S
st_ignatius110
Guest
Ok…I am going to “put myself out there” so you know that you are not alone in your situation. I hope this all makes sense.
My husband and I met when I was 18 and he was 17. We met in the fall of 1999. We were chaste at first. I had been raised not knowing about sex etc and was not tempted in the least to engage in pre marital activities. My husband had had a girlfriend since he was 13 and had been having sex .When I met him he was a new Christian. We were engaged 6 months after we met. I know, young and stupid! At that time we were engaging in pre marital “activities” and had not had sex only because I would not let him. I felt so guilty the entire time we did this. I eventually allowed my conscience to be hardened and I convinced myself that everything was ok. In 2001 we joined the Catholic Church at the Easter vigil. I never confessed what we were doing because I had convinced myself that everything was ok. I was overjoyed at becoming Catholic and the guilt started in on me again. We tried to stop time after time but we ALWAYS messed up.
In 2002 we went all the way and I got pregnant not even two months after we started having sex. I was so panicked when I took that pregnancy test. It is like you know you will get pregnant but when it happens then the panick sets in. You realize that now your sin is no longer a secret sin. It has been made known to all.
My husband went to see a priest he knew and this priest told him to adopt out the baby. I cried all the way home. My husband said that he could not adopt out the baby. He said that it would be like getting rid of an obligation just because he messed up. We went to see our priest at that point. I was so scared to tell him I was pregnant. I remember sitting in front of his desk and when we told him he looked right at me and said, " I want you to know I am not mad at you." I almost broke down crying. He was so forgiving, so Christ like. He tried to help us but the guilt was to much for us. We ended up not going to Mass anymore. We cut all ties with our priest who was such a good and godly man. We got married in the courts when I was 8 months pregnant.
We had a beautiful baby girl who we named Elizabeth Rose. She changed our lives and showed us how truly selfish we were.
We went through so many hard times. No food in the fridge, losing jobs, losing vehicles, almost lost our house and to make matters worse the loss of a spiritual life. Those months I went without the Eucharist were like a horrible famine in my soul.
One day my husband bought Christopher West’s Theology of the Body for Beginners. It was like a fresh spring of water after a long drought. Who knew that marriage could be equated to the Eucharist? Who knew that conceiving a child was co-creation with God? Who knew that co-creating with God and bringing forth a child could be compared to the love the Trinity has for each other? That God loves so much it neccessarily overflows into the Son and the Holy Spirit? That we as a married couple love each other so much that it neccessarily overflows into a new little baby? Oh God, when I think back and realize how much I dishonored You I shudder to think about it.
My husband and I decided to go back to our priest. We wanted to be married and we wanted our now 1 year old daughter to be baptized. Our priest welcomed us home with open arms. But, he would not marry us right away. He wanted to make sure we were getting married for the right reasons. He did not ask us to move out of our house together but instead asked us to live as brother and sister. He said that if we wanted to receive the Eucharist then this was a must. I thought, " hmmm let me think sex or the Eucharist?" The Eucharist please!! Give me my Lord! He can fulfill my every desire. Those first few weeks I had to confess every single week that I was STILL having sex. My priest was patient with us and continued to help us. Eventually we stopped and we lived as brother and sister for one whole year before our priest married us.
We were married on July 26th the Feast Day of Saints Joachim and Anne. We just celebrated the birth of our second daughter who today is 7 days old. We went through so many struggles, so many hard times that could have been avoided if we had only obeyed our Master.
Once you understand what sex and marriage is you too will begin this journey. You too will fall down and will pick yourself back up. I suggest daily confession and RESOLVE in your heart out loud to the priest to ammend your ways and turn from sin.Go and receive our Lord Jesus. He will satisfy you. He will be your Lover and Spouse. When you realize that you can live without your earthly lover is when you will realize the Lover you cannot live without has never left you nor forsaken you but has always been there, sometimes in the shadows, but always there waiting for you to embrace Him and Him alone. He is the True Lover who will satisfy every desire of your heart, mind and soul.
