Young People Leaving the Catholic Faith

[fladreamer]

I don’t think it’s one specific rule or the other that turns young people off the Catholic faith/Church. It’s much deeper than that. The '‘problem’, is one of faith: do you trust that God loves you, that he can lead you, that if you follow him and obey all his rules, you’ll live a full, happy and joyful life, at the end of which you’ll be greeted by God and live in eternal bliss with him and all the elect? I think a life lived for Christ, in many people’s minds, equals a mix of loneliness, misery, frustration, sexual and otherwise. And the element of sacrifice: most people are not into that, they’re into fun, excitement, living out their dreams, living it up.

 

[redbetta]

Wonder what the young people on these forums would think

I’m 19, so, here is one young person. However, I did not read the article because it is close to bedtime and depressing news would just make me lie awake.

I agree with posters who say somethign along the lines of, a lot of people leave the faith because it was never really taught to them in the first place. A lot of “Catholic” parents are Catholic in name only and all the kids really have to do is shed a label. Plus, a good deal of Catholic institutions have gone rotten with secularism. I live in the Chicago area which is full of Catholic schools and most, if not, all of them are just prep schools that have Catholic in the name. Religion teachers and other teachers openly dissent from Church teaching and no one cares. My high school was hell as it felt so wrong on so many levels that I felt like I was in enemy territory. I chose to go to a secular college because, if I witness anymore quackery masquerading as Catholicism, I would lose my sanity. In fact, I almost did lose my sanity. I never took a single sick day until senior year when I used up all of them because it just got too heavy and I was cracking under the pressure. At least secular schools are not pretending to be something they are not.

As for Catholic parents who did everything right and their children still leave the faith, I have a few thoughts:

1. A lot of young people just do not have the intellectual curiosity to learn what the Church actually teaches and WHY. I first started thinking hard about religion after I started reading Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment which sparked a desire to learn more about morality, whether it is objective or relative and I checked first what was in front of me all these years. Honestly, when I ponder whether I would have turned out better had I gone to a public high school, I think about that one book I came across in the Catholic high school library freshman year and think it probably was for the best.
2. The culture is very individualistic. My parents come from a culture that is less individualistic than American culture. Not to mention, my dad is 70, old enough to be my grandfather and comes from a place and era in which you worked and did not complain and the job of the young person was to help out the family and to study so that you can take care of your loved ones in the future. What my parents taught me by example is that, in life, you have to set aside your feelings for the greater good or for what is right. I think that is why I cannot stand arguments from pathos. “I don’t believe in this because I don’t like it or it would make my life harder in some aspects.” So what? Just because you don’t liek it, does not make it any less so.
3. It seems like 90% of problems people have with the Church is about sex. Perhaps this would be less of a problem if the culture tossed the idea that you need a soulmate to be happy and if true, life-long friendships were valued and more common.

 

[phil19034]

Average age of leaving the Catholic Church was approximately 13 years of age.

This is 100% a sign of the parents, especially the fathers

For example, in my parish, there are approx 90 kids per “grade” from first grade to 6th for Religious education (we confirm in 6th grade).

But there are NO where near that number who attend Mass on Sunday (our Religious Ed programs for kids are on Tuesday & Wednesday nights, without a Sunday option)

There are many people who bring their kids to Child Faith Formation classes, but never bring their kids to Mass (except maybe on Easter or Christmas). Perhaps the parents promised their own parents that the kids would receive the sacraments, or something … so they bring them to Child Faith Formation, but not to mass.

In my parish, I don’t know what the % is, but in speaking to many of the Catechists, I know it’s a large number of the kids.

Our parish also has a pre-school, and a large number of them do not attend Mass, and same with the regional Catholic elementary school… most of the kids who attend the regional Catholic Elementary School are from my parish and a majority of them do not attend Mass on Sunday.

Why? Their parents.

So these kids are not leaving the faith on their own, per se. Their parents taught them nothing of the faith, no love of the faith, no love of God, etc… They just see Church as extra schooling. If they are not coming to mass, then it’s a safe bet that there isn’t any Rosary at home, no Grace before meals, no Confession, etc.

13 is a good average age of when Confirmation takes place… and many kids who have parents who don’t attend Mass will rarely ever attend Mass after their Confirmation (which is very sad).

Further proof of this, I was in a used book store, where I have seen at least twice Confirmation gift Bibles with kids names written in them… the Bibles were in the used book store only 2-4 years after the kid’s confirmation

When I was a kid, CCD was considered a “lab,” you main faith formation was in your house. But I was born in the late 1970s, grew up in the 1980s and early 1990s. So my parents knew very little, and my dad never attended Mass.

