Your reaction to your son or daughter

[LeahInancsi]

Well in that case, the Church also condemns heterosexulaity, from fantasizing to practicing. The Church does NOT condemn homosexulality, only homosexual acts. Why is it that people never seem to get that straight (hehe). Oh, and I have yet to see anything from any reputable source substantiating the claim that molestation and homosexuality are linked.

I stand corrected. I’ve only been Catholic for two years, but I’ve gotten the impression that the Church teaches that a person should compartmentalize their homosexuality and, more or less, block it out. Become asexual. As a single, heterosexual woman, I’ve grown to feel guilty if I fantasize about the opposite sex in sexual manner.

 

[duskyjewel]

The APA is a political organization. They removed homosexuality from the DSM as a political move, not due to any research proving that homosexuality was not a disorder.

The APA also said that adult-child sex (their euphemistic term for molestation and child rape) is not always harmful and may be morally neutral. NAMBLA ate it up and used it in promotional materials! I trust anything that bunch has to say about as far as I could throw a hardback DSM-IV.

From other sources, I have heard statistics claiming that at least 50% of male homosexuals were sexually abused as children. I will see if I can find a source to back that up…

JarryD, I think you might do more harm than good, just because of the erroneous assumptions and personal agenda with which you approach the whole milieu. Let’s face it, a young person who is convinced they are gay, but whose parents try to talk Christian truth to them, will be offered sympathy and told that their parents are intolerant bigots who don’t really love them for who they are. In no way will the parents’ concerns be considered valid, nor will they be offered support by anyone on your side of the fence. From where you are, the parents would automatically and reflexively be wrong because they don’t subscribe to the larger society’s idea of acceptance. And the young person will not be encouraged to seriously consider their parents’ concerns in their decision-making.

My child would always have my love and my prayers, but I just don’t think I could support that type of lifestyle choice. And my husband… he loves his children more than anything, but I am not sure he could handle one “coming out.”

Edited to add source: springerlink.com/content/u10022r778788010/ This one says 46% of gay men in the study reported homosexual molestation, as opposed to only 7% of straight men, and 22% of lesbians as opposed to 1% of straight women. Nothing about hetero molestation. From the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. It’s only a short abstract, not much detail.

 

[Corki]

Who said this?:

I disagree. The Catholic church strongly condemns homosexuality, from fantasizing to practicing.

The post you seem to be responding to is from Blest One. I think it’s pretty clear that she is expressing her opinion. That is what the OP is asking for. I don’t think it require a PhD to answer this thread. Or, am I wrong?

The Church does not condemn homosexuality, the disorder. It does condemn homosexual acts and the promotion of the homosexual “lifestyle”.

I was responding to Jarryd, the OP. I think you really should have some kind of specialized training before you give “advice” to families regarding their relationships with thier children.

 

[Jarryd]

In 2001, the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior published a study entitled Comparative data of childhood and adolescence molestation in heterosexual and homosexual persons. The abstract for this article states the following:

“ In research with 942 nonclinical adult participants, gay men and lesbian women reported a significantly higher rate of childhood molestation than did heterosexual men and women. Forty-six percent of the homosexual men in contrast to 7% of the heterosexual men reported homosexual molestation. Twenty-two percent of lesbian women in contrast to 1% of heterosexual women reported homosexual molestation. This research is apparently the first survey that has reported substantial homosexual molestation of girls.[20] ”

The authors of the above medical journal article entitled Comparative data of childhood and adolescence molestation in heterosexual and homosexual persons also stated that childhood sexual molestation may not be a causal factor for homosexuality and that the abuse molestation may be occurring after the individual is a homosexual and the medical researchers speculated that the victims of molestation may be engaging in behaviors that put them at greater risk for molestation.[21]

In 1998, Dr. William C. Holmes, M.D. and Dr. Gail B. Slap, M.D. reported in the medical journal JAMA the following:

“ Adolescent boys, particularly those victimized by males, were up to 7 times more likely to identify themselves as homosexual or bisexual than peers who had not been abused (P<.001). [22] ”

Dr. Holmes and Dr. Slap also pointed out that “No longitudinal studies examined the causal relationship between abuse and gender role or sexual orientation, however. Gender role nonconformity and gay or bisexual identity may precede abuse.” [23] Dr. Holmes and Dr. Slap also offered a speculative scenario in regards to how a homosexual adolescent exploring his sexuality may put himself at risk but offered no empirical studies in regards to their speculative scenario.[24]

In 1997, the researcher Gundlach studied the issue of childhood sexual molestation in regards to lesbians and according the medical researchers Gundlach found the following:

“ Gundlach (1977) surveyed 225 lesbian and 233 heterosexual women, and found that 30% of the heterosexual women and 21% of the lesbians had been raped. Of the 30 women who had been raped before the age of 14, 26 had an adult homosexual orientation while 9 had an adult heterosexual orientation.[25] ”

In addition, the abstract for the Gundlach study states the following additional detail:

