Your opinion: People not paying attention in Mass?

[Sneaux]

…So I don’t want to sound rude, or judgemental…but there are some people in my church…who literally…all the do…is come in late, sit down, and read to their children. ← Not an exaggeration. They switch the kids off though, when mom gets tired, they go to their aunt, when she gets tired, they go to their grandparents. They read books about farm animals, and the alphabet, and so forth…My opinion is…why come to Mass if you’re not going to do ANYTHING. (But of course read to your kids) There’s nothing wrong with reading to your kids, but in Mass -.- really? It really annoys me…

 

[Della]

Out loud? If out loud, they shouldn’t be doing that. I could see helping them understand the Mass with an appropriate book, but farm animals? Truly, there are people who are clueless, bless 'em. All you can do is pray for them and hope, in spite of their parents example, the kids are getting something from Mass. If they become disruptive you might have to say something to the pastor about it and let him talk to them about the appropriateness of their actions at Mass–that is only if they are being a distraction to others by reading out loud.

We cannot know why people do these kinds of things at Mass. It’s like they’re at a ball game or something. This last generation has learned no manners about what is appropriate at Mass, theaters, concerts (serious concerts where people actually listen to fine music), etc. They seem to think they’re at home watching the tube. Or they simply don’t care if they are being a nuisance. It’s sad, isn’t it?

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

…So I don’t want to sound rude, or judgemental…but there are some people in my church…who literally…all the do…is come in late, sit down, and read to their children. ← Not an exaggeration. They switch the kids off though, when mom gets tired, they go to their aunt, when she gets tired, they go to their grandparents. They read books about farm animals, and the alphabet, and so forth…My opinion is…why come to Mass if you’re not going to do ANYTHING. (But of course read to your kids) There’s nothing wrong with reading to your kids, but in Mass -.- really? It really annoys me…

The only behavior you can control is your own. If you can’t tune out their behavior from where you’re sitting, move somewhere where they are less noticable. If there is quite literally no place in the church where you can’t help but watch people exhibit behaviors you find annoying, start attending Mass at a different time or even at a different parish if you have to.

Luna

 

[twk001]

well, i’m on the other side of this coin. i have two VERY active kids, and when our DD was little she would literally squirm loose from us and run right up the aisle to the pulpit! our DS is the same. we have to do anything we can think of to try and keep him still and quiet. it’s sad, because most catholic churches don’t have nursery programs. i think that’s a shame, because even though people may be ok with active noisy kids, i don’t get much out of the mass. true…

most weeks we want to be there, but we hear very little. our son is just too active and busy.

 

[Kelfa28]

well, i’m on the other side of this coin. i have two VERY active kids, and when our DD was little she would literally squirm loose from us and run right up the aisle to the pulpit! our DS is the same. we have to do anything we can think of to try and keep him still and quiet. it’s sad, because most catholic churches don’t have nursery programs. i think that’s a shame, because even though people may be ok with active noisy kids, i don’t get much out of the mass. true…

most weeks we want to be there, but we hear very little. our son is just too active and busy.

My 8 month old is active and busy. Everything is interesting to her and sometimes she likes to growl, sing, babble and do anything else to make noise and be heard.

It’s tough to get anything out of Mass sometimes. I hate the crying room because it’s filled with a lot of people going in and out and it’s even more distracting in there.

I have no idea how hard it’s going to be when she can start to walk/run.

 

[Skye_Ariel]

well, i’m on the other side of this coin. i have two VERY active kids, and when our DD was little she would literally squirm loose from us and run right up the aisle to the pulpit! our DS is the same. we have to do anything we can think of to try and keep him still and quiet. it’s sad, because most catholic churches don’t have nursery programs. i think that’s a shame, because even though people may be ok with active noisy kids, i don’t get much out of the mass. true…

most weeks we want to be there, but we hear very little. our son is just too active and busy.

My 8 month old is active and busy. Everything is interesting to her and sometimes she likes to growl, sing, babble and do anything else to make noise and be heard.

It’s tough to get anything out of Mass sometimes. I hate the crying room because it’s filled with a lot of people going in and out and it’s even more distracting in there.

I have no idea how hard it’s going to be when she can start to walk/run.

You don’t sit in the front row do you? What I don’t understand is why parents with kids that they know are teething or will cry a lot or kids who can’t or won’t sit still and they have to keep telling them to stop every 5 seconds, why do they sit in the first, second or 3rd rows in the front of the church?? I never understood that. I understand how kids are and I know they go through different phases etc that’s understandable because kids will be kids, but do the parents have to sit in the very front row when their kids are in those phases? That’s what I see a lot of and never understood. They can’t hear anything so they want to keep others from hearing too? If my kids were going through those phases I would at least have enough consideration to sit in the back so as not to disturb others.