The only way to fight this is with hard nose faith formation, esp for the boys. Because, as the start of my post hinted, if dads are not engaged in their faith; chances are VERY high that the children will not be either.

 

[Usige]

And worrisome for the Catholic Church, only 13% could ever see themselves returning to the Church.

It is not worrisome to the Church as she is not here to win a popularity contest. It is worrisome to those who leave the Church in that they put their mortal soul in danger.

Now who is to “blame”? Not the Church, but a pluralistic society that says sin doesn’t exist, do what feels good. I fear for those that teach kids that sin is okay or even a moral good. I always think of Christ saying that it is better to have a milestone tied around your neck and to be thrown into the sea, rather than to lead children into sin (Matthew 18:6, Mark 9:42, Luke 17:2).

I suspect that many of those that leave also have parents that have 1 foot out the door anyway. In other words I doubt they are teaching their kids the importance of God and following Him. I know many people that tell their kids that you don’t need to go to Mass and if they don’t want to then they don’t have to after they are confirmed. Those parents are setting their kids up to fail. Add the parents that teach that moral teachings are relative and changeable, something you or your friends chose are right or wrong, and we likely have millions of souls with milestones around their necks.

 

[slh3016]

I have worked in Youth Ministry in the past, and I disagree that the Church has “nothing” to offer the young.

In my experience, the best way to get young people ages 11 and up to come to Church is to give them something to do - not a contrived “kid” thing, but actual participation in the real life of the Church.

I see kids in my parish running ahead of their parents to get to Church, because they are in charge of the sound board, or they’re helping to lead the music, or they’re going to be one of the readers.

I see young adults in the Church on Friday nights leading prayers and music at Adoration, and on Saturday afternoons leading the Children’s Choir, and training the Altar Servers. These are the kids who are excited about their faith and getting involved in CCO on campus, and leading pro-life rallies downtown.

The Church has all kinds of amazing opportunities to offer to the young - we just need to let go of our fears of “what might happen” if a kid is in charge, make sure we’re there to support them, and take a chance that things will work out just fine for them.

All of this is so true!

 

[esieffe]

Young people have been leaving religions of all kinds, ever since there were young people.

 

[UbiCaritas]

What do 12 - 18 year olds know about God? Mostly, what parents and priests in the media tell them. I don’t have a Catholic background, but when I first realized what the concept of God really meant, I immediately rejected it. It just seems incomprehensible to me. And I was around nine or ten at the time. Do you really think a teenager can’t decide whether God exists or not?

Also, I’ve noticed that some people here want to force their children to go to Church or a Catholic school. Those people I’d like to ask if they think the First Amendment doesn’t apply to children. If your child says he or she wants to become a protestant, will you still force him/her to go to a Catholic school?

And I will say immediately that if I had children, I would gladly bring them to Church every sunday morning, if that’s what they want. Because, as a secular humanist, I think freedom of religion also applies to children. Unless the Church is around the corner, then they should use their bike.

Sure, the First Amendment applies to children.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

The First Amendment restricts Congress from telling children they must practice or cannot practice religion; from preventing children who run their own newspaper/blog/what-have-you from doing so; from preventing children from gathering together peacefully; from preventing children from protesting an unjust law.

It says absolutely nothing about parental authority, which is an entirely different legal kettle of fish. By your logic, a parent who says, “Freddie, don’t call your sister ‘poopyface’” is in violation of the First Amendment, and while some legal-minded six-year-olds may endeavor to cite the First Amendment when they object to this, they’ll not get terribly far with that line of complaint.

 

[Upgrade25]

Wonder what the young people on these forums would think

Hi. Resident annoying young guy.

I think that at 13 and on, if you don’t have a strong formation, you will have questions, and if you don’t get answers, or if the wrong person provides them(atheist provides “answer” to God question), people start falling away.

I know two Catholics my age who were raised without major formation(as was I), but they found Zeitgeist, and I found CAF.

I was lucky to find the right place. I would be in a dark dark spot right now without my faith. I was depressed for a month doubting the faith, imagine if I had fallen away. The emptiness would eat me alive.

That’s also why I think people return to the Church in their 20s, after college. They feel the void. They go back to truth.

