Your imput please....Catholic etiquette?

[Layman]

The Latin Mass would tend to shut down annoyances. No room for the priest to insert idiosyncracies, or the faithful to ‘contribute’. The general silence of the congregation would tend to encourage fidgeters to be still also, I would think.

 

[jmcrae]

Hello folks.

Need your (name removed by moderator)ut please for a book about Catholic etiquette I’m working on.

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

Those who stand during the Consecration as though oblivious to what is taking place on the Altar, and those who (I suppose, in response) whack the kneelers down really loud, to show everyone that they are kneeling.

I would say, “Kneel, and do it quietly, without making a big production out of it.”

Regarding the music ministry, can there be some kind of short course for those people to take, to let them in on the meaning of the Mass parts? Also, it would be nice if they would not use the same tune over and over for every single Mass part - instead, use distinct and recognizable tunes for each different part, so that people in the congregation can know where we are in the Mass, and not be singing the wrong words all the time.

Regarding the parts that are for the priest (especially the part that comes directly after the Our Father) - even if it is being sung, this is not a part for the congregation to be joining in with - this is a solo for the priest alone. The congregation joins back in at “For the kingdom …” etc.

It is also very improper to chant along or sing along with the words of the Consecration - these words belong only to the priest, also.

 

[kujayhawk]

I agree with an earlier poster who mentioned choirs and/or organists who practice when people are already gathered in the church for Mass. If they are not prepared to perform something, then don’t do it at that Mass.

I find it very distracting to listen to such practice especially when those involved stop at an error to correct it with another run-through.

 

[BSHoop96]

The Latin Mass would tend to shut down annoyances. No room for the priest to insert idiosyncracies, or the faithful to ‘contribute’. The general silence of the congregation would tend to encourage fidgeters to be still also, I would think.

Or a more strict definition on what is and is not ok in the NO. In other words a clarification of the NO so that they can be abuse free.

 

[tGette]

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

Like someone said, it annoys me that things do at times distract me. Before Mass while trying to prepare my soul to be fully participatory I sometimes glance at people walking down the aisles. I do not like that I do that.

Some non-Catholics I know get annoyed when the priest does not greet everyone before Mass. I know with larger churches it is hard to recognize new people, but they would like it if the priest was more welcoming.

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

For everyone to fully participate. Interiorally, with prayers, songs, etc.

Even if they are not the best of singers, they can do so in a quiet voice. I do not have the best voice, but I feel like I owe it to God to praise Him with whatever He gave me. Plus, the more people singing, the less you can notice your own bad voice (if you happen to have one.) Maybe our voices will get better the more we practice? (God willing!!!)

During the Sign of Peace I wish more people would see it as such and not a time for saying hello to people. Instead of waving, gesture their hands as extending peace if it is someone at a distance.

I would love to see more affection at this moment too. A handshake seems so impersonal for such a solemn moment. I would go as far to say I would love to see people hug each other. (I know…cultural norms…but oh how it would open people’s spirits up!!!)

**3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

**Reverence
Knowledge of their Faith
Belief in the Eucharist
Community (someone mentioned)
Being welcoming, especially to visitors.

• The Methodist church I used to go to had greeters at the door…I think that is a nice thing to do as people walk in. Say hi to them (welcome them) and hand them a bulletin.

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

**
For the priest to yell at everyone! (Just kidding!!!)

**For visting non-Catholics, I feel like the Missalette is sometimes hard to follow. Granted, it does have every prayer in there, it would be nice if they did not have to keep flipping back-and-forth to find the place in Mass.

People keep mentioning:
Adult Catechesis…or continuing education of some kind.

More faith based community activities (instead of just normal gatherings) but ones where the faith is the focus and spiritual growth is the hoped for fruit (again, instead of just social interaction).

 

[leonie]

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

Like someone said, it annoys me that things do at times distract me. Before Mass while trying to prepare my soul to be fully participatory I sometimes glance at people walking down the aisles. I do not like that I do that.

Some non-Catholics I know get annoyed when the priest does not greet everyone before Mass. I know with larger churches it is hard to recognize new people, but they would like it if the priest was more welcoming.

