Your imput please....Catholic etiquette?

[Ted_in_Charlott]

I think as long as you wear clean clothes it is ok with a few exceptions. Wearing a “Mega-death” band t-shirt probably is over the top. But green Converse is ok.

My wife is Filipina and it is a big no-no to wear strapless or haltars or that kind of dress. The priest will “yell at you” as she would say.

 

[Sarabande]

I go to a real big parish. I find it nice that we have so many young people there. I know Jesus is in the tabernacle, but I also think that there are enough “old people” churches around that if all this young life bothers you, you can go to there. I like the fact these children are happy and they are in God’s house. If we don’t want them there, there are 50 Baptist churches in this area that would love to have them.

And anyway Jesus said “suffer the little children to come unto me”. What better place for little children and happy parents than the Catholic Church. So, I guess what I am saying is, if the child is making a little noise, let’s try to be understanding, if the child is truly disruptive, please take them out.

I’m not sure if you were talking about my post because I didn’t see any other posts mentioning children.

I don’t mind children making noises/crying/talking during mass. As I mentioned before, I absolutely love children. I also agree that if they are really disruptive the parent needs to discipline them and take them out. I just get worried when I seen them running around the church without parental supervision and almost getting themselves squished and seriously hurt by our doors (I’ve pinched my fingers before on those doors - they are extremely heavy and are covered in leather - so I can’t imagine what they’d feel like on little hands or bodies), wandering outside to a busy city street or being abducted. (I also mentioned this in my post)

The parents need to watch them more closely. I also realize that the level of discipline used with children for mass or other special events is cultural. I’m half Filipina and know many Filipinos, related and not related. I’ve always noticed that their children are usually much more well-behaved at mass and at other functions. With my mother, it was the look and sometimes a little pinch on the arm. Also, all the Filipinas I knew, it didn’t matter if they weren’t related to me and my siblings or knew us well, we had to listen to them and they’d put us into line if our mother wasn’t there or not looking. In short, I hardly knew any Filipino families where the children were very poorly behaved during mass or other events. It wasn’t like this when I’d be with the caucasion side of my family or when I spent time with families of my fully-caucasion friends. I grew to understand it as a total cultural thing, and that was totally ok too. I’m fairly patient when it comes to kids, so unless the child is just a major brat, talking back, showing very little respect, etc., I am understanding when a little one cries, etc.

And, my mother is also the no straps, halter tops Filipina, too.

 

[Rickwood]

Hello folks.

Need your (name removed by moderator)ut please for a book about Catholic etiquette I’m working on.

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

God bless.
Fr. Joe

1.) The apparent loss of recognizing the sacred.

2.) Respect for the Eucharist.

3.) Good cathechesis.

4.) Better bishops and priests who care.

 

[maurin]

Hello folks.

Need your (name removed by moderator)ut please for a book about Catholic etiquette I’m working on.

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

The utter disrespect of the people gathered. This is bad enough in a well-appointed Church, but kind of understandable in one whose Sanctuary is stripped of all images of the Crucified Christ. People act like they are in an auditorium when the Sanctuary looks like one. If this is not your experience, be thankful.

“Contemporary” music, which is performed and makes itself the focus, rather than done in complementary and a prayerful way.

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

Priests and Deacons who take liberties with and shirk their responsibilities, lay people who who do the same.

3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

Catechesis, piety, respect and love for the Church. This is the Church’s fault.

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

pray for the Society of Saint Pius X to come back to full Communion with the Successor of St. Peter. That may take some compromise on both parts.

God bless.
Fr. Joe

Thank you, Father.

 

[jmcrae]

Parishioners that:
1- Show up up late then get mad when you don’t slide to the middle of the pew so they can sit on the end. If you want to sit on the end, get there on time.

Actually, the person who arrives first is supposed to sit in the middle, so that people don’t have to climb over them to get a seat, and so that latecomers can slip in to the end of the pew without disturbing others.

What’s so special about sitting on the end?

 

[tobinatorstark]

Hello folks.

Need your (name removed by moderator)ut please for a book about Catholic etiquette I’m working on.