My husband and I met when I was 18 and he was 17. We met in the fall of 1999. We were chaste at first. I had been raised not knowing about sex etc and was not tempted in the least to engage in pre marital activities. My husband had had a girlfriend since he was 13 and had been having sex .When I met him he was a new Christian. We were engaged 6 months after we met. I know, young and stupid! At that time we were engaging in pre marital “activities” and had not had sex only because I would not let him. I felt so guilty the entire time we did this. I eventually allowed my conscience to be hardened and I convinced myself that everything was ok. In 2001 we joined the Catholic Church at the Easter vigil. I never confessed what we were doing because I had convinced myself that everything was ok. I was overjoyed at becoming Catholic and the guilt started in on me again. We tried to stop time after time but we ALWAYS messed up.
In 2002 we went all the way and I got pregnant not even two months after we started having sex. I was so panicked when I took that pregnancy test. It is like you know you will get pregnant but when it happens then the panick sets in. You realize that now your sin is no longer a secret sin. It has been made known to all.
My husband went to see a priest he knew and this priest told him to adopt out the baby. I cried all the way home. My husband said that he could not adopt out the baby. He said that it would be like getting rid of an obligation just because he messed up. We went to see our priest at that point. I was so scared to tell him I was pregnant. I remember sitting in front of his desk and when we told him he looked right at me and said, " I want you to know I am not mad at you." I almost broke down crying. He was so forgiving, so Christ like. He tried to help us but the guilt was to much for us. We ended up not going to Mass anymore. We cut all ties with our priest who was such a good and godly man. We got married in the courts when I was 8 months pregnant.
We had a beautiful baby girl who we named Elizabeth Rose. She changed our lives and showed us how truly selfish we were.
We went through so many hard times. No food in the fridge, losing jobs, losing vehicles, almost lost our house and to make matters worse the loss of a spiritual life. Those months I went without the Eucharist were like a horrible famine in my soul.
One day my husband bought Christopher West’s Theology of the Body for Beginners. It was like a fresh spring of water after a long drought. Who knew that marriage could be equated to the Eucharist? Who knew that conceiving a child was co-creation with God? Who knew that co-creating with God and bringing forth a child could be compared to the love the Trinity has for each other? That God loves so much it neccessarily overflows into the Son and the Holy Spirit? That we as a married couple love each other so much that it neccessarily overflows into a new little baby? Oh God, when I think back and realize how much I dishonored You I shudder to think about it.
My husband and I decided to go back to our priest. We wanted to be married and we wanted our now 1 year old daughter to be baptized. Our priest welcomed us home with open arms. But, he would not marry us right away. He wanted to make sure we were getting married for the right reasons. He did not ask us to move out of our house together but instead asked us to live as brother and sister. He said that if we wanted to receive the Eucharist then this was a must. I thought, " hmmm let me think sex or the Eucharist?" The Eucharist please!! Give me my Lord! He can fulfill my every desire. Those first few weeks I had to confess every single week that I was STILL having sex. My priest was patient with us and continued to help us. Eventually we stopped and we lived as brother and sister for one whole year before our priest married us.
We were married on July 26th the Feast Day of Saints Joachim and Anne. We just celebrated the birth of our second daughter who today is 7 days old. We went through so many struggles, so many hard times that could have been avoided if we had only obeyed our Master.
Once you understand what sex and marriage is you too will begin this journey. You too will fall down and will pick yourself back up. I suggest daily confession and RESOLVE in your heart out loud to the priest to ammend your ways and turn from sin.Go and receive our Lord Jesus. He will satisfy you. He will be your Lover and Spouse. When you realize that you can live without your earthly lover is when you will realize the Lover you cannot live without has never left you nor forsaken you but has always been there, sometimes in the shadows, but always there waiting for you to embrace Him and Him alone. He is the True Lover who will satisfy every desire of your heart, mind and soul.