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

For everyone to fully participate. Interiorally, with prayers, songs, etc.

Even if they are not the best of singers, they can do so in a quiet voice. I do not have the best voice, but I feel like I owe it to God to praise Him with whatever He gave me. Plus, the more people singing, the less you can notice your own bad voice (if you happen to have one.) Maybe our voices will get better the more we practice? (God willing!!!)

During the Sign of Peace I wish more people would see it as such and not a time for saying hello to people. Instead of waving, gesture their hands as extending peace if it is someone at a distance.

I would love to see more affection at this moment too. A handshake seems so impersonal for such a solemn moment. I would go as far to say I would love to see people hug each other. (I know…cultural norms…but oh how it would open people’s spirits up!!!)

**3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

**Reverence
Knowledge of their Faith
Belief in the Eucharist
Community (someone mentioned)
Being welcoming, especially to visitors.

• The Methodist church I used to go to had greeters at the door…I think that is a nice thing to do as people walk in. Say hi to them (welcome them) and hand them a bulletin.

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

**
For the priest to yell at everyone! (Just kidding!!!)

**For visting non-Catholics, I feel like the Missalette is sometimes hard to follow. Granted, it does have every prayer in there, it would be nice if they did not have to keep flipping back-and-forth to find the place in Mass.

People keep mentioning:
Adult Catechesis…or continuing education of some kind.

More faith based community activities (instead of just normal gatherings) but ones where the faith is the focus and spiritual growth is the hoped for fruit (again, instead of just social interaction).

fellowship is a good point. Now, that we are established in our parish, I tend to forget how intimidating our Catholic parishes can be to a newcomer.

Our new Pastor is a great administrator, a good homilist/teacher, a great liturgist, but he’s a shy kind of guy who sometimes is impatient with people.

Our last pastor wasn’t as talented in these areas, but was so friendly, warm and loving. He would stand outside of Mass grabbing people and asking them their names. He’d ask you until he learned it. I miss him.

 

[Trishie]

Yes, I find it worrying when someone has been blowing their nose and sneezing or coughing, then hold our their hands to be shaken… or drink from the chalice when they have colds. If I bring a cold home I make my husband very ill.

Yes it is hard to pray and prepare for Mass if the choir is practising, but I know people are busy and may not have another time to familiarise themselves with the hymns for the Mass. I can barely think, but our music ministers are wonderful contributors to our liturgy, for which we’re thankful.

I have friends from other parishes who can be quite frustrated by readers who are barely audible.
It doesn’t happen in my parish as the rule is, if you don’t turn up for reading study and pracice you can’t read at the weekend Masses even if rostered. As consequence our Readers are well trained and inspired.

Forgive this one, Fr Joe! I have always found it difficult if the priest fluffs out his homily when he actually hasn’t much content, so that a couple of paragraphs becomes a prolonged essay, sometimes with several repetitions. You can’t even pray because you can’t tune out his voice, so one can feel a bit desperate. It doesn’t occur with my parish priest, but where a priest habitually does this I become so bored that I keep drifting off to sleep. Sorry about that!
It is something that only some priests do, and usually habitually, but many priests are both instructive and inspiring.
God bless all priests for their efforts, and for the gift of the Eucharist

 

[Jabronie]

Hello folks.

Need your (name removed by moderator)ut please for a book about Catholic etiquette I’m working on.

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

• Holding hand during the Lord’s Prayer and raising them during the “For the Kingdom…”
• The “swirly thing” people are doing with their hands during the Alleluia before the gospel.
• When I can’t find the tabernacle.
• The army of Eucharistic ministers.
• The fact that people don’t wait until they get outside after Mass to socialize; some of us like to stay a pray for a little while.
• “Catholic Community”

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

I wish people would be more reverent during Mass.

3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

When they seem to think that the best way to evangelize is to appear more like a liberal Evangelical church instead of a Catholic one.

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

I think the biggest problem is that a lot of Catholics have absolutely no idea what is going on in Mass. Because of that, they get bored and try to make it more interesting by coming up with ways to make it seem more social to them. The best solution is to educate people. We need priests and bishops who are not afraid to “appear Catholic.” They need to talk about what the Eucharist is, and why we practice the sacraments. Encourage Bible studies and adult education.