 

[Kelfa28]

You don’t sit in the front row do you? What I don’t understand is why parents with kids that they know are teething or will cry a lot or kids who can’t or won’t sit still and they have to keep telling them to stop every 5 seconds, why do they sit in the first, second or 3rd rows in the front of the church?? I never understood that. I understand how kids are and I know they go through different phases etc that’s understandable because kids will be kids, but do the parents have to sit in the very front row when their kids are in those phases? That’s what I see a lot of and never understood. They can’t hear anything so they want to keep others from hearing too? If my kids were going through those phases I would at least have enough consideration to sit in the back so as not to disturb others.

Sometimes it’s a good idea to sit up front because children become far more interested and will pay attention more when they can see the Mass happening. I’ve taken my husband’s Godchildren to Mass. They were 2 and 4 and we sat right up front and it was easier because they could see what’s going on and were interested. It held their attention until the Homily became a little boring but one walk around the church and then the rest was interesting again.

Granted, I do agree with you. Having a very small child…2 and under may not be the best idea because they are too young to have an active interest in the Mass. If they are teething, want to squirm or just make noise then it’s a better idea to sit in the back. I do this with my baby.

However, I know plenty of families that still sit up front because they have a crowd of kiddos and it’s better to keep 3 out of the 4 interested then bore all 4 out of their minds in order to please the baby.

 

[Sneaux]

Like I said, it’s not the kids that bother me…it’s the parents not even making an effort to let the kid pay attention to whats going on…I understand when kids cry, etc, but just coming in and sitting down and reading is what bothers me…

When the kids don’t even make any noise at all, walking in, and then you hear "And what animal is that? "

 

[grasscutter]

Attending to children that are difficult isn’t really the same thing as not paying attention in Mass. I really feel for the parents at the Mass I attend that are doing the best they can to manage their kids and participate at the same time. And I suppose not everyone wants to be exiled to the baby ghetto (cry room). I just hope they keep coming to church.

I agree with Luna Lovecraft. If it is intolerable, sit somewhere else or maybe attend a different Mass.

And Della, I have observed good and bad manners from all generations.

 

[oldcatholicguy]

Like I said, it’s not the kids that bother me…it’s the parents not even making an effort to let the kid pay attention to whats going on…I understand when kids cry, etc, but just coming in and sitting down and reading is what bothers me…

When the kids don’t even make any noise at all, walking in, and then you hear "And what animal is that? "

Parents not making an effort to let the kid pay attention to whats going on don’t show up to Mass at all.

 

[ilySHJ]

Sounds distracting, to be sure, but some wise person above noted the only behavior one can control is his/her own.

At least they’re coming to Mass!!!

 

[cmscms]

I don’t have any kids but I totally understand that it must be hard to keep a small child quiet and still at mass. As much as the crying can get annoying, as long as the parents handle it in an apporpriate manner, I have sympathy. Such as perhaps a little snack, a quiet toy like a soft teddy bear or just cuddling the kid.

However, by the time kids are 5 I think they are old enough to be quiet. If these parents are reading about farn animals, well the kids are obviously old enough to start to learn more manners.

I once sat in front of an eight year old and she was talking to her grandmother about which bathing suit to pack for their trip and where she left her shoes etc. I am sorry but that is way over board

There is a family at my church that now sits in the back. The mom and dad use to sit upfront. The grandparents would come in late and take turns greeting the baby by holding him and kissing him (during the service), then the aunt would show up late. Instead of going up the side row and sitting at the end, she would go up the middle aisle, crawl all over everyone, sit at the end then make goo goo eyes at the baby and put out her arms and the baby would be passed down 3 adults to get to the aunt. Well… if that is how adults are going to behave (ie playing with the baby instead of listening in mass), how can these parents expect their toddler to behave. On the way out of mass I would hear them lecturing the toddler about everything he did wrong and would bite my tongue from saying ‘I wonder where he gets it’

CM

 

[Sneaux]

I don’t have any kids but I totally understand that it must be hard to keep a small child quiet and still at mass. As much as the crying can get annoying, as long as the parents handle it in an apporpriate manner, I have sympathy. Such as perhaps a little snack, a quiet toy like a soft teddy bear or just cuddling the kid.

However, by the time kids are 5 I think they are old enough to be quiet. If these parents are reading about farn animals, well the kids are obviously old enough to start to learn more manners.