 

[brian_custer]

they will come back

very few young catholics go over to mainline protestantism

they get lazy & secular for a while

but young catholics realize , once they are not so young anymore

that Mother Church is where they belong & they take the Journey Home

 

[Padres1969]

I was once one of those 13% who said they would NEVER return to the Church.

And here I am.

Regarding disagreement with Church teaching, I have two thoughts.

1. Church teaching is not in sync with society’s thinking these days. Many will choose acceptance of their peers over participation in a faith they don’t understand, and relationship with a God they’ve never gotten to know.
2. I’d be willing to be one of the Church teachings that many of these young people have problems with is “no sex outside of marriage.” Much easier to say, “I don’t believe” than “I shouldn’t have sex until I’m married.”

My two cents.

Actually the 13% are those that said they wouldn’t discount returning. It’s the 87% who say they’ll never return.

 

[Padres1969]

I find those two statements very contradictory.

also, the fact that 2/3 remain Catholic, I found to be quite encouraging. I seriously though the vast majority leave the faith, but they actually stay

I’d be interested to hear why you find those two statements contradictory

 

[jeannetherese]

Secularism is the separation of church and state. It hasn’t “crept” into the school system, it is part of our Constitution.
Parents and religious leaders/teachers are the ones to teach specific faiths at home or in places of worship. If the child does not believe what they are taught there, it’s not the fault of their *school *–their school has nothing to do with it.

From the Oxfodr English dictionary online" MY bolding

secularism, n.
Etymology: < secular adj. + -ism suffix.

1. The doctrine that morality should be based solely on regard to the well-being of mankind in the present life,** to the exclusion of all considerations drawn from belief in God or in a future state.**
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a. As the name of a definitely professed system of belief, promulgated by G. J. Holyoake (1817–1906).
b. In wider sense, as denoting a mode of thought more or less implicitly held and acted upon.

1. The view that education, or the education provided at the public cost, should be purely secular.

1872 Q. Rev. Apr. 517 The Nonconformists who advocate pure Secularism in national education have in effect come down from their religious position altogether.

In addition to exclusion, there is also the issue of textbook bias against the church. What is taught in schools, both public and private, may well undermine the faith development of a child.
It might be a good idea to reconsider purchasing textbooks which have been written to further secularism for our Catholic schools. Perhaps we need to be pooling our resources to support Catholic publishing companies.
For an example of a non-secular alternative please see:
catholictextbookproject.com/about/

 

[StJoseph8]

I’m a little amazed that 12-18 year Olds are thinking about these things. When i was in public school, nobody talked about these topics. It was more like what your career will be. I didn’t start my studying on these things until college.

As a side note, i am utterly baffled as to why a logic class is not offered at public schools. That would benefit everyone i think, regardless of belief. I took one in college and enjoyed it for the most part. Anybody know why?

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I have worked in Youth Ministry in the past, and I disagree that the Church has “nothing” to offer the young.

In my experience, the best way to get young people ages 11 and up to come to Church is to give them something to do - not a contrived “kid” thing, but actual participation in the real life of the Church.

I see kids in my parish running ahead of their parents to get to Church, because they are in charge of the sound board, or they’re helping to lead the music, or they’re going to be one of the readers.

I see young adults in the Church on Friday nights leading prayers and music at Adoration, and on Saturday afternoons leading the Children’s Choir, and training the Altar Servers. These are the kids who are excited about their faith and getting involved in CCO on campus, and leading pro-life rallies downtown.

The Church has all kinds of amazing opportunities to offer to the young - we just need to let go of our fears of “what might happen” if a kid is in charge, make sure we’re there to support them, and take a chance that things will work out just fine for them.

That sounds really great and I wish there were more churches carrying out this kind of work.

In my limited experience it seems that churches have almost normalised young people leaving and not coming back until marriage prep or baptism class. There doesn’t seem to be anything for the post-confirmation teens to move on to and while some are only there because their parents made them a lot of them do seem keen to learn more about the faith.

Sometimes I question whether young people are actually wanted in traditional Catholic churches, I can remember after university asking about activities for young adults in the diocese and being told that “churches don’t really bother with people your age as you don’t tend to stick around”, well no wonder if we’re being told we’re not wanted.

These teens don’t then see people slightly older participating in church life so it’s hard for them to see where they can participate.

 

[Memaw]

13% might at any rate. Doesn’t seem like the rest will however. Though on a hopeful note at least it’s only 20% leaving because they don’t believe in God any longer. The rest have other issues with Catholicism alone that are driving them away.