“ Sixteen of the 17 girls, age 4 to 16, molested or seduced (6 for a long time) by a relative or close family friend are lesbians as adults. The subjects’ attitudes about the incident were highly determined by parental reactions.[26]

I was unable to find this study analysed by any scientific body so i resorted to converopedia.org (yer i didn’t realise such a thing existed either) which i know may be seen as highly probable but it does cite references. The researches do not appear to conclude that their research indicates that children who are abused are more likely to be homosexual, but appear to have many interpretations of that this study means. One of the speculations was that children who are homosexual are more likely to be gender nonconforming in their youth (which has some studies to back it up) and therefor are more likely to be abused. I thought that should be noted before drawing inferences from this study. There may be more critique as i’m not sure why i couldn’t find this study presented by any (western atleast) psychiatric or medical association, i’ll keep looking. Its interesting that a follow up study (Gundlach) showed a lower incidence of abuse in lesbians. The conclusions reached from his victimised sample however are a bit problematic (a sample size of 30 is hardly a basis for conclusions on all abused women).

Anyway i think this arguement is for another thread, if theres anyone else willing to fill out my little questionarre please do .

 

[homewardbound]

Hi, i will soon be helping out as part of my University in the role of assisting specifically GLBT students to adjust to growing up and beginning their lives. I have been told that one of the common jobs that is asked of me to do is to advice students on how to best handle their parents after ‘coming out’. As i’m sure that christian (or other relgious) parents are going to be common amongst the students that come to me i was wondering if you could answer a few of these questions just so i could get some perspective:

1. How would you react if your son or daughter told you they were gay? Would you react differently if they told you they were bisexual?

I would still love them of course, but let them know I do not agree with acting on SSA, as it is a sin to engage in premarital sexual acts no matter what sex you are attracted to, regardless of who it is with.

1. How would you react if your son or daughter brought home a same sex partner?

They would not be welcome in my home. In no way shape or form would I accept my child living a homosexual lifestyle

1. What do you think would need to happen for you to be comfortable with a gay son or daughter?

The only way I would be comfortable with my child being “gay” would be if they follow God on the matter and stay chaste. It is a cross some people must bear, but many of them choose to go against morality and that I would never be comfortable with. My children’s soul is more important then their fleshly desires.

1. How would you feel if from the early stages of youth your son or daughter exibited non gender conforming behaviours (boys playing with dolls or girls playing with trucks)?

That has nothing to be with whether or not someone is hetero or homosexual.

1. How would you react if your son or daughter told you they were ‘transgendered’ (they felt they were not born into the right gender)?

I would believe they had something mentally wrong and urge them to go to therapy

1. How would you react if your son or daughter began to change their appearance to that of the opposite gender?

As long as there was no surgery, I would still accept them but I would not refer to them as the opposite sex.

1. How would you react if your son or daughter told you that they wished to undergoe sex reassignment surgery?

I would not support them. They’d be on their own and again, I would never refer to them nor accept them as the opposite gender then what they really are.

1. What do you think would need to happen for you to be comfortable with a transgendered son or daughter?

Wouldn’t happen. Yes, they have a mental disorder, but they should learn how to be happy with who they are. No surgery can change that. Inside they would still always be whoever they were to begin with.

1. For either of these circumstances would you feel comfortable discussing this matter with an outside person? Would it matter whether this person was a ‘professional’ (such as a doctor, psychiatrist or even a preist)?

All of those, I would try. But only certified people like doctors or priests. School counselors, no.

1. Given the reactions you have expressed above what would you say was your greatest influence in hypothetically taking those actions? (was it religious, was it personal experience, was it scientific literature, unknown ect ect)

All of those as well. I have read up on the homosexual and transgendered lifestyle and it seems very clear to me they are caused by some form of disorder.

.

 

[LeahInancsi]

I was responding to Jarryd, the OP. I think you really should have some kind of specialized training before you give “advice” to families regarding their relationships with thier children.

I think when someone gets advice from a bunch of unknown people for free on a Catholic forum have an idea of how much confidence they can put in the answers they receive. From me, you get what you pay for, the relative ignorant advice of a CPA worth nothing. Tax and accounting matters are a different story.

On the other hand, before one acts on any advice, they should seek out the advice of a qualified professional.

 

[Corki]

I think when someone gets advice from a bunch of unknown people for free on a Catholic forum have an idea of how much confidence they can put in the answers they receive. From me, you get what you pay for, the relative ignorant advice of a CPA worth nothing. Tax and accounting matters are a different story.

On the other hand, before one acts on any advice, they should seek out the advice of a qualified professional.

I wasn’t referring to the advice given/recieved on the forums. You are absolutely right about that.

Jared said that it would be his responsiblity to give advice to parents of students at the school. This is a complex issue and anyone advising families better be well qualified to do so. Being “gay” by itself isn’t enough qualification to give counsel to families about relationships. If the University/college really cared about helping these students and their families, they would refer them to trained professionals.