I once sat in front of an eight year old and she was talking to her grandmother about which bathing suit to pack for their trip and where she left her shoes etc. I am sorry but that is way over board

There is a family at my church that now sits in the back. The mom and dad use to sit upfront. The grandparents would come in late and take turns greeting the baby by holding him and kissing him (during the service), then the aunt would show up late. Instead of going up the side row and sitting at the end, she would go up the middle aisle, crawl all over everyone, sit at the end then make goo goo eyes at the baby and put out her arms and the baby would be passed down 3 adults to get to the aunt. Well… if that is how adults are going to behave (ie playing with the baby instead of listening in mass), how can these parents expect their toddler to behave. On the way out of mass I would hear them lecturing the toddler about everything he did wrong and would bite my tongue from saying ‘I wonder where he gets it’

CM

That’s just about exactly like the family I’m talking about! One of the aunts is 16 and she brings cover and spreads out all over the place! The grandparents are nice, but they’re constantly late and just love on the baby when they get there.

 

[R_C]

There is a purpose to going to Holy Mass, and a time for everything. Even what is good can become improper, and even sinful, if done in places or occasions when it should not be done.

s. Padre Pio, when told by a spiritual daughter that people would often be noisy during his Mass (his Mass was notoriously extensive), he replied: “What if you had been on Calvary, where you could hear shouts, blasphemies, noises, menaces…there was unspeakable noise there!”. “Do they distract you?” - she asked. “Not at all!”

 

[Ophelia23]

Sometimes during the homily, my daughter will sit in my lap with her board-book bible, and I will quietly whisper it in her ear. The homily is the hardest part for her to get through, so it really helps. I know so many parents who don’t even bother to take their kids to Mass because of the “hassle”, so even though the family you are writing about does it differently than I would, I still think its good they are there.

 

[grasscutter]

Sometimes during the homily, my daughter will sit in my lap with her board-book bible, and I will quietly whisper it in her ear. The homily is the hardest part for her to get through, so it really helps. I know so many parents who don’t even bother to take their kids to Mass because of the “hassle”, so even though the family you are writing about does it differently than I would, I still think its good they are there.

And today at Mass, I had to try to concentrate on the final blessing while two older women behind me carried on a fairly loud conversation. It’s not just kids and like another poster said, there was a lot of noise at Calvary. I’m grateful to attend Mass and hope that people with small children feel welcome.

 

[Flame4]

I certainly understand where you are coming from. I esaily get distracted myself. Seeing families juggle there kids around (by passing them between themselves) every 10 seconds is so annoying! Sometimes small children will slam toy/books against the pew making a lot of noise. It goes on and on…Sometimes it seems as if the parents are oblivious to the fact that there child is making so much noise and being so distracting. Or worse, they don’t seem to care.That is what really annoys me.

However I try to be empathatic about it. Its hard to get kids to sit still at mass (or for a long period of time anywhere!) I don’t know how I would handle the situation myself. So although I do get frusterated, I try to ignore it/offer it up. Try not to dwell on it. I try and consider how happy God must be to have that child at mass. I try to picture him smiling at the child. It helps me; maybe it will help you.

Usually I end up going for a mass which is full of elderly people, so its not a problem I have to face all the time. Thank goodness.

God Bless

 

[triumphguy]

“Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”

Who wrote this, and when?

 

[jhyer]

We have a 16 mo. old son that attends Mass with us every Sunday morning. As with most children his age, he is very curious and adventurous. We sit in the back so we can bolt out at a moments notice if he has a fit that could disrupt the service for others. To keep him occupied, we take a couple stuffed animals and a soft “bath” book that will not make noise if it hits a pew. Usually, after the first reading, he will sleep until time for Communion.

However, we attended the Vigil Mass for All Saints Day and, not so good. It was at 7:00 pm and he was a terror. We did what we felt was right and took him out so others could enjoy the service. What is nice is, we both were able to hear the majority of the Mass and, what we missed, Father recorded so, it was available online.

Being a new-ish parent, I feel as if the Mass is something to be honoured and for a parent to disrupt this, well, they should know better…

 

[beenwashed]

There’s an age at which a kid is old enough to sit still the whole mass. My guess would be about 5 years old. I have a 22 month old and a 6 month old. We show up nice and early to get a seat near the back and edge. We do this on purpose so if we have to get up and leave with one child it’s not distracting. We also bounce kids back and forth between each other because you have to constantly distract them to keep them from throwing boredom fits. To the folks that seem to get irritated at the kids making noises, you’ve got to realize that kids ARE noisy. Seems to me like some of you may not have kids. Basically as long as the kid isn’t screaming, crying incessantly, or other really loud continuous noise, you need to get over it. You should either not sit near these people with the normal noisy children or the folks with bad behavior, or get over it. Also, Saying that this generation as a whole has no respect for anything as a blanket statement is very insulting.