Your imput please....Catholic etiquette?

[BSHoop96]

Unless you have enemies that you think are going to attack you at Mass, there is no reason not to take the middle.

Hmmm, I think I explained. My husband is tall, long legs, broad shouldered and the ends of each pew extend beyond the pew in front of it …so more room. Also a little claustrophobic.

You obviously don’t get the cop, veteran connection. It’s not that you think someone is going to attack you at Mass. It’s just that for psychological reasons you are uncomfortable. For example, my husband was shot in the middle of a fire fight they think by his own guy behind him and to the left. He knows logically that it’s improbable that someone is going to shoot him now but he is uncomfortable if someone is walking too close behind him particularly on his left side. Go figure. So people have all sorts of quirks for reasons you are not likely to know.

Besides all that…we go early…we pray…we sit back and step out when someone enters. We are not alone in that. I think it’s rude of people to come in later and expect you to move over.

Sorry to the OP. Off-topic.

 

[jmcrae]

I think it’s rude of people to come in later and expect you to move over.

And I think it’s rude of people to make you force them to stand aside, or else have to clamber over them, just so you can get a place to sit.

I stood next to a woman for a good five minutes one time before she finally clued in that I wanted to get past her to sit down.

Short of actually speaking to her (and getting slapped by the “no talking in Church” police), how was I supposed to get into the pew?

 

[redrosetea]

Some people might want to set at the ends of a pew because they know will need to get up during the service to do a reading, or to use the restroom. It’s better not to have to climb over people to get out of a pew

I don’t genuflect too well now because of my knee but I do the best that I can…It’s where your heart is that really matters

I don’t really mind children at mass ,even ones who act up…It’s these parents who insist on making a production of showering their girls with all kinds of attention during the service ,that is annoying…I have 2 kids, and when they were the age of the girls I spoke about in my earlier posting, my children sat and listened, and followed along…They didn’t have to be soothed and massaged and held…I am 5 ft and they come up past my shoulder when they stand next to me…They are a nice family, but people avoid setting behind them like the plague

 

[Pax_Vobiscum_57]

Need your (name removed by moderator)ut please for a book about Catholic etiquette I’m working on.

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

People who disregard the GIRM & do whatever they want, be they traditional Catholics or “progressives.” The GIRM is there for a reason. This means, no kneeling during the Agnus Dei and not holding hands during the Lord’s Prayer.

2-What areas of proper liturgical etiquette are the most important to you?

Reverence in the church. People who talk & dress like they are at a picnic.

3-Which do you see lacking the most among today’s Catholics?

Good catechesis.

4-What are some ideas for things that can be done to help educate others about these things?

I’ve got lots of ideas on this. A weekly Q&A or blurb in the parish paper, a drop-in catechism class. Whatever it is, it needs to be put in black & white.

 

[BSHoop96]

And I think it’s rude of people to make you force them to stand aside, or else have to clamber over them, just so you can get a place to sit.

I stood next to a woman for a good five minutes one time before she finally clued in that I wanted to get past her to sit down.

Short of actually speaking to her (and getting slapped by the “no talking in Church” police), how was I supposed to get into the pew?

Well goodness, was it really five minutes and does it happen often? I would have turned to another pew. And if it was so crowded there were no other seats you must have been running late.

As for me, 2nd from end (husband on the end) we notice right away if someone comes up to our pew. We rise, step out, I smile and extend my arm (as in please, go right ahead). Never had a problem. I see others also step out for latecomers.

 

[jmcrae]

Well goodness, was it really five minutes and does it happen often? I would have turned to another pew. And if it was so crowded there were no other seats you must have been running late.

Actually, every single pew was endcapped, with nobody sitting in the middle of any of them. Literally, two people/couples to a pew, one on each end. I was arriving early enough to pray my Rosary, so it’s not like I was making her move during Mass.

Like I asked before, what’s so special about being on the end? And they don’t budge - it’s like it’s a major inconvenience to push in and make room.

I know it was about five minutes, because I prayed a decade of my Rosary while I was standing there waiting for her to clue in - after the first bit, when I realized she wasn’t moving, I figured I better get started, because I wasn’t going to have time, otherwise.

 

[JRKH]

To try and get back to Fr. Joe’s Questions, a couple of other things came to my mind.

Hello folks.

Need your (name removed by moderator)ut please for a book about Catholic etiquette I’m working on.

1-What are the things that really annoy you while at Church, especially during Mass?