It’s not the Catholic Church that’s driving them away. It is the secular society that is pulling them away. And to many times they have parents that don’t care enough to teach them the faith properly. We live in the ME generation, what I want, what I like and how I feel. And we have pushed God right out. Jesus Christ founded the Catholic Church and HE promised the Holy Spirit would guide it and the gates of hell would NEVER prevail against it. It’s the Catholic Church that will bring us thru this and renew our society. It’s strong Faith in the teachings of Jesus Christ!! I trust the Catholic Church. All we have to do it “look around” and see the harm done by those that oppose Her. God Bless, Memaw

 

[mommy_k]

Some parents focus on academics, sports, success and so on, and start young with this…with religion, piety, reverence going unnoticed in a child and not validated and held to the same level as these other things. Even in conversation about thier children to others, the virtue of being devout is pushed aside or secondary to the above.

So of course a young person and young adult carries this attitude with them, until they settle on thier identity, and return to the church if the foundation was good. If the foundation was lacking, then they leave.

Combine this with what they teach in public school and the way the world is today, and there’s your answer.

 

[Cloisters]

I lost one of my sons to Protestantism. He’s neurotypical, and these friends were the only ones he had.

I’ve also been pulling on St. Jude’s robe for the last several months for both him and his father. This particular son mentioned an attraction to the priesthood when he was younger. I wish he would at least come back and explore it. The other son, my eldest, is on the Spectrum, and has been clinging to the Eucharistic Lord for help.

My advice is for parents to obtain a St. Benedict Medal blessed for exorcism, and place it between the mattress and box springs of their “faithless” childrens’ beds.

If the education system and the Church were doing things correctly, our kids would be capable of moving out at 16. Confirmation needs to be put back in its place as the second sacrament received, then First Holy Communion. The Holy Ghost is the one illuminating the mind to the True Presence.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[Sarcelle]

I don’t think it’s one specific rule or the other that turns young people off the Catholic faith/Church. It’s much deeper than that. The '‘problem’, is one of faith: do you trust that God loves you, that he can lead you, that if you follow him and obey all his rules, you’ll live a full, happy and joyful life, at the end of which you’ll be greeted by God and live in eternal bliss with him and all the elect? I think a life lived for Christ, in many people’s minds, equals a mix of loneliness, misery, frustration, sexual and otherwise. And the element of sacrifice: most people are not into that, they’re into fun, excitement, living out their dreams, living it up.

Yes.

I was raised atheist and from the outside looking in and from what Catholics around me modeled, to be a Catholic, one must be a masochist and love suffering. To live life as a Catholic was to be oppressed and to offer it up. This is true especially for women. I just know too many Catholics who have been abused and instead of being helped are told to stay with their abusers and offer it up.

This turned me off Catholicism when I was younger. Also the no contraceptive rule also bothered me.

Now this was decades ago. I now know better.

 

[Cheiron]

Anything you could understand would certainly not be God.

Blame God. I’ve been told He made me this way.

Would you let your child skip Math classes if they thought Math was boring? It’s good for children to study Math, even if at the time they don’t really like it, and it’s good for children to study and take part in their family’s religious practices.

Math is completely different. Children need to be skilled in math in order to have a better future. Religion isn’t necessary to human well-being at all. And I wouldn’t teach my children about one religion only,

You would probably also make sure they understood your secular humanist ideals, and the reasons why you don’t celebrate Christmas or other religious holidays at your house.

Sure, I’ll teach them humanist ideals. But I won’t force them to go the humanist association. I won’t send them to a humanist school either.

I don’t believe you…you say at 9 or 10 you had the knowledge & courage to reject the concept of God, the Creator of the universe!
Well, you were much more intelligent than Bible scholars and others who have studied the subject for years.
You better hope you are correct, because eternity is a long time to regret the fact you were wrong!

It didn’t take any courage at all, because I’ve never believed in it. I had already read about Egyptian, Greek, Roman and Norse gods and knew that many people have made many gods in their own image. The Hebrew one didn’t seem any different. And still doesn’t seem different.

With regards to eternity: all the interesting people seem bound the same way.

 

[MaryT777]

I respect the Catholic Church for (mostly) holding the line on its teachings, traditions and social issues. While the denominations are being infiltrated, gutted and neutered, the Church keeps chugging - or limping - along. It can’t always be easy to address the laity and secular crowd with a charitable heart when what they really want is your head on a pike. Maybe these kids will get back in eventually as they gain some wisdom.

I certainly hope most of these kids make it back, but I just don’t know. Welcome to the forums, by the way!~

Mary.