Also, a lot of Catholic (myself included) were never taught WHY we believe as we do. We were always taught only WHAT to do. I think that’s a big reason people leave the Church. They never fully understand its teaching. I know several non-Catholics/former Catholics who have told me “Catholicism makes it too hard to be a Christian.” If they understood the faith, they wouldn’t think like that.

Sorry I was kind of wordy…

God bless.

Fr. Joe

 

[Newbie2]

I’ve seen masses where the priest does a “two-minute” teaching reminder on an aspect of the mass.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Hello Fr. Joe;

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

Poorly performed music. Don’t encourage people who can’t sing or play an instrument, even if they think they can.

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

Follow the norms. I ask that the priest don’t take liberties with the liturgy. Celebrate the Mass as written.

3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

Proper catechesis. I wonder if they know or believe who it is, they’re receiving, when they go up for Communion?

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

Revamp the entire CCD program and gear it towards family catechetics. Especially include adult and teen education together. Focus on, father-son and mother- daughter programs in religious ed.

I’ve seen the positive effects of bringing young teen boys on a mens retreat week-end. The transition of boys into manhood, as many cultures have, should be part of Catholic education.

The same is true for girls into womanhood. My daughter’s maturity jumped ahead, after she went on a women’s retreat with my wife.

In these programs, great emphasis should be on faith, and how the sacraments are important to faith.

Jim

 

[Jenna1]

Hello,

I think what annoys me the most is that I see many who receive the eucharist without reverence and chew it like it’s a piece of gum. Also, after receiving the eucharist rather than quietly meditating, they will carry on a conversation. Many will not genuflect in front of the tabernacle where Jesus is truly present, they will walk right by or quickly nod.

 

[JRKH]

Hello folks.

Need your (name removed by moderator)ut please for a book about Catholic etiquette I’m working on.

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

Dress - Our Dear Lord Hung upon the Cross for Three Hours, we can’t wear “Good”, “Modest” Clothes for an Hour or two?
Servers - who are either not well prepared, or trained. Servers with Tennis shoes as bulky as a cabin cruiser. These things stand out like sore-thumbs!

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

That the Priest speaks Clearly and reverently, at a good pace but not hurredly.
Modest dress that bespeaks of honor and Glory to God.

3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

A honest fear of God and reverence for His house.

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

Parish priests who, charitably, encourage their parishoners to a greater holiness by dress and reverence. This can be done by:

1. Frequent references in the homilies to modesty and chastity.
2. Better Training of the Altar servers and insisting on appropriate dress, especially footwear,
3. Absolute reverence by the Priest during the Mass.
4. Choosing music for the mass that is more “Liturgical” and less “Popular”.

God Bless.
Fr. Joe

And you Fr. Joe.

Peace
James

 

[JRKH]

Just for the fun of it, I started my own:

*“There’s a Kind of Hush All Over . . .”
*Upon entering you’ll notice that “There’s a kind of hush all over” as folks make their private preparations for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. A rosary group may be reviewing quietly central points of Jesus’ ministry through viewing events through the eyes of His Mother and praying in muted voices with their Rosary Beads. Others may be reviewing the Passion of our Lord Jesus by praying quietly before each of the 14 Stations of the Cross in turn. Others may be lighting candles as an outward sign of their fervency in a particular prayer request. There may even be a line of penitents outside the Confessional, each awaiting his/her turn to make confession of sin before the Mass begins.

At the doorway, you’ll notice a bowl of Holy Water. If you wish, you may dip your hand into the water and make the sign of the cross, in renewal of your Baptism. There will probably be some sort of worship aid that lists the hymns, Psalms, Lessons and congregation responses for the day; take one, you’ll need it later!

