Young Men and Chastity

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Latinitas

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Hi everyone,

Okay, I have a number of questions to ask here.

First, I wanted to ask a rather frank question, and not out of pride, but a real honest question: Are there any other young men out there who care about their own chastity? I know that there are, but I mean how many? I hear everywhere that so many young men struggle with sins against chastity, to which I respond “No, very few young men struggle with impurity because they don’t struggle with it, they just give in and many of them are proud of it!” Now I know that there are other young men who seriously are trying to give up masturbation/pornography etc., and I know it’s hard, and in no way do I direct this accusation at them, but it feels like so few men don’t masturbate/watch porn etc. (or at least trying to stop), which brings me to my second question:

How do I thank God for the gift of chastity? Since God has granted me the graces so that I don’t masturbate etc., I want to give Him thanks in some way; I’ve already discerned my vocation to marriage with a spiritual director, and I’m trying in other ways to be a worthy young man for my future wife ❤️ (well, for God first, then her :D), but I want to do something, not that big (not that I don’t love God enough, but I need something that’s feasible), to give thanks. Perhaps a bread and water fast day? I don’t want to just pray Pharisaically “Thank you God, for not making me like those other men”, but I do want to give thanks somehow. Thoughts?

Lastly, my one of my roommates a few days ago was talking with another guy from down the hall and I heard them say “Dude, she was so physical, I felt like I lost my virginity when she said that!”. Now, I wasn’t sure what to say if anything. I don’t want to be quick to judge, because she was very physical (i.e. too physical), but the way it was said clearly indicating the contrary. Since one of the ways of being accessory to another’s sin is by silence, I feel guilty just sitting there saying nothing about it, but I also don’t want to just point out everyone else’s sins either, since no one likes a person like that, for good reason. What do you think I should do (well, if it occurs again)?

Thanks, and I look forward to reading everyone’s opinion,
Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas
 
By the way, I realized that this thread might sound a little prideful, but I don’t want it (or mean) to sound like that. Please answer honestly.
 
Latinitas said:
Hi everyone,

First, I wanted to ask a rather frank question, and not out of pride, but a real honest question: Are there any other young men out there who care about their own chastity? I know that there are, but I mean how many?
Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas
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There is at least one, me.
 
My prayer would be for more men to be like you. The world has so many hooked and they can’t let go. May God give you strength, faith, peace, hope and love.

And maybe you can adopt St. Patrick’s prayer (of which this is just a small part…)

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
 
I’m happy to hear that there are some :). I knew there were some, but definitely not enough.

Like I said, I don’t mean this as a condemnation of anyone who is trying to rid themselves of these sins; God abhors that mindset. But so few even care enough to get rid of it, and so many indulge in it it’s not funny. May is National Masturbation Month for instance, and there are “masturbatathons” that happen every year.

Again, thanks for the consolation, and my prayers are with all those who do care about their chastity.

Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas
 
I am also a pure and chaste young man. It is quite rare for young men to be chaste and pure (Or strive for chastity and purity), so having those things is very good. You should definitely thank God, but don’t become the pharisee in the parable of the pharisee and the tax collector: “God, thank you for not making me like other men.” Remember that just because you don’t struggle with chastity/purity, it doesn’t make you in any way superior or above them. When you thank God for helping you, simply thank Him. “Thank you God for helping me preserve my chastity/purity.” It doesn’t need to be much more complicated or profound than that.
 


I try my hardest to keep pure, although it is disheartening to see all of these men (and women) sucked down this spiral.
 
Well, I value chastity/purity. I pray everyday for the world (both men and women) to live chaste. It is especially hard for men these days because pornography is too accessible with the Internet. Boys do sleepovers and inevitably will look at porn in one of them. That is how I was introduced to it. I struggled with this sin for a while but eventually got past it with God’s help. I can’t give any number, but it is small. I’m am just guessing here, but among single men that are Catholics it is probably 2% that value chastity/purity, with only 1% actually living chaste though. Among married Catholics, I have seen figures around 5% practice chaste lives (using NFP or abstinence). The majority use contraception of some kind.

You can thank God by educating others on the benefits of chastity/purity and by living that example through your life. When people stop sinful behaviors, they realize they have a lot more free time. That free time can be used to do a lot of good work. Show people all the good work you do, not to show off, but to show them what is possible when someone is really focused on God.

As for your Catholic friends, I would only speak to them about this when it is a one on one conversation. You don’t want to embarrass them in front of a group. Also, try to not act as if you are above them. Just gently nudge them in the right direction. Remind them of the sin, but don’t go too far that they become angry. If they appear annoyed, tell them you are only bringing this up because you care about them. You want them to get to heaven. For non-Catholics I don’t talk about these things unless they ask me. Then I explain the Catholic beliefs and how I follow those beliefs, but I don’t criticize them unless they ask for my critique.
 
I met a good amount of men at college, both Protestant and Catholic, who placed a high value on chastity. You’re not alone. The problem is that those who don’t value chastity are much more vocal.
 
My ex-wife was my first, I stayed virgin until our marriage night, I was 33.
She wasn’t 😦
 
Yes.

I’ve been looking for a book or at least advice on how to live celibately and chaste with consistency such that life didn’t feel like a grind. I was looking at this book “The Courage to be Chaste” by Benedict J. Groeschel, C.F.R, but he was promoting some freudianism, which is nothing but unsubstantiated garbage, so I had to give up on that book.

Still on the lookout.
 
I’m 17 in high school, and i guess i’m in what you would call the “in” crowd, not to be cocky, but yea it is something i value and is so difficult because my friends are so hostile to that lifestyle, and it is virtually impossible to stand up for a chaste lifestyle because you get made fun of as “puritanical” or whatever.While i like these guys in regards to other aspects of life, in terms of sex, it’s disturbing that these people think something is wrong with us when they themselves are the ones who have such little respect for women and make such selfish decisions, and then brand them as accomplishments.
 
Francis1636 said:
I’m 17 in high school, and i guess i’m in what you would call the “in” crowd, not to be cocky, but yea it is something i value and is so difficult because my friends are so hostile to that lifestyle, and it is virtually impossible to stand up for a chaste lifestyle because you get made fun of as “puritanical” or whatever.While i like these guys in regards to other aspects of life, in terms of sex, it’s disturbing that these people think something is wrong with us when they themselves are the ones who have such little respect for women and make such selfish decisions, and then brand them as accomplishments.
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Hey, good job man.

Just keep praying for them. The only good thing that you can do.

Edit: I am 17 too, so I sympathize with you.
 
I think a good part of it is that Freud and the idea that people who aren’t hyper sexualized and obsessed with masturbation are “repressed”.
 
I know a few. A good friend of mine who has always been very pro life and very chaste. He was a virgin until he married his also pro life wife at 27. They have been happily married for ten years and have four beautiful kids. They are both very proud of having had a chaste courting and having saved sex for marriage. I also know a couple more including my own husband. I don’t think there are many but there are and they should be an example for the rest of men.
 
I applaud you men! Single chaste women are *praying *to meet men like you. Sometimes it seems discouraging to hear some of the gross comments men make about women in an “ungentlemanly fashion” (and nothing turns me off faster than an attractive man who doesn’t understand that he is worth so much more that fleeting pleasure!). To know there are men actively choosing this walk is a blessing.
 
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