One of the things about church architecture that bothers me is moving the tabernacle from it’s place of Honor in the front center of the Church, and replacing it with the chair of the priest. I’ve never really looked into why this is done, but it just feels wrong.
Another thing is when I go into a Catholic Church and there are no kneelers. I never know how to act during mass with no kneelers. I follow the other people, but it just feels exceedingly wierd.

Peace
James

 

[BSHoop96]

Actually, every single pew was endcapped, with nobody sitting in the middle of any of them. Literally, two people/couples to a pew, one on each end. I was arriving early enough to pray my Rosary, so it’s not like I was making her move during Mass.

Like I asked before, what’s so special about being on the end?

I think I covered all that about 2 or 3 posts ago.

And they don’t budge - it’s like it’s a major inconvenience to push in and make room.

I know it was about five minutes, because I prayed a decade of my Rosary while I was standing there waiting for her to clue in - after the first bit, when I realized she wasn’t moving, I figured I better get started, because I wasn’t going to have time, otherwise.

Try making eye contact with someone else. No offense but you must have some strange people in your parish.

 

[BSHoop96]

To try and get back to Fr. Joe’s Questions, a couple of other things came to my mind.

One of the things about church architecture that bothers me is moving the tabernacle from it’s place of Honor in the front center of the Church, and replacing it with the chair of the priest. I’ve never really looked into why this is done, but it just feels wrong.
Another thing is when I go into a Catholic Church and there are no kneelers. I never know how to act during mass with no kneelers. I follow the other people, but it just feels exceedingly wierd.

Peace
James

Well we can agree on these.

 

[jmcrae]

Try making eye contact with someone else. No offense but you must have some strange people in your parish.

It’s an odd neighborhood, for sure.

This one isn’t my home parish - this is one that I go to when I can’t get to my home parish, because of my work. (Because of my work, I most often end up going to Mass at this particular one, on Sundays.)

At my home parish, everyone pushes in to the middle as soon as they arrive - there are very few endcappers at my home parish, and usually there is a good reason - they have some reason why they need to be on the end. If someone is just endcapping for no reason, the ushers will invite them kindly to make room on the ends so that others may also come and sit.

 

[BSHoop96]

It’s an odd neighborhood, for sure.

This one isn’t my home parish - this is one that I go to when I can’t get to my home parish, because of my work. (Because of my work, I most often end up going to Mass at this particular one, on Sundays.)

At my home parish, everyone pushes in to the middle as soon as they arrive - there are very few endcappers at my home parish, and usually there is a good reason - they have some reason why they need to be on the end. If someone is just endcapping for no reason, the ushers will invite them kindly to make room on the ends so that others may also come and sit.

Our ushers don’t. And gosh, how can you judge if a person’s reasons are valid or not? Like I said…never have had a problem.
And now since we are obviously not going to agree I say we turn the thread back to the original questions.

 

[jmcrae]

Our ushers don’t. And gosh, how can you judge if a person’s reasons are valid or not? Like I said…never have had a problem.

You were the one who brought it up - you were having an issue with people who wanted to get you to go in the middle so that they wouldn’t have to clamber over you.

 

[Sarabande]

At my home parish, everyone pushes in to the middle as soon as they arrive - there are very few endcappers at my home parish, and usually there is a good reason - they have some reason why they need to be on the end. If someone is just endcapping for no reason, the ushers will invite them kindly to make room on the ends so that others may also come and sit.

I really believe this has to do with area or at least the parish. I mentioned in another post, in the couple cities where I attend mass or various other areas where I live or frequent, I find that it is actually considered rude for someone to expect another to move in whether it is in a church, in a movie theater or on the train, etc. Most people who are from those areas expect to sit in the middle while the people who were there earlier are expected to step out of the pew to let the people who entered later move into the pew. That is considered proper etiquette. One might be confused and look at that person as someone who is selfish and rude - even though the said person might just be someone from an area which practices the opposite.

On the other hand, in many suburbanite areas, like where I grew up, it is the definitely opposite. It is rude if you don’t move in. So the majority of people in churches of those areas will follow that etiquette. AND they look at the person stepping out of the pew, or repositioning their legs for the other to move into the pew, as selfish and rude, when the said person might actually be from the areas above and thought they were practicing proper etiquette.