If you decide not to join those making the Stations, Rosary or Confession, find a place to sit. Before you get into your pew, glance around to locate the Tabernacle, where Jesus Christ, under the outward form of bread and wine dwells. Make a genuflection (kneel on one knee) in His honor. Remember that there will be others arriving later, so, unless physical disability prevents you, take your place toward the middle of the pew and quietly begin your own internal preparation to assist at the Holy Mass. The Crucifix near the Altar and the Tabernacle are great focus points for your internal preparation. There may also be written aids in the pews. If you see friends or acquaintances, smiling or nodding is appropriate, but never conversation. Preparation for the Holy Mass is serious business; failing to make one’s own preparation or worse interfering with others’ preparation by causing a distraction is never appropriate.

The Mass Begins: *“Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus”
*This is where your foresight in taking a worship aid comes in handy! Stand Up for the procession! If you know the tune, or read music, join in the singing. If you don’t know it, don’t worry, by the second stanza, you’ll catch on! At any rate, sing! As the procession . . . .

Just my modest beginning for such a project. . . .

I hope you continue this

So far so Great!!!

Peace
James

 

[JRKH]

bad music, poor singing, handholding, bad jokes in the homilies (sorry, Father), gum chewing, kids with food and toys, altar servers with flip flops, Extraordinary ministers with cleavage.

leonie,
I had to comment on the sandals issue because I my comment was about the huge tennis shoes.

I was at mass the other day and one server wore flip=flops and the other had on huge tennis shoes. I remember thinking that I actually would prefer the servers to wear sandals (or flip-flops). It would be more in keeping with “biblical” attire than these Awful “Boats” I see so often.
I realize that it isn’t practical or even desireable to require specific footwear, but “unobtusive” is preferable to distracting. I’m sure we both agree on that.

Peace
James

 

[Ted_in_Charlott]

Parishioners that:
1- Show up up late then get mad when you don’t slide to the middle of the pew so they can sit on the end. If you want to sit on the end, get there on time.
2- Cell phones, pagers going off. I actually heard someone take a call in communion line.
3- Getting up to go the restroom during Mass. If you even begin to think you might have to go, go before Mass. Then unless you are going to wet your pants hold it until afterwads.
4- Leaving after communion but before the final blessing. But ruder was a priest I heard say “well, Judas left early also.” To equate a person that leaves early with Judas is (unbelievable).
5- Taking the blood of Christ when you know you are sick and even worse if you are visably sick (sneezing).

Priests / Deacons that use the homily as a re-election campaign vehicle for their candidate.
I saw a priest drop the host during the consecration. He picked it up (on the bounce) still served it, is that right?

 

[JRKH]

• Holding hand during the Lord’s Prayer and raising them during the “For the Kingdom…”
• The “swirly thing” people are doing with their hands during the Alleluia before the gospel.
• When I can’t find the tabernacle.
• The army of Eucharistic ministers.
  - The fact that people don’t wait until they get outside after Mass to socialize; some of us like to stay a pray for a little while.
• “Catholic Community”
  …

Your post was sooo Good I hate to single out one thing, but when I read this I cried “COMRADE”…
It isn’t as though people can’t see that you are trying to pray - I mean you see someone kneeling, with their hands folded and head bowed, or with their eyes fixed upon the crucifix or tabernacle, and you don’t realize they are trying to pray??
I’ve even had children running in and out of the pews around us one Sunday while the parents stood by yacking.
I don’t mind quiet talking, or moving about lighting candles etc., but when it sounds more like a cafeteria, there is something wrong.
Thanks for mentioning it.

Peace
James

 

[Sarabande]

**1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass? **

These don’t really annoy me, per say, but more frustrate or disturb me when I happen to experience it. (I don’t go to mass looking for it.)