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

God bless.
Fr. Joe

Things that annoy me at church people talking while the priest is giving his sermon and those that don’t take care of there kids.
Proper liturgical etiquette I am unsure about
What do I see lacking today among Catholics, it knowledge of scripture and the history of the church. Don’t revert back to Latin but introduce it to us younger generation a couple times a year
Bible studies would be an idea that can be done to help educate others

 

[redrosetea]

I don’t know that this happens anywhere but my parish…We have one family that has 3 lovely girls. They have a all made their first Communions , but they are awful to set behind. No one wants them to fill the pew in front of them…The parents take turns giving their girls back massages, and the Dad takes turns holding each of his very large daughters and standing them on the back of the pews…These girls are not tots, it is terribly distracting to have this performance going on during mass…

The only other thing I will say is ,ask people to be gentle with handshakes… Some people get other people in a vice grip…I have family member with osteoporosis and this could actually break bones in a hand

 

[muffinmojo]

During the Sign of Peace I wish more people would see it as such and not a time for saying hello to people. Instead of waving, gesture their hands as extending peace if it is someone at a distance.

I would love to see more affection at this moment too. A handshake seems so impersonal for such a solemn moment. I would go as far to say I would love to see people hug each other. (I know…cultural norms…but oh how it would open people’s spirits up!!!)

Someone correct me, but I believe it is permissable to make the sign of peace in the Roman fashion…at my parish, when I am a server, the head server goes up to Father and makes the sign of peace in that manner, so I don’t see why those in the pews couldn’t. For those of you who don’t know what that means…the way the Pope does it. You go up, and one person puts their hands on the other’s shoulders, and the othe puts thier hands on the person’s elbows, and they put their heads side by side, and say ‘Peace be with you’ ‘And also with you’(well, soon it iwll be 'and with your spirit =D ).

 

[muffinmojo]

And anyway Jesus said “suffer the little children to come unto me”. What better place for little children and happy parents than the Catholic Church. So, I guess what I am saying is, if the child is making a little noise, let’s try to be understanding, if the child is truly disruptive, please take them out.

I completely agree. There is a huge difference between a crying baby and an unruly, undisciplined small child. I am fine with crying babies(it’s great to see so many kids ) but people with kids who let them talk and run around and complain etc, when they are old enough to know better, are genuinly annoying.

 

[Sam_Maloney]

My top 10 peeves at Mass:

10- Children who make horrible faces after tasting the blood of Christ.

9- Anyone over the age of five speaking aloud.

8- Anyone over the age of 3 eating.

7- Anyone chewing gum.

6- Anyone-- Including the priest and music director-- who behave like they are performers putting on a show.

5- Priests who ramble. If they can’t be bothered to prepare a homily, I can’t be bothered to listen. I’ll nap instead.

4- Hand holders during the Lord’s Prayer.

3- A lack of reverence.

2- Innovation for its own sake.

1- Our musical director, who has tella tubbie tastes and quasimodo skill.

 

[turtle18]

The only other thing I will say is ,ask people to be gentle with handshakes… Some people get other people in a vice grip…I have family member with osteoporosis and this could actually break bones in a hand

Boy you got that right. I think I sprained my hand this week from the death grip put on me. (I am not kidding either!) And I am not a little old lady with osteoporis either.

I wish they would do away with the sign of peace. I’ve had hand problems for years and it is very painful to shake people’s hands. Society is brainwashed into thinking that you have to give a “firm” handshake–which carries over to the Sign of Peace.

The other thing that gets on my nerves is the “hands across the Church” during the Our Father. It seems to me that movement became popular right after the Hands Across America movement.

 

[clock]

My top 10 peeves at Mass:

10- Children who make horrible faces after tasting the blood of Christ.
…
4- Hand holders during the Lord’s Prayer.

at the kids, I’ve never been offered the blood before, I think I’d probabily make the same face

A lot of people on here talk about holding hands during the Our Father, this doesn’t really happen in England, not the places I’ve been to anyway … infact I’ve never been told to hold hands at any point ever

 

[BSHoop96]

Actually, the person who arrives first is supposed to sit in the middle, so that people don’t have to climb over them to get a seat, and so that latecomers can slip in to the end of the pew without disturbing others.

