom & child groups would be great. Some way to get to know the other moms of young kids would be fabulous - since our kids will be in PRE and stuff together in the future, why not let them meet now?

Couples activities would not be much of a benefit for me, as DH is not Catholic as has no interested in Catholic activities.

“Babysitting” should be more structured than a teen watching kids on a drop in basis, there should be registration, forms about allergies, etc. The providers should be background checked and training in the church program (which I forget the name).

 

[pensmama87]

I have found that many young and faithful couples have difficulty finding social support and like-minded couples/families at the local parish level.

If I were to start a young couples or young families support group at the parish level, what kind of things would you like assistance with?

Opportunities for social interaction? Babysitting for other parish activities? Prayer groups? Moms groups? Couples prayer? NFP? What else?

Can you provide any specific/concrete examples of things you have experienced that have been effective in providing support for young faithful couples?

You may have more luck with this on a regional level, than at the parish, unless your parish is large or especially active. I help run a moms group in my area and we do many of these things.

One of the best things we do is offer meals for families when they have a baby (or otherwise go through hard times.) Our set up is typically three times per week for six weeks, and members sign up to take meals on a volunteer basis.

 

[Xystus]

You may have more luck with this on a regional level, than at the parish, unless your parish is large or especially active. I help run a moms group in my area and we do many of these things.

One of the best things we do is offer meals for families when they have a baby (or otherwise go through hard times.) Our set up is typically three times per week for six weeks, and members sign up to take meals on a volunteer basis.

I dont think alot of people realize how much of a help this really can be. My wife and a few other ladies tried to set something like this up at our parish a few years ago but unfortunatly the idea got nixed real quick. The offical reason was something along the lines of not wanting to make people feel ashamed by asking for meals. I am almost positive it was “political” in that one committee thought something like that was “their turf”. Providing meals for families when they have a baby is a great though.

 

[randomuser]

Couples activities are already plentiful at most Catholic parishes in suburbs and college town, so much so that I had to re-read this post just to be sure what you’re asking. Since faithful couples were at one time cough,cough single…why not include singles in some of those activities?

 

[pianistclare]

I have found that many young and faithful couples have difficulty finding social support and like-minded couples/families at the local parish level.

If I were to start a young couples or young families support group at the parish level, what kind of things would you like assistance with?

Opportunities for social interaction? Babysitting for other parish activities? Prayer groups? Moms groups? Couples prayer? NFP? What else?

Can you provide any specific/concrete examples of things you have experienced that have been effective in providing support for young faithful couples?

I don’t have anything positive to add, sadly.
My former parish has tried and failed miserably to have a young couples/families group.
At issue is availability of the people. Most don’t want to uproot their small kids for a weeknight gathering (routine is crucial to young parents) and on the weekends, they expect free babysitting and don’t want to have to deal with each other’s kids for socializing, much less talking about the Sunday readings or things like that.
People have said “we can get the teens to babysit!” Not so easy. Yes, they probably need community service hours, but teens are on football teams, are cheering, performing in plays and ballet on weekends, and thanks to Safe Environment they all have to be screened and go through VIRTUS training, and still have to have a couple of adults on hand to supervise the whole thing. When we tried it the last time (after 3 failed attempts) we had a couple of vibrant and wonderful young moms in charge. Nobody would show up. You can only eat so much pizza by yourself.
Invite people out to a fancier restaurant, and there’s the issue of affordability.
No one wanted to pot-luck it. “You want ME to cook after I’ve been at work all day?”
Some of the husbands were like “GAH! Another church day???”
OK, so bring the children. NO…baby has to go down at 7 PM sharp or there’s heck to pay. I want to have a beer! No I don’t think we should have liquor!

**I like what pensmama’s church does. Sounds lovely. **

We DID have ONE plan that worked for a whole summer:
We had several older couples sign up for “Grandma & Grandpa Duty”.
Each couple agreed to watch a couple’s kids for ONE night a month, first come first served…for free, so that the kids could play and sleep on their own turf, and the parents could have a date night. If you can talk retirees or empty nesters to do this, the young couples love it. But you need at least 15 sets of Gramps to get it rolling.

I’d be interested to hear what successful programs people have in their parishes. We just couldn’t ever get it going.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

I don’t have anything positive to add, sadly.
My former parish has tried and failed miserably to have a young couples/families group.
At issue is availability of the people. Most don’t want to uproot their small kids for a weeknight gathering (routine is crucial to young parents) and on the weekends, they expect free babysitting and don’t want to have to deal with each other’s kids for socializing, much less talking about the Sunday readings or things like that.
People have said “we can get the teens to babysit!” Not so easy. Yes, they probably need community service hours, but teens are on football teams, are cheering, performing in plays and ballet on weekends, and thanks to Safe Environment they all have to be screened and go through VIRTUS training, and still have to have a couple of adults on hand to supervise the whole thing. When we tried it the last time (after 3 failed attempts) we had a couple of vibrant and wonderful young moms in charge. Nobody would show up. You can only eat so much pizza by yourself.
Invite people out to a fancier restaurant, and there’s the issue of affordability.
No one wanted to pot-luck it. “You want ME to cook after I’ve been at work all day?”
Some of the husbands were like “GAH! Another church day???”
OK, so bring the children. NO…baby has to go down at 7 PM sharp or there’s heck to pay. I want to have a beer! No I don’t think we should have liquor!

Amen to what Clare said.