• Lack of reverence - I’ve gone to mass when people in front of me play on their blackberries or do things on their i-pods, text message on their cell phones, etc. Then they would lean over, show it to the person next to them and start to laugh or whatever. I also don’t like seeing people having full conversations during the actual mass, just continuously whispering to each other, laughing silently, etc. I know that some people may have to whisper something for a very good reason, but during the entire mass?
• Poorly “performed” music. I don’t mean perform in terms of putting on a performance, but in terms of just being able to play one’s instrument. If the parish has the resources and the means to get decent or excellent talent, then use them. Don’t just settle for mediocrity or worse. It’s different when the parish is doing it’s best and giving it’s best, but I know too many colleagues who are stymied with the kind of music they can play and having to use all volunteers even if they have no talent. It just makes it worse for the person sitting in the pews - whether or not that person sitting in the pew is a musician.
• Hand gestures like when the priest says, “The Lord be with you” and the congregation replies “And also with you.” Some people will lift their hands while they say it. - These don’t annoy me or frustrate me, but I’ve always thought it looked superfluous and silly, but that’s just me.
• Seeing kids run all around the church. (This worries me) Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE children. I don’t mind hearing babies or children cry. I don’t even mind hearing or seeing a child get a little out of hand, but it can be dangerous for a child if his parents lets him run around the church. We have very heavy doors at our parish. I’ve seen little tots run around, with their parents not paying attention and almost getting their fingers crushed in the doors. Our parish is a cathedral, so it’s very huge and it’s very easy for a little child to be taken out of there by an abductor without anyone really seeing. It’s also dangerous because a kid could get out of the cathedral, go into the busy street and be struck by a car.

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

To be as true to the mass as possible, don’t make things up during the mass and to be as reverent as possible. Number one - treating the Eucharist with the utmost love and reverence.

3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

A lack of reverence in mass and a nominal or superficial understanding of their faith and spirituality. I don’t think it’s their faults totally. There is a lot from our world that added to this. I think more people than what is believe do have the capacity to be deep in their everyday life as well as their spiritual life, but the world as we know it today seems to not encourage that aspect of our lives. I know too many people who are just shadows of themselves, although they do try, and it’s sad.

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

Discuss some of these things during mass like intertwining it within the homily. I’ve attended a parish where at almost every mass, the friars will consistently preach on the absolute beauty, respect and majesty of the Holy Eucharist and how too many people treat it with so much disrespect in their actions. A couple of them are borderline harsh, but I actually think it’s needed. It makes them really think about why we are there for mass. People have begun to receive the Eucharist with a quiet piety I’ve never seen before.

If parents are fortunate enough to send their children to Catholic school or CCD, insist that the teachers are really trained well. So many of my generation, received very little, true religious instruction or catechesis.

For parents - set an example to their children. Let them see how important it is to attend mass, not just because it’s an obligation. Also show by their actions the appropriate way of showing reverence at mass. Even people who have no children could do the same. Kids watch and when they see that others in the church are being reverent during mass, they might also want to be that way.

 

[Ted_in_Charlott]

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

God bless.
Fr. Joe

As a convert, I try to remember that every mass I worship at may be the first mass someone else has ever seen.

So we as a people should always remember not everyone may know what to do, what to say, what is expected.

So a brief announcement before mass is a good thing: Crying babies, cell phones, use the missal, please stay until after the final blessing, whatever you see as a problem in your parish.

 

[LaLucia]

Some people here have complained about the people who wear tennis shoes that look real big… Well…Have you ever considered that the person is protecting their toes from being stepped on?
I always wear shoes that protect my toes because I can’t afford to enjure them or twist my ankle wearing un-safe shoes for my feet.

I don’t think God cares what we wear as long as we are there to be with him for one hour. I once had a lady sit next to me and she chose to leave because she said she wasn’t dressed up for church. She had rushed from her job of doing construction work of painting and had some paint on her hands.
I told her to stay that she looked okay. But she chose to leave during the Mass. I thought it was stupid of her to leave since she was already there and nobody was looking at her or cared.

I always say… just wear your church clothes and you will be okay. But if you can’t for some reason… it is more important to be there with God.

 

[Ted_in_Charlott]

I go to a real big parish. I find it nice that we have so many young people there. I know Jesus is in the tabernacle, but I also think that there are enough “old people” churches around that if all this young life bothers you, you can go to there. I like the fact these children are happy and they are in God’s house. If we don’t want them there, there are 50 Baptist churches in this area that would love to have them.

And anyway Jesus said “suffer the little children to come unto me”. What better place for little children and happy parents than the Catholic Church. So, I guess what I am saying is, if the child is making a little noise, let’s try to be understanding, if the child is truly disruptive, please take them out.