 

[jssaxon]

Being gay does qualify one to promote the gay agenda, which is what the university is actually doing. The OP never admitted to being gay, but an educated guess would point in that direction.

 

[ChristianWAB]

Hi, i will soon be helping out as part of my University in the role of assisting specifically GLBT students to adjust to growing up and beginning their lives. I have been told that one of the common jobs that is asked of me to do is to advice students on how to best handle their parents after ‘coming out’. As i’m sure that christian (or other relgious) parents are going to be common amongst the students that come to me i was wondering if you could answer a few of these questions just so i could get some perspective:

1. How would you react if your son or daughter told you they were gay? Would you react differently if they told you they were bisexual? I have a daughter. She’s a year and a half old, but I’ve already pondered many of these questions. To me, there would be little distinction between my daughter telling me she was gay as opposed to bi. Of course, with bi, there’s presumably hope that her experimentation is little more than a temporary phase. I would probably react by asking a TON of questions, much like a psychologist does when trying to get to the bottom of how a person is feeling. The answers she’d give me would help me respond. I’d ask her things like if she ever feels guilty when having these thoughts. Things like that… then go from there. At least if she’s open with talking about things with me, then there’s hope that she’ll listen as well.
2. How would you react if your son or daughter brought home a same sex partner? I’d be respectful, but I’d have to let the other girl know how my girl was raised from when she was little. I’d use the opportunity to discuss biblical truths and the Vatican’s stance on homosexuality.
3. What do you think would need to happen for you to be comfortable with a gay son or daughter? I’d need her to never try to shut me up when talking about what she needs to do to repent, because I wouldn’t let up just because SHE thinks this is how she was born.
4. How would you feel if from the early stages of youth your son or daughter exibited non gender conforming behaviours (boys playing with dolls or girls playing with trucks)? I don’t think that’s such a big deal at this point. My 17 month old girl is a big fan of bouncing balls and pretty much anything that rolls. She loves to kick, throw and roll balls of various sizes all the time and I encourage the behavior. She also occasionally enjoys rolling little toy buses across our hardwood floors. Again, she’s using her imagination and exploring cause and effect with her toys. She doesn’t really care for dolls unless they do something *(like talk or move arms) *and she has some puppy dolls that walk, move and whimper. She loves these as well, so for me, this is a non-issue.
5. How would you react if your son or daughter told you they were ‘transgendered’ (they felt they were not born into the right gender)? I’d probably just sit down and have a long talk with her. Try to get as much info out of her as possible and really examine her feelings to see if I can discover why she feels this way. I’d also remind her that God doesn’t make mistakes and she was born completely healthy* (…healthier than most actually).* Depending on her age at the time of this discussion, I’d probably go into a discussion about nature vs. nurture and how environmental factors can affect and influence thought.
6. How would you react if your son or daughter began to change their appearance to that of the opposite gender? That’d probably not be as big a deal for my girl as it would be for a boy to wear, say, dresses or high heels. If my girl never wore traditionally girly outfits, I’d probably ask why she doesn’t like them. A lot of my answers all fall under the category of “I’d talk to her” because I feel that communication is key to helping her work through any ambiguity or confusion she might feel about her sexuality.
7. How would you react if your son or daughter told you that they wished to undergoe sex reassignment surgery? That I would oppose vehemently, but not unlike any other unnecessary surgery. I would do the talking thing of course, but there’d be very little wiggle room with me on this one.
8. What do you think would need to happen for you to be comfortable with a transgendered son or daughter? I’d always love her, but comfort would be nearly impossible to achieve, outside of seeing her turn her life around for the better. I’d need to see a lot of progress in the right direction for me to feel comfortable with the situation. I’d need to see signs of hope.
9. For either of these circumstances would you feel comfortable discussing this matter with an outside person? Would it matter whether this person was a ‘professional’ (such as a doctor, psychiatrist or even a preist)? Yes, I’d look for help wherever I could get it and wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about going to outside sources for help. A priest might be especially helpful in such a situation.
10. Given the reactions you have expressed above what would you say was your greatest influence in hypothetically taking those actions? (was it religious, was it personal experience, was it scientific literature, unknown ect ect) My views are definitely influenced by my knowledge of the Bible and what I believe God wants and demands of us. I’ve always believed that homosexuality was disordered and I still feel that way today. Even when I was very young, I always saw gays as being weird. When what you see just doesn’t click in your head or your heart as being right, it’s your mind’s way of hinting at what you believe deep down inside.

Aside from the questions, I truly feel that a consistent message from us and from our church should greatly help in keeping our daughter on the right path. I also believe that she will need an early introduction into the fact that gays exist. I will teach her to respect them, but also make it absolutely clear that God doesn’t approve.

*Thanks for taking the time to answer these questions. I have been told i have a habit of making questions that are too precise (and possibly bias) so please feel free to extend beyond what a question is asking or altering the questions so you feel them to be clearer. Ideally this whole thing is just to gauge some general opinion so that i know what some parents will likely be feeling should they come in contact with me.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Not too old, but old enough, thread.