We have young families/couples programs that barely get by, mostly because of scheduling conflicts. People just don’t make the programs a priority. Also, what constitutes a “young” couple or family can be liberally interpreted in order to get more people in there who…well, aren’t so young. Thereby alienating the really young couples when the older ones naturally step up to bring food and drinks, host an event at their home(which tends to be larger than a younger couple’s apartment), have kids who are older than infants…

At my parish, families with young kids do virtually nothing as far as being involved with the church stuff or parish programs that are not related to the school. They are involved with the parish school, but not much else. There are simply not enough hands to juggle with when the kids are little.

As for the OP…

If I were to start a young couples or young families support group at the parish level, what kind of things would you like assistance with?

Opportunities for social interaction? Babysitting for other parish activities? Prayer groups? Moms groups? Couples prayer? NFP? What else?

Can you provide any specific/concrete examples of things you have experienced that have been effective in providing support for young faithful couples?

IME, what couples want is to be fed - they need their manna. Prayer groups, Moms groups, couples prayer, NFP, social interaction…no, not really - they can get that stuff elsewhere. Teaching and discussion preferably by a priest, pastoral interaction, meeting different people, and babysitting…oh, and BYOB or wine. There is simply no substitute for a priest’s involvement in a teaching and discussion format, so that is huge if you can get it.

 

[pianistclare]

I dont think alot of people realize how much of a help this really can be. My wife and a few other ladies tried to set something like this up at our parish a few years ago but unfortunatly the idea got nixed real quick. The offical reason was something along the lines of not wanting to make people feel ashamed by asking for meals. I am almost positive it was “political” in that one committee thought something like that was “their turf”. Providing meals for families when they have a baby is a great though.

Right. Right after you’ve had a baby (in most hospitals that’s a voyeur’s delight ) and nursing round the clock??? Nothing embarrasses a new mom.
They’ll kiss your feet.

 

[pensmama87]

One of the benefits (though some might see it as a drawback) is that our group is not “official” in the sense that we’re attached to a parish or the diocese. That makes for a lot of hoops. We are purely social and aren’t subject to liability for our activities.

That said, we do share parish activities and other events with each other. I’ve participated in moms and couples activities held by other parishes through this group, as well as signed my kids up for things. My parish offers some, but really, I think regionally offers a really good chance at success and boosting attendance. And even at that level, when I didn’t know many people, I could go to something and at least run into one or two people I had met before, who could introduce me to people they know, and so my circle slowly widened. I wouldn’t say that I’ve become really popular or anything, but once I was willing to step outside just my parish, I got to know quite a few good friends who still live pretty close, who also value their faith.

 

[pianistclare]

One of the benefits (though some might see it as a drawback) is that our group is not “official” in the sense that we’re attached to a parish or the diocese. That makes for a lot of hoops. We are purely social and aren’t subject to liability for our activities.

That said, we do share parish activities and other events with each other. I’ve participated in moms and couples activities held by other parishes through this group, as well as signed my kids up for things. My parish offers some, but really, I think regionally offers a really good chance at success and boosting attendance. And even at that level, when I didn’t know many people, I could go to something and at least run into one or two people I had met before, who could introduce me to people they know, and so my circle slowly widened. I wouldn’t say that I’ve become really popular or anything, but once I was willing to step outside just my parish, I got to know quite a few good friends who still live pretty close, who also value their faith.

That’s kind of like the informal mother’s group we had when my girls were little.
We networked on our own.

 

[AdamP88]

I have found that many young and faithful couples have difficulty finding social support and like-minded couples/families at the local parish level.

If I were to start a young couples or young families support group at the parish level, what kind of things would you like assistance with?

Opportunities for social interaction? Babysitting for other parish activities? Prayer groups? Moms groups? Couples prayer? NFP? What else?

Can you provide any specific/concrete examples of things you have experienced that have been effective in providing support for young faithful couples?

Yes to all of the above! Also some level of theological or faith formation would be good.

 

[john1513]

Teaching on what sex and love are. Many are disillusioned about both after accepting lies from culture then facing the reality of marriage.

 

[pianistclare]

It is a great idea, and we all can make a long list of things that would be wonderful to discuss/clarify/and hear about.

That’s not the issue.
The issue is getting people to attend.

Mixing in singles is not going to go over with the wives or husbands.
Trust me…

We even tried singles groups! You know who showed up? Older divorcees, older widowers, older widows, older never marrieds, older elders…see a pattern here?

It was nice for them, but they quickly tired of the persons they had already passed “judgment” on in other parish committees and parish work. At one point it got kind of hostile even. A church doesn’t really attract singles unless it’s a mega-church. It’s awkward in a small group.

I don’t know what the answer is because we’ve tried EVERYTHING.

The best I can come up with is:
Make sure they feel welcome on Sundays, have the Pastor greet them by name, know their kid’s names, invite them for dinners with other couples at the rectory, and GREAT HOMILIES. These people are starving for catechesis and something to get them through their stressed lives. Often, Mass is the only time they slow down, pray without interruption, and reflect.

Encourage Mass going and Adoration. That will being them close to each other, and soon they will begin to volunteer with others and build lasting friendships with like minded Catholics. Make sure that there is a Cry Room or a wonderful and clean nursery with good quality volunteers if they have wiggly toddlers. We lost 4 wonderful couples recently at my old parish because no one would man the nursery and they said “no problem, we’ll just move to another neighboring parish where they care about young families”.
OUCH.

 

[misspriss]

…Make sure that there is a Cry Room or a wonderful and clean nursery with good quality volunteers if they have wiggly toddlers. We lost 4 wonderful couples recently at my old parish because no one would man the nursery and they said “no problem, we’ll just move to another neighboring parish where they care about young families”.
OUCH.

Absolutely.