What’s so special about sitting on the end?

It’s like the movies. If you want the end, get there first to have it. My husband always wants the aisle no matter where we are: movies, airplane, church. For one thing, he’s tall, very wide shoulders, and in our parish the aisles extend a bit wider than the previous row, more leg room. Plus, I also think it can have something to do a little bit with being claustrophobic and being trapped in the middle. Do you know how many cops and veterans don’t like to sit in a restaurant with their back to the door?
Anyway, we always step out when people enter. No problem. I am not concerned with latecomers.

 

[Sarabande]

Boy you got that right. I think I sprained my hand this week from the death grip put on me. (I am not kidding either!) And I am not a little old lady with osteoporis either.

I wish they would do away with the sign of peace. I’ve had hand problems for years and it is very painful to shake people’s hands. Society is brainwashed into thinking that you have to give a “firm” handshake–which carries over to the Sign of Peace.

The other thing that gets on my nerves is the “hands across the Church” during the Our Father. It seems to me that movement became popular right after the Hands Across America movement.

This is one of the reasons why many musicians who use their hands/fingers for playing their instruments don’t like to shake hands. I’ve known enough of them who, after one time or another whether after a performance or after mass, complain to me how some guy or girl had come up to them prior to playing with them, shook their hand so hard that it crushed their fingers. A couple of times they thought they may not be able to play. Many of them don’t shake hands especially during mass if there are other people near them in the loft or whereever their instrument is located.

At the same time, I can’t stand willy-nilly handshakes either. I’d rather not shake hands at all since I usually get the extremes of either bone crushing or willy-nilly or people who like to cough into them then offer their hands to shake. I’m not into shaking hands, either, during mass and would rather just people nod their heads and smile at each other then say if we’re going to do it.

 

[AliciaCL]

1 Not having printed materials to read along with the readings. Noisy kids including my own (what can you do?) People who don’t genuflect at all. Poor homilies. Priests really need a course in public speaking to inject a little zeal.

2 Overall more reverence is needed by those attending. Insufficient opportunities at eucharistic adoration – once per month at irregular times.

3 Definitely lack of catechisis. People need -Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

4 Some form of adult education is needed. Study groups, additional lectures, addtional printed materials, even religious movie discussion groups. Anything more than just the weekly Mass.

 

[maurin]

Poor homilies. Priests really need a course in public speaking to inject a little zeal.
.

It isn’t so much the delivery of some that I mind, it is the utter lack of Catholic content and revelency to our lives that gets me. One Priest uses the Homily in order to “wow” us with his ministerial acumen from during his week. You’d think this area was “Dallas” or one of those old evening soap operas. That’s probably why he uses the Baptismal Pool and Fount as a lazy-boy before Mass–he’s probably so exhausted from saving the world during the week.

 

[LaLucia]

Hi Alicia, I can’t genuflect at all because if I did I wouldn’t be able to get up. I have weak legs with a touch of artritius sp. I wish I could …and I get really impressed when I see an old man doing it.
I am now a senior and can’t do much and I do try to do what is the right thing to do.

I have a vertigo problem which can sometimes cause me to get dizzy so I have to sit down and not stand when necessary.
I always sit in the back row so people don’t see me sitting when I should be standing.

Hi JMCRAE… The reason I like to sit on the end of the pew is because I have a clustophobic problem and I also have a medical problem where I sometimes have to run to the bathroom. There is a very old man who sits near me who has to use the bathroom approx. 3 times during Mass. He has a serious problem.

I do notice that the early birds have a favorite place to sit at and some of the late comers want them to move so they can fit their whole family of 4 persons in a small space. The early birds’ feathers get a little bit fluffy at times.lol.

Yes, it is a bother for people to have to pass me by but there is nothing I can do about my situation. I wish I could sit in the middle but I psychologically can’t.

I like this topic because I am learning new things about church etiquette. It also gives me a chance to explain my medical situation. I may look healthy but I am not truly healthy. There are lots of people with medical problems but they look healthy.