Also, in regards to people being oblivious to others around them - the oblivious one might actually be engrossed in prayer and have totally blocked out anything around him and her. I’m not saying that this is always the case, but I know, myself, that I have been in situations like that where the only thing I was focusing on, especially when praying my rosary when I tend to go into a trance-like state, is the prayer. I totally block out everything around me and I have no idea if someone was trying to get my attention while I’m lucky enough to be that entranced in prayer, which is sadly not as often as I’d like.

So, in the end, I shouldn’t assume that these people are actually practicing poor etiquette, especially if they are not regulars at a particular church. But that’s just me.

 

[jmcrae]

Our ushers don’t. And gosh, how can you judge if a person’s reasons are valid or not?

If their name is on the list as a reader or to bring up the gifts, or something like that, those people would sit on the end (and would be known to the ushers, usually.) And in a case of someone who has really long legs, or if they’re using a walker, or something like that, that would be just be self-evident.

 

[BSHoop96]

You were the one who brought it up - you were having an issue with people who wanted to get you to go in the middle so that they wouldn’t have to clamber over you.

I didn’t bring it up. I was responding to someone, don’t even remember if it was you, talking about people not moving over. And you seem to have just as big an issue with people wanting to be on the end and have totally ignored the several times I have told you we stand up, smile, and let them in. We step completely out of the pew and step back to clear the way. Always. Never made anyone wait. Okay? Geez, let’s drop it.

 

[jmcrae]

Also, in regards to people being oblivious to others around them - the oblivious one might actually be engrossed in prayer and have totally blocked out anything around him and her. I’m not saying that this is always the case, but I know, myself, that I have been in situations like that where the only thing I was focusing on, especially when praying my rosary when I tend to go into a trance-like state, is the prayer. I totally block out everything around me and I have no idea if someone was trying to get my attention while I’m lucky enough to be that entranced in prayer, which is sadly not as often as I’d like.

So, in the end, I shouldn’t assume that these people are actually practicing poor etiquette, especially if they are not regulars at a particular church. But that’s just me.

I’m quite sure that’s exactly what’s going on - but if she was wanting to get into a zone, it would have been better for her to sit in the middle, and then she wouldn’t have to “come to” every so often to let people in - she could have prayed undisturbed.

 

[BSHoop96]

I really believe this has to do with area or at least the parish. I mentioned in another post, in the couple cities where I attend mass or various other areas where I live or frequent, I find that it is actually considered rude for someone to expect another to move in whether it is in a church, in a movie theater or on the train, etc. Most people who are from those areas expect to sit in the middle while the people who were there earlier are expected to step out of the pew to let the people who entered later move into the pew. That is considered proper etiquette. One might be confused and look at that person as someone who is selfish and rude - even though the said person might just be someone from an area which practices the opposite.

On the other hand, in many suburbanite areas, like where I grew up, it is the definitely opposite. It is rude if you don’t move in. So the majority of people in churches of those areas will follow that etiquette. AND they look at the person stepping out of the pew, or repositioning their legs for the other to move into the pew, as selfish and rude, when the said person might actually be from the areas above and thought they were practicing proper etiquette.

So, in the end, I shouldn’t assume that these people are actually practicing poor etiquette, especially if they are not regulars at a particular church. But that’s just me.

Interesting point.

 

[BSHoop96]

I’m quite sure that’s exactly what’s going on - but if she was wanting to get into a zone, it would have been better for her to sit in the middle, and then she wouldn’t have to “come to” every so often to let people in - she could have prayed undisturbed.

I’m assuming you are talking about the woman who wouldn’t move over for you. I agree with ya on this one!

 

[Sarabande]

I’m quite sure that’s exactly what’s going on - but if she was wanting to get into a zone, it would have been better for her to sit in the middle, and then she wouldn’t have to “come to” every so often to let people in - she could have prayed undisturbed.

True, but no one’s perfect.

 

[Mary_Harmon]

Unless you have enemies that you think are going to attack you at Mass, there is no reason not to take the middle.

The majority of end-cappers, sadly, seem completely oblivious when people are coming into the Church, and they actually have to be told, “Excuse me!!” when you want to try to get past them - they don’t notice and move until you actually tell them to.

It would be a whole lot easier for them and for everyone if they would just take the middle - that way, it wouldn’t be an interruption to their preparation prayers when other people arrive and want a seat.

My son and I have to sit at the end of the pew. He is autistic (high functioning, you might not even notice) because if he gets overwhelmed we have to leave. I hate to have to make people move so we can get out.