Your favorite funny or unusual Bible verses?

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goforgoal

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Now, I know the Bible is very serious but I have to admit there are some quotes that make me laugh.

What are your favorite funny and unusual Bible verses?

"He said to Jacob, “Let me gulp down some of that red stuff; I’m starving.” - Genesis 25:30

“It is better to dwell in a wilderness than with a quarrelsome and vexatious wife.”- Proverbs 21:19

The talking Donkey Numbers 22:21-30
 
2 Kings 2:23-25
23
From there Elisha went up to Bethel. While he was on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him. “Go up, baldhead,” they shouted, “go up, baldhead!”
24
The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the children to pieces.
25
From there he went to Mount Carmel, and thence he returned to Samaria.
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usccb.org/nab/bible/2kings/2kings2.htm

Never mess with a bald guy.
 
goforgoal said:
What are your favorite funny and unusual Bible verses?
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This one from the Song of Songs makes me swoon.

*****“Refresh me with apples, sustain me with raisin cakes,
For I am lovesick.” *****
:heaven:

Songs 2:4
 
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a roomy house with a quarrelsome woman. - Proberbs 21:9
 
Acts 2:15:

“These people are not drunk, as you suppose, for it is only nine o’clock in the morning.”
 
Luke 24:40-43

40When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. 41And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” 42They gave him a piece of broiled fish, 43and he took it and ate it in their presence.

He appeared to them after he had died and risen and asked them for something to eat. Maybe God does cook in Heaven. 😃
 
Oh boy, you’re bringing up memories of giggling over Scripture verses in high school (and college, too :o). Of course, the best verses are those that are completely out of context. 😛

Sirach 25:12

Worst of all wounds is that of the heart, worst of all evils is that of a woman.

Deuteronomy 23:2

No one whose testicles have been crushed or whose penis has been cut off may be admitted into the community of the LORD.
Yes, we were immature. :o
 
I`ve always loved the exchange between the (formerly) blind beggar and the pharisees.
So a second time they called the man who had been blind and said to him, “Give God the praise! We know that this man is a sinner.”
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He replied, “If he is a sinner, I do not know. One thing I do know is that I was blind and now I see.”
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So they said to him, “What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?”
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He answered them, “I told you already and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again?** Do you want to become his disciples, too?**”
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They ridiculed him and said, "You are that man’s disciple; we are disciples of Moses!
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We know that God spoke to Moses, but we do not know where this one is from."
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The man answered and said to them, "This is what is so amazing, that you do not know where he is from, yet he opened my eyes.
We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if one is devout and does his will, he listens to him.
** It is unheard of that anyone ever opened the eyes of a person born blind.
If this man were not from God, he would not be able to do anything."**
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They answered and said to him, “You were born totally in sin, and are you trying to teach us?” Then they threw him out.
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When I read this in my early teens I thought it was a hoot! The guy was my hero.
 
Song of Solomon 4:2:

Your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn ewes
Which have come up from their washing,
All of which bear twins,
And not one among them has lost her young.

I always thought it was a little funny that the author felt the need to compliment his beloved on having all her teeth. Did most of the other eligible women just have gums or something? 😃
 
Acts 19:13-16

13 Then some itinerant Jewish exorcists tried to invoke the name of the Lord Jesus over those with evil spirits, saying, “I adjure you by the Jesus whom Paul preaches.”
14 When the seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish high priest, tried to do this,
15 the evil spirit said to them in reply, “Jesus I recognize, Paul I know, but who are you?”
16 The person with the evil spirit then sprang at them and subdued them all. He so overpowered them that they fled naked and wounded from that house.
 
24 And I said to them: Which of you hath any gold? and they took and brought it to me: and I cast it into the fire, and this calf came out. (Aaron explaining the golden calf to Moses–Exodus 32)

As Scott Hahn has said, lamest excuse in the Bible.
 
I’m with CAL’s Patrick Coffin with his appreciation of this verse, from Genesis 18:
*10 *One of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah will then have a son.” Sarah was listening at the entrance of the tent, just behind him.
*11 *Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years, and Sarah had stopped having her womanly periods.
*12 *So Sarah laughed to herself and said, “Now that I am so withered and my husband is so old, am I still to have sexual pleasure?”
*13 *But the LORD said to Abraham: “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Shall I really bear a child, old as I am?’
*14 *Is anything too marvelous for the LORD to do? At the appointed time, about this time next year, I will return to you, and Sarah will have a son.”
*15 *Because she was afraid, Sarah dissembled, saying, “I didn’t laugh.” But he said, "Yes you did."
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I love it how God immediately called Sarah out on that one. He *is *God, after all. 🙂
 
In the Genesis story Adam refuses to accept responsibility.
What a line!!!
The man replied, "The woman whom you put here with me–she gave me fruit from the tree, so I ate it."
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The earliest case of ‘passing the buck’?
 
Funniest sounding in English is definitely 1 Samuel 25:22:

May God do so and so, and add more to the foes of David, if I leave of all that belong to him till the morning, any that pisseth against the wall.
 
Raphael777 said:
Funniest sounding in English is definitely 1 Samuel 25:22:

May God do so and so, and add more to the foes of David, if I leave of all that belong to him till the morning, any that pisseth against the wall.
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In university I was mean with THAT one.
I had a very upright and evangelical friend read that aloud at one of our ‘supper meetings’.😃
 
Raphael777 said:
May God do so and so, and add more to the foes of David, if I leave of all that belong to him till the morning, any that pisseth against the wall.
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LOL…

I think that would be a good instance to switch to a more modern translation than the Douay-Rheims. Sometimes the English of 400 years ago loses its meaning to modern ears. :o
 
Dale_M said:
2 Kings 2:23-25

usccb.org/nab/bible/2kings/2kings2.htm

Never mess with a bald guy.
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i love the bears one, too!

Proverbs 11:22 and Proverbs 21:9 are both ( i say this respectfully) both funny and true.

dranzal said:
24 And I said to them: Which of you hath any gold? and they took and brought it to me: and I cast it into the fire, and this calf came out. (Aaron explaining the golden calf to Moses–Exodus 32)

As Scott Hahn has said, lamest excuse in the Bible.
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😃 poor explaination, indeed.
 
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