M
mlb91
Guest
Good evening everyone,
I have never been very good at asking for anything - I hate inconveniencing anyone. But at this late hour and having been given time to discern I felt that perhaps this would be a good way to ask for a prayer.
Admittedly my life isn’t terribly complicated or difficult. I’m a law student and as far as the needs of this world there is little I lack. But beyond what is visible on the surface I have been long reeling from a mistake for which, although far too many my age make it, I continue to reel. My friends counseled me that it wasn’t my fault, that I couldn’t know my girlfriend at the time would take advantage of my eager-to-please nature and put me in a compromising situation where I surrendered a gift I wanted to save for my wedding night, only for her to cast me aside when she discovered I wasn’t to let it happen again. I asked for my forgiveness and received it but retained a tear in my heart that’s slow in healing - a tear reopened at many a later date when the conversation inevitably turns to lifestyle choices and I discover that there isn’t a future for a steady parade of dating partners of mine because I won’t be able to fulfill their “needs” before marriage. Since that evening over a year ago I have had much difficulty in recovering in my interpersonal relationships with women, as unfair as that may be to those young women I have let enter my life in the interim.
That is at least until this past February when a sweet young girl entered my life; a musician and singer studying at a Christian university just 30 minutes from me. Delicate and shy, sweet and pretty, she is faithful and virtuous, and our time together has been the happiest moments I have been blessed with for quite some time. Parts of me are screaming in ways I have never experienced before that “this is the one” and begging me “not to let her go.” Her qualities are endearing and warm, but her feelings oh-so-difficult to discern. Her shyness is a blessing and a problem all at once - a blessing because it reveals a sincerity and humility, but a problem because sometimes I feel I am stepping into very uncertain waters; her eyes cast downward in a smile with each compliment I pay her, but no proposal I make is accepted instantly. We part and I say I’d love to see her again and she smiles with eyes downcast without a reply. She tells me I am sweet and kind, but I have been told that before a rejection many many times (turns out the nice guys finish last thing seems to have certain truth during one’s youth). They say communication is 98% non-verbal, but that 2% is so important for the certainty of knowing that I am not heading for another, terrible disappointment - another broken heart, another unrequited love.
I humbly ask you to pray for us, selfish as it may be, but I do not know to whom else to turn without getting bombarded by busy-bodies - both those with good intentions and those who just want gossip. I ask you to pray for us that we may discern which path our relationship is destined to take, that we make the right choices together should my hopes and prayers be answered, and that I can have the patience, fortitude, and strength to honor and love her in the deepest purest way, and that perhaps maybe my heart is not loving her in vain.
I have never been very good at asking for anything - I hate inconveniencing anyone. But at this late hour and having been given time to discern I felt that perhaps this would be a good way to ask for a prayer.
Admittedly my life isn’t terribly complicated or difficult. I’m a law student and as far as the needs of this world there is little I lack. But beyond what is visible on the surface I have been long reeling from a mistake for which, although far too many my age make it, I continue to reel. My friends counseled me that it wasn’t my fault, that I couldn’t know my girlfriend at the time would take advantage of my eager-to-please nature and put me in a compromising situation where I surrendered a gift I wanted to save for my wedding night, only for her to cast me aside when she discovered I wasn’t to let it happen again. I asked for my forgiveness and received it but retained a tear in my heart that’s slow in healing - a tear reopened at many a later date when the conversation inevitably turns to lifestyle choices and I discover that there isn’t a future for a steady parade of dating partners of mine because I won’t be able to fulfill their “needs” before marriage. Since that evening over a year ago I have had much difficulty in recovering in my interpersonal relationships with women, as unfair as that may be to those young women I have let enter my life in the interim.
That is at least until this past February when a sweet young girl entered my life; a musician and singer studying at a Christian university just 30 minutes from me. Delicate and shy, sweet and pretty, she is faithful and virtuous, and our time together has been the happiest moments I have been blessed with for quite some time. Parts of me are screaming in ways I have never experienced before that “this is the one” and begging me “not to let her go.” Her qualities are endearing and warm, but her feelings oh-so-difficult to discern. Her shyness is a blessing and a problem all at once - a blessing because it reveals a sincerity and humility, but a problem because sometimes I feel I am stepping into very uncertain waters; her eyes cast downward in a smile with each compliment I pay her, but no proposal I make is accepted instantly. We part and I say I’d love to see her again and she smiles with eyes downcast without a reply. She tells me I am sweet and kind, but I have been told that before a rejection many many times (turns out the nice guys finish last thing seems to have certain truth during one’s youth). They say communication is 98% non-verbal, but that 2% is so important for the certainty of knowing that I am not heading for another, terrible disappointment - another broken heart, another unrequited love.
I humbly ask you to pray for us, selfish as it may be, but I do not know to whom else to turn without getting bombarded by busy-bodies - both those with good intentions and those who just want gossip. I ask you to pray for us that we may discern which path our relationship is destined to take, that we make the right choices together should my hopes and prayers be answered, and that I can have the patience, fortitude, and strength to honor and love her in the deepest purest way, and that perhaps maybe my heart is not loving her in vain.