Yes, it is true that some people can’t sing at all. I recently joined a church choir and I was surprised to notice that the singer sitting next to me was singing off tune and she has been with the choir for a long time. I didn’t feel so bad that I don’t have a great voice but I do like to sing.
I think we sing too many songs. That makes the Mass last longer.
I prefer just a few songs.

I enjoy attending Mass at my church because most of all the people have their prayers memorized and don’t need a prayer book. Some of them also have the songs memorized too and can sing good too.

I belong to a Prayer group where we read the Sundays’ Gospel in advance on a Thursday night and on Sunday I am better prepared to hear what the Priest has to say in his message to us.
In my prayer group I ask questions of anything I don’t understand from the Bible. It really helps me a lot.

 

[majick275]

I agree with those here asking for strict adherence to the GIRM and increased reverence at mass.

having said that I have a few things to add as a convert

a bit more emphasis on continuing religious education. formation past the sacraments seems a bit lacking where I have been. it would be nice if right after mass (or right before) you had the opportunity for in depth learning.

Next would be increased fellowship. the thing i have had the hardest time adjusting to is a seeming lack of “community” in catholic parishes. mass isn’t really the time to socialize and unfortunately that seems the only time that many people go to church. i would like more opportunities to get to know and interact with other parish members. knowing people in your parish and being able to have that social framework makes it easier for me at least to stay in the right frame of mind. interacting with other catholics socially helps to create a catholic “culture” that my family can be a part of to stay strong in our faith while offering our own strengths to others. I think of jesus telling Peter in luke 22 to strengthen his brothers.

A more comprehensive youth ministry would be nice. these seem to vary greatly from one parish to another and i think it might help if there were more emphasis/support/instruction from higher up on this.

that would be my wish list. no complaints about the church or my parish just some observations on what might be improved upon.

 

[JRKH]

Hi Alicia, I can’t genuflect at all because if I did I wouldn’t be able to get up. I have weak legs with a touch of artritius sp. I wish I could …and I get really impressed when I see an old man doing it.
I am now a senior and can’t do much and I do try to do what is the right thing to do.

(Snip)

I wanted to comment on this for two reasons. First is that you obviously recognize your limitations and would genuflect if you were able to. I’m sure you bow as reverently as your vertigo will allow.
Second is your comment about seeing “an old man” genuflect and being impressed. I find it a great study in contrasts when I see an “80-ish” person, maybe with a cane, genuflect even though it is obviously painful for them, then see a young, obviously healthy and athletic person bearly nod their head toward the Altar.

My Wife, who is Ill with Alzhiemers and Hip Problems Always genuflects. So do I. We must be models for the Little ones whom god loves so. One time after mass I came from the pew and immediately genuflected. As I came up I turned and, behind me, I saw a little girl of maybe 20 months go down on both knees while watching me. I was so moved. I was also perturbed a bit my the mother’s look of impatience with this little one. The mother did not genuflect.

We who can, must in order to be a good influence on the little ones.
LaLucia, you obviously cannot and we understand, but even without genuflecting, I think you will agree, it’s easy to tell the reverent from the “Gotta be here” types.

Peace
James

Those of us who can must so that

 

[jmcrae]

It’s like the movies. If you want the end, get there first to have it. My husband always wants the aisle no matter where we are: movies, airplane, church. For one thing, he’s tall, very wide shoulders, and in our parish the aisles extend a bit wider than the previous row, more leg room. Plus, I also think it can have something to do a little bit with being claustrophobic and being trapped in the middle. Do you know how many cops and veterans don’t like to sit in a restaurant with their back to the door?

Unless you have enemies that you think are going to attack you at Mass, there is no reason not to take the middle.

Anyway, we always step out when people enter. No problem. I am not concerned with latecomers.

The majority of end-cappers, sadly, seem completely oblivious when people are coming into the Church, and they actually have to be told, “Excuse me!!” when you want to try to get past them - they don’t notice and move until you actually tell them to.

It would be a whole lot easier for them and for everyone if they would just take the middle - that way, it wouldn’t be an interruption to their preparation prayers when other people arrive and